roughing it-第69章

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irresistibly　grotesque　effects　in　the　course　of　re…dressing；　there　was
nothing　for　it　but　to　cut　the　thing　short　with　the　benediction　and
dismiss　the　fantastic　assemblage。

In　our　country；　children　play　〃keep　house；〃　and　in　the　same　high…sounding
but　miniature　way　the　grown　folk　here；　with　the　poor　little　material　of
slender　territory　and　meagre　population；　play　〃empire。〃　　There　is　his
royal　Majesty　the　King；　with　a　New　York　detective's　income　of　thirty　or
thirty…five　thousand　dollars　a　year　from　the　〃royal　civil　list〃　and　the
〃royal　domain。〃　　He　lives　in　a　two…story　frame　〃palace。〃

And　there　is　the　〃royal　family〃the　customary　hive　of　royal　brothers；
sisters；　cousins　and　other　noble　drones　and　vagrants　usual　to　monarchy；
all　with　a　spoon　in　the　national　pap…dish；　and　all　bearing　such　titles　as
his　or　her　Royal　Highness　the　Prince　or　Princess　So…and…so。　　Few　of　them
can　carry　their　royal　splendors　far　enough　to　ride　in　carriages；　however；
they　sport　the　economical　Kanaka　horse　or　〃hoof　it〃　with　the　plebeians。

Then　there　is　his　Excellency　the　〃royal　Chamberlain〃a　sinecure；　for　his
majesty　dresses　himself　with　his　own　hands；　except　when　he　is　ruralizing
at　Waikiki　and　then　he　requires　no　dressing。

Next　we　have　his　Excellency　the　Commander…in…chief　of　the　Household
Troops；　whose　forces　consist　of　about　the　number　of　soldiers　usually
placed　under　a　corporal　in　other　lands。

Next　comes　the　royal　Steward　and　the　Grand　Equerry　in　Waitinghigh
dignitaries　with　modest　salaries　and　little　to　do。

Then　we　have　his　Excellency　the　First　Gentleman　of　the　Bed…chamberan
office　as　easy　as　it　is　magnificent。

Next　we　come　to　his　Excellency　the　Prime　Minister；　a　renegade　American
from　New　Hampshire；　all　jaw；　vanity；　bombast　and　ignorance；　a　lawyer　of
〃shyster〃　calibre；　a　fraud　by　nature；　a　humble　worshiper　of　the　sceptre
above　him；　a　reptile　never　tired　of　sneering　at　the　land　of　his　birth　or
glorifying　the　ten…acre　kingdom　that　has　adopted　himsalary；　4；000　a
year；　vast　consequence；　and　no　perquisites。

Then　we　have　his　Excellency　the　Imperial　Minister　of　Finance；　who　handles
a　million　dollars　of　public　money　a　year；　sends　in　his　annual　〃budget〃
with　great　ceremony；　talks　prodigiously　of　〃finance；〃　suggests　imposing
schemes　for　paying　off　the　〃national　debt〃　（of　150；000；）　and　does　it　all
for　4；000　a　year　and　unimaginable　glory。

Next　we　have　his　Excellency　the　Minister　of　War；　who　holds　sway　over　the
royal　armiesthey　consist　of　two　hundred　and　thirty　uniformed　Kanakas；
mostly　Brigadier　Generals；　and　if　the　country　ever　gets　into　trouble　with
a　foreign　power　we　shall　probably　hear　from　them。　　I　knew　an　American
whose　copper…plate　visiting　card　bore　this　impressive　legend：
〃Lieutenant…Colonel　in　the　Royal　Infantry。　　To　say　that　he　was　proud　of
this　distinction　is　stating　it　but　tamely。　　The　Minister　of　War　has　also
in　his　charge　some　venerable　swivels　on　Punch…Bowl　Hill　wherewith　royal
salutes　are　fired　when　foreign　vessels　of　war　enter　the　port。

Next　comes　his　Excellency　the　Minister　of　the　Navya　nabob　who　rules　the
〃royal　fleet；〃　（a　steam…tug　and　a　sixty…ton　schooner。）

And　next　comes　his　Grace　the　Lord　Bishop　of　Honolulu；　the　chief　dignitary
of　the　〃Established　Church〃for　when　the　American　Presbyterian
missionaries　had　completed　the　reduction　of　the　nation　to　a　compact
condition　of　Christianity；　native　royalty　stepped　in　and　erected　the
grand　dignity　of　an　〃Established　（Episcopal）　Church〃　over　it；　and
imported　a　cheap　ready…made　Bishop　from　England　to　take　charge。　　The
chagrin　of　the　missionaries　has　never　been　comprehensively　expressed；　to
this　day；　profanity　not　being　admissible。

Next　comes　his　Excellency　the　Minister　of　Public　Instruction。

Next；　their　Excellencies　the　Governors　of　Oahu；　Hawaii；　etc。；　and　after
them　a　string　of　High　Sheriffs　and　other　small　fry　too　numerous　for
computation。

Then　there　are　their　Excellencies　the　Envoy　Extraordinary　and　Minister
Plenipotentiary　of　his　Imperial　Majesty　the　Emperor　of　the　French；　her
British　Majesty's　Minister；　the　Minister　Resident；　of　the　United　States；
and　some　six　or　eight　representatives　of　other　foreign　nations；　all　with
sounding　titles；　imposing　dignity　and　prodigious　but　economical　state。

Imagine　all　this　grandeur　in　a　play…house　〃kingdom〃　whose　population
falls　absolutely　short　of　sixty　thousand　souls！

The　people　are　so　accustomed　to　nine…jointed　titles　and　colossal　magnates
that　a　foreign　prince　makes　very　little　more　stir　in　Honolulu　than　a
Western　Congressman　does　in　New　York。

And　let　it　be　borne　in　mind　that　there　is　a　strictly　defined　〃court
costume〃　of　so　〃stunning〃　a　nature　that　it　would　make　the　clown　in　a
circus　look　tame　and　commonplace　by　comparison；　and　each　Hawaiian
official　dignitary　has　a　gorgeous　vari…colored；　gold…laced　uniform
peculiar　to　his　officeno　two　of　them　are　alike；　and　it　is　hard　to　tell
which　one　is　the　〃loudest。〃　　The　King　had　a　〃drawing…room〃　at　stated
intervals；　like　other　monarchs；　and　when　these　varied　uniforms　congregate
thereweak…eyed　people　have　to　contemplate　the　spectacle　through　smoked
glass。　　Is　there　not　a　gratifying　contrast　between　this　latter…day
exhibition　and　the　one　the　ancestors　of　some　of　these　magnates　afforded
the　missionaries　the　Sunday　after　the　old…time　distribution　of　clothing？
Behold　what　religion　and　civilization　have　wrought！




CHAPTER　LXVIII。

While　I　was　in　Honolulu　I　witnessed　the　ceremonious　funeral　of　the　King's
sister；　her　Royal　Highness　the　Princess　Victoria。　　According　to　the　royal
custom；　the　remains　had　lain　in　state　at　the　palace　thirty　days；　watched
day　and　night　by　a　guard　of　honor。　　And　during　all　that　time　a　great
multitude　of　natives　from　the　several　islands　had　kept　the　palace　grounds
well　crowded　and　had　made　the　place　a　pandemonium　every　night　with　their
howlings　and　wailings；　beating　of　tom…toms　and　dancing　of　the　（at　other
times）　forbidden　〃hula…hula〃　by　half…clad　maidens　to　the　music　of　songs
of　questionable　decency　chanted　in　honor　of　the　deceased。　　The　printed
programme　of　the　funeral　procession　interested　me　at　the　time；　and　after
what　I　have　just　said　of　Hawaiian　grandiloquence　in　the　matter　of
〃playing　empire；〃　I　am　persuaded　that　a　perusal　of　it　may　interest　the
reader：

　　　　　　After　reading　the　long　list　of　dignitaries；　etc。；　and　remembering
　　　　　　the　sparseness　of　the　population；　one　is　almost　inclined　to　wonder
　　　　　　where　the　material　for　that　portion　of　the　procession　devoted　to
　　　　　　〃Hawaiian　Population　Generally〃　is　going　to　be　procured：

Undertaker。
Royal　School。　　Kawaiahao　School。　　Roman　Catholic　School。　　Maemae　School。
Honolulu　Fire　Department。
Mechanics'　Benefit　Union。
Attending　Physicians。
Knonohikis　（Superintendents）　of　the　Crown　Lands；　Konohikis　of　the　Private
Lands　of　His　Majesty　Konohikis　of　the　Private　Lands　of　Her　late　Royal
Highness。
Governor　of　Oahu　and　Staff。
Hulumanu　（Military　Company）。
Household　Troops。
The　Prince　of　Hawaii's　Own　（Military　Company）。
The　King's　household　servants。
Servants　of　Her　late　Royal　Highness。
Protestant　Clergy。　　The　Clergy　of　the　Roman　Catholic　Church。
His　Lordship　Louis　Maigret；　The　Right　Rev。　　Bishop　of　Arathea；　Vicar…
Apostolic　of　the　Hawaiian　Islands。
The　Clergy　of　the　Hawaiian　Reformed　Catholic　Church。
His　Lordship　the　Right　Rev。　　Bishop　of　Honolulu。
Her　Majesty　Queen　Emma's　Carriage。
His　Majesty's　Staff。
Carriage　of　Her　late　Royal　Highness。
Carriage　of　Her　Majesty　the　Queen　Dowager。
The　King's　Chancellor。
Cabinet　Ministers。
His　Excellency　the　Minister　Resident　of　the　United　States。
H。　B。　M's　Commissioner。
H。　B。　M's　Acting　Commissioner。
Judges　of　Supreme　Court。
Privy　Councillors。
Members　of　Legislative　Assembly。
Consular　Corps。
Circuit　Judges。
Clerks　of　Government　Departments。
Members　of　the　Bar。
Collector　General；　Custom…house　Officers　and　Officers　of　the　Customs。
Marshal　and　Sheriffs　of　the　different　Islands。
King's　Yeomanry。
Foreign　Residents。
Ahahui　Kaahumanu。
Hawaiian　Population　Generally。
Hawaiian　Cavalry。
Police　Force。

I　resume　my　journal　at　the　point　where　the　procession　arrived　at　the
royal　mausoleum：

　　　　　　As　the　procession　filed　through　the　gate；　the　military　deployed
　　　　　　handsomely　to　the　right　and　left　and　formed　an　avenue　through　which
　　　　　　the　long　column　of　mourners　passed　to　the　tomb。　　The　coffin　was
　　　　　　borne　through　the　door　of　the　mausoleum；　followed　by　the　King　and
　　　　　　his　chiefs；　the　great　officers　of　the　kingdom；　foreign　Consuls；
　　　　　　Embassadors　and　distinguished　guests　（Burlingame　and　General　Van
　　　　　　Valkenburgh）。　　Several　of　the　kahilis　were　then　fastened　to　a　frame…
　　　　　　work　in　front　of　the　tomb；　there　to　remain　until　they　decay　and　fall
　　　　　　to　pieces；　or；　forestalling　this；　until　another　scion　of　royalty
　　　　　　dies。　　At　this　point　of　the　proceedings　the　multitude　set　up　such　a
　　　　　　heart…broken　wailing　as　I　hope　never　to　hear　again。

The　soldiers　fired　three　volleys　of　musketrythe　wailing　being
previously　silenced　to　permit　of　the　guns　being　heard。　　His　Highness
Prince　William；　in　a　showy　military　uniform　（the　〃true　prince；〃　this
scion　of　the　house　over…thrown　by　the　present　dynastyhe　was　formerly
betrothed　to　the　Princess　but　was　not　allowed　to　marry　her）；　stood　guard
and　paced　back　and　forth　within　the　door。　　The　privileged　few　who
followed　the　coffin　into　the　mausoleum　remained　sometime；　but　the　King
soon　came　out　and　stood　in　the　door　and　near　one　side　of　it。　　A　stranger
could　have　guessed　his　rank　（although　he　was　so　simply　and
unpretentiously　dressed）　by　the　profound　deference　paid　him　by　all
persons　in　his　vicinity；　by　seeing　his　high　officers　receive　his　quiet
orders　and　suggestions　with　bowed　and　uncovered　heads；　and　by　observing
how　careful　those　persons　who　came　out　of　the　mausoleum　were　to　avoid
〃crowding〃　him　（although　there　was　room　enough　in　the　doorway　for　a　wagon
to　pass；　for　that　matter）；　how　respectfully　they　edged　out　sideways；
scraping　their　backs　against　the　wall　and　always　presenting　a　front　view
of　their　persons　to　his　Majesty；　and　never　putting　their　hats　on　until
they　were　well　out　of　the　royal　presence。

He　was　dressed　entirely　in　blackdress…coat　and　silk　hatand　looked
rather　democratic　in　the　midst　of　the　showy　uniforms　about　him。　　On　his
breast　he　wore　a　large　gold　star；　which　was　half　hidden　by　the　lapel　of
his　coat。　　He　remained　at　the　door　a　half　hour；　and　occasionally　gave　an
order　to　the　men　who　were　erecting　the　kahilis　＇Ranks　of　long…handled
mops　made　of　gaudy　featherssacred　to　royalty。　　They　are　stuck　in　the
ground　around　the　tomb　and　left　there。＇　　before　the　tomb。　　He　had　the
good　taste　to　make　one　of　them　substitute　black　crape　for　the　ordinary
hempen　rope　he　was　about　to　tie　one　of　them　to　the　frame…work　with。
Finally　he　entered　his　carriage　and　drove　away；　and　the　populace　shortly
began　to　drop　into　his　wake。　　While　he　was　in　view　there　was　but　one　man
who　attracted　more　attention　than　himself；　and　that　was　Harris　（the
Yankee　Prime　Minister）。　　This　feeble　personage　had　crape　enough　around
his　hat　to　express　the　grief　of　an　entire　nation；　and　as　usual　he
neglected　no　opportunity　of　making　himself　conspicuous　and　exciting　the
admiration　of　the　simple　Kanakas。　　Oh！