the miscellaneous writings and speeches-1-第6章

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s；　and　their　herds；　be　given　to　thy　servants　the　priests。　　Then　shall　the　land　yield　its　increase；　and　the　fruits　of　the　earth　shall　be　no　more　blasted　by　the　vengeance　of　Heaven。〃

〃Nay；〃　said　the　king；　〃the　ground　lies　under　no　general　curse　from　Heaven。　　The　season　has　been　singularly　good。　　The　wine　which　thou　didst　thyself　drink　at　the　banquet　a　few　nights　ago；　O　venerable　Merolchazzar；　was　of　this　year's　vintage。　　Dost　thou　not　remember　how　thou　didst　praise　it？　　It　was　the　same　night　that　thou　wast　inspired　by　Belus　and　didst　reel　to　and　fro；　and　discourse　sacred　mysteries。　　These　things　are　too　hard　for　me。　　I　comprehend　them　not。　　The　only　wine　which　is　bad　is　that　which　is　sent　to　my　judges。　　Who　can　expound　this　to　us？〃

The　king　scratched　his　head。　　Upon　which　all　the　courtiers　scratched　their　heads。

He　then　ordered　proclamation　to　be　made　that　a　purple　robe　and　a　golden　chain　should　be　given　to　the　man　who　could　solve　this　difficulty。

An　old　philosopher；　who　had　been　observed　to　smile　rather　disdainfully　when　the　prize　had　first　been　instituted；　came　forward　and　spoke　thus：

〃Gomer　Chephoraod；　live　for　ever！　　Marvel　not　at　that　which　has　happened。　　It　was　no　miracle；　but　a　natural　event。　　How　could　it　be　otherwise？　　It　is　true　that　much　good　wine　has　been　made　this　year。　　But　who　would　send　it　in　for　thy　rewards？　　Thou　knowest　Ascobaruch　who　hath　the　great　vineyards　in　the　north；　and　Cohahiroth　who　sendeth　wine　every　year　from　the　south　over　the　Persian　Golf。　　Their　wines　are　so　delicious　that　ten　measures　thereof　are　sold　for　an　hundred　talents　of　silver。　　Thinkest　thou　that　they　will　exchange　them　for　thy　slaves　and　thine　asses？　What　would　thy　prize　profit　any　who　have　vineyards　in　rich　soils？〃

〃Who　then；〃　said　one　of　the　judges；　〃are　the　wretches　who　sent　us　this　poison？〃

〃Blame　them　not；〃　said　the　sage；　〃seeing　that　you　have　been　the　authors　of　the　evil。　　They　are　men　whose　lands　are　poor；　and　have　never　yielded　them　any　returns　equal　to　the　prizes　which　the　king　proposed。　　Wherefore；　knowing　that　the　lords　of　the　fruitful　vineyards　would　not　enter　into　competition　with　them　they　planted　vines；　some　on　rocks；　and　some　in　light　sandy　soil；　and　some　in　deep　clay。　　Hence　their　wines　are　bad。　　For　no　culture　or　reward　will　make　barren　land　bear　good　vines。　　Know　therefore；　assuredly；　that　your　prizes　have　increased　the　quantity　of　bad　but　not　of　good　wine。〃

There　was　a　long　silence。　　At　length　the　king　spoke。　　〃Give　him　the　purple　robe　and　the　chain　of　gold。　　Throw　the　wines　into　the　Euphrates；　and　proclaim　that　the　Royal　Society　of　Wines　is　dissolved。〃

。。。


SCENES　FROM　〃ATHENIAN　REVELS。〃

（January　1824。）

A　DRAMA。

I。

SCENEA　Street　in　Athens。

Enter　CALLIDEMUS　and　SPEUSIPPUS；

CALLIDEMUS。　So；　you　young　reprobate！　　You　must　be　a　man　of　wit；　forsooth；　and　a　man　of　quality！　　You　must　spend　as　if　you　were　as　rich　as　Nicias；　and　prate　as　if　you　were　as　wise　as　Pericles！　　You　must　dangle　after　sophists　and　pretty　women！　　And　I　must　pay　for　all！　I　must　sup　on　thyme　and　onions；　while　you　are　swallowing　thrushes　and　hares！　　I　must　drink　water；　that　you　may　play　the　cottabus　（This　game　consisted　in　projecting　wine　out　of　cups；　it　was　a　diversion　extremely　fashionable　at　Athenian　entertainments。）　with　Chian　wine！　　I　must　wander　about　as　ragged　as　Pauson　（Pauson　was　an　Athenian　painter；　whose　name　was　synonymous　with　beggary。　　See　Aristophanes；　Plutus；　602。　　From　his　poverty；　I　am　inclined　to　suppose　that　he　painted　historical　pictures。）；　that　you　may　be　as　fine　as　Alcibiades！　　I　must　lie　on　bare　boards；　with　a　stone　（See　Aristophanes；　Plutus；　542。）　for　my　pillow；　and　a　rotten　mat　for　my　coverlid；　by　the　light　of　a　wretched　winking　lamp；　while　you　are　marching　in　state；　with　as　many　torches　as　one　sees　at　the　feast　of　Ceres；　to　thunder　with　your　hatchet　（See　Theocritus；　Idyll　ii。　128。）　at　the　doors　of　half　the　Ionian　ladies　in　Peiraeus。　　（This　was　the　most　disreputable　part　of　Athens。　　See　Aristophanes：　Pax；　165。）

SPEUSIPPUS。　Why；　thou　unreasonable　old　man！　　Thou　most　shameless　of　fathers！…　…

CALLIDEMUS。　Ungrateful　wretch；　dare　you　talk　so？　　Are　you　not　afraid　of　the　thunders　of　Jupiter？

SPEUSIPPUS。　Jupiter　thunder！　nonsense！　　Anaxagoras　says；　that　thunder　is　only　an　explosion　produced　by

CALLIDEMUS。　He　does！　　Would　that　it　had　fallen　on　his　head　for　his　pains！

SPEUSIPPUS。　Nay：　　talk　rationally。

CALLIDEMUS。　Rationally！　　You　audacious　young　sophist！　　I　will　talk　rationally。　　Do　you　know　that　I　am　your　father？　　What　quibble　can　you　make　upon　that？

SPEUSIPPUS。　Do　I　know　that　you　are　my　father？　　Let　us　take　the　question　to　pieces；　as　Melesigenes　would　say。　　First；　then；　we　must　inquire　what　is　knowledge？　　Secondly；　what　is　a　father？　　Now；　knowledge；　as　Socrates　said　the　other　day　to　Theaetetus　（See　Plato's　Theaetetus。）

CALLIDEMUS。　Socrates！　what！　the　ragged　flat…nosed　old　dotard；　who　walks　about　all　day　barefoot；　and　filches　cloaks；　and　dissects　gnats；　and　shoes　（See　Aristophanes；　Nubes；　150。）　fleas　with　wax？

SPEUSIPPUS。　All　fiction！　　All　trumped　up　by　Aristophanes！

CALLIDEMUS。　By　Pallas；　if　he　is　in　the　habit　of　putting　shoes　on　his　fleas；　he　is　kinder　to　them　than　to　himself。　　But　listen　to　me；　boy；　if　you　go　on　in　this　way；　you　will　be　ruined。　　There　is　an　argument　for　you。　　Go　to　your　Socrates　and　your　Melesigenes；　and　tell　them　to　refute　that。　　Ruined！　　Do　you　hear？

SPEUSIPPUS。　Ruined！

CALLIDEMUS。　Ay；　by　Jupiter！　　Is　such　a　show　as　you　make　to　be　supported　on　nothing？　　During　all　the　last　war；　I　made　not　an　obol　from　my　farm；　the　Peloponnesian　locusts　came　almost　as　regularly　as　the　Pleiades；corn　burnt；olives　stripped；fruit　trees　cut　down；　wells　stopped　up；and；　just　when　peace　came；　and　I　hoped　that　all　would　turn　out　well；　you　must　begin　to　spend　as　if　you　had　all　the　mines　of　Thasus　at　command。

SPEUSIPPUS。　Now；　by　Neptune；　who　delights　in　horses

CALLIDEMUS。　If　Neptune　delights　in　horses；　he　does　not　resemble　me。　　You　must　ride　at　the　Panathenaea　on　a　horse　fit　for　the　great　king：　four　acres　of　my　best　vines　went　for　that　folly。　　You　must　retrench；　or　you　will　have　nothing　to　eat。　　Does　not　Anaxagoras　mention；　among　his　other　discoveries；　that　when　a　man　has　nothing　to　eat　he　dies？

SPEUSIPPUS。　You　are　deceived。　　My　friends

CALLIDEMUS。　Oh；　yes！　your　friends　will　notice　you；　doubtless；　when　you　are　squeezing　through　the　crowd；　on　a　winter's　day；　to　warm　yourself　at　the　fire　of　the　baths；or　when　you　are　fighting　with　beggars　and　beggars'　dogs　for　the　scraps　of　a　sacrifice；or　when　you　are　glad　to　earn　three　wretched　obols　（The　stipend　of　an　Athenian　juryman。）　by　listening　all　day　to　lying　speeches　and　crying　children。

SPEUSIPPUS。　There　are　other　means　of　support。

CALLIDEMUS。　What！　　I　suppose　you　will　wander　from　house　to　house；　like　that　wretched　buffoon　Philippus　（Xenophon；　Convivium。）；　and　beg　everybody　who　has　asked　a　supper…party　to　be　so　kind　as　to　feed　you　and　laugh　at　you；　or　you　will　turn　sycophant；　you　will　get　a　bunch　of　grapes；　or　a　pair　of　shoes；　now　and　then；　by　frightening　some　rich　coward　with　a　mock　prosecution。　　Well！　that　is　a　task　for　which　your　studies　under　the　sophists　may　have　fitted　you。

SPEUSIPPUS。　You　are　wide　of　the　mark。

CALLIDEMUS。　Then　what；　in　the　name　of　Juno；　is　your　scheme？　　Do　you　intend　to　join　Orestes　（A　celebrated　highwayman　of　Attica。　　See　Aristophanes；　Aves；　711；　and　in　several　other　passages。）；　and　rob　on　the　highway？　　Take　care；　beware　of　the　eleven　（The　police　officers　of　Athens。）；　beware　of　the　hemlock。　　It　may　be　very　pleasant　to　live　at　other　people's　expense；　but　not　very　pleasant；　I　should　think；　to　hear　the　pestle　give　its　last　bang　against　the　mortar；　when　the　cold　dose　is　ready。　　Pah！

SPEUSIPPUS。　Hemlock？　Orestes！　folly！I　aim　at　nobler　objects。　　What　say　you　to　politics；the　general　assembly？

CALLIDEMUS。　You　an　orator！oh　no！　no！　　Cleon　was　worth　twenty　such　fools　as　you。　　You　have　succeeded；　I　grant；　to　his　impudence；　for　which；　if　there　be　justice　in　Tartarus；　he　is　now　soaking　up　to　the　eyes　in　his　own　tanpickle。　　But　the　Paphlagonian　had　parts。

SPEUSIPPUS。　And　you　mean　to　imply

CALLIDEMUS。　Not　I。　You　are　a　Pericles　in　embryo；　doubtless。　　Well：　and　when　are　you　to　make　your　first　speech？　　O　Pallas！

SPEUSIPPUS。　I　thought　of　speaking；　the　other　day；　on　the　Sicilian　expedition；　but　Nicias　（See　Thucydides；　vi。　8。）　got　up　before　me。

CALLIDEMUS。　Nicias；　poor　honest　man；　might　just　as　well　have　sate　still；　his　speaking　did　but　little　good。　　The　loss　of　your　oration　is；　doubtless；　an　irreparable　public　calamity。

SPEUSIPPUS。　Why；　not　so；　I　intend　to　introduce　it　at　the　next　assembly；　it　will　suit　any　subject。

CALLIDEMUS。　That　is　to　say；　it　will　suit　none。　　But　pray；　if　it　be　not　too　presumptuous　a　request；　indulge　me　with　a　specimen。

SPEUSIPPUS。　Well；　suppose　the　agora　crowded；an　important　subject　under　discussion；an　ambassador　from　Argos；　or　from　the　great　king；　the　tributes　from　the　islands；an　impeachment；in　short；　anything　you　please。　　The　crier　makes　proclamation。〃Any　citizen　above　fifty　years　old　may　speakany　citizen　not　disqualified　may　speak。〃　　Then　I　rise：a　great　murmur　of　curiosity　while　I　am　mounting　the　stand。

CALLIDEMUS。　Of　curiosity！　yes；　and　of　something　else　too。　　You　will　infallibly　be　dragged　down　by　main　force；　like　poor　Glaucon　（See　Xenophon　Memorabilia；　iii。）　last　year。

SPEUSIPPUS。　Never　fear。　　I　shall　begin　in　this　style：　〃When　I　consider；　Athenians；　the　importance　of　our　city；when　I　consider　the　extent　of　its　power；　the　wisdom　of　its　laws；　the　elegance　of　its　decorations；when　I　consider　by　what　names　and　by　what　exploits　its　annals　are　adorned；　when　I　think　on　Harmodius　and　Aristogiton；　on　Themistocles　and　Miltiades；　on　Cimon　and　Pericles；when　I　contemplate　our　pre…eminence　in　arts　and　letters；when　I　observe　so　many　flourishing　states　and　islands　compelled　to　own　the　dominion；　and　purchase　the　protection　of　the　City　of　the　Violet　Crown〃　（A　favourite　epithet　of　Athens。　　See　Aristophanes；　Acharn。　637。）

CALLIDEMUS。　I　shall　choke　with　rage。　　Oh；　all　ye　gods　and　goddesses；　what　sacrilege；　what　perjury　have　I　ever　committed；　that　I　should　be　singled　out　from　among　all　the　citizens　of　Athens　to　be　the　father　of　this　fool？

SPEUSIPPUS。　What　now？　　By　Bacchus；　old　man；　I　would　not　advise　you　to　give　way　to　such　fits　of　passion　in　the　streets。　　If　Aristophanes　were　to　see　you；　you　would　infallibly　be　in　a　comedy　next　spring。

CALLIDEMUS。　You　have　more　reason　to　fear　Aristophanes　than　any　fool　living。　Oh；　that　he　could　but　hear　you　trying　to　imitate　the　slang　of　Straton　（See　Aristophanes；　Equites；　1375。）　and　the　lisp　of　Alcibiades！　　（See　Aristophanes；　Vespae；　44。）　　You　would　be　an　inexhaustible　subject。　　You　would　console　him　for　the　loss　of　Cleon。

SPEUSIPPUS。　No；　no。　　I　may　perhaps　figure　at　the　dramatic　representations　before　long；　but　in　a　very　different　way。

CALLIDEMUS。　What　do　you　mean？

SPEUSIPPUS。　What　say　you　to　a　tragedy？

CALLIDEMUS。　A　tragedy　of　yours？

SPEUSIPPUS。　Even　so。

CALLIDEMUS。　Oh　Hercules！　　Oh　Bacchus！　　This　is　too　much。　　Here　is　an　universal　genius；　sophist；orator；poet。　　To　what　a　three…　headed　monster　have　I　given　birth！　a　perfect　Cerberus　of　intellect！　　And　pray　what　may　your　piece　be　about？　　Or　will　your　tragedy；　like