16-is shakespeare dead-第3章
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a license to marry Anne Whateley。
Next day William Shakespeare took out a license to marry
Anne Hathaway。 She was eight years his senior。
William Shakespeare married Anne Hathaway。 In a hurry。 By
grace of a reluctantly granted dispensation there was but one
publication of the banns。
Within six months the first child was born。
About two （blank） years followed； during which period
NOTHING AT ALL HAPPENED TO SHAKESPEARE； so far as anybody knows。
Then came twins1585。 February。
Two blank years follow。
Then1587he makes a ten…year visit to London； leaving the family behind。
Five blank years follow。 During this period NOTHING
HAPPENED TO HIM； as far as anybody actually knows。
Then1592there is mention of him as an actor。
Next year1593his name appears in the official list of players。
Next year1594he played before the queen。 A detail of no
consequence： other obscurities did it every year of the forty…
five of her reign。 And remained obscure。
Three pretty full years follow。 Full of play…acting。 Then*
In 1597 he bought New Place； Stratford。
Thirteen or fourteen busy years follow； years in which he
accumulated money； and also reputation as actor and manager。
Meantime his name； liberally and variously spelt； had
become associated with a number of great plays and poems； as
（ostensibly） author of the same。
Some of these； in these years and later； were pirated； but
he made no protest。
Then1610…11he returned to Stratford and settled down for
good and all； and busied himself in lending money； trading in
tithes； trading in land and houses； shirking a debt of forty…one
shillings； borrowed by his wife during his long desertion of his
family； suing debtors for shillings and coppers； being sued
himself for shillings and coppers； and acting as confederate to a
neighbor who tried to rob the town of its rights in a certain
common； and did not succeed。
He lived five or six yearstill 1616in the joy of these
elevated pursuits。 Then he made a will； and signed each of its
three pages with his name。
A thoroughgoing business man's will。 It named in minute
detail every item of property he owned in the worldhouses；
lands； sword； silver…gilt bowl； and so onall the way down to
his 〃second…best bed〃 and its furniture。
It carefully and calculatingly distributed his riches among
the members of his family； overlooking no individual of it。 Not
even his wife： the wife he had been enabled to marry in a hurry
by urgent grace of a special dispensation before he was nineteen；
the wife whom he had left husbandless so many years； the wife who
had had to borrow forty…one shillings in her need； and which the
lender was never able to collect of the prosperous husband； but
died at last with the money still lacking。 No； even this wife
was remembered in Shakespeare's will。
He left her that 〃second…best bed。〃
And NOT ANOTHER THING； not even a penny to bless her lucky
widowhood with。
It was eminently and conspicuously a business man's will；
not a poet's。
It mentioned NOT A SINGLE BOOK。
Books were much more precious than swords and silver…gilt
bowls and second…best beds in those days； and when a departing
person owned one he gave it a high place in his will。
The will mentioned NOT A PLAY； NOT A POEM； NOT AN UNFINISHED
LITERARY WORK； NOT A SCRAP OF MANUSCRIPT OF ANY KIND。
Many poets have died poor； but this is the only one in
history that has died THIS poor； the others all left literary
remains behind。 Also a book。 Maybe two。
If Shakespeare had owned a dogbut we not go into that： we
know he would have mentioned it in his will。 If a good dog；
Susanna would have got it； if an inferior one his wife would have
got a downer interest in it。 I wish he had had a dog； just so we
could see how painstakingly he would have divided that dog among
the family； in his careful business way。
He signed the will in three places。
In earlier years he signed two other official documents。
These five signatures still exist。
There are NO OTHER SPECIMENS OF HIS PENMANSHIP IN EXISTENCE。
Not a line。
Was he prejudiced against the art？ His granddaughter； whom
he loved； was eight years old when he died； yet she had had no
teaching； he left no provision for her education； although he was
rich； and in her mature womanhood she couldn't write and couldn't
tell her husband's manuscript from anybody else'sshe thought it
was Shakespeare's。
When Shakespeare died in Stratford； IT WAS NOT AN EVENT。 It
made no more stir in England than the death of any other
forgotten theater…actor would have made。 Nobody came down from
London； there were no lamenting poems； no eulogies； no national
tearsthere was merely silence； and nothing more。 A striking
contrast with what happened when Ben Jonson； and Francis Bacon；
and Spenser； and Raleigh； and the other distinguished literary
folk of Shakespeare's time passed from life！ No praiseful voice
was lifted for the lost Bard of Avon； even Ben Jonson waited
seven years before he lifted his。
SO FAR AS ANYBODY ACTUALLY KNOWS AND CAN PROVE； Shakespeare
of Stratford…on…Avon never wrote a play in his life。
SO FAR AS ANY ONE KNOWS； HE RECEIVED ONLY ONE LETTER
DURING HIS LIFE。
So far as any one KNOWS AND CAN PROVE； Shakespeare of
Stratford wrote only one poem during his life。 This one is
authentic。 He did write that onea fact which stands
undisputed； he wrote the whole of it； he wrote the whole of it
out of his own head。 He commanded that this work of art be
engraved upon his tomb； and he was obeyed。 There it abides to
this day。 This is it：
Good friend for Iesus sake forbeare
To digg the dust encloased heare：
Blest be ye man yt spares thes stones
And curst be he yt moves my bones。
In the list as above set down will be found EVERY POSITIVELY
KNOWN fact of Shakespeare's life； lean and meager as the invoice
is。 Beyond these details we know NOT A THING about him。 All the
rest of his vast history； as furnished by the biographers； is
built up； course upon course； of guesses； inferences； theories；
conjecturesan Eiffel Tower of artificialities rising sky…high
from a very flat and very thin foundation of inconsequential
facts。
IV
Conjectures
The historians 〃suppose〃 that Shakespeare attended the Free
School in Stratford from the time he was seven years old till he
was thirteen。 There is no EVIDENCE in existence that he ever
went to school at all。
The historians 〃infer〃 that he got his Latin in that school
the school which they 〃suppose〃 he attended。
They 〃suppose〃 his father's declining fortunes made it
necessary for him to leave the school they supposed he attended；
and get to work and help support his parents and their ten
children。 But there is no evidence that he ever entered or
returned from the school they suppose he attended。
They 〃suppose〃 he assisted his father in the butchering
business； and that； being only a boy； he didn't have to do full…
grown butchering； but only slaughtering calves。 Also； that
whenever he killed a calf he made a high…flown speech over it。
This supposition rests upon the testimony of a man who wasn't
there at the time； a man who got it from a man who could have
been there； but did not say whether he was nor not； and neither
of them thought to mention it for decades； and decades； and
decades； and two more decades after Shakespeare's death （until
old age and mental decay had refreshed and vivified their
memories）。 They hadn't two facts in stock about the long…dead
distinguished citizen； but only just the one： he slaughtered
calves and broke into oratory while he was at it。 Curious。 They
had only one fact； yet the distinguished citizen had spent
twenty…six years in that little townjust half his lifetime。
However； rightly viewed； it was the most important fact； indeed
almost the only important fact； of Shakespeare's life in
Stratford。 Rightly viewed。 For experience is an author's most
valuable asset； experience is the thing that puts the muscle and
the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes。 Rightly
viewed； calf…butchering accounts for 〃Titus Andronicus；〃 the only
playain't it？that the Stratford Shakespeare ever wrote； and
yet it is the only one everybody tried to chouse him out of； the
Baconians included。
The historians find themselves 〃justified in believing〃 that
the young Shakespeare poached upon Sir Thomas Lucy's deer preserves
and got haled before that magistrate for it。 But there is no shred
of respectworthy evidence that anything of the kind happened。
The historians； having argued the thing that MIGHT have
happened into the thing that DID happen； found no trouble in
turning Sir Thomas Lucy into Mr。 Justice Shallow。 They have long
ago convinced the worldon surmise and without trustworthy
evidencethat Shallow IS Sir Thomas。
The next addition to the young Shakespeare's Stratford
history comes easy。 The historian builds it out of the surmised
deer…steeling； and the surmised trial before the magistrate； and
the surmised vengeance…prompted satire upon the magistrate in the
play： result； the young Shakespeare was a wild； wild； wild； oh；
SUCH a wild young scamp； and that gratuitous slander is
established for all time！ It is the very way Professor Osborn
and I built the colossal skeleton brontosaur that stands fifty…
seven feet long and sixteen feet high in the Natural History
Museum； the awe and admiration of all the world； the stateliest
skeleton that exists on the planet。 We had nine bones； and we
built the rest of him out of plaster of Paris。 We ran short of
plaster of Paris； or we'd have built a brontosaur that could sit
down beside the Stratford Shakespeare and none but an expert
could tell which was biggest or contained the most plaster。
Shakespeare pronounced 〃Venus and Adonis〃 〃the first heir of
his invention；〃 apparently implying that it was his first effort
at literary composition。 He should not have said it。 It has
been an embarrassment to his historians these many； many years。
They have to make him write that graceful and polished and
flawless and beautiful poem before he escaped from Stratford and
his family1586 or '87age； twenty…two； or along there； because
within the next five years he wrote five great plays； and could
not have found time to write another line。
It is sorely embarrassing。 If he began to slaughter calves；
and poach deer； and rollick around； and learn English； at the
earliest likely momentsay at thirteen； when he was supposably
wretched from that school where he was supposably storing up
Latin for future literary usehe had his youthful hands full；
and much more than full。 He must have had to put aside his
Warwickshire dialect； which w
