the professor at the breakfast table-第3章

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Harvard　College　yard。



Bonfire？shrieked　the　little　man。　The　bonfire　when　Robert

Calef's　book　was　burned？



The　same；I　said；when　Robert　Calef　the　Boston　merchant's　book　was

burned　in　the　yard　of　Harvard　College；　by　order　of　Increase　Mather；

President　of　the　College　and　Minister　of　the　Gospel。　　You　remember

the　old　witchcraft　revival　of　'92；　and　how　stout　Master　Robert　Calef；

trader　of　Boston；　had　the　pluck　to　tell　the　ministers　and　judges　what

a　set　of　fools　and　worse　than　fools　they　were…



Remember　it？said　the　little　man。　I　don't　think　I　shall　forget　it；

as　long　as　I　can　stretch　this　forefinger　to　point　with；　and　see　what

it　wears。　　There　was　a　ring　on　it。



May　I　look　at　it？I　said。



Where　it　is；said　the　little　man；it　will　never　come　off；　till　it

falls　off　from　the　bone　in　the　darkness　and　in　the　dust。



He　pushed　the　high　chair　on　which　he　sat　slightly　back　from　the

table；　and　dropped　himself；　standing；　to　the　floor；his　head　being

only　a　little　above　the　level　of　the　table；　as　he　stood。　　With　pain

and　labor；　lifting　one　foot　over　the　other；　as　a　drummer　handles　his

sticks；　he　took　a　few　steps　from　his　place；his　motions　and　the

deadbeat　of　the　misshapen　boots　announcing　to　my　practised　eye　and

ear　the　malformation　which　is　called　in　learned　language　talipes

varus；　or　inverted　club…foot。



Stop！　　stop！　I　said；let　me　come　to　you。



The　little　man　hobbled　back；　and　lifted　himself　by　the　left　arm；　with

an　ease　approaching　to　grace　which　surprised　me；　into　his　high　chair。

I　walked　to　his　side；　and　he　stretched　out　the　forefinger　of　his

right　hand；　with　the　ring　upon　it。　　The　ring　had　been　put　on　long

ago；　and　could　not　pass　the　misshapen　joint。　　It　was　one　of　those

funeral　rings　which　used　to　be　given　to　relatives　and　friends　after

the　decease　of　persons　of　any　note　or　importance。　　Beneath　a　round

fit　of　glass　was　a　death's　head。　　Engraved　on　one　side　of　this；　〃L。

B。　　AEt。　　22；〃on　the　other；　〃Ob。　1692



My　grandmother's　grandmother；said　the　little　man。　Hanged　for　a

witch。　　It　does　n't　seem　a　great　while　ago。　　I　knew　my　grandmother；

and　loved　her。　　Her　mother　was　daughter　to　the　witch　that　Chief

Justice　Sewall　hanged　and　Cotton　Mather　delivered　over　to　the　Devil。…

…That　was　Salem；　though；　and　not　Boston。　　No；　not　Boston。　　Robert

Calef；　the　Boston　merchant；　it　was　that　blew　them　all　to…



Never　mind　where　he　blew　them　to；I　said；　for　the　little　man　was

getting　red　in　the　face；　and　I　did　n't　know　what　might　come　next。



This　episode　broke　me　up；　as　the　jockeys　say；　out　of　my　square

conversational　trot；　but　I　settled　down　to　it　again。



A　man　that　knows　men；　in　the　street；　at　their　work；　human　nature　in

its　shirt…sleeves；　who　makes　bargains　with　deacons；　instead　of

talking　over　texts　with　them；　a　man　who　has　found　out　that　there　are

plenty　of　praying　rogues　and　swearing　saints　in　the　world；above

all；　who　has　found　out；　by　living　into　the　pith　and　core　of　life；

that　all　of　the　Deity　which　can　be　folded　up　between　the　sheets　of

any　human　book　is　to　the　Deity　of　the　firmament；　of　the　strata；　of

the　hot　aortic　flood　of　throbbing　human　life；　of　this　infinite；

instantaneous　consciousness　in　which　the　soul's　being　consists；an

incandescent　point　in　the　filament　connecting　the　negative　pole　of　a

past　eternity　with　the　positive　pole　of　an　eternity　that　is　to　come；…

…that　all　of　the　Deity　which　any　human　book　can　hold　is　to　this

larger　Deity　of　the　working　battery　of　the　universe　only　as　the　films

in　a　book　of　gold…leaf　are　to　the　broad　seams　and　curdled　lumps　of

ore　that　lie　in　unsunned　mines　and　virgin　placers；Oh！I　was　saying

that　a　man　who　lives　out…of…doors；　among　live　people；　gets　some

things　into　his　head　he　might　not　find　in　the　index　of　his　〃Body　of

Divinity。〃



I　tell　you　what；the　idea　of　the　professions'　digging　a　moat　round

their　close　corporations；　like　that　Japanese　one　at　Jeddo；　on　the

bottom　of　which；　if　travellers　do　not　lie；　you　could　put　Park　Street

Church　and　look　over　the　vane　from　its　side；　and　try　to　stretch

another　such　spire　across　it　without　spanning　the　chasm；that　idea；

I　say；　is　pretty　nearly　worn　out。　　Now　when　a　civilization　or　a

civilized　custom　falls　into　senile　dementia；　there　is　commonly　a

judgment　ripe　for　it；　and　it　comes　as　plagues　come；　from　a　breath；

as　fires　come；　from　a　spark。



Here；　look　at　medicine。　　Big　wigs；　gold…headed　canes；　Latin

prescriptions；　shops　full　of　abominations；　recipes　a　yard　long；

〃curing〃　patients　by　drugging　as　sailors　bring　a　wind　by　whistling；

selling　lies　at　a　guinea　apiece；a　routine；　in　short；　of　giving

unfortunate　sick　people　a　mess　of　things　either　too　odious　to　swallow

or　too　acrid　to　hold；　or；　if　that　were　possible；　both　at　once。



You　don't　know　what　I　mean；　indignant　and　not　unintelligent

country…practitioner？　　Then　you　don't　know　the　history　of　medicine；

and　that　is　not　my　fault。　　But　don't　expose　yourself　in　any　outbreak

of　eloquence；　for；　by　the　mortar　in　which　Anaxarchus　was　pounded！　　I

did　not　bring　home　Schenckius　and　Forestus　and　Hildanus；　and　all　the

old　folios　in　calf　and　vellum　I　will　show　you；　to　be　bullied　by　the

proprietor；　of　a　〃Wood　and　Bache；〃　and　a　shelf　of　peppered　sheepskin

reprints　by　Philadelphia　Editors。　　Besides；　many　of　the　profession

and　I　know　a　little　something　of　each　other；　and　you　don't　think　I　am

such　a　simpleton　as　to　lose　their　good　opinion　by　saying　what　the

better　heads　among　them　would　condemn　as　unfair　and　untrue？　　Now　mark

how　the　great　plague　came　on　the　generation　of　drugging　doctors；　and

in　what　form　it　fell。



A　scheming　drug…vender；　（inventive　genius；）　an　utterly　untrustworthy

and　incompetent　observer；　（profound　searcher　of　Nature；）　a　shallow

dabbler　in　erudition；　（sagacious　scholar；）　started　the　monstrous

fiction　（founded　the　immortal　system）　of　Homoeopathy。　　I　am　very

fair；　you　see；…you　can　help　yourself　to　either　of　these　sets　of

phrases。



All　the　reason　in　the　world　would　not　have　had　so　rapid　and　general

an　effect　on　the　public　mind　to　disabuse　it　of　the　idea　that　a　drug

is　a　good　thing　in　itself；　instead　of　being；　as　it　is；　a　bad　thing；

as　was　produced　by　the　trick　（system）　of　this　German　charlatan

（theorist）。　　Not　that　the　wiser　part　of　the　profession　needed　him　to

teach　them；　but　the　routinists　and　their　employers；　the　〃general

practitioners；〃　who　lived　by　selling　pills　and　mixtures；　and　their

drug…consuming　customers；　had　to　recognize　that　people　could　get

well；　unpoisoned。　　These　dumb　cattle　would　not　learn　it　of

themselves；　and　so　the　murrain　of　Homoeopathy　fell　on　them。



You　don't　know　what　plague　has　fallen　on　the　practitioners　of

theology？　　I　will　tell　you；　then。　　It　is　Spiritualism。　　While　some

are　crying　out　against　it　as　a　delusion　of　the　Devil；　and　some　are

laughing　at　it　as　an　hysteric　folly；　and　some　are　getting　angry　with

it　as　a　mere　trick　of　interested　or　mischievous　persons；　Spiritualism

is　quietly　undermining　the　traditional　ideas　of　the　future　state

which　have　been　and　are　still　accepted；not　merely　in　those　who

believe　in　it；　but　in　the　general　sentiment　of　the　community；　to　a

larger　extent　than　most　good　people　seem　to　be　aware　of。　　It　need　n't

be　true；　to　do　this；　any　more　than　Homoeopathy　need；　to　do　its　work。

The　Spiritualists　have　some　pretty　strong　instincts　to　pry　over；

which　no　doubt　have　been　roughly　handled　by　theologians　at　different

times。　　And　the　Nemesis　of　the　pulpit　comes；　in　a　shape　it　little

thought　of；　beginning　with　the　snap　of　a　toe…joint；　and　ending　with

such　a　crack　of　old　beliefs　that　the　roar　of　it　is　heard　in　all　the

ministers'　studies　of　Christendom？　　Sir；　you　cannot　have　people　of

cultivation；　of　pure　character；　sensible　enough　in　common　things；

large…hearted　women；　grave　judges；　shrewd　business…men；　men　of

science；　professing　to　be　in　communication　with　the　spiritual　world

and　keeping　up　constant　intercourse　with　it；　without　its　gradually

reacting　on　the　whole　conception　of　that　other　life。　　It　is　the　folly

of　the　world；　constantly；　which　confounds　its　wisdom。　　Not　only　out

of　the　mouths　of　babes　and　sucklings；　but　out　of　the　mouths　of　fools

and　cheats；　we　may　often　get　our　truest　lessons。　　For　the　fool's

judgment　is　a　dog…vane　that　turns　with　a　breath；　and　the　cheat

watches　the　clouds　and　sets　his　weathercock　by　them；so　that　one

shall　often　see　by　their　pointing　which　way　the　winds　of　heaven　are

blowing；　when　the　slow…wheeling　arrows　and　feathers　of　what　we　call

the　Temples　of　Wisdom　are　turning　to　all　points　of　the　compass。



Amen！　said　the　young　fellow　called　John　Ten　minutes　by　the

watch。　　Those　that　are　unanimous　will　please　to　signify　by　holding　up

their　left　foot！



I　looked　this　young　man　steadily　in　the　face　for　about　thirty

seconds。　　His　countenance　was　as　calm　as　that　of　a　reposing　infant。

I　think　it　was　simplicity；　rather　than　mischief；　with　perhaps　a

youthful　playfulness；　that　led　him　to　this　outbreak。　　I　have　often

noticed　that　even　quiet　horses；　on　a　sharp　November　morning；　when

their　coats　are　beginning　to　get　the　winter　roughness；　will　give

little　sportive　demi…kicks；　with　slight　sudden　elevation　of　the

subsequent　region　of　the　body；　and　a　sharp　short　whinny；by　no　means

intending　to　put　their　heels　through　the　dasher；　or　to　address　the

driver　rudely；　but　feeling；　to　use　a　familiar　word；　frisky。　　This；　I

think；　is　the　physiological　condition　of　the　young　person；　John。　　I

noticed；　however；　what　I　should　call　a　palpebral　spasm；　affecting　the

eyelid　and　muscles　of　one　side；　which；　if　it　were　intended　for　the

facial　gesture　called　a　wink；　might　lead　me　to　suspect　a　disposition

to　be　satirical　on　his　part。



Resuming　the　conversation；　I　remarked；I　am；　ex　officio；　as　a

Professor；　a　conservative。　　For　I　don't　know　any　fruit　that　clings　to

its　tree　so　faithfully；　not　even　a　〃froze…'n'…thaw〃　winter…apple；　as

a　Professor　to　the　bough　of　which　his　chair　is　made。　　You　can't　shake

him　off；　and　it　is　as　much　as　you　can　do　to　pull　him　off。　　Hence；　by

a　chain　of　induction　I　need　not　unwind；　he　tends　to　conservatism

generally。



But　then；　you　know；　if　you　are　sailing　the　Atlantic；　and　all　at　once

find　yourself　in　a　current；　and　the　sea　covered　with　weeds；　and　drop

your　Fahrenheit　over　the　side　and　find　it　eight　or　ten　degrees　higher

than　in　the　ocean　generally；　there　is　no　use　in　flying　in　the　face　of

facts　and　swearing　there　is　no　such　thing　as　a　Gulf…Stream；　when　you

are　in　it。



You　can't　keep　gas　in　a　bladder；　and　you　can't　keep　knowledge　tight

in　a　profession。　　Hydrogen　will　leak　out；　and　air　will　leak　in；

through　India…rubber；　and　special　knowledge　will　leak　out；　and

general　knowledge　will　leak　in；　though　a　profession　were　covered　with

twenty　thicknesses　of　sheepskin　diplomas。



By　Jove；　Sir；　till　common　sense　is　well　mixed　up　with　medicine；　and

common　manhood　with　theology；　and　common　honesty　with　law；　We　the

people；　Sir；　some　of　us　w