before adam(亚当之前)-第2章
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eight years old。 From my dreams I reconstructed for him pictures of that
vanished world in which I do believe I once lived。 I told him of the
terrors of that early time； of Lop…Ear and the pranks we played； of the
gibbering councils； and of the Fire People and their squatting places。
He laughed at me； and jeered； and told me tales of ghosts and of the
dead that walk at night。 But mostly did he laugh at my feeble fancy。 I
told him more； and he laughed the harder。 I swore in all earnestness that
these things were so； and he began to look upon me queerly。 Also； he
gave amazing garblings of my tales to our playmates； until all began to
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look upon me queerly。
It was a bitter experience； but I learned my lesson。 I was different
from my kind。 I was abnormal with something they could not understand；
and the telling of which would cause only misunderstanding。 When the
stories of ghosts and goblins went around； I kept quiet。 I smiled grimly
to myself。 I thought of my nights of fear； and knew that mine were the
real thingsreal as life itself； not attenuated vapors and surmised shadows。
For me no terrors resided in the thought of bugaboos and wicked ogres。
The fall through leafy branches and the dizzy heights； the snakes that
struck at me as I dodged and leaped away in chattering flight； the wild
dogs that hunted me across the open spaces to the timberthese were
terrors concrete and actual； happenings and not imaginings； things of the
living flesh and of sweat and blood。 Ogres and bugaboos and I had been
happy bed…fellows； compared with these terrors that made their bed with
me throughout my childhood； and that still bed with me； now； as I write
this； full of years。
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CHAPTER II
I have said that in my dreams I never saw a human being。 Of this
fact I became aware very early； and felt poignantly the lack of my own
kind。 As a very little child； even； I had a feeling； in the midst of the
horror of my dreaming； that if I could find but one man； only one human； I
should be saved from my dreaming； that I should be surrounded no more
by haunting terrors。 This thought obsessed me every night of my life for
yearsif only I could find that one human and be saved！
I must iterate that I had this thought in the midst of my dreaming； and I
take it as an evidence of the merging of my two personalities； as evidence
of a point of contact between the two disassociated parts of me。 My dream
personality lived in the long ago； before ever man； as we know him； came
to be； and my other and wake…a…day personality projected itself； to the
extent of the knowledge of man's existence； into the substance of my
dreams。
Perhaps the psychologists of the book will find fault with my way of
using the phrase； 〃disassociation of personality。〃 I know their use of it； yet
am compelled to use it in my own way in default of a better phrase。 I take
shelter behind the inadequacy of the English language。 And now to the
explanation of my use； or misuse； of the phrase。
It was not till I was a young man； at college； that I got any clew to the
significance of my dreams； and to the cause of them。 Up to that time
they had been meaningless and without apparent causation。 But at
college I discovered evolution and psychology； and learned the
explanation of various strange mental states and experiences。 For
instance； there was the falling…through…space dreamthe commonest
dream experience； one practically known； by first…hand experience； to all
men。
This； my professor told me； was a racial memory。 It dated back to
our remote ancestors who lived in trees。 With them； being tree…dwellers；
the liability of falling was an ever…present menace。 Many lost their lives
that way； all of them experienced terrible falls； saving themselves by
clutching branches as they fell toward the ground。
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Now a terrible fall； averted in such fashion； was productive of shock。
Such shock was productive of molecular changes in the cerebral cells。
These molecular changes were transmitted to the cerebral cells of progeny；
became； in short； racial memories。 Thus； when you and I； asleep or dozing
off to sleep； fall through space and awake to sickening consciousness just
before we strike； we are merely remembering what happened to our
arboreal ancestors； and which has been stamped by cerebral changes into
the heredity of the race。
There is nothing strange in this； any more than there is anything
strange in an instinct。 An instinct is merely a habit that is stamped into
the stuff of our heredity； that is all。 It will be noted； in passing； that in
this falling dream which is so familiar to you and me and all of us； we
never strike bottom。 To strike bottom would be destruction。 Those of
our arboreal ancestors who struck bottom died forthwith。 True； the shock
of their fall was communicated to the cerebral cells； but they died
immediately； before they could have progeny。 You and I are descended
from those that did not strike bottom； that is why you and I； in our dreams；
never strike bottom。
And now we come to disassociation of personality。 We never have
this sense of falling when we are wide awake。 Our wake…a…day
personality has no experience of it。 Thenand here the argument is
irresistibleit must be another and distinct personality that falls when we
are asleep； and that has had experience of such fallingthat has； in short； a
memory of past…day race experiences； just as our wake…a…day personality
has a memory of our wake…a…day experiences。
It was at this stage in my reasoning that I began to see the light。 And
quickly the light burst upon me with dazzling brightness； illuminating and
explaining all that had been weird and uncanny and unnaturally impossible
in my dream experiences。 In my sleep it was not my wake…a…day
personality that took charge of me； it was another and distinct personality；
possessing a new and totally different fund of experiences； and； to the
point of my dreaming； possessing memories of those totally different
experiences。
What was this personality？ When had it itself lived a wake…a…day life
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on this planet in order to collect this fund of strange experiences？ These
were questions that my dreams themselves answered。 He lived in the
long ago； when the world was young； in that period that we call the Mid…
Pleistocene。 He fell from the trees but did not strike bottom。 He
gibbered with fear at the roaring of the lions。 He was pursued by beasts
of prey； struck at by deadly snakes。 He chattered with his kind in council；
and he received rough usage at the hands of the Fire People in the day that
he fled before them。
But； I hear you objecting； why is it that these racial memories are not
ours as well； seeing that we have a vague other…personality that falls
through space while we sleep？
And I may answer with another question。 Why is a two…headed calf？
And my own answer to this is that it is a freak。 And so I answer your
question。 I have this other…personality and these complete racial
memories because I am a freak。
But let me be more explicit。
The commonest race memory we have is the falling…through…space
dream。 This other…personality is very vague。 About the only memory it
has is that of falling。 But many of us have sharper； more distinct other…
personalities。 Many of us have the flying dream； the pursuing…monster
dream； color dreams； suffocation dreams； and the reptile and vermin
dreams。 In short； while this other…personality is vestigial in all of us； in
some of us it is almost obliterated； while in others of us it is more
pronounced。 Some of us have stronger and completer race memories than
others。
It is all a question of varying degree of possession of the other…
personality。 In myself； the degree of possession is enormous。 My
other…personality is almost equal in power with my own personality。 And
in this matter I am； as I said； a freaka freak of heredity。
I do believe that it is the possession of this other…personalitybut not
so strong a one as minethat has in some few others given rise to belief in
personal reincarnation experiences。 It is very plausible to such people； a
most convincing hypothesis。 When they have visions of scenes they have
never seen in the flesh； memories of acts and events dating back in time；
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the simplest explanation is that they have lived before。
But they make the mistake of ignoring their own duality。 They do not
recognize their other…personality。 They think it is their own personality；
that they have only one personality； and from such a premise they can
conclude only that they have lived previous lives。
But they are wrong。 It is not reincarnation。 I have visions of myself
roaming through the forests of the Younger World； and yet it is not myself
that I see but one that is only remotely a
