half a life-time ago-第3章

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When　William　Dixon　came　home　he　found　Susan　and　Willie　sitting

together；　hand…in…hand；　and　apparently　pretty　cheerful。　　He　bade　them

go　to　bed；　for　that　he　would　sit　up　for　Michael；　and　the　next

morning；　when　Susan　came　down；　she　found　that　Michael　had　started　an

hour　before　with　the　cart　for　lime。　　It　was　a　long　day's　work；　Susan

knew　it　would　be　late；　perhaps　later　than　on　the　preceding　night；

before　he　returnedat　any　rate；　past　her　usual　bed…time；　and　on　no

account　would　she　stop　up　a　minute　beyond　that　hour　in　the　kitchen；

whatever　she　might　do　in　her　bed…room。　　Here　she　sat　and　watched　till

past　midnight；　and　when　she　saw　him　coming　up　the　brow　with　the

carts；　she　knew　full　well；　even　in　that　faint　moonlight；　that　his

gait　was　the　gait　of　a　man　in　liquor。　　But　though　she　was　annoyed　and

mortified　to　find　in　what　way　he　had　chosen　to　forget　her；　the　fact

did　not　disgust　or　shock　her　as　it　would　have　done　many　a　girl；　even

at　that　day；　who　had　not　been　brought　up　as　Susan　had；　among　a　class

who　considered　it　no　crime；　but　rather　a　mark　of　spirit；　in　a　man　to

get　drunk　occasionally。　　Nevertheless；　she　chose　to　hold　herself　very

high　all　the　next　day　when　Michael　was；　perforce；　obliged　to　give　up

any　attempt　to　do　heavy　work；　and　hung　about　the　out…buildings　and

farm　in　a　very　disconsolate　and　sickly　state。　　Willie　had　far　more

pity　on　him　than　Susan。　　Before　evening；　Willie　and　he　were　fast；

and；　on　his　side；　ostentatious　friends。　　Willie　rode　the　horses　down

to　water；　Willie　helped　him　to　chop　wood。　　Susan　sat　gloomily　at　her

work；　hearing　an　indistinct　but　cheerful　conversation　going　on　in　the

shippon；　while　the　cows　were　being　milked。　　She　almost　felt　irritated

with　her　little　brother；　as　if　he　were　a　traitor；　and　had　gone　over

to　the　enemy　in　the　very　battle　that　she　was　fighting　in　his　cause。

She　was　alone　with　no　one　to　speak　to；　while　they　prattled　on

regardless　if　she　were　glad　or　sorry。



Soon　Willie　burst　in。　　〃Susan！　　Susan！　come　with　me；　I've　something

so　pretty　to　show　you。　　Round　the　corner　of　the　barnrun！　run！〃　　（He

was　dragging　her　along；　half　reluctant；　half　desirous　of　some　change

in　that　weary　day。　　Round　the　corner　of　the　barn；　and　caught　hold　of

by　Michael；　who　stood　there　awaiting　her。



〃O　Willie！〃　cried　she　〃you　naughty　boy。　　There　is　nothing　pretty

what　have　you　brought　me　here　for？　　Let　me　go；　I　won't　be　held。〃



〃Only　one　word。　　Nay；　if　you　wish　it　so　much；　you　may　go；〃　said

Michael；　suddenly　loosing　his　hold　as　she　struggled。　　But　now　she　was

free；　she　only　drew　off　a　step　or　two；　murmuring　something　about

Willie。



〃You　are　going；　then？〃　said　Michael；　with　seeming　sadness。　　〃You

won't　hear　me　say　a　word　of　what　is　in　my　heart。〃



〃How　can　I　tell　whether　it　is　what　I　should　like　to　hear？〃　replied

she；　still　drawing　back。



〃That　is　just　what　I　want　you　to　tell　me；　I　want　you　to　hear　it　and

then　to　tell　me　whether　you　like　it　or　not。〃



〃Well；　you　may　speak；〃　replied　she；　turning　her　back；　and　beginning

to　plait　the　hem　of　her　apron。



He　came　close　to　her　ear。



〃I'm　sorry　I　hurt　Willie　the　other　night。　　He　has　forgiven　me。　　Can

you？〃



〃You　hurt　him　very　badly；〃　she　replied。　　〃But　you　are　right　to　be

sorry。　　I　forgive　you。〃



〃Stop；　stop！〃　said　he；　laying　his　hand　upon　her　arm。　　〃There　is

something　more　I've　got　to　say。　　I　want　you　to　be　mywhat　is　it　they

call　it；　Susan？〃



〃I　don't　know；〃　said　she；　half…laughing；　but　trying　to　get　away　with

all　her　might　now；　and　she　was　a　strong　girl；　but　she　could　not

manage　it。



〃You　do。　　Mywhat　is　it　I　want　you　to　be？〃



〃I　tell　you　I　don't　know；　and　you　had　best　be　quiet；　and　just　let　me

go　in；　or　I　shall　think　you're　as　bad　now　as　you　were　last　night。〃



〃And　how　did　you　know　what　I　was　last　night？　　It　was　past　twelve　when

I　came　home。　　Were　you　watching？　　Ah；　Susan！　be　my　wife；　and　you

shall　never　have　to　watch　for　a　drunken　husband。　　If　I　were　your

husband；　I　would　come　straight　home；　and　count　every　minute　an　hour

till　I　saw　your　bonny　face。　　Now　you　know　what　I　want　you　to　be。　　I

ask　you　to　be　my　wife。　　Will　you；　my　own　dear　Susan？〃



She　did　not　speak　for　some　time。　　Then　she　only　said　〃Ask　father。〃

And　now　she　was　really　off　like　a　lapwing　round　the　corner　of　the

barn；　and　up　in　her　own　little　room；　crying　with　all　her　might；

before　the　triumphant　smile　had　left　Michael's　face　where　he　stood。



The　〃Ask　father〃　was　a　mere　form　to　be　gone　though。　　Old　Daniel　Hurst

and　William　Dixon　had　talked　over　what　they　could　respectively　give

their　children　before　this；　and　that　was　the　parental　way　of

arranging　such　matters。　　When　the　probable　amount　of　worldly　gear

that　he　could　give　his　child　had　been　named　by　each　father；　the　young

folk；　as　they　said；　might　take　their　own　time　in　coming　to　the　point

which　the　old　men；　with　the　prescience　of　experience；　saw　they　were

drifting　to；　no　need　to　hurry　them；　for　they　were　both　young；　and

Michael；　though　active　enough；　was　too　thoughtless；　old　Daniel　said；

to　be　trusted　with　the　entire　management　of　a　farm。　　Meanwhile；　his

father　would　look　about　him；　and　see　after　all　the　farms　that　were　to

be　let。



Michael　had　a　shrewd　notion　of　this　preliminary　understanding　between

the　fathers；　and　so　felt　less　daunted　than　he　might　otherwise　have

done　at　making　the　application　for　Susan's　hand。　　It　was　all　right；

there　was　not　an　obstacle；　only　a　deal　of　good　advice；　which　the

lover　thought　might　have　as　well　been　spared；　and　which　it　must　be

confessed　he　did　not　much　attend　to；　although　he　assented　to　every

part　of　it。　　Then　Susan　was　called　down　stairs；　and　slowly　came

dropping　into　view　down　the　steps　which　led　from　the　two　family

apartments　into　the　house…place。　　She　tried　to　look　composed　and

quiet；　but　it　could　not　be　done。　　She　stood　side　by　side　with　her

lover；　with　her　head　drooping；　her　cheeks　burning；　not　daring　to　look

up　or　move；　while　her　father　made　the　newly…betrothed　a　somewhat

formal　address　in　which　he　gave　his　consent；　and　many　a　piece　of

worldly　wisdom　beside。　　Susan　listened　as　well　as　she　could　for　the

beating　of　her　heart；　but　when　her　father　solemnly　and　sadly　referred

to　his　own　lost　wife；　she　could　keep　from　sobbing　no　longer；　but

throwing　her　apron　over　her　face；　she　sat　down　on　the　bench　by　the

dresser；　and　fairly　gave　way　to　pent…up　tears。　　Oh；　how　strangely

sweet　to　be　comforted　as　she　was　comforted；　by　tender　caress；　and

many　a　low…whispered　promise　of　love！　　Her　father　sat　by　the　fire；

thinking　of　the　days　that　were　gone；　Willie　was　still　out　of　doors；

but　Susan　and　Michael　felt　no　one's　presence　or　absencethey　only

knew　they　were　together　as　betrothed　husband　and　wife。



In　a　week；　or　two；　they　were　formally　told　of　the　arrangements　to　be

made　in　their　favour。　　A　small　farm　in　the　neighbourhood　happened　to

fall　vacant；　and　Michael's　father　offered　to　take　it　for　him；　and　be

responsible　for　the　rent　for　the　first　year；　while　William　Dixon　was

to　contribute　a　certain　amount　of　stock；　and　both　fathers　were　to

help　towards　the　furnishing　of　the　house。　　Susan　received　all　this

information　in　a　quiet；　indifferent　way；　she　did　not　care　much　for

any　of　these　preparations；　which　were　to　hurry　her　through　the　happy

hours；　she　cared　least　of　all　for　the　money　amount　of　dowry　and　of

substance。　　It　jarred　on　her　to　be　made　the　confidante　of　occasional

slight　repinings　of　Michael's；　as　one　by　one　his　future　father…in…law

set　aside　a　beast　or　a　pig　for　Susan's　portion；　which　were　not　always

the　best　animals　of　their　kind　upon　the　farm。　　But　he　also　complained

of　his　own　father's　stinginess；　which　somewhat；　though　not　much；

alleviated　Susan's　dislike　to　being　awakened　out　of　her　pure　dream　of

love　to　the　consideration　of　worldly　wealth。



But　in　the　midst　of　all　this　bustle；　Willie　moped　and　pined。　　He　had

the　same　chord　of　delicacy　running　through　his　mind　that　made　his

body　feeble　and　weak。　　He　kept　out　of　the　way；　and　was　apparently

occupied　in　whittling　and　carving　uncouth　heads　on　hazel…sticks　in　an

out…house。　　But　he　positively　avoided　Michael；　and　shrunk　away　even

from　Susan。　　She　was　too　much　occupied　to　notice　this　at　first。

Michael　pointed　it　out　to　her；　saying；　with　a　laugh；　…



〃Look　at　Willie！　he　might　be　a　cast…off　lover　and　jealous　of　me；　he

looks　so　dark　and　downcast　at　me。〃　　Michael　spoke　this　jest　out　loud；

and　Willie　burst　into　tears；　and　ran　out　of　the　house。



〃Let　me　go。　　Let　me　go！〃　said　Susan　（for　her　lover's　arm　was　round

her　waist）。　　〃I　must　go　to　him　if　he's　fretting。　　I　promised　mother　I

would！〃　　She　pulled　herself　away；　and　went　in　search　of　the　boy。　　She

sought　in　byre　and　barn；　through　the　orchard；　where　indeed　in　this

leafless　winter…time　there　was　no　great　concealment；　up　into　the　room

where　the　wool　was　usually　stored　in　the　later　summer；　and　at　last

she　found　him；　sitting　at　bay；　like　some　hunted　creature；　up　behind

the　wood…stack。



〃What　are　ye　gone　for；　lad；　and　me　seeking　you　everywhere？〃　asked

she；　breathless。



〃I　did　not　know　you　would　seek　me。　　I've　been　away　many　a　time；　and

no　one　has　cared　to　seek　me；〃　said　he；　crying　afresh。



〃Nonsense；〃　replied　Susan；　〃don't　be　so　foolish；　ye　little　good…for…

nought。〃　　But　she　crept　up　to　him　in　the　hole　he　had　made　underneath

the　great；　brown　sheafs　of　wood；　and　squeezed　herself　down　by　him。

〃What　for　should　folk　seek　after　you；　when　you　get　away　from　them

whenever　you　can？〃　asked　she。



〃They　don't　want　me　to　stay。　　Nobody　wants　me。　　If　I　go　with　father；

he　says　I　hinder　more　than　I　help。　　You　used　to　like　to　have　me　with

you。　　But　now；　you've　taken　up　with　Michael；　and　you'd　rather　I　was

away；　and　I　can　just　bide　away；　but　I　cannot　stand　Michael　jeering　at

me。　　He's　got　you　to　love　him　and　that　might　serve　him。〃




〃But　I　love　you；　too；　dearly；　lad！〃　said　she；　putting　her　arm　round

his　neck。



〃Which　on　us　do　you　like　best？〃　said　he；　wistfully；　after　a　little

pause；　putting　her　arm　away；　so　that　he　might　look　in　her　face；　and

see　if　she　spoke　truth。



She　went　very　red。



〃You　should　not　ask　such　questions。　　They　are　not　fit　for　you　to　ask；

nor　for　me　to　answer。〃



〃But　mother　bade　you　love　me！〃　said　he；　plaintively。



〃And　so　I　do。　　And　so　I　ever　will　do。　　Lover　nor　husband　shall　come

betwixt　thee　and　me；　ladne'er　a　one　of　them。　　That　I　promise　thee

（as　I　promised　mother　before）；　in　the　sight　of　God　and　with　her

hearkening　now；　if　ever　she　can　hearken　to　earthly　word　again。　　Only

I　cannot　abide　to　have　thee　fretting；　just　because　my　heart　is　large

enough　for　two。〃



〃And　thou'lt　love　me　always？〃



〃Always；　and　ever。　　And　the　morethe　more　thou'lt　love　Michael；〃

said　she；　dropping　her　voice。



〃I'll　try；〃　said　the　boy；　sighing；　for　he　remembered　many　a　harsh

word　and　blow　of　which　his　sister　knew　nothing。　　She　would　have　risen

up　to　go　away；　but　he　held　her