burlesques-第78章
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as follows：
〃'Automodon。' We do not know the precise age of Mr。 Baker of
Covent Garden Theatre； nor are we aware if that celebrated son of
Thespis is a married man。
〃'Ducks and Green…peas' is informed； that when A plays his rook to
B's second Knight's square； and B； moving two squares with his
Queen's pawn； gives check to his adversary's Queen； there is no
reason why B's Queen should not take A's pawn； if B be so inclined。
〃'F。 L。 S。' We have repeatedly answered the question about Madame
Vestris： her maiden name was Bartolozzi； and she married the son of
Charles Mathews； the celebrated comedian。
〃'Fair Play。' The best amateur billiard and ecarte player in
England； is Coxe Tuggeridge Coxe； Esq。； of Portland Place； and
Tuggeridgeville： Jonathan； who knows his play； can only give him
two in a game of a hundred； and； at the cards； NO man is his
superior。 Verbum sap。
〃'Scipio Americanus' is a blockhead。〃
I read this out to the Count and Tagrag； and both of them wondered
how the Editor of that tremendous Flare…up should get such
information； and both agreed that the Baron； who still piqued
himself absurdly on his play； would be vastly annoyed by seeing me
preferred thus to himself。 We read him the paragraph； and
preciously angry he was。 〃Id is；〃 he cried； 〃the tables〃 （or 〃de
DABELS；〃 as he called them）；〃de horrid dabels； gom viz me to
London； and dry a slate…table； and I vill beat you。〃 We all roared
at this； and the end of the dispute was； that； just to satisfy the
fellow； I agreed to play his Excellency at slate…tables； or any
tables he chose。
〃Gut；〃 says he； 〃gut； I lif； you know； at Abednego's； in de
Quadrant； his dabels is goot； ve vill blay dere； if you vill。〃 And
I said I would： and it was agreed that； one Saturday night； when
Jemmy was at the Opera； we should go to the Baron's rooms； and give
him a chance。
We went； and the little Baron had as fine a supper as ever I saw：
lots of Champang （and I didn't mind drinking it）； and plenty of
laughing and fun。 Afterwards； down we went to billiards。 〃Is dish
Misther Coxsh； de shelebrated player？〃 says Mr。 Abednego； who was
in the room； with one or two gentlemen of his own persuasion； and
several foreign noblemen； dirty； snuffy； and hairy； as them
foreigners are。 〃Is dish Misther Coxsh？ blesh my hart； it is a
honor to see you； I have heard so much of your play。〃
〃Come； come；〃 says I； 〃sir〃for I'm pretty wide awake〃none of
your gammon； you're not going to book ME。〃
〃No； begar； dis fish you not catch；〃 says Count Mace。
〃Dat is gut！haw！ haw！〃 snorted the Baron。 〃Hook him！ Lieber
Himmel； you might dry and hook me as well。 Haw！ haw！〃
Well； we went to play。 〃Five to four on Coxe；〃 screams out the
Count。〃Done and done；〃 says another nobleman。 〃Ponays；〃 says the
Count。〃Done；〃 says the nobleman。 〃I vill take your six crowns to
four；〃 says the Baron。〃Done；〃 says I。 And； in the twinkling of
an eye； I beat him once making thirteen off the balls without
stopping。
We had some more wine after this； and if you could have seen the
long faces of the other noblemen； as they pulled out their pencils
and wrote I。O。U。's for the Count！ 〃Va toujours； mon cher；〃 says he
to me； 〃you have von for me three hundred pounds。〃
〃I'll blay you guineas dis time；〃 says the Baron。 〃Zeven to four
you must give me though。〃 And so I did： and in ten minutes THAT
game was won； and the Baron handed over his pounds。 〃Two hundred
and sixty more； my dear； dear Coxe；〃 says the Count： 〃you are mon
ange gardien！〃 〃Wot a flat Misther Coxsh is； not to back his
luck；〃 I hoard Abednego whisper to one of the foreign noblemen。
〃I'll take your seven to four； in tens；〃 said I to the Baron。
〃Give me three；〃 says he； 〃and done。〃 I gave him three； and lost
the game by one。 〃Dobbel； or quits；〃 says he。 〃Go it；〃 says I； up
to my mettle： 〃Sam Coxe never says no；〃 and to it we went。 I went
in； and scored eighteen to his five。 〃Holy Moshesh！〃 says
Abednego； 〃dat little Coxsh is a vonder！ who'll take odds？〃
〃I'll give twenty to one；〃 says I； 〃in guineas。〃
〃Ponays； yase； done；〃 screams out the Count。
〃BONIES； done；〃 roars out the Baron： and； before I could speak；
went in； andwould you believe it？in two minutes he somehow made
the game！
。 。 。 。 。 。
Oh； what a figure I cut when my dear Jemmy heard of this afterwards！
In vain I swore it was guineas： the Count and the Baron swore to
ponies； and when I refused； they both said their honor was
concerned； and they must have my life； or their money。 So when the
Count showed me actually that； in spite of this bet （which had been
too good to resist） won from me； he had been a very heavy loser by
the night； and brought me the word of honor of Abednego； his Jewish
friend； and the foreign noblemen； that ponies had been betted；why；
I paid them one thousand pounds sterling of good and lawful
money。But I've not played for money since： no； no； catch me at
THAT again if you can。
A NEW DROP…SCENE AT THE OPERA。
No lady is a lady without having a box at the Opera： so my Jemmy；
who knew as much about music；bless her！as I do about Sanscrit；
algebra； or any other foreign language； took a prime box on the
second tier。 It was what they called a double box； it really COULD
hold two； that is； very comfortably； and we got it a great bargain
for five hundred a year！ Here； Tuesdays and Saturdays； we used
regularly to take our places； Jemmy and Jemimarann sitting in
front； me； behind： but as my dear wife used to wear a large fantail
gauze hat with ostrich feathers； birds…of…paradise； artificial
flowers； and tags of muslin or satin； scattered all over it； I'm
blest if she didn't fill the whole of the front of the box； and it
was only by jumping and dodging； three or four times in the course
of the night； that I could manage to get a sight of the actors。 By
kneeling down； and looking steady under my darling Jemmy's sleeve；
I DID contrive； every now and then； to have a peep of Senior
Lablash's boots； in the 〃Puritanny；〃 and once actually saw Madame
Greasi's crown and head…dress in 〃Annybalony。〃
What a place that Opera is； to be sure！ and what enjoyments us
aristocracy used to have！ Just as you have swallowed down your
three courses （three curses I used to call them；for so； indeed；
they are； causing a deal of heartburns； headaches； doctor's bills；
pills； want of sleep； and such like）just； I say； as you get down
your three courses； which I defy any man to enjoy properly unless
he has two hours of drink and quiet afterwards； up comes the
carriage； in bursts my Jemmy； as fine as a duchess； and scented
like our shop。 〃Come； my dear；〃 says she； 〃it's 'Normy' tonight〃
（or 〃Annybalony；〃 or the 〃Nosey di Figaro；〃 or the 〃Gazzylarder；〃
as the case may be）。 〃Mr。 Foster strikes off punctually at eight；
and you know it's the fashion to be always present at the very
first bar of the aperture。〃 And so off we are obliged to budge； to
be miserable for five hours； and to have a headache for the next
twelve； and all because it's the fashion！
After the aperture； as they call it； comes the opera； which； as I
am given to understand； is the Italian for singing。 Why they
should sing in Italian； I can't conceive； or why they should do
nothing BUT sing。 Bless us！ how I used to long for the wooden
magpie in the 〃Gazzylarder〃 to fly up to the top of the church…
steeple； with the silver spoons； and see the chaps with the
pitchforks come in and carry off that wicked Don June。 Not that I
don't admire Lablash； and Rubini； and his brother； Tomrubini： him
who has that fine bass voice； I mean； and acts the Corporal in the
first piece； and Don June in the second； but three hours is a
LITTLE too much； for you can't sleep on those little rickety seats
in the boxes。
The opera is bad enough； but what is that to the bally？ You SHOULD
have seen my Jemmy the first night when she stopped to see it； and
when Madamsalls Fanny and Theresa Hustler came forward； along with
a gentleman； to dance； you should have seen how Jemmy stared； and
our girl blushed； when Madamsall Fanny； coming forward； stood on
the tips of only five of her toes； and raising up the other five；
and the foot belonging to them； almost to her shoulder； twirled
round； and round； and round； like a teetotum； for a couple of
minutes or more； and as she settled down； at last； on both feet； in
a natural decent posture； you should have heard how the house
roared with applause； the boxes clapping with all their might； and
waving their handkerchiefs； the pit shouting； 〃 Bravo！〃 Some
people； who； I suppose； were rather angry at such an exhibition；
threw bunches of flowers at her； and what do you think she did？
Why； hang me； if she did not come forward； as though nothing had
happened； gather up the things they had thrown at her； smile； press
them to her heart； and begin whirling round again faster than ever。
Talk about coolness； I never saw such in all MY born days。
〃Nasty thing！〃 says Jemmy； starting up in a fury； 〃if women WILL
act so； it serves them right to be treated so。〃
〃Oh； yes！ she acts beautifully；〃 says our friend his Excellency；
who along with Baron von Punter and Tagrag； used very seldom to
miss coming to our box。
〃She may act very beautifully； Munseer； but she don't dress so； and
I am very glad they threw that orange…peel and all those things at
her； and that the people waved to her to get off。〃
Here his Excellency； and the Baron and Tag； set up a roar of
laughter。
〃My dear Mrs。 Coxe；〃 says Tag； 〃those are the most famous dancers
in the world； and we throw myrtle； geraniums； and lilies and roses
at them； in token of our immense admiration！〃
〃Well； I never！〃 said my wife； and poor Jemimarann slunk behind the
curtain； and looked as red as it almost。 After the one had done
the next begun； but when； all of a sudden； a somebody came skipping
and bounding in； like an Indian…rubber ball； flinging itself up； at
least six feet from the stage； and there shaking about its legs
like mad； we were more astonished than ever！
〃That's Anatole；〃 says one of the gentlemen。
〃Anna who？〃 says my wife； and she might well be mistaken： for this
person had a hat and feathers； a bare neck and arms； great black
ringlets； and a little calico frock； which came down to the knees。
〃Anatole。 You would not think he was sixty…three years old； he's
as active as a man of twenty。〃
〃HE！〃 shrieked out my wife； 〃what； is that there a man？ For shame！
Munseer。 Jemimarann； dear； get your cloak； and come along； and
I'll thank you； my dear； to call our people； and let us go home。〃
You wouldn't think； after this； that my Jemmy； who had shown such a
horror at the bally； as they call it； should ever grow accustomed
to
