屋顶间的哲学家_梭维斯特-第3章
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:hemadehimgetup;andhalfdragged;halfsupportedhimtothelodgeoftheporter;whoranforahackneycarriage。
isawthesickmangetintoit;almostfainting;withtheimpatientwaterman;andtheybothsetoff;oneperhapstodie;theothertodineatcourtvillegardens!
sixoclock鈥斺�攊havebeentoknockatmyneighborsdoor;whoopenedithimself;andihavegivenhimhisletter;finishedatlast;anddirectedtohissonswidow。m。antoinethankedmegratefully;andmademesitdown。
itwasthefirsttimeihadbeenintotheatticoftheoldamateur。
curtainsstainedwithdampandhangingdowninrags;acoldstove;abedofstraw;twobrokenchairs;posedallthefurniture。attheendoftheroomwereagreatnumberofprintsinaheap;andpaintingswithoutframesturnedagainstthewall。
atthemomenticamein;theoldmanwasmakinghisdinneronsomehardcrustsofbread;whichhewassoakinginaglassofeausucree。heperceivedthatmyeyesfelluponhishermitfare;andhelookedalittleashamed。
〃thereisnothingtotemptyouinmysupper;neighbor;〃saidhe;withasmile。
irepliedthatatleastithoughtitaveryphilosophicaloneforthecarnival。
m。antoineshookhishead;andwentonagainwithhissupper。
〃everyonekeepshisholidaysinhisownway;〃resumedhe;beginningagaintodipacrustintohisglass。〃thereareseveralsortsofepicures;andnotallfeastsaremeanttoregalethepalate;therearesomealsofortheearsandtheeyes。〃
ilookedinvoluntarilyroundme;asiftoseekfortheinvisiblebanquetwhichcouldmakeuptohimforsuchasupper。
withoutdoubtheunderstoodme;forhegotupslowly;and;withthemagisterialairofamanconfidentinwhatheisabouttodo;herummagedbehindseveralpictureframes;drewforthapainting;overwhichhepassedhishand;andsilentlyplaceditunderthelightofthelamp。
itrepresentedafine…lookingoldman;seatedattablewithhiswife;hisdaughter;andhischildren;andsingingtotheacpanimentofmusicianswhoappearedinthebackground。atfirstsightirecognizedthesubject;whichihadoftenadmiredatthelouvre;andideclaredittobeasplendidcopyofjordaens。
〃acopy!〃criedm。antoine;〃sayanoriginal;neighbor;andanoriginalretouchedbyrubens!lookcloserattheheadoftheoldman;thedressoftheyoungwoman;andtheaccessories。onecancountthepencil…strokesoftheherculesofpainters。itisnotonlyamasterpiece;sir;itisatreasure鈥斺�攁relic!thepictureatthelouvremaybeapearl;thisisadiamond!〃
andrestingitagainstthestove;soastoplaceitinthebestlight;hefellagaintosoakinghiscrusts;withouttakinghiseyesoffthewonderfulpicture。onewouldhavesaidthatthesightofitgavethecrustsanunexpectedrelish;forhechewedthemslowly;andemptiedhisglassbylittlesips。hisshrivelledfeaturesbecamesmooth;hisnostrilsexpanded;itwasindeed;ashesaidhimself;〃afeastfortheeyes。〃
〃youseethatialsohavemytreat;〃heresumed;noddinghisheadwithanairoftriumph。〃othersmayrunafterdinnersandballs;asforme;thisisthepleasureigivemyselfformycarnival。〃
〃butifthispaintingisreallysoprecious;〃repliedi;〃itoughttobeworthahighprice。〃
〃eh!eh!〃saidm。antoine;withanairofproudindifference。〃ingoodtimes;agoodjudgemightvalueitatsomewhereabouttwentythousandfrancs。〃
istartedback。
〃andyouhaveboughtit?〃criedi。
〃fornothing;〃repliedhe;loweringhisvoice。〃thesebrokersareasses;minemistookthisforastudentscopy;heletmehaveitforfiftylouis;readymoney!thismorningitookthemtohim;andnowhewishestobeoffthebargain。〃
〃thismorning!〃repeatedi;involuntarilycastingmyeyesonthelettercontainingtherefusalthatm。antoinehadmademewritetohissonswidow;whichwasstillonthelittletable。
hetooknonoticeofmyexclamation;andwentoncontemplatingtheworkofjordaensinanecstasy。
〃whataknowledgeofchiaroscuro!〃hemurmured;bitinghislastcrustindelight。〃whatrelief!whatfire!wherecanonefindsuchtransparencyofcolor!suchmagicallights!suchforce!suchnature!〃
asiwaslisteningtohiminsilence;hemistookmyastonishmentforadmiration;andclappedmeontheshoulder。
〃youaredazzled;〃saidhemerrily;〃youdidnotexpectsuchatreasure!
whatdoyousaytothebargainihavemade?〃
〃pardonme;〃repliedi;gravely;〃butithinkyoumighthavedonebetter。〃
m。antoineraisedhishead。
〃how!〃criedhe;〃doyoutakemeforamanlikelytobedeceivedaboutthemeritorvalueofapainting?〃
〃ineitherdoubtyourtastenoryourskill;buticannothelpthinkingthat;forthepriceofthispictureofafamilyparty;youmighthavehad鈥斺�敗�
〃whatthen?〃
〃thefamilyitself;sir。〃
theoldamateurcastalookatme;notofanger;butofcontempt。
inhiseyesihadevidentlyjustprovedmyselfabarbarian;incapableofunderstandingthearts;andunworthyofenjoyingthem。hegotupwithoutansweringme;hastilytookupthejordaens;andreplaceditinitshiding…placebehindtheprints。
itwasasortofdismissal;itookleaveofhim;andwentaway。
sevenoclock鈥斺�攚henieinagain;ifindmywaterboilingovermylamp;andibusymyselfingrindingmymocha;andsettingoutmycoffee…things。
thegettingcoffeereadyisthemostdelicateandmostattractiveofdomesticoperationstoonewholivesalone:itisthegrandworkofabachelorshousekeeping。
coffeeis;sotosay;justthemid…pointbetweenbodilyandspiritualnourishment。itactsagreeably;andatthesametime;uponthesensesandthethoughts。itsveryfragrancegivesasortofdelightfulactivitytothewits;itisageniusthatlendswingstoourfancy;andtransportsittothelandofthearabiannights。
wheniamburiedinmyoldeasy…chair;myfeetonthefenderbeforeablazingfire;myearsoothedbythesingingofthecoffee…pot;whichseemstogossipwithmyfire…irons;thesenseofsmellgentlyexcitedbythearomaofthearabianbean;andmyeyesshadedbymycappulleddownoverthem;itoftenseemsasifeachcloudofthefragrantsteamtookadistinctform。asinthemiragesofthedesert;ineachasitrises;iseesomeimageofwhichmymindhadbeenlongingforthereality。
atfirstthevaporincreases;anditscolordeepens。iseeacottageonahillside:behindisagardenshutinbyawhitethornhedge;andthroughthegardenrunsabrook;onthebanksofwhichihearthebeeshumming。
thentheviewopensstillmore。seethosefieldsplantedwithapple…trees;inwhichicandistinguishaploughandhorseswaitingfortheirmaster!fartheron;inapartofthewoodwhichringswiththesoundoftheaxe;iperceivethewoodsmanshut;roofedwithturfandbranches;and;inthemidstofalltheseruralpictures;iseemtoseeafigureofmyselfglidingabout。itismyghostwalkinginmydream!
thebubblingofthewater;readytoboilover;pelsmetobreakoffmymeditations;inordertofillupthecoffee…pot。ithenrememberthatihavenocream;itakemytincanoffthehookandgodowntothemilkwomans。
motherdenisisahalecountrywomanfromsavoy;whichsheleftwhenquiteyoung;and;contrarytothecustomofthesavoyards;shehasnotgonebacktoitagain。shehasneitherhusbandnorchild;notwithstandingthetitletheygiveher;butherkindness;whichneversleeps;makesherworthyofthenameofmother。
abravecreature!leftbyherselfinthebattleoflife;shemakesgoodherhumbleplaceinitbyworking;singing;helpingothers;andleavingtheresttogod。
atthedoorofthemilk…shopihearloudburstsoflaughter。inoneofthecornersoftheshopthreechildrenaresittingontheground。theywearthesootydressofsavoyardboys;andintheirhandstheyholdlargeslicesofbreadandcheese。theyoungestisbesmeareduptotheeyeswithhis;andthatisthereasonoftheirmirth。
motherdenispointsthemouttome。
〃lookatthelittlelambs;howtheyenjoythemselves!〃saidshe;puttingherhandontheheadofthelittleglutton。
〃hehashadnobreakfast;〃putsinoneoftheothersbywayofexcuse。
〃poorlittlething;〃saidthemilkwoman;〃heisleftaloneinthestreetsofparis;wherehecanfindnootherfatherthantheall…goodgod!〃
〃andthatiswhyyoumakeyourselfamothertothem?〃ireplied;gently。
〃whatidoislittleenough;〃saidmotherdenis;measuringoutmymilk;〃buteverydayigetsomeofthemtogetheroutofthestreet;thatforoncetheymayhaveenoughtoeat。dearchildren!theirmotherswillmakeupforitinheaven。nottomentionthattheyrecallmynativemountainstome:whentheysinganddance;iseemtoseeouroldfatheragain。〃
herehereyesfilledwithtears。
〃soyouarerepaidbyyourrecollectionsforthegoodyoudothem?〃
resumedi。
〃yes!yes!〃saidshe;〃andbytheirhappiness;too!thelaughteroftheselittleones;sir;islikeabirdssong;itmakesyougay;andgivesyouhearttolive。〃
asshespokeshecutsomefreshslicesofbreadandcheese;andaddedsomeapplesandahandfulofnutstothem。
〃e;mylittledears;〃shecried;〃puttheseintoyourpocketsagainstto…morrow。〃
then;turningtome:
〃to…dayiamruiningmyself;〃addedshe;〃butwemustallhaveourcarnival。〃
icameawaywithoutsayingaword:iwastoomuchaffected。
atlastihavediscoveredwhattruepleasureis。afterbeholdingtheegotismofsensualityandofintellect;ihavefoundthehappyself…sacrificeofgoodness。pierre;m。antoine;andmotherdenishadallkepttheircarnival;butforthefirsttwo;itwasonlyafeastforthesensesorthemind;whileforthethird;itwasafeastfortheheart。
CHAPTER III
whatwemaylearnbylookingoutofwindow
march3d
apoethassaidthatlifeisthedreamofashadow:hewouldbetterhaveparedittoanightoffever!whatalternatefitsofrestlessnessandsleep!whatdisfort!whatsuddenstarts!whatever…returningthirst!
whatachaosofmournfulandconfusedfancies!wecanneithersleepnorwake;weseekinvainforrepose;andwestopshortonthebrinkofaction。twothirdsofhumanexistencearewastedinhesitation;andthelastthirdinrepenting。
whenisayhumanexistence;imeanmyown!wearesomadethateachofusregardshimselfasthemirrorofthemunity:whatpassesinourmindsinfalliblyseemstousahistoryoftheuniverse。everymanislikethedrunkardwhoreportsanearthquake;becausehefeelshimselfstaggering。
andwhyamiuncertainandrestless鈥斺�攊;apoorday…laborerintheworld鈥斺�攚hofillanobscurestationinacornerofit;andwhoseworkitavailsitselfof;withoutheedingtheworkman?iwilltellyou;myunseenfriend;forwhomtheselinesarewritten;myunknownbrother;onwhomthesolitarycallinsorrow;myimaginaryconfidant;towhomallmonologuesareaddressedandwhoisbuttheshadowofourownconscience。
agreateventhashappenedinmylife!acrossroadhassuddenlyopenedinthemiddleofthemonotonouswayalongwhichiwastravellingquietly;andwithoutthinkingofit。tworoadspresentthemselves;andimustchoosebetweenthem。oneisonlythecontinuationofthatihavefollowedtillnow;theotheriswider;andexhibitswondrousprospects。
onthefirstthereisnothingtofear;butalsolittletohope;ontheotheraregreatdangersandgreatfortune。briefly;thequestionis;whetherishallgiveupthehumbleofficeinwhichithoughttodie;foroneofthoseboldspeculationsinwhichchancealoneisbanker!eversinceyesterdayihaveconsultedwithmyself;ihaveparedthetwoandiremainundecided。
whereshallifindlight鈥斺�攚howilladviseme?
sunday;4th鈥斺�攕eethesuningoutfromthethickfogsofwinter!
springannouncesitsapproach;asoftbreezeskimsovertheroofs;andmywallflowerbeginstoblowagain。
wearenearthatsweetseasonoffreshgreen;ofwhichthepoetsofthesixteenthcenturysangwithsomuchfeeling:
nowthegladsomemonthofmay。
allthingsnewlydotharray;fairestlady;letmetoo。
inthylovemyliferenew。
thechirpingofthesparrowscallsme:theyclaimthecrumbsiscattertothemeverymorning。iopenmywindow;andtheprospectofroofsopensoutbeforemeinallitssplendor。
hewhohaslivedonlyonafirstfloorhasnoideaofthepicturesquevarietyofsuchaview。hehasnevercontemplatedthesetile…coloredheightswhichintersecteachother;hehasnotfollowedwithhiseyesthesegutter…valleys;wherethefreshverdureoftheatticgardenswaves;thedeepshadowswhicheveningspreadsovertheslatedslopes;andthesparklingofwindowswhichthesettingsunhaskindledtoablazeoffire。hehasnotstudiedthefloraofthesealpsofcivilization;carpetedbylichensandmosses;heisnotacquaintedwiththemyriadinhabitantsthatpeoplethem;fromthemicroscopicinsecttothedomesticcat鈥斺�攖hatreynardoftheroofswhoisalwaysontheprowl;orinambush;hehasnotwitnessedthethousandaspectsofaclearoracloudysky;northethou