dk.coldfire-第55章

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　〃Never　any　indication　that　you　were　gifted　or…〃　〃No；　hell；　nothing　like　that。〃　
　Jim's　sudden　nervous　agitation；　betrayed　by　his　restless　movement　and　his　trembling　hands；　convinced　Holly　that　she　had　touched　on　a　truth。　He　had　been　special　in　some　way；　a　gifted　child。　Now　that　she　had　reminded　him　of　it；　he　saw　in　that　early　gift　the　seeds　of　the　powers　that　had　grown　in　him。　But　he　didn't　want　to　face　it。　Denial　was　his　shield。　
　〃What　have　you　just　remembered？〃　〃Nothing。〃　
　〃e　on；　Jim。〃　
　〃Nothing；　really。〃　
　She　didn't　know　where　to　go　with　that　line　of　questioning；　so　she　could　only　say；　〃It's　true。　You're　gifted。　No　aliens；　only　you。〃　
　Because　of　whatever　he　had　just　remembered　and　was　not　willing　to　share　with　her；　his　adamancy　had　begun　to　dissolve。　〃I　don't　know。〃　
　〃It's　true。〃　
　〃Maybe。〃　
　〃It's　true。　Remember　last　night　when　The　Friend　told　us　it　was　a　child　by　the　standards　of　its　species？　Well；　that's　because　it　is　a　child；　a　perpetual　child；　forever　the　age　at　which　you　created　it…ten　years　old。　
　Which　explains　its　childlike　behavior；　its　need　to　brag；　its　poutiness。　
　Jim；　The　Friend　didn't　behave　like　a　ten…thousand…year…old　alien　child；　it　just　behaved　like　a　ten…year…old　human　being。〃　
　He　closed　his　eyes　and　leaned　back；　as　if　it　was　exhausting　to　consider　what　she　was　telling　him。　But　his　inner　tension　remained　at　a　peak；　revealed　by　his　hands；　which　were　fisted　in　his　lap。　
　〃Where　are　we　going；　Holly？〃　〃For　a　little　ride。〃　As　they　passed　through　the　golden　fields　and　hills；　she　kept　up　a　gentle　attack：　〃That's　why　the　manifestation　of　The　Enemy　is　like　a　bination　of　every　movie　monster　that　ever　frightened　a　ten…year…old　boy。　The　thing　I　caught　a　glimpse　of　in　my　motel…room　doorway　wasn't　a　real　creature；　I　see　that　now。　It　didn't　have　a　biological　structure　that　made　sense；　it　wasn't　even　alien。　It　was　too　familiar；　a　ten…year…old　boy's　hodgepodge　of　boogeymen。〃　
　He　did　not　respond。　
　She　glanced　at　him。　〃Jim？〃　His　eyes　were　still　closed。　
　Her　heart　began　to　pound。　〃Jim！〃　At　the　note　of　alarm　in　her　voice；　he　sat　up　straighter　and　opened　his　eyes。　〃What？〃　〃For　God's　sake；　don't　close　your　eyes　that　long。　You　might've　been　asleep；　and　I　wouldn't　have　realized　it　until〃　〃You　think　I　can　sleep　with　this　on　my　mind？〃　〃I　don't　know。　I　don't　want　to　take　the　chance。　Keep　your　eyes　open；　okay？　You　obviously　suppress　The　Enemy　when　you're　awake；　it　only　es　through　all　the　way　when　you're　asleep。〃　
　In　the　windshield　glass；　like　a　puter　readout　in　a　fighter…plane　cockpit；　words　began　to　appear　from　left　to　right；　in　letters　about　one　inch　high：　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD。　
　Scared　but　unwilling　to　show　it；　she　said；　〃To　hell　with　that；〃　and　switched　on　the　windshield　wipers；　as　if　the　threat　was　dirt　that　could　be　scrubbed　away。　But　the　words　remained；　and　Jim　stared　at　them　with　evident　dread。　
　As　they　passed　a　small　ranch；　the　scent　of　new…mown　hay　entered　with　the　wind　through　the　windows。　
　〃Where　are　we　going？〃　he　asked　again。　
　〃Exploring。〃　
　〃Exploring　what？〃　〃The　past。〃　
　Distressed；　he　said；　〃I　haven't　bought　this　scenario　yet。　I　can't。　
　How　the　hell　can　I？　And　how　can　we　ever　prove　it's　true　or　isn't？〃　〃We　go　to　town；〃　she　said。　〃We　take　that　tour　again；　the　one　you　took　me　on　yesterday。　Svenborg…port　of　mystery　and　romance。　What　a　dump。　
　But　it's　got　something。　You　wanted　me　to　see　those　places；　your　subconscious　was　telling　me　answers　can　be　found　in　Svenborg。　So　let's　go　find　them　together。〃　
　New　words　appeared　under　the　first　six：　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD　DEAD。　
　Holly　knew　that　time　was　running　out。　The　Enemy　wanted　through；　wanted　to　gut　her；　dismember　her；　leave　her　in　a　steaming　heap　of　her　own　entrails　before　she　had　a　chance　to　convince　Jim　of　her　theory…and　it　did　not　want　to　wait　until　Jim　was　asleep。　She　was　not　certain　that　he　could　repress　that　dark　aspect　of　himself　as　she　pushed　him　closer　to　a　confrontation　with　the　truth。　His　self　control　might　crack；　and　his　benign　personalities　might　sink　under　the　rising　dark　force。　
　〃Holly；　if　I　had　this　bizarre　multiple　personality；　wouldn't　I　be　cured　as　soon　as　you　explained　it　to　me；　wouldn't　the　scales　immediately　fall　off　my　eyes？〃　〃No。　You　have　to　believe　it　before　you　can　hope　to　deal　with　it。　
　Believing　that　you　suffer　an　abnormal　mental　condition　is　the　first　step　toward　an　understanding　of　it；　and　understanding　is　only　the　first　painful　step　toward　a　cure。〃　
　〃Don't　talk　at　me　like　a　psychiatrist；　you're　no　psychiatrist。〃　
　He　was　taking　refuge　in　anger；　in　that　arctic　glare；　trying　to　intimidate　her　as　he　had　tried　on　previous　occasions　when　he'd　not　wanted　her　to　get　any　closer。　Hadn't　worked　then；　wouldn't　work　now。　
　Sometimes　men　could　be　so　dense。　
　She　said；　〃I　interviewed　a　psychiatrist　once。〃　
　〃Oh；　terrific；　that　makes　you　a　qualified　therapist。〃　
　〃Maybe　it　does。　The　psychiatrist　I　interviewed　was　crazy　as　a　loon　himself；　so　what　does　a　university　degree　matter？〃　He　took　a　deep　breath　and　let　it　out　with　a　shudder。　〃Okay；　suppose　you're　right　and　somehow　we　do　turn　up　undeniable　proof　that　I'm　crazy　as　a　loon〃　〃You　aren't　crazy；　you're…〃　〃Yeah；　yeah；　I'm　disturbed；　troubled；　in　a　psychological　box。　Call　it　whatever　you　want。　
　If　we　find　proof　somehow…and　I　can't　imagine　how　then　what　happens　to　me？　Maybe　I　just　smile　and　say；　Oh；　yes；　of　course；　I　made　it　all　up；　I　was　living　in　a　delusion；　I'm　ever　so　much　better　now；　let's　have　lunch。〃　But　I　don't　think　so。　I　think　what　happens　is。　。　。　
　I　blow　apart；　into　a　million　pieces。〃　
　〃I　can't　promise　you　that　the　truth；　if　we　find　it；　will　be　any　sort　of　salvation；　because　so　far　I　think　you've　found　your　salvation　in　fantasy　not　in　truth。　But　we　can't　go　on　like　this　because　The　Enemy　resents　me；　and　sooner　or　later　it'll　kill　me。　You　warned　me　yourself。〃　
　He　looked　at　the　words　on　the　windshield；　and　said　nothing。　He　was　running　out　of　arguments；　if　not　resistance。　
　The　words　quickly　faded；　then　vanished。　
　Maybe　that　was　a　good　sign；　an　indication　of　his　subconscious　acmodation　to　her　theory。　Or　maybe　The　Enemy　had　decided　that　she　could　not　be　intimidated　with　threats…and　was　struggling　to　burst　through　and　savage　her。　
　She　said；　〃When　it's　killed　me；　you'll　realize　it　is　part　of　you。　
　And　if　you　love　me；　like　you　told　me　you　did　through　The　Friend　last　night；　then　what's　that　going　to　do　to　you？　Isn't　that　going　to　destroy　the　Jim　I　love？　Isn't　that　going　to　leave　you　with　just　one　personality…the　dark　one；　The　Enemy？　I　think　it's　a　damned　good　bet。　So　we're　talking　your　survival　here　as　well　as　mine。　If　you　want　to　have　a　future；　then　let's　dig　to　the　bottom　of　this。〃　
　〃Maybe　we　dig　and　dig…but　there　is　no　bottom。　Then　what？〃　〃Then　we　dig　a　little　deeper。〃　
　As　they　were　entering　town；　making　the　abrupt　transition　from　deadbrown　land　to　tightly　grouped　pioneer　settlement；　Holly　suddenly　said　aloud：　〃Robert　Vaughn。〃　
　Jim　twitched　with　surprise；　not　because　she　had　said　something　mystifying　but　because　that　name　made　an　immediate　connection　for　him。　
　〃My　God；〃　he　said；　〃that　was　the　voice。〃　
　〃The　voice　of　The　Friend；〃　she　said；　glancing　at　him。　〃So　you　realized　it　was　familiar；　too。〃　
　Robert　Vaughn；　the　wonderful　actor；　had　been　the　hero　of　television's　The　Man　from　U。N。C。L。E。　and　exquisitely　oily　villain　of　countless　films。　
　He　possessed　one　of　those　voices　with　such　a　rich　timbre　and　range　that　it　could　be　as　threatening；　or　as　fatherly　and　reassuring；　as　he　chose　to　make　it。　
　〃Robert　Vaughn；〃　Holly　said。　〃But　why？　Why　not　Orson　Welles　or　Paul　Newman　or　Sean　Connery　or　Fred　Flintstone？　It's　too　quirky　a　choice　not　to　be　meaningful。〃　
　〃I　don't　know；〃　Jim　said　thoughtfully；　but　he　had　the　unnerving　feeling　he　should　know。　The　explanation　was　within　his　grasp。　
　Holly　said；　〃Do　you　still　think　it's　an　alien？　Wouldn't　an　alien　just　manufacture　a　nondescript　voice？　Why　would　it　imitate　any　one　particular　actor？〃　〃I　saw　Robert　Vaughn　once；〃　Jim　said；　surprised　by　a　dim　memory　stirring　within　him。　〃I　mean；　not　on　TV　or　in　the　movies；　but　for　real；　up　close。　A　long　time　ago。〃　
　〃Where；　when？〃　〃I　can't。　。　。　it　won't。　。　。　won't　e　to　me。〃　
　Jim　felt　as　if　he　were　standing　on　a　narrow　spine　of　land　between　two　precipices；　with　safety　to　neither　side。　On　the　one　hand　was　the　life　he　had　been　living；　filled　with　torment　and　despair　that　he　had　tried　to　deny　but　that　had　overwhelmed　him　at　times；　as　when　he　had　taken　his　spiritual　journey　on　the　Harley　into　the　Mojave　Desert；　looking　for　a　way　out　even　if　the　way　was　death。　On　the　other　hand　lay　an　uncertain　future　that　Holly　was　trying　to　paint　in　for　him；　a　future　that　she　insisted　was　one　of　hope　but　which　looked　to　him　like　chaos　and　madness。　
　And　the　narrow　spine　on　which　he　stood　was　crumbling　by　the　minute。　
　He　remembered　an　exchange　they'd　had　as　they　lay　side　by　side　in　his　bed　two　nights　ago；　before　they　had　made　love　for　the　first　time。　
　He'd　said；　People　are　always　more。　。　。　plex　than　you　figure。　
　Is　that　just　an　observation。　。　。　or　a　warning？　Warning？　Maybe　you　're　warning　me　that　you　're　not　what　you　seem　to　be。　
　After　a　long　pause；　he　had　said；　Maybe。　
　And　after　her　own　long　pause；　she　had　said；　I　guess　I　don　't　care。　
　He　was　sure；　now；　that　he　had　been　warning　her。　A　small　voice　within　told　him　that　she　was　right　in　her　analysis；　that　the　entities　at　the　mill　had　only　been　different　aspects　of　him。　But　if　he　was　a　victim　of　multiple　personality　syndrome；　he　did　not　believe　that　his　condition　could　be　casually　described　as　a　mere　mental　disturbance　or　a　troubled　state　of　mind；　as　she　had　tried　to　portray　it。　Madness　was　the　only　word　that　did　it　justice。　
　They　entered　Main　Street。　The　town　looked　strangely　dark　and　threatening…perhaps　because　it　held　the　truth　that　would　force　him　to　step　off　his　narrow　mental　perch　into　one　world　of　chaos　or　another。　
　He　remembered　reading　somewhere　that　only　mad　people　were　dead　certain　of　their　sanity。　He　was　dead…certain　of　nothing；　but　he　took　no　fort　from　that。　Madness　was；　he　suspected；　the　very　essence　of　uncertainty　；　a　frantic　but　fruitless　search　for　answers；　for　solid　ground。　
　Sanity　was　that　place　of　certainty　above　the　whirling　chaos。　
　Holly　pulled　to　the　curb　in　front　of　Handahl's　Pharmacy　at　the　east　end　of　Main　Street。　〃Let's　start　here。〃　
　first　〃Why？〃　〃Because　it's　the　first　stop　we　made　when　you　were　pointing　out　places　that　had　meant　something　to　you　as　a　kid。〃　
　He　stepped　out　of　the　Ford　under　the　canopy　of　a　Wilson　magnolia；　one　of　several　interspersed　with　other　trees　along　both　sides　of　the　street。　
　That　landscaping　softened　the　hard　edges　but　contributed　to　the　unnatural　look　and　discordant　feeling　of　the　town。　
　When　Holly　pushed　open　the　front　door　of　the　Danish…style　building；　its　two　glass　panes　glimmered　like　jewels　along　their　beveled　edges；　and　a　bell　had　tinkled　overhead。　They　went　inside　together。　
　but　Jim's　heart　was　hammering。　Not　because　the　pharmacy　seemed　likely　to　actually　be　a　place　where　anything　significant　had　happened　to　him　in　his　children　hood；　but　because　he　sensed　it　was　the　first　step　on　a　path　to　the　truth。　
　The　cafe　and　soda　fountain　were　to　the　left；　and　through　the　archway