the club of queer trades-第6章

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id　darkness　in　front　of　us　was　the　darkness　of　his　body。

At　first　I　thought　he　had　turned　to　face　us。　But　though　we　were　hardly　a　yard　off　he　did　not　realize　that　we　were　there。　He　tapped　four　times　on　a　very　low　and　dirty　door　in　the　dark；　crabbed　street。　A　gleam　of　gas　cut　the　darkness　as　it　opened　slowly。　We　listened　intently；　but　the　interview　was　short　and　simple　and　inexplicable　as　an　interview　could　be。　Our　exquisite　friend　handed　in　what　looked　like　a　paper　or　a　card　and　said：

〃At　once。　Take　a　cab。〃

A　heavy；　deep　voice　from　inside　said：

〃Right　you　are。〃

And　with　a　click　we　were　in　the　blackness　again；　and　striding　after　the　striding　stranger　through　a　labyrinth　of　London　lanes；　the　lights　just　helping　us。　It　was　only　five　o'clock；　but　winter　and　the　fog　had　made　it　like　midnight。

〃This　is　really　an　extraordinary　walk　for　the　patent…leather　boots；〃　I　repeated。

〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Basil　humbly。　〃It　leads　to　Berkeley　Square。〃

As　I　tramped　on　I　strained　my　eyes　through　the　dusky　atmosphere　and　tried　to　make　out　the　direction　described。　For　some　ten　minutes　I　wondered　and　doubted；　at　the　end　of　that　I　saw　that　my　friend　was　right。　We　were　coming　to　the　great　dreary　spaces　of　fashionable　Londonmore　dreary；　one　must　admit；　even　than　the　dreary　plebeian　spaces。

〃This　is　very　extraordinary！〃　said　Basil　Grant；　as　we　turned　into　Berkeley　Square。

〃What　is　extraordinary？〃　I　asked。　〃I　thought　you　said　it　was　quite　natural。〃

〃I　do　not　wonder；〃　answered　Basil；　〃at　his　walking　through　nasty　streets；　I　do　not　wonder　at　his　going　to　Berkeley　Square。　But　I　do　wonder　at　his　going　to　the　house　of　a　very　good　man。〃

〃What　very　good　man？〃　I　asked　with　exasperation。

〃The　operation　of　time　is　a　singular　one；〃　he　said　with　his　imperturbable　irrelevancy。　〃It　is　not　a　true　statement　of　the　case　to　say　that　I　have　forgotten　my　career　when　I　was　a　judge　and　a　public　man。　I　remember　it　all　vividly；　but　it　is　like　remembering　some　novel。　But　fifteen　years　ago　I　knew　this　square　as　well　as　Lord　Rosebery　does；　and　a　confounded　long　sight　better　than　that　man　who　is　going　up　the　steps　of　old　Beaumont's　house。〃

〃Who　is　old　Beaumont？〃　I　asked　irritably。

〃A　perfectly　good　fellow。　Lord　Beaumont　of　Foxwooddon't　you　know　his　name？　He　is　a　man　of　transparent　sincerity；　a　nobleman　who　does　more　work　than　a　navvy；　a　socialist；　an　anarchist；　I　don't　know　what；　anyhow；　he's　a　philosopher　and　philanthropist。　I　admit　he　has　the　slight　disadvantage　of　being；　beyond　all　question；　off　his　head。　He　has　that　real　disadvantage　which　has　arisen　out　of　the　modern　worship　of　progress　and　novelty；　and　he　thinks　anything　odd　and　new　must　be　an　advance。　If　you　went　to　him　and　proposed　to　eat　your　grandmother；　he　would　agree　with　you；　so　long　as　you　put　it　on　hygienic　and　public　grounds；　as　a　cheap　alternative　to　cremation。　So　long　as　you　progress　fast　enough　it　seems　a　matter　of　indifference　to　him　whether　you　are　progressing　to　the　stars　or　the　devil。　So　his　house　is　filled　with　an　endless　succession　of　literary　and　political　fashions；　men　who　wear　long　hair　because　it　is　romantic；　men　who　wear　short　hair　because　it　is　medical；　men　who　walk　on　their　feet　only　to　exercise　their　hands；　and　men　who　walk　on　their　hands　for　fear　of　tiring　their　feet。　But　though　the　inhabitants　of　his　salons　are　generally　fools；　like　himself；　they　are　almost　always；　like　himself；　good　men。　I　am　really　surprised　to　see　a　criminal　enter　there。〃

〃My　good　fellow；〃　I　said　firmly；　striking　my　foot　on　the　pavement；　〃the　truth　of　this　affair　is　very　simple。　To　use　your　own　eloquent　language；　you　have　the　‘slight　disadvantage'　of　being　off　your　head。　You　see　a　total　stranger　in　a　public　street；　you　choose　to　start　certain　theories　about　his　eyebrows。　You　then　treat　him　as　a　burglar　because　he　enters　an　honest　man's　door。　The　thing　is　too　monstrous。　Admit　that　it　is；　Basil；　and　come　home　with　me。　Though　these　people　are　still　having　tea；　yet　with　the　distance　we　have　to　go；　we　shall　be　late　for　dinner。〃

Basil's　eyes　were　shining　in　the　twilight　like　lamps。

〃I　thought；〃　he　said；　〃that　I　had　outlived　vanity。〃

〃What　do　you　want　now？〃　I　cried。

〃I　want；〃　he　cried　out；　〃what　a　girl　wants　when　she　wears　her　new　frock；　I　want　what　a　boy　wants　when　he　goes　in　for　a　clanging　match　with　a　monitorI　want　to　show　somebody　what　a　fine　fellow　I　am。　I　am　as　right　about　that　man　as　I　am　about　your　having　a　hat　on　your　head。　You　say　it　cannot　be　tested。　I　say　it　can。　I　will　take　you　to　see　my　old　friend　Beaumont。　He　is　a　delightful　man　to　know。〃

〃Do　you　really　mean？〃　I　began。

〃I　will　apologize；〃　he　said　calmly；　〃for　our　not　being　dressed　for　a　call；〃　and　walking　across　the　vast　misty　square；　he　walked　up　the　dark　stone　steps　and　rang　at　the　bell。

A　severe　servant　in　black　and　white　opened　the　door　to　us：　on　receiving　my　friend's　name　his　manner　passed　in　a　flash　from　astonishment　to　respect。　We　were　ushered　into　the　house　very　quickly；　but　not　so　quickly　but　that　our　host；　a　white…haired　man　with　a　fiery　face；　came　out　quickly　to　meet　us。

〃My　dear　fellow；〃　he　cried；　shaking　Basil's　hand　again　and　again；　〃I　have　not　seen　you　for　years。　Have　you　beener〃　he　said；　rather　wildly；　〃have　you　been　in　the　country？〃

〃Not　for　all　that　time；〃　answered　Basil；　smiling。　〃I　have　long　given　up　my　official　position；　my　dear　Philip；　and　have　been　living　in　a　deliberate　retirement。　I　hope　I　do　not　come　at　an　inopportune　moment。〃

〃An　inopportune　moment；〃　cried　the　ardent　gentleman。　〃You　come　at　the　most　opportune　moment　I　could　imagine。　Do　you　know　who　is　here？〃

〃I　do　not；〃　answered　Grant；　with　gravity。　Even　as　he　spoke　a　roar　of　laughter　came　from　the　inner　room。

〃Basil；〃　said　Lord　Beaumont　solemnly；　〃I　have　Wimpole　here。〃

〃And　who　is　Wimpole？〃

〃Basil；〃　cried　the　other；　〃you　must　have　been　in　the　country。　You　must　have　been　in　the　antipodes。　You　must　have　been　in　the　moon。　Who　is　Wimpole？　Who　was　Shakespeare？〃

〃As　to　who　Shakespeare　was；〃　answered　my　friend　placidly；　〃my　views　go　no　further　than　thinking　that　he　was　not　Bacon。　More　probably　he　was　Mary　Queen　of　Scots。　But　as　to　who　Wimpole　is〃　and　his　speech　also　was　cloven　with　a　roar　of　laughter　from　within。

〃Wimpole！〃　cried　Lord　Beaumont；　in　a　sort　of　ecstasy。　〃Haven't　you　heard　of　the　great　modern　wit？　My　dear　fellow；　he　has　turned　conversation；　I　do　not　say　into　an　artfor　that；　perhaps；　it　always　was　but　into　a　great　art；　like　the　statuary　of　Michael　Angeloan　art　of　masterpieces。　His　repartees；　my　good　friend；　startle　one　like　a　man　shot　dead。　They　are　final；　they　are〃

Again　there　came　the　hilarious　roar　from　the　room；　and　almost　with　the　very　noise　of　it；　a　big；　panting　apoplectic　old　gentleman　came　out　of　the　inner　house　into　the　hall　where　we　were　standing。

〃Now；　my　dear　chap；〃　began　Lord　Beaumont　hastily。

〃I　tell　you；　Beaumont；　I　won't　stand　it；〃　exploded　the　large　old　gentleman。　〃I　won't　be　made　game　of　by　a　twopenny　literary　adventurer　like　that。　I　won't　be　made　a　guy。　I　won't〃

〃Come；　come；〃　said　Beaumont　feverishly。　〃Let　me　introduce　you。　This　is　Mr　Justice　Grantthat　is；　Mr　Grant。　Basil；　I　am　sure　you　have　heard　of　Sir　Walter　Cholmondeliegh。〃

〃Who　has　not？〃　asked　Grant；　and　bowed　to　the　worthy　old　baronet；　eyeing　him　with　some　curiosity。　He　was　hot　and　heavy　in　his　momentary　anger；　but　even　that　could　not　conceal　the　noble　though　opulent　outline　of　his　face　and　body；　the　florid　white　hair；　the　Roman　nose；　the　body　stalwart　though　corpulent；　the　chin　aristocratic　though　double。　He　was　a　magnificent　courtly　gentleman；　so　much　of　a　gentleman　that　he　could　show　an　unquestionable　weakness　of　anger　without　altogether　losing　dignity；　so　much　of　a　gentleman　that　even　his　faux　pas　were　well…bred。

〃I　am　distressed　beyond　expression；　Beaumont；〃　he　said　gruffly；　〃to　fail　in　respect　to　these　gentlemen；　and　even　more　especially　to　fail　in　it　in　your　house。　But　it　is　not　you　or　they　that　are　in　any　way　concerned；　but　that　flashy　half…caste　jackanapes〃

At　this　moment　a　young　man　with　a　twist　of　red　moustache　and　a　sombre　air　came　out　of　the　inner　room。　He　also　did　not　seem　to　be　greatly　enjoying　the　intellectual　banquet　within。

〃I　think　you　remember　my　friend　and　secretary；　Mr　Drummond；〃　said　Lord　Beaumont；　turning　to　Grant；　〃even　if　you　only　remember　him　as　a　schoolboy。〃

〃Perfectly；〃　said　the　other。　Mr　Drummond　shook　hands　pleasantly　and　respectfully；　but　the　cloud　was　still　on　his　brow。　Turning　to　Sir　Walter　Cholmondeliegh；　he　said：

〃I　was　sent　by　Lady　Beaumont　to　express　her　hope　that　you　were　not　going　yet；　Sir　Walter。　She　says　she　has　scarcely　seen　anything　of　you。〃

The　old　gentleman；　still　red　in　the　face；　had　a　temporary　internal　struggle；　then　his　good　manners　triumphed；　and　with　a　gesture　of　obeisance　and　a　vague　utterance　of；　〃If　Lady　Beaumont　。　。　。　a　lady；　of　course；〃　he　followed　the　young　man　back　into　the　salon。　He　had　scarcely　been　deposited　there　half　a　minute　before　another　peal　of　laughter　told　that　he　had　（in　all　probability）　been　scored　off　again。

〃Of　course；　I　can　excuse　dear　old　Cholmondeliegh；〃　said　Beaumont；　as　he　helped　us　off　with　our　coats。　〃He　has　not　the　modern　mind。〃

〃What　is　the　modern　mind？〃　asked　Grant。

〃Oh；　it's　enlightened；　you　know；　and　progressiveand　faces　the　facts　of　life　seriously。〃　At　this　moment　another　roar　of　laughter　came　from　within。

〃I　only　ask；〃　said　Basil；　〃because　of　the　last　two　friends　of　yours　who　had　the　modern　mind；　one　thought　it　wrong　to　eat　fishes　and　the　other　thought　it　right　to　eat　men。　I　beg　your　pardonthis　way；　if　I　remember　right。〃

〃Do　you　know；〃　said　Lord　Beaumont；　with　a　sort　of　feverish　entertainment；　as　he　trotted　after　us　towards　the　interior；　〃I　can　never　quite　make　out　which　side　you　are　on。　Sometimes　you　seem　so　liberal　and　sometimes　so　reactionary。　Are　you　a　modern；　Basil？〃

〃No；〃　said　Basil；　loudly　and　cheerfully；　as　he　entered　the　crowded　drawing…room。

This　caused　a　slight　diversion；　and　some　eyes　were　turned　away　from　our　slim　friend　with　the　Oriental　face　for　the　first　time　that　afternoon。　Two　people；　however；　still　looked　at　him。　One　was　the　daughter　of　the　house；　Muriel　Beaumont；　who　gazed　at　him　with　great　violet　eyes　and　with　the　intense　and　awful　thirst　of　the　female　upper　class　for　verbal　amusement　and　stimulus。　The　other　was　Sir　Walter　Cholmondeliegh；　who　looked　at　him　with　a　still　and　sullen　but　unmistakable　desire　to　throw　him　out　of　the　window。

He　sat　there；　coiled　rather　than　seated　on　the　easy　chair；　everything　from　the　curves　of　his　smooth　limbs　to　the　coils　of　his　silvered　hair　suggesting　the　circles　of　a　serpent　more　than　the　straight　limbs　of　a　manthe　unmistakable；　splendid　serpentine　gentleman　we　had　seen　walking　in　North　London；　his　eyes　shining　with　repeated　victory。

〃What　I　can't　understand；　Mr　Wimpole；〃　said　Muriel　Beaumont　eagerly；　〃is　how　you　contrive　to　treat　all　this　so　easily。　You　say　things　quite　philosophical　and　yet　so　wildly　funny。　If　I　thought　of　such　things；　I'm　sure　I　should　laugh　outright　when　the　thought　first　came。〃

〃I　agree　with　Miss　Beaumont；〃　said　Sir　Walter；　suddenly　exploding　with　indignation。　〃If　I　had　thought　of　anything　so　futile；　I　should　find　it　difficult　to　keep　my　countenance。〃

〃Difficult　to　keep　your　countenance；〃　cried　Mr　Wimpole；　with　an　a