屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第8章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
it；butitis；intruth；theperiodsohappilychosenbytheprimitivechurch。〃thedaykeptinhonorofthecreator；〃sayschateaubriand；〃happensatatimewhentheheavenandtheearthdeclarehispower；whenthewoodsandfieldsarefullofnewlife；andallareunitedbythehappiestties；thereisnotasinglewidowedplantinthefields。〃
whatrecollectionsthesewordshavejustawakened！ileftoffwhatiwasabout；ileanedmyelbowsonthewindowsill；and；withmyheadbetweenmytwohands；iwentbackinthoughttothelittletownwherethefirstdaysofmychildhoodwerepassed。
thefetedieuwasthenoneofthegreateventsofmylife！itwasnecessarytobediligentandobedientalongtimebeforehand；todeservetoshareinit。istillrecollectwithwhatrapturesofexpectationigotuponthemorningoftheday。therewasaholyjoyintheair。theneighbors；upearlierthanusual；hungclothswithflowersorfigures；workedintapestry；alongthestreets。iwentfromonetoanother；byturnsadmiringreligiousscenesofthemiddleages；mythologicalpositionsoftherenaissance；oldbattlesinthestyleoflouisxiv；andthearcadiasofmadamedepompadour。allthisworldofphantomsseemedtobeingforthfromthedustofpastages；toassist鈥斺�攕ilentandmotionless鈥斺�攁ttheholyceremony。ilooked；alternatelyinfearandwonder；atthoseterriblewarriorswiththeirswordsalwaysraised；thosebeautifulhuntressesshootingthearrowwhichneverleftthebow；andthoseshepherdsinsatinbreechesalwaysplayingthefluteatthefeetoftheperpetuallysmilingshepherdess。sometimes；whenthewindblewbehindthesehangingpictures；itseemedtomethatthefiguresthemselvesmoved；andiwatchedtoseethemdetachthemselvesfromthewall；andtaketheirplacesintheprocession！buttheseimpressionswerevagueandtransitory。thefeelingthatpredominatedovereveryotherwasthatofanoverflowingyetquietjoy。inthemidstofallthefloatingdraperies；thescatteredflowers；thevoicesofthemaidens；andthegladnesswhich；likeaperfume；exhaledfromeverything；youfelttransportedinspiteofyourself。thejoyfulsoundsofthefestivalwererepeatedinyourheart；inathousandmelodiousechoes。youweremoreindulgent；moreholy；moreloving！forgodwasnotonlymanifestinghimselfwithout；butalsowithinus。
andthenthealtarsfortheoccasion！thefloweryarbors！thetriumphalarchesmadeofgreenboughs！whatpetitionamongthedifferentparishesfortheerectionoftheresting…placeswheretheprocessionwastohalt！itwaswhoshouldcontributetherarestandthemostbeautifulofhispossessions！
itwasthereimademyfirstsacrifice！
thewreathsofflowerswerearranged；thecandleslighted；andthetabernacledressedwithroses；butonewaswantingfittocrownthewhole！alltheneighboringgardenshadbeenransacked。ialonepossessedaflowerworthyofsuchaplace。itwasontherose…treegivenmebymymotheronmybirthday。ihadwatcheditforseveralmonths；andtherewasnootherbudtoblowonthetree。thereitwas；halfopen；initsmossynest；theobjectofsuchlongexpectations；andofallachildspride！ihesitatedforsomemoments。noonehadaskedmeforit；imighteasilyavoidlosingit。ishouldhearnoreproaches；butonerosenoiselesslywithinme。wheneveryoneelsehadgivenalltheyhad；oughtialonetokeepbackmytreasure？oughtitogrudgetogodoneofthegiftswhich；likealltherest；ihadreceivedfromhim？atthislastthoughtipluckedtheflowerfromthestem；andtookittoputatthetopofthetabernacle。ah！whydoestherecollectionofthissacrifice；whichwassohardandyetsosweettome；nowmakemesmile？
isitsocertainthatthevalueofagiftisinitself；ratherthanintheintention？ifthecupofcoldwaterinthegospelisrememberedtothepoorman；whyshouldnottheflowerberememberedtothechild？letusnotlookdownuponthechildssimpleactofgenerosity；itisthesewhichaccustomthesoultoself…denialandtosympathy。icherishedthismoss…rosealongtimeasasacredtalisman；ihadreasontocherishitalways；astherecordofthefirstvictorywonovermyself。
itisnowmanyyearssinceiwitnessedthecelebrationofthefetedieu；butshouldiagainfeelinitthehappysensationsofformerdays？
istillrememberhow；whentheprocessionhadpassed；iwalkedthroughthestreetsstrewedwithflowersandshadedwithgreenboughs。ifeltintoxicatedbythelingeringperfumesoftheincense；mixedwiththefragranceofsyringas；jessamine；androses；andiseemednolongertotouchthegroundasiwentalong。ismiledateverything；thewholeworldwasparadiseinmyeyes；anditseemedtomethatgodwasfloatingintheair！
moreover；thisfeelingwasnottheexcitementofthemoment：itmightbemoreintenseoncertaindays；butatthesametimeitcontinuedthroughtheordinarycourseofmylife。manyyearsthuspassedformeinanexpansionofheart；andatrustfulnesswhichpreventedsorrow；ifnotfroming；atleastfromstayingwithme。sureofnotbeingalone；isoontookheartagain；likethechildwhorecoversitscourage；becauseithearsitsmothersvoicecloseby。whyhaveilostthatconfidenceofmychildhood？shallineverfeelagainsodeeplythatgodishere？
howstrangetheassociationofourthoughts！adayofthemonthrecallsmyinfancy；andsee；alltherecollectionsofmyformeryearsaregrowinguparoundme！whywasisohappythen？iconsiderwell；andnothingissensiblychangedinmycondition。ipossess；asididthen；healthandmydailybread；theonlydifferenceis；thatiamnowresponsibleformyself！asachild；iacceptedlifewhenitcame；anothercaredandprovidedforme。solongasifulfilledmypresentdutiesiwasatpeacewithin；andileftthefuturetotheprudenceofmyfather！mydestinywasaship；inthedirectingofwhichihadnoshare；andinwhichisailedasamonpassenger。therewasthewholesecretofchildhoodshappysecurity。sincethenworldlywisdomhasdeprivedmeofit。whenmylotwasintrustedtomyownandsolekeeping；ithoughttomakemyselfmasterofitbymeansofalonginsightintothefuture。ihavefilledthepresenthourwithanxieties；byoccupyingmythoughtswiththefuture；ihaveputmyjudgmentintheplaceofprovidence；andthehappychildischangedintotheanxiousman。
amelancholycourse；yetperhapsanimportantlesson。whoknowsthat；ifihadtrustedmoretohimwhorulestheworld；ishouldnothavebeensparedallthisanxiety？itmaybethathappinessisnotpossibleherebelow；exceptonconditionoflivinglikeachild；givingourselvesuptothedutiesofeachdayasites；andtrustinginthegoodnessofourheavenlyfatherforallbesides。
thisremindsmeofmyunclemaurice！wheneverihaveneedtostrengthenmyselfinallthatisgood；iturnmythoughtstohim；iseeagainthegentleexpressionofhishalf…smiling；half…mournfulface；ihearhisvoice；alwayssoftandsoothingasabreathofsummer！theremembranceofhimprotectsmylife；andgivesitlight。he；too；wasasaintandmartyrherebelow。othershavepointedoutthepathofheaven；hehastaughtustoseethoseofeartharight。
but；excepttheangels；whoarechargedwithnotingdownthesacrificesperformedinsecret；andthevirtueswhichareneverknown；whohaseverheardofmyunclemaurice？perhapsialonerememberhisname；andstillrecallhishistory。
well！iwillwriteit；notforothers；butformyself！theysaythat；atthesightoftheapollo；thebodyerectsitselfandassumesamoredignifiedattitude：inthesameway；thesoulshouldfeelitselfraisedandennobledbytherecollectionofagoodmanslife！
arayoftherisingsunlightsupthelittletableonwhichiwrite；thebreezebringsmeinthescentofthemignonette；andtheswallowswheelaboutmywindowwithjoyfultwitterings。theimageofmyunclemauricewillbeinitsproperplaceamidthesongs；thesunshine；andthefragrance。
sevenoclock鈥斺�攊tiswithmenslivesaswithdays：somedawnradiantwithathousandcolors；othersdarkwithgloomyclouds。thatofmyunclemauricewasoneofthelatter。hewassosickly；whenhecameintotheworld；thattheythoughthemustdie；butnotwithstandingtheseanticipations；whichmightbecalledhopes；hecontinuedtolive；sufferinganddeformed。
hewasdeprivedofalljoysaswellasofalltheattractionsofchildhood。hewasoppressedbecausehewasweak；andlaughedatforhisdeformity。invainthelittlehunchbackopenedhisarmstotheworld：
theworldscoffedathim；andwentitsway。
however；hestillhadhismother；anditwastoherthatthechilddirectedallthefeelingsofaheartrepelledbyothers。withherhefoundshelter；andwashappy；tillhereachedtheagewhenamanmusttakehisplaceinlife；andmauricehadtocontenthimselfwiththatwhichothershadrefusedwithcontempt。hiseducationwouldhavequalifiedhimforanycourseoflife；andhebecameanoctroi…clerk鈥斺�敚heoctroiisthetaxonprovisionsleviedattheentranceofthetown＇鈥斺�攊noneofthelittletoll…housesattheentranceofhisnativetown。
hewasalwaysshutupinthisdwellingofafewfeetsquare；withnorelaxationfromtheofficeaccountsbutreadingandhismothersvisits。
onfinesummerdaysshecametoworkatthedoorofhishut；undertheshadeofaclematisplantedbymaurice。and；evenwhenshewassilent；herpresencewasapleasantchangeforthehunchback；heheardtheclinkingofherlongknitting…needles；hesawhermildandmournfulprofile；whichremindedhimofsomanycourageously…bornetrials；hecouldeverynowandthenresthishandaffectionatelyonthatbowedneck；andexchangeasmilewithher！
thisfortwassoontobetakenfromhim。hisoldmotherfellsick；andattheendofafewdayshehadtogiveupallhope。mauricewasovereattheideaofaseparationwhichwouldhenceforthleavehimaloneonearth；andabandonedhimselftoboundlessgrief。hekneltbythebedsideofthedyingwoman；hecalledherbythefondestnames；hepressedherinhisarms；asifhecouldsokeepherinlife。hismothertriedtoreturnhiscaresses；andtoanswerhim；butherhandswerecold；hervoicewasalreadygone。shecouldonlypressherlipsagainsttheforeheadofherson；heaveasigh；andclosehereyesforever！
theytriedtotakemauriceaway；butheresistedthemandthrewhimselfonthatnowmotionlessform。
〃dead！〃criedhe；〃dead！shewhohadneverleftme；shewhowastheonlyoneintheworldwholovedme！you；mymother；dead！whatthenremainsformeherebelow？〃
astifledvoicereplied：
〃god！〃
maurice；startled；raisedhimself！wasthatalastsighfromthedead；orhisownconscience；thathadansweredhim？hedidnotseektoknow；butheunderstoodtheanswer；andacceptedit。
itwasthenthatifirstknewhim。ioftenwenttoseehiminhislittletoll…house。hejoinedinmychildishgames；toldmehisfineststories；andletmegatherhisflowers。deprivedashewasofallexternalattractiveness；heshowedhimselffullofkindnesstoallwhocametohim；and；thoughheneverwouldputhimselfforward；hehadaweleforeveryone。deserted；despised；hesubmittedtoeverythingwithagentlepatience；andwhilehewasthusstretchedonthecrossoflife；amidtheinsultsofhisexecutioners；herepeatedwithchrist；〃father；forgivethem；fortheyknownotwhattheydo。〃
nootherclerkshowedsomuchhonesty；zeal；andintelligence；butthosewhootherwisemighthavepromotedhimashisservicesdeservedwererepelledbyhisdeformity。ashehadnopatrons；hefoundhisclaimswerealwaysdisregarded。theypreferredbeforehimthosewhowerebetterabletomakethemselvesagreeable；andseemedtobegrantinghimafavorwhenlettinghimkeepthehumbleofficewhichenabledhimtolive。unclemauriceboreinjusticeashehadbornecontempt；unfairlytreatedbymen；heraisedhiseyeshigher；andtrustedinthejusticeofhimwhocannotbedeceived。
helivedinanoldhouseinthesuburb；wheremanywork…people；aspoorbutnotasforlornashe；alsolodged。amongtheseneighborstherewasasinglewoman；wholivedbyherselfinalittlegarret；intowhichcamebothwindandrain。shewasayounggirl；pale；silent；andwithnothingtoremendherbutherwretchednessandherresignationtoit。shewasneverseenspeakingtoanyotherwoman；andnosongcheeredhergarret。
sheworkedwithoutinterestandwithoutrelaxation；adepressinggloomseemedtoenvelopherlikeashroud。herdejectionaffectedmaurice；heattemptedtospeaktoher；sherepliedmildly；butinfewwords。itwaseasytoseethatshepreferredhersilenceandhersolitudetothelittlehunchbacksgood…will；heperceivedit；andsaidnomore。
buttoinettesneedlewashardlysufficientforhersupport；andpresentlyworkfailedher！mauricelearnedthatthepoorgirlwasinwantofeverything；andthatthetradesmenrefusedtogivehercredit。
heimmediatelywenttothemprivatelyandengagedtopaythemforwhattheysuppliedtoinettewith。
thingswentoninthiswayforseveralmonths。theyoungdressmakercontinuedoutofwork；untilshewasatlastfrightenedatthebillsshehadcontractedwiththeshopkeepers。whenshecametoanexplanationwiththem；everythingwasdiscovered。herfirstim
