the lily of the valley-第33章

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thoughts　fastened　as　bees　swarm　upon　the　branch　of　a　flowering　tree。

In　my　mad　jealousy　I　reproached　myself　that　I　had　dared　nothing；　that

I　had　not　tightened　the　bonds　of　a　tenderness　which　seemed　to　me　at

that　moment　more　subtile　than　real；　by　the　chains　of　positive

possession。



The　count's　illness；　caused　perhaps　by　a　chill　under　the　walnut…tree；

became　alarming　in　a　few　hours。　I　went　to　Tours　for　a　famous　doctor

named　Origet；　but　was　unable　to　find　him　until　evening。　He　spent　that

night　and　the　next　day　at　Clochegourde。　We　had　sent　the　huntsman　in

quest　of　leeches；　but　the　doctor；　thinking　the　case　urgent；　wished　to

bleed　the　count　immediately；　but　had　brought　no　lancet　with　him。　I　at

once　started　for　Azay　in　the　midst　of　a　storm；　roused　a　surgeon；

Monsieur　Deslandes；　and　compelled　him　to　come　with　the　utmost　celerity

to　Clochegourde。　Ten　minutes　later　and　the　count　would　have　died；　the

bleeding　saved　him。　But　in　spite　of　this　preliminary　success　the

doctor　predicted　an　inflammatory　fever　of　the　worst　kind。　The　countess

was　overcome　by　the　fear　that　she　was　the　secret　cause　of　this　crisis。

Two　weak　to　thank　me　for　my　exertions；　she　merely　gave　me　a　few

smiles；　the　equivalent　of　the　kiss　she　had　once　laid　upon　my　hand。

Fain　would　I　have　seen　in　those　haggard　smiles　the　remorse　of　illicit

love；　but　no；　they　were　only　the　act　of　contrition　of　an　innocent

repentance；　painful　to　see　in　one　so　pure；　the　expression　of　admiring

tenderness　for　me　whom　she　regarded　as　noble　while　reproaching　herself

for　an　imaginary　wrong。　Surely　she　loved　as　Laura　loved　Petrarch；　and

not　as　Francesca　da　Rimini　loved　Paolo；a　terrible　discovery　for　him

who　had　dreamed　the　union　of　the　two　loves。



The　countess　half　lay；　her　body　bent　forwards；　her　arms　hanging；　in　a

soiled　armchair　in　a　room　that　was　like　the　lair　of　a　wild　boar。　The

next　evening　before　the　doctor　departed　he　said　to　the　countess；　who

had　sat　up　the　night　before；　that　she　must　get　a　nurse；　as　the　illness

would　be　a　long　one。



〃A　nurse！〃　she　said；　〃no；　no！　We　will　take　care　of　him；〃　she　added；

looking　at　me；　〃we　owe　it　to　ourselves　to　save　him。〃



The　doctor　gave　us　both　an　observing　look　full　of　astonishment。　The

words　were　of　a　nature　to　make　him　suspect　an　atonement。　He　promised

to　come　twice　a　week；　left　directions　for　the　treatment　with　Monsieur

Deslandes；　and　pointed　out　the　threatening　symptoms　that　might　oblige

us　to　send　for　him。　I　asked　the　countess　to　let　me　sit　up　the

alternate　nights　and　then；　not　without　difficulty；　I　persuaded　her　to

go　to　bed　on　the　third　night。　When　the　house　was　still　and　the　count

sleeping　I　heard　a　groan　from　Henriette's　room。　My　anxiety　was　so　keen

that　I　went　to　her。　She　was　kneeling　before　the　crucifix　bathed　in

tears。　〃My　God！〃　she　cried；　〃if　this　be　the　cost　of　a　murmur；　I　will

never　complain　again。〃



〃You　have　left　him！〃　she　said　on　seeing　me。



〃I　heard　you　moaning；　and　I　was　frightened。〃



〃Oh；　I！〃　she　said；　〃I　am　well。〃



Wishing　to　be　certain　that　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　was　asleep　she　came

down　with　me；　by　the　light　of　the　lamp　we　looked　at　him。　The　count　was

weakened　by　the　loss　of　blood　and　was　more　drowsy　than　asleep；　his

hands　picked　the　counterpane　and　tried　to　draw　it　over　him。



〃They　say　the　dying　do　that；〃　she　whispered。　〃Ah！　if　he　were　to　die　of

this　illness；　that　I　have　caused；　never　will　I　marry　again；　I　swear

it；〃　she　said；　stretching　her　hand　over　his　head　with　a　solemn

gesture。



〃I　have　done　all　I　could　to　save　him；〃　I　said。



〃Oh；　you！〃　she　said；　〃you　are　good；　it　is　I　who　am　guilty。〃



She　stooped　to　that　discolored　brow；　wiped　the　perspiration　from　it

and　laid　a　kiss　there　solemnly；　but　I　saw；　not　without　joy；　that　she

did　it　as　an　expiation。



〃Blanche；　I　am　thirsty；〃　said　the　count　in　a　feeble　voice。



〃You　see　he　knows　me；〃　she　said　giving　him　to　drink。



Her　accent；　her　affectionate　manner　to　him　seemed　to　me　to　take　the

feelings　that　bound　us　together　and　immolate　them　to　the　sick　man。



〃Henriette；〃　I　said；　〃go　and　rest；　I　entreat　you。〃



〃No　more　Henriette；〃　she　said；　interrupting　me　with　imperious　haste。



〃Go　to　bed　if　you　would　not　be　ill。　Your　children；　HE　HIMSELF　would

order　you　to　be　careful；　it　is　a　case　where　selfishness　becomes　a

virtue。〃



〃Yes；〃　she　said。



She　went　away；　recommending　her　husband　to　my　care　by　a　gesture　which

would　have　seemed　like　approaching　delirium　if　childlike　grace　had　not

been　mingled　with　the　supplicating　forces　of　repentance。　But　the　scene

was　terrible；　judged　by　the　habitual　state　of　that　pure　soul；　it

alarmed　me；　I　feared　the　exaltation　of　her　conscience。　When　the　doctor

came　again；　I　revealed　to　him　the　nature　of　my　pure　Henriette's　self…

reproach。　This　confidence；　made　discreetly；　removed　Monsieur　Origet's

suspicions；　and　enabled　him　to　quiet　the　distress　of　that　noble　soul

by　telling　her　that　in　any　case　the　count　had　to　pass　through　this

crisis；　and　that　as　for　the　nut…tree；　his　remaining　there　had　done

more　good　than　harm　by　developing　the　disease。



For　fifty…two　days　the　count　hovered　between　life　and　death。　Henriette

and　I　each　watched　twenty…six　nights。　Undoubtedly；　Monsieur　de

Mortsauf　owed　his　life　to　our　nursing　and　to　the　careful　exactitude

with　which　we　carried　out　the　orders　of　Monsieur　Origet。　Like　all

philosophical　physicians；　whose　sagacious　observation　of　what　passes

before　them　justifies　many　a　doubt　of　noble　actions　when　they　are　only

the　accomplishment　of　a　duty；　this　man；　while　assisting　the　countess

and　me　in　our　rivalry　of　devotion；　could　not　help　watching　us；　with

scrutinizing　glances；　so　afraid　was　he　of　being　deceived　in　his

admiration。



〃In　diseases　of　this　nature；〃　he　said　to　me　at　his　third　visit；　〃death

has　a　powerful　auxiliary　in　the　moral　nature　when　that　is　seriously

disturbed；　as　it　is　in　this　case。　The　doctor；　the　family；　the　nurses

hold　the　patient's　life　in　their　hands；　sometimes　a　single　word；　a

fear　expressed　by　a　gesture；　has　the　effect　of　poison。〃



As　he　spoke　Origet　studied　my　face　and　expression；　but　he　saw　in　my

eyes　the　clear　look　of　an　honest　soul。　In　fact　during　the　whole　course

of　this　distressing　illness　there　never　passed　through　my　mind　a

single　one　of　the　involuntary　evil　thoughts　which　do　sometimes　sear

the　consciences　of　the　innocent。　To　those　who　study　nature　in　its

grandeur　as　a　whole　all　tends　to　unity　through　assimilation。　The　moral

world　must　undoubtedly　be　ruled　by　an　analogous　principle。　In　an　pure

sphere　all　is　pure。　The　atmosphere　of　heaven　was　around　my　Henriette；

it　seemed　as　though　an　evil　desire　must　forever　part　me　from　her。　Thus

she　not　only　stood　for　happiness；　but　for　virtue；　she　WAS　virtue。

Finding　us　always　equally　careful　and　attentive；　the　doctor's　words

and　manners　took　a　tone　of　respect　and　even　pity；　he　seemed　to　say　to

himself；　〃Here　are　the　real　sufferers；　they　hide　their　ills；　and

forget　them。〃　By　a　fortunate　change；　which；　according　to　our　excellent

doctor；　is　common　enough　in　men　who　are　completely　shattered；　Monsieur

de　Mortsauf　was　patient；　obedient；　complained　little；　and　showed

surprising　docility；he；　who　when　well　never　did　the　simplest　thing

without　discussion。　The　secret　of　this　submission　to　medical　care；

which　he　formerly　so　derided；　was　an　innate　dread　of　death；　another

contradiction　in　a　man　of　tried　courage。　This　dread　may　perhaps

explain　several　other　peculiarities　in　the　character　which　the　cruel

years　of　exile　had　developed。



Shall　I　admit　to　you；　Natalie；　and　will　you　believe　me？　these　fifty

days　and　the　month　that　followed　them　were　the　happiest　moments　of　my

life。　Love；　in　the　celestial　spaces　of　the　soul　is　like　a　noble　river

flowing　through　a　valley；　the　rains；　the　brooks；　the　torrents　hie　to

it；　the　trees　fall　upon　its　surface；　so　do　the　flowers；　the　gravel　of

its　shores；　the　rocks　of　the　summits；　storms　and　the　loitering　tribute

of　the　crystal　streams　alike　increase　it。　Yes；　when　love　comes　all

comes　to　love！



The　first　great　danger　over；　the　countess　and　I　grew　accustomed　to

illness。　In　spite　of　the　confusion　which　the　care　of　the　sick　entails；

the　count's　room；　once　so　untidy；　was　now　clean　and　inviting。　Soon　we

were　like　two　beings　flung　upon　a　desert　island；　for　not　only　do

anxieties　isolate；　but　they　brush　aside　as　petty　the　conventions　of

the　world。　The　welfare　of　the　sick　man　obliged　us　to　have　points　of

contact　which　no　other　circumstances　would　have　authorized。　Many　a

time　our　hands；　shy　or　timid　formerly；　met　in　some　service　that　we

rendered　to　the　countwas　I　not　there　to　sustain　and　help　my

Henriette？　Absorbed　in　a　duty　comparable　to　that　of　a　soldier　at　the

pickets；　she　forgot　to　eat；　then　I　served　her；　sometimes　on　her　lap；　a

hasty　meal　which　necessitated　a　thousand　little　attentions。　We　were

like　children　at　a　grave。　She　would　order　me　sharply　to　prepare

whatever　might　ease　the　sick　man's　suffering；　she　employed　me　in　a

hundred　petty　ways。　During　the　time　when　actual　danger　obscured；　as　it

does　during　the　battle；　the　subtile　distinctions　which　characterize

the　facts　of　ordinary　life；　she　necessarily　laid　aside　the　reserve

which　all　women；　even　the　most　unconventional；　preserve　in　their　looks

and　words　and　actions　before　the　world　or　their　own　family。　At　the

first　chirping　of　the　birds　she　would　come　to　relieve　my　watch；

wearing　a　morning　garment　which　revealed　to　me　once　more　the　dazzling

treasures　that　in　my　folly　I　had　treated　as　my　own。　Always　dignified；

nay　imposing；　she　could　still　be　familiar。



Thus　it　came　to　pass　that　we　found　ourselves　unconsciously　intimate；

half…married　as　it　were。　She　showed　herself　nobly　confiding；　as　sure

of　me　as　she　was　of　herself。　I　was　thus　taken　deeper　and　deeper　into

her　heart。　The　countess　became　once　more　my　Henriette；　Henriette

constrained　to　love　with　increasing　strength　the　friend　who　endeavored

to　be　her　second　soul。　Her　hand　unresistingly　met　mine　at　the　least

solicitation；　my　eyes　were　permitted　to　follow　with　delight　the　lines

of　her　beauty　during　the　long　hours　when　we　listened　to　the　count's

breathing；　without　driving　her　from　their　sight。　The　meagre　pleasures

which　we　allowed　ourselvessympathizing　looks；　words　spoken　in

whispers　not　to　wake　the　count；　hopes　and　fears　repeated　and　again

repeated；　in　short；　the　thousand　incidents　of　the　fusion　of　two　hearts

long　separatedstand　out　in　bright　array　upon　the　sombre　background

of　the　actual　scene。　Our　souls　knew　each　other　to　their　depths　under

this　test；　which　many　a　warm　affection　is　unable　to　bear；　finding　life

too　heavy　or　too　flimsy　in　the　close　bonds　of　hourly　intercourse。



You　know　what　disturbance　follows　the　illness　of　a　master；　how　the

affairs　of　life　seem　to　come　to　a　standstill。　Though　the　real　care　of

the　family　and　estate　fell　upon　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　the　count　was

useful　in　his　way；　he　talked　with　the　farmers；　tr