the water-babies-第15章

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unt　and　howk　after　them　（besides　raising　the　price　of　lodgings）；　and　keep　them　in　aquariums；　as　the　ladies　at　Pompeii　（as　you　may　see　by　the　paintings）　used　to　keep　Cupids　in　cages。　　But　nobody　ever　heard　that　they　starved　the　Cupids；　or　let　them　die　of　dirt　and　neglect；　as　English　young　ladies　do　by　the　poor　sea…beasts。　　So　nobody　must　know　where　My　Lady　went。　　Letting　water…babies　die　is　as　bad　as　taking　singing　birds'　eggs；　for；　though　there　are　thousands；　ay；　millions；　of　both　of　them　in　the　world；　yet　there　is　not　one　too　many。

Now　it　befell　that；　on　the　very　shore；　and　over　the　very　rocks；　where　Tom　was　sitting　with　his　friend　the　lobster；　there　walked　one　day　the　little　white　lady；　Ellie　herself；　and　with　her　a　very　wise　man　indeed　…　Professor　Ptthmllnsprts。

His　mother　was　a　Dutchwoman；　and　therefore　he　was　born　at　Curacao　（of　course　you　have　learnt　your　geography；　and　therefore　know　why）；　and　his　father　a　Pole；　and　therefore　he　was　brought　up　at　Petropaulowski　（of　course　you　have　learnt　your　modern　politics；　and　therefore　know　why）：　　but　for　all　that　he　was　as　thorough　an　Englishman　as　ever　coveted　his　neighbour's　goods。　　And　his　name；　as　I　said；　was　Professor　Ptthmllnsprts；　which　is　a　very　ancient　and　noble　Polish　name。

He　was；　as　I　said；　a　very　great　naturalist；　and　chief　professor　of　Necrobioneopalaeonthydrochthonanthropopithekology　in　the　new　university　which　the　king　of　the　Cannibal　Islands　had　founded；　and；　being　a　member　of　the　Acclimatisation　Society；　he　had　come　here　to　collect　all　the　nasty　things　which　he　could　find　on　the　coast　of　England；　and　turn　them　loose　round　the　Cannibal　Islands；　because　they　had　not　nasty　things　enough　there　to　eat　what　they　left。

But　he　was　a　very　worthy　kind　good…natured　little　old　gentleman；　and　very　fond　of　children　（for　he　was　not　the　least　a　cannibal　himself）；　and　very　good　to　all　the　world　as　long　as　it　was　good　to　him。　　Only　one　fault　he　had；　which　cock…robins　have　likewise；　as　you　may　see　if　you　look　out　of　the　nursery　window　…　that；　when　any　one　else　found　a　curious　worm；　he　would　hop　round　them；　and　peck　them；　and　set　up　his　tail；　and　bristle　up　his　feathers；　just　as　a　cock…robin　would；　and　declare　that　he　found　the　worm　first；　and　that　it　was　his　worm；　and；　if　not；　that　then　it　was　not　a　worm　at　all。

He　had　met　Sir　John　at　Scarborough；　or　Fleetwood；　or　somewhere　or　other　（if　you　don't　care　where；　nobody　else　does）；　and　had　made　acquaintance　with　him；　and　become　very　fond　of　his　children。　　Now；　Sir　John　knew　nothing　about　sea…cockyolybirds；　and　cared　less；　provided　the　fishmonger　sent　him　good　fish　for　dinner；　and　My　Lady　knew　as　little：　　but　she　thought　it　proper　that　the　children　should　know　something。　　For　in　the　stupid　old　times；　you　must　understand；　children　were　taught　to　know　one　thing；　and　to　know　it　well；　but　in　these　enlightened　new　times　they　are　taught　to　know　a　little　about　everything；　and　to　know　it　all　ill；　which　is　a　great　deal　pleasanter　and　easier；　and　therefore　quite　right。

So　Ellie　and　he　were　walking　on　the　rocks；　and　he　was　showing　her　about　one　in　ten　thousand　of　all　the　beautiful　and　curious　things　which　are　to　be　seen　there。　　But　little　Ellie　was　not　satisfied　with　them　at　all。　　She　liked　much　better　to　play　with　live　children；　or　even　with　dolls；　which　she　could　pretend　were　alive；　and　at　last　she　said　honestly；　〃I　don't　care　about　all　these　things；　because　they　can't　play　with　me；　or　talk　to　me。　　If　there　were　little　children　now　in　the　water；　as　there　used　to　be；　and　I　could　see　them；　I　should　like　that。〃

〃Children　in　the　water；　you　strange　little　duck？〃　said　the　professor。

〃Yes；〃　said　Ellie。　　〃I　know　there　used　to　be　children　in　the　water；　and　mermaids　too；　and　mermen。　　I　saw　them　all　in　a　picture　at　home；　of　a　beautiful　lady　sailing　in　a　car　drawn　by　dolphins；　and　babies　flying　round　her；　and　one　sitting　in　her　lap；　and　the　mermaids　swimming　and　playing；　and　the　mermen　trumpeting　on　conch…shells；　and　it　is　called　'The　Triumph　of　Galatea；'　and　there　is　a　burning　mountain　in　the　picture　behind。　　It　hangs　on　the　great　staircase；　and　I　have　looked　at　it　ever　since　I　was　a　baby；　and　dreamt　about　it　a　hundred　times；　and　it　is　so　beautiful；　that　it　must　be　true。〃

But　the　professor　had　not　the　least　notion　of　allowing　that　things　were　true；　merely　because　people　thought　them　beautiful。　　For　at　that　rate；　he　said；　the　Baltas　would　be　quite　right　in　thinking　it　a　fine　thing　to　eat　their　grandpapas；　because　they　thought　it　an　ugly　thing　to　put　them　underground。　　The　professor；　indeed；　went　further；　and　held　that　no　man　was　forced　to　believe　anything　to　be　true；　but　what　he　could　see；　hear；　taste；　or　handle。

He　held　very　strange　theories　about　a　good　many　things。　　He　had　even　got　up　once　at　the　British　Association；　and　declared　that　apes　had　hippopotamus　majors　in　their　brains　just　as　men　have。　　Which　was　a　shocking　thing　to　say；　for；　if　it　were　so；　what　would　become　of　the　faith；　hope；　and　charity　of　immortal　millions？　　You　may　think　that　there　are　other　more　important　differences　between　you　and　an　ape；　such　as　being　able　to　speak；　and　make　machines；　and　know　right　from　wrong；　and　say　your　prayers；　and　other　little　matters　of　that　kind；　but　that　is　a　child's　fancy；　my　dear。　Nothing　is　to　be　depended　on　but　the　great　hippopotamus　test。　　If　you　have　a　hippopotamus　major　in　your　brain；　you　are　no　ape；　though　you　had　four　hands；　no　feet；　and　were　more　apish　than　the　apes　of　all　aperies。　　But　if　a　hippopotamus　major　is　ever　discovered　in　one　single　ape's　brain；　nothing　will　save　your　great…great…great…great…　great…great…great…great…great…great…great…greater…greatest…　grandmother　from　having　been　an　ape　too。　　No；　my　dear　little　man；　always　remember　that　the　one　true；　certain；　final；　and　all…　important　difference　between　you　and　an　ape　is；　that　you　have　a　hippopotamus　major　in　your　brain；　and　it　has　none；　and　that；　therefore；　to　discover　one　in　its　brain　will　be　a　very　wrong　and　dangerous　thing；　at　which　every　one　will　be　very　much　shocked；　as　we　may　suppose　they　were　at　the　professor。　…　Though　really；　after　all；　it　don't　much　matter；　because　…　as　Lord　Dundreary　and　others　would　put　it　…　nobody　but　men　have　hippopotamuses　in　their　brains；　so；　if　a　hippopotamus　was　discovered　in　an　ape's　brain；　why　it　would　not　be　one；　you　know；　but　something　else。

But　the　professor　had　gone；　I　am　sorry　to　say；　even　further　than　that；　for　he　had　read　at　the　British　Association　at　Melbourne；　Australia；　in　the　year　1999；　a　paper　which　assured　every　one　who　found　himself　the　better　or　wiser　for　the　news；　that　there　were　not；　never　had　been；　and　could　not　be；　any　rational　or　half…　rational　beings　except　men；　anywhere；　anywhen；　or　anyhow；　that　NYMPHS；　SATYRS；　FAUNS；　INUI；　DWARFS；　TROLLS；　ELVES；　GNOMES；　FAIRIES；　BROWNIES；　NIXES；　WILLS；　KOBOLDS；　LEPRECHAUNES；　CLURICAUNES；　BANSHEES；　WILL…O'…THE…WISPS；　FOLLETS；　LUTINS；　MAGOTS；　GOBLINS；　AFRITS；　MARIDS；　JINNS；　GHOULS；　PERIS；　DEEVS；　ANGELS；　ARCHANGELS；　IMPS；　BOGIES；　or　worse；　were　nothing　at　all；　and　pure　bosh　and　wind。　　And　he　had　to　get　up　very　early　in　the　morning　to　prove　that；　and　to　eat　his　breakfast　overnight；　but　he　did　it；　at　least　to　his　own　satisfaction。　　Whereon　a　certain　great　divine；　and　a　very　clever　divine　was　he；　called　him　a　regular　Sadducee；　and　probably　he　was　quite　right。　　Whereon　the　professor；　in　return；　called　him　a　regular　Pharisee；　and　probably　he　was　quite　right　too。　But　they　did　not　quarrel　in　the　least；　for；　when　men　are　men　of　the　world；　hard　words　run　off　them　like　water　off　a　duck's　back。　　So　the　professor　and　the　divine　met　at　dinner　that　evening；　and　sat　together　on　the　sofa　afterwards　for　an　hour；　and　talked　over　the　state　of　female　labour　on　the　antarctic　continent　（for　nobody　talks　shop　after　his　claret）；　and　each　vowed　that　the　other　was　the　best　company　he　ever　met　in　his　life。　　What　an　advantage　it　is　to　be　men　of　the　world！

From　all　which　you　may　guess　that　the　professor　was　not　the　least　of　little　Ellie's　opinion。　　So　he　gave　her　a　succinct　compendium　of　his　famous　paper　at　the　British　Association；　in　a　form　suited　for　the　youthful　mind。　　But；　as　we　have　gone　over　his　arguments　against　water…babies　once　already；　which　is　once　too　often；　we　will　not　repeat　them　here。

Now　little　Ellie　was；　I　suppose；　a　stupid　little　girl；　for；　instead　of　being　convinced　by　Professor　Ptthmllnsprts'　arguments；　she　only　asked　the　same　question　over　again。

〃But　why　are　there　not　water…babies？〃

I　trust　and　hope　that　it　was　because　the　professor　trod　at　that　moment　on　the　edge　of　a　very　sharp　mussel；　and　hurt　one　of　his　corns　sadly；　that　he　answered　quite　sharply；　forgetting　that　he　was　a　scientific　man；　and　therefore　ought　to　have　known　that　he　couldn't　know；　and　that　he　was　a　logician；　and　therefore　ought　to　have　known　that　he　could　not　prove　a　universal　negative　…　I　say；　I　trust　and　hope　it　was　because　the　mussel　hurt　his　corn；　that　the　professor　answered　quite　sharply：

〃Because　there　ain't。〃

Which　was　not　even　good　English；　my　dear　little　boy；　for；　as　you　must　know　from　Aunt　Agitate's　Arguments；　the　professor　ought　to　have　said；　if　he　was　so　angry　as　to　say　anything　of　the　kind　…　Because　there　are　not：　　or　are　none：　　or　are　none　of　them；　or　（if　he　had　been　reading　Aunt　Agitate　too）　because　they　do　not　exist。

And　he　groped　with　his　net　under　the　weeds　so　violently；　that；　as　it　befell；　he　caught　poor　little　Tom。

He　felt　the　net　very　heavy；　and　lifted　it　out　quickly；　with　Tom　all　entangled　in　the　meshes。

〃Dear　me！〃　he　cried。　　〃What　a　large　pink　Holothurian；　with　hands；　too！　　It　must　be　connected　with　Synapta。〃


And　he　took　him　out。

〃It　has　actually　eyes！〃　he　cried。　　〃Why；　it　must　be　a　Cephalopod！　This　is　most　extraordinary！〃

〃No；　I　ain't！〃　cried　Tom；　as　loud　as　he　could；　for　he　did　not　like　to　be　called　bad　names。

〃It　is　a　water…baby！〃　cried　Ellie；　and　of　course　it　was。

〃Water…fiddlesticks；　my　dear！〃　said　the　professor；　and　he　turned　away　sharply。

There　was　no　denying　it。　　It　was　a　water…baby：　　and　he　had　said　a　moment　ago　that　there　were　none。　　What　was　he　to　do？

He　would　have　liked；　of　course；　to　have　taken　Tom　home　in　a　bucket。　He　would　not　have　put　him　in　spirits。　　Of　course　not。　　He　would　have　kept　him　alive；　and　petted　him　（for　he　was　a　very　kind　old　gentleman）；　and　written　a　book　about　him；　and　given　him　two　long　names；　of　which　the　first　would　have　said　a　little　about　Tom；　and　the　second　all　about　himself；　for　of　course　he　would　have　called　him　Hydrotecnon　Ptthmllnsprtsianum；　or　some　other　long　name　like　that；　for　they　are　forced　to　call　everything　by　long　names　now；　because　they　have　used　up　all　the　short　ones；　ever　since　they　took　to　making　nine　species　out　of　one。　　But　…　what　would　all　the　learned　men　say　to　him　after　his　speech　at　the　British　Association？　And　what　would　Ellie　say；　after　what　he　had　just　told　her？

There　was　a　wise　old　heathen　once；　who　said；　〃Maxima　debetur　pueris　reverentia〃　…　The　greatest　reverence　is　due　to　children；　that　is；　that　grown　people　should　never　say　or　do　anything　wrong　before　children；　lest　they　should　set　them　a　bad　example。　…　Cousin　Cramchild　says　it　means；　〃The　greatest　respectfulness　is　expected　from　little　boys。〃　　But　he　was　raised　in　a　country　where　little　boys　are　not　expected　to　be　respectful；　because　all　o