少年维特之烦恼(英文版)-第14章
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when I am lost in reverie ， I cannot help saying to myself ， 〃If Albert
were to die ？—— Yes， she would bee —— and I should be〃 —— and
so I pursue a chimera ， till it leads me to the edge of a precipice at
which I shudder。
When I pass through the same gate ， and walk along the same road
which first conducted me to Charlotte ， my heart sinks within me at the
change that has since taken place。 All， all， is altered ！ No sentiment，
no pulsation of my heart， is the same。 My sensations are such as would
occur to some departed prince whose spirit should return to visit the
superb palace which he had built in happy times ， adorned with costly
magnificence， and left to a beloved son， but whose glory he should find
departed， and its halls deserted and in ruins。
SEPTEMBER 3。 I sometimes cannot understand how she can love another，
how she dares love another， when I love nothing in this world so pletely，
so devotedly， as I love her， when I know only her ， and have no other
possession。
SEPTEMBER 4。 It is even so！ As nature puts on her autumn tints it
bees autumn with me and around me。 My leaves are sere and yellow ，
and the neighbouring trees are divested of their foliage。 Do you remember
my writing to you about a peasant boy shortly after my arrival here ？
I have just made inquiries about him in Walheim。 They say he has been
dismissed from his service， and is now avoided by every one。 I met him
yesterday on the road ， going to a neighbouring village。 I spoke to him，
and he told me his story。 It interested me exceedingly， as you will easily
understand when I repeat it to you。 But why should I trouble you？ Why
should I not reserve all my sorrow for myself ？ Why should I continue
to give you occasion to pity and blame me ？ But no matter： this also
is part of my destiny。
At first the peasant lad answered my inquiries with a sort of subdued
melancholy， which seemed to me the mark of a timid disposition ； but，
as we grew to understand each other ， he spoke with less reserve ， and
openly confessed his faults ， and lamented his misfortune。 I wish， my
dear friend ， I could give proper expression to his language。 He told
me with a sort of pleasurable recollection， that ， after my departure，
his passion for his mistress increased daily， until at last he neither
knew what he did nor what he said ， nor what was to bee of him。 He
could neither eat nor drink nor sleep ： he felt a sense of suffocation
； he disobeyed all orders， and forgot all mands involuntarily； he
seemed as if pursued by an evil spirit， till one day ， knowing that
his mistress had gone to an upper chamber ， he had followed， or ， rather，
been drawn after her。 As she proved deaf to his entreaties， he had recourse
to violence。 He knows not what happened ； but he called God to witness
that his intentions to her were honourable， and that he desired nothing
more sincerely than that they should marry， and pass their lives together。
When he had e to this point， he began to hesitate ， as if there was
something which he had not courage to utter ， till at length he acknowledged
with some confusion certain little confidences she had encouraged ， and
liberties she had allowed。 He broke off two or three times in his narration，
and assured me most earnestly that he had no wish to make her bad ， as
he termed it， for he loved her still as sincerely as ever； that the
tale had never before escaped his lips， and was only now told to convince
me that he was not utterly lost and abandoned。 And here ， my dear friend，
I must mence the old song which you know I utter eternally。 If I could
only represent the man as he stood， and stands now before me ， could
I only give his true expressions， you would feel pelled to sympathise
in his fate。 But enough ： you， who know my misfortune and my disposition，
can easily prehend the attraction which draws me toward every unfortunate
being ， but particularly toward him whose story I have recounted。
On perusing this letter a second time ， I find I have omitted the
conclusion of my tale ； but it is easily supplied。 She became reserved
toward him， at the instigation of her brother who had long hated him ，
and desired his expulsion from the house， fearing that his sister's second
marriage might deprive his children of the handsome fortune they expected
from her； as she is childless。 He was dismissed at length； and the whole
affair occasioned so much scandal ， that the mistress dared not take
him back， even if she had wished it。 She has since hired another servant，
with whom ， they say ， her brother is equally displeased， and whom
she is likely to marry； but my informant assures me that he himself is
determined not to survive such a catastrophe。
This story is neither exaggerated nor embellished ： indeed ， I have
weakened and impaired it in the narration ， by the necessity of using
the more refined expressions of society。
This love ， then ， this constancy ， this passion ， is no poetical
fiction。 It is actual ， and dwells in its greatest purity amongst that
class of mankind whom we term rude， uneducated。 We are the educated，
not the perverted。 But read this story with attention ， I implore you。
I am tranquil to…day， for I have been employed upon this narration ：
you see by my writing that I am not so agitated as usual。 I read and re…read
this tale ， Wilhelm： it is the history of your friend ！ My fortune
has been and will be similar； and I am neither half so brave nor half
so determined as the poor wretch with whom I hesitate to pare myself。
SEPTEMBER 5。 Charlotte had written a letter to her husband in the
country ， where he was detained by business。 It menced， 〃My dearest
love， return as soon as possible ： I await you with a thousand raptures。〃
A friend who arrived， brought word ， that ， for certain reasons， he
could not return immediately。 Charlotte's letter was not forwarded， and
the same evening it fell into my hands。 I read it ， and smiled。 She asked
the reason。 〃What a heavenly treasure is imagination：〃 I exclaimed ；
〃I fancied for a moment that this was written to me。〃 She paused， and
seemed displeased。 I was silent。
SEPTEMBER 6。 It cost me much to part with the blue coat which I wore
the first time I danced with Charlotte。 But I could not possibly wear
it any longer。 But I have ordered a new one ， precisely similar， even
to the collar and sleeves ， as well as a new waistcoat and pantaloons。
But it does not produce the same effect upon me。 I know not how it
is， but I hope in time I shall like it better。
SEPTEMBER 12。 She has been absent for some days。 She went to meet
Albert。 To…day I visited her： she rose to receive me ， and I kissed
her hand most tenderly。
A canary at the moment flew from a mirror ， and settled upon her
shoulder。 〃Here is a new friend ，〃 she observed， while she made him
perch upon her hand ： 〃he is a present for the children。 What a dear
he is ！ Look at him！ When I feed him， he flutters with his wings ，
and pecks so nicely。 He kisses me ， too， only look！〃
She held the bird to her mouth； and he pressed her sweet lips with
so much fervour that he seemed to feel the excess of bliss which he enjoyed。
〃He shall kiss you too，〃 she added ； and then she held the bird
toward me。 His little beak moved from her mouth to mine ， and the delightful
sensation seemed like the forerunner of the sweetest bliss。
〃A kiss ，〃 I observed， 〃does not seem to satisfy him： he wishes
for food， and seems disappointed by these unsatisfactory endearments。〃
〃But he eats out of my mouth，〃 she continued ， and extended her
lips to him containing seed ； and she smiled with all the charm of a
being who has allowed an innocent participation of her love。
I turned my face away。 She should not act thus。 She ought not to excite
my imagination with such displays of heavenly innocence and happiness ，
nor awaken my heart from its slumbers ， in which it dreams of the worthlessness
of life ！ And why not？ Because she knows how much I love her。
SEPTEMBER 15。 It makes me wretched， Wilhelm， to think that there
should be men incapable of appreciating the few things which possess a
real value in life。 You remember the walnut trees at S——， under which
I used to sit with Charlotte， during my visits to the worthy old vicar。
Those glorious trees， the very sight of which has so often filled my
heart with joy， how they adorned and refreshed the parsonage yard， with
their wide…extended branches！ and how pleasing was our remembrance of
the good old pastor ， by whose hands they were planted so many years
ago ： The schoolmaster has frequently mentioned his name。 He had it from
his grandfather。 He must have been a most excellent man ； and， under
the shade of those old trees， his memory was ever venerated by me。 The
schoolmaster informed us yesterday， with tears in his eyes ， that those
trees had been felled。 Yes， cut to the ground！ I could， in my wrath，
have slain the monster who struck the first stroke。 And I must endure
this！—— I， who， if I had had two such trees in my own court， and
one had died from old age ， should have wept with real affliction。 But
there is some fort left， such a thing is sentiment， the whole village
murmurs at the misfortune ； and I hope the vicar's wife will soon find，
by the cessation of the villagers' presents ， how much she has wounded
the feelings of the neighborhhood。 It was she who did it， the wife of
the present incumbent （our good old man is dead）， a tall ， sickly
creature who is so far right to disregard the world ， as the world totally
disregards her。 The silly being affects to be learned ， pretends to examine
the canonical books ， lends her aid toward the new…fashioned reformation
of Christendom， moral and critical ， and shrugs up her shoulders at
the mention of Lavater's enthusiasm。 Her health is destroyed， on account
of which she is prevented from having any enjoyment here below。 Only such
a creature could have cut down my walnut trees！ I can never pardon it。
Hear her reasons。 The falling leaves made the court wet and dirty ； the
branches obstructed the light ； boys threw stones at the nuts when they
were ripe ， and the noise affected her nerves； and disturbed her profound
meditations ， when she was weighing the diffculties of Kennicot， Semler，
and Michaelis。 Finding that all the parish， particularly the old people，
were displeased ， I asked 〃why they allowed it ？〃 〃Ah ， sir！〃 they
replied ， 〃when the steward orders ， what can we poor peasants do ？
〃 But one thing has happened well。 The steward and the vicar（who ， for
once， thought to reap some advantage from the caprices of his wife ）
intended to divide the trees between them。 The revenue…office ， being
informed of it， revived an old claim to the ground where the trees had
stood ， and sold them to the best bidder。 There they still lie on the
ground。 If I were the sovereign ， I should know how to deal with them
all ， vicar， steward， and revenue…office。 Sovereign�
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