burlesques-第57章

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never　be　a　happy　country　until　every　one　of　these　monsters　is

exterminated！〃　or　else；　adopting　a　strain　of　still　more　savage

sarcasm；　would　exclaim；　〃Ivanhoe　my　dear；　more　persecution　for　the

Jews！　　Hadn't　you　better　interfere；　my　love？　　His　Majesty　will　do

anything　for　you；　and；　you　know；　the　Jews　were　ALWAYS　SUCH

FAVORITES　OF　YOURS；〃　or　words　to　that　effect。　　But；　nevertheless；

her　ladyship　never　lost　an　opportunity　of　wearing　Rebecca's　jewels

at　court；　whenever　the　Queen　held　a　drawing…room；　or　at　the　York

assizes　and　ball；　when　she　appeared　there：　not　of　course　because

she　took　any　interest　in　such　things；　but　because　she　considered　it

her　duty　to　attend；　as　one　of　the　chief　ladies　of　the　county。



Thus　Sir　Wilfrid　of　Ivanhoe；　having　attained　the　height　of　his

wishes；　was；　like　many　a　man　when　he　has　reached　that　dangerous

elevation；　disappointed。　　Ah；　dear　friends；　it　is　but　too　often　so

in　life！　　Many　a　garden；　seen　from　a　distance；　looks　fresh　and

green；　which；　when　beheld　closely；　is　dismal　and　weedy；　the　shady

walks　melancholy　and　grass…grown；　the　bowers　you　would　fain　repose

in；　cushioned　with　stinging…nettles。　　I　have　ridden　in　a　caique

upon　the　waters　of　the　Bosphorus；　and　looked　upon　the　capital　of

the　Soldan　of　Turkey。　　As　seen　from　those　blue　waters；　with　palace

and　pinnacle；　with　gilded　dome　and　towering　cypress；　it　seemeth　a

very　Paradise　of　Mahound：　but；　enter　the　city；　and　it　is　but　a

beggarly　labyrinth　of　rickety　huts　and　dirty　alleys；　where　the　ways

are　steep　and　the　smells　are　foul；　tenanted　by　mangy　dogs　and

ragged　beggarsa　dismal　illusion！　　Life　is　such；　ah；　well…a…day！

It　is　only　hope　which　is　real；　and　reality　is　a　bitterness　and　a

deceit。



Perhaps　a　man　with　Ivanhoe's　high　principles　would　never　bring

himself　to　acknowledge　this　fact；　but　others　did　for　him。　　He　grew

thin；　and　pined　away　as　much　as　if　he　had　been　in　a　fever　under　the

scorching　sun　of　Ascalon。　　He　had　no　appetite　for　his　meals；　he

slept　ill；　though　he　was　yawning　all　day。　　The　jangling　of　the

doctors　and　friars　whom　Rowena　brought　together　did　not　in　the

least　enliven　him；　and　he　would　sometimes　give　proofs　of　somnolency

during　their　disputes；　greatly　to　the　consternation　of　his　lady。

He　hunted　a　good　deal；　and；　I　very　much　fear；　as　Rowena　rightly

remarked；　that　he　might　have　an　excuse　for　being　absent　from　home。

He　began　to　like　wine；　too；　who　had　been　as　sober　as　a　hermit；　and

when　he　came　back　from　Athelstane's　（whither　he　would　repair　not

unfrequently）；　the　unsteadiness　of　his　gait　and　the　unnatural

brilliancy　of　his　eye　were　remarked　by　his　lady：　who；　you　may　be

sure；　was　sitting　up　for　him。　　As　for　Athelstane；　he　swore　by　St。

Wullstan　that　he　was　glad　to　have　escaped　a　marriage　with　such　a

pattern　of　propriety；　and　honest　Cedric　the　Saxon　（who　had　been

very　speedily　driven　out　of　his　daughter…in…law's　castle）　vowed　by

St。　Waltheof　that　his　son　had　bought　a　dear　bargain。



So　Sir　Wilfrid　of　Ivanhoe　became　almost　as　tired　of　England　as　his

royal　master　Richard　was；　（who　always　quitted　the　country　when　he

had　squeezed　from　his　loyal　nobles；　commons；　clergy；　and　Jews；　all

the　money　which　he　could　get；）　and　when　the　lion…hearted　Prince

began　to　make　war　against　the　French　King；　in　Normandy　and　Guienne；

Sir　Wilfrid　pined　like　a　true　servant　to　be　in　company　of　the　good

champion；　alongside　of　whom　he　had　shivered　so　many　lances；　and

dealt　such　woundy　blows　of　sword　and　battle…axe　on　the　plains　of

Jaffa　or　the　breaches　of　Acre。　　Travellers　were　welcome　at

Rotherwood　that　brought　news　from　the　camp　of　the　good　King：　and　I

warrant　me　that　the　knight　listened　with　all　his　might　when　Father

Drono；　the　chaplain；　read　in　the　St。　James's　Chronykyll　（which　was

the　paper　of　news　he　of　Ivanhoe　took　in）　of　〃another　glorious

triumph〃〃Defeat　of　the　French　near　Blois〃〃Splendid　victory　at

Epte；　and　narrow　escape　of　the　French　King：〃　the　which　deeds　of

arms　the　learned　scribes　had　to　narrate。



However　such　tales　might　excite　him　during　the　reading；　they　left

the　Knight　of　Ivanhoe　only　the　more　melancholy　after　listening：　and

the　more　moody　as　he　sat　in　his　great　hall　silently　draining　his

Gascony　wine。　　Silently　sat　he　and　looked　at　his　coats…of…mail

hanging　vacant　on　the　wall；　his　banner　covered　with　spider…webs；

and　his　sword　and　axe　rusting　there。　　〃Ah；　dear　axe；〃　sighed　he

（into　his　drinking…horn）〃ah；　gentle　steel！　that　was　a　merry　time

when　I　sent　thee　crashing　into　the　pate　of　the　Emir　Abdul　Melik　as

he　rode　on　the　right　of　Saladin。　　Ah；　my　sword；　my　dainty　headsman？

my　sweet　split…rib？　my　razor　of　infidel　beards！　is　the　rust　to　eat

thine　edge　off；　and　am　I　never　more　to　wield　thee　in　battle？　　What

is　the　use　of　a　shield　on　a　wall；　or　a　lance　that　has　a　cobweb　for

a　pennon？　　O　Richard；　my　good　king；　would　I　could　hear　once　more

thy　voice　in　the　front　of　the　onset！　　Bones　of　Brian　the　Templar？

would　ye　could　rise　from　your　grave　at　Templestowe；　and　that　we

might　break　another　spear　for　honor　andand〃　。　。　。



〃And　REBECCA；〃　he　would　have　said；　but　the　knight　paused　here　in

rather　a　guilty　panic：　and　her　Royal　Highness　the　Princess　Rowena

（as　she　chose　to　style　herself　at　home）　looked　so　hard　at　him　out

of　her　china…blue　eyes；　that　Sir　Wilfrid　felt　as　if　she　was　reading

his　thoughts；　and　was　fain　to　drop　his　own　eyes　into　his　flagon。



In　a　word；　his　life　was　intolerable。　　The　dinner　hour　of　the

twelfth　century；　it　is　known；　was　very　early；　in　fact；　people　dined

at　ten　o'clock　in　the　morning：　and　after　dinner　Rowena　sat　mum

under　her　canopy；　embroidered　with　the　arms　of　Edward　the

Confessor；　working　with　her　maidens　at　the　most　hideous　pieces　of

tapestry；　representing　the　tortures　and　martyrdoms　of　her　favorite

saints；　and　not　allowing　a　soul　to　speak　above　his　breath；　except

when　she　chose　to　cry　out　in　her　own　shrill　voice　when　a　handmaid

made　a　wrong　stitch；　or　let　fall　a　ball　of　worsted。　　It　was　a

dreary　life。　　Wamba；　we　have　said；　never　ventured　to　crack　a　joke；

save　in　a　whisper；　when　he　was　ten　miles　from　home；　and　then　Sir

Wilfrid　Ivanhoe　was　too　weary　and　blue…devilled　to　laugh；　but

hunted　in　silence；　moodily　bringing　down　deer　and　wild…boar　with

shaft　and　quarrel。



Then　he　besought　Robin　of　Huntingdon；　the　jolly　outlaw；　nathless；

to　join　him；　and　go　to　the　help　of　their　fair　sire　King　Richard；

with　a　score　or　two　of　lances。　　But　the　Earl　of　Huntingdon　was　a

very　different　character　from　Robin　Hood　the　forester。　　There　was

no　more　conscientious　magistrate　in　all　the　county　than　his

lordship：　he　was　never　known　to　miss　church　or　quarter…sessions；　he

was　the　strictest　game…proprietor　in　all　the　Riding；　and　sent

scores　of　poachers　to　Botany　Bay。　　〃A　man　who　has　a　stake　in　the

country；　my　good　Sir　Wilfrid；〃　Lord　Huntingdon　said；　with　rather　a

patronizing　air　（his　lordship　had　grown　immensely　fat　since　the

King　had　taken　him　into　grace；　and　required　a　horse　as　strong　as　an

elephant　to　mount　him）〃a　man　with　a　stake　in　the　country　ought　to

stay　IN　the　country。　　Property　has　its　duties　as　well　as　its

privileges；　and　a　person　of　my　rank　is　bound　to　live　on　the　land

from　which　he　gets　his　living。〃



〃'Amen！〃　sang　out　the　Reverend　　Tuck；　his　lordship's　domestic

chaplain；　who　had　also　grown　as　sleek　as　the　Abbot　of　Jorvaulx；

who　was　as　prim　as　a　lady　in　his　dress；　wore　bergamot　in　his

handkerchief；　and　had　his　poll　shaved　and　his　beard　curled　every

day。　　And　so　sanctified　was　his　Reverence　grown；　that　he　thought　it

was　a　shame　to　kill　the　pretty　deer；　（though　he　ate　of　them　still

hugely；　both　in　pasties　and　with　French　beans　and　currant…jelly；）

and　being　shown　a　quarter…staff　upon　a　certain　occasion；　handled　it

curiously；　and　asked　〃what　that　ugly　great　stick　was？〃



Lady　Huntingdon；　late　Maid　Marian；　had　still　some　of　her　old　fun

and　spirits；　and　poor　Ivanhoe　begged　and　prayed　that　she　would　come

and　stay　at　Rotherwood　occasionally；　and　egayer　the　general　dulness

of　that　castle。　　But　her　ladyship　said　that　Rowena　gave　herself

such　airs；　and　bored　her　so　intolerably　with　stories　of　King　Edward

the　Confessor；　that　she　preferred　any　place　rather　than　Rotherwood；

which　was　as　dull　as　if　it　had　been　at　the　top　of　Mount　Athos。



The　only　person　who　visited　it　was　Athelstane。　　〃His　Royal　Highness

the　Prince〃　Rowena　of　course　called　him；　whom　the　lady　received

with　royal　honors。　　She　had　the　guns　fired；　and　the　footmen　turned

out　with　presented　arms　when　he　arrived；　helped　him　to　all

Ivanhoe's　favorite　cuts　of　the　mutton　or　the　turkey；　and　forced　her

poor　husband　to　light　him　to　the　state　bedroom；　walking　backwards；

holding　a　pair　of　wax…candles。　　At　this　hour　of　bedtime　the　Thane

used　to　be　in　such　a　condition；　that　he　saw　two　pair　of　candles　and

two　Ivanhoes　reeling　before　him。　　Let　us　hope　it　was　not　Ivanhoe

that　was　reeling；　but　only　his　kinsman's　brains　muddled　with　the

quantities　of　drink　which　it　was　his　daily　custom　to　consume。

Rowena　said　it　was　the　crack　which　the　wicked　Bois　Guilbert；　〃the

Jewess's　OTHER　lover；　Wilfrid　my　dear；〃　gave　him　on　his　royal

skull；　which　caused　the　Prince　to　be　disturbed　so　easily；　but

added；　that　drinking　became　a　person　of　royal　blood；　and　was　but

one　of　the　duties　of　his　station。



Sir　Wilfrid　of　Ivanhoe　saw　it　would　be　of　no　avail　to　ask　this　man

to　bear　him　company　on　his　projected　tour　abroad；　but　still　he

himself　was　every　day　more　and　more　bent　upon　going；　and　he　long

cast　about　for　some　means　of　breaking　to　his　Rowena　his　firm

resolution　to　join　the　King。　　He　thought　she　would　certainty　fall

ill　if　he　communicated　the　news　too　abruptly　to　her：　he　would

pretend　a　journey　to　York　to　attend　a　grand　jury；　then　a　call　to

London　on　law　business　or　to　buy　stock；　then　he　would　slip　over　to

Calais　by　the　packet；　by　degrees　as　it　were；　and　so　be　with　the

King　before　his　wife　knew　that　he　was　out　of　sight　of　Westminster

Hall。



〃Suppose　your　honor　says　you　are　going　as　your　honor　would　say　Bo！

to　a　goose；　plump；　short；　and　to　the　point；〃　said　Wamba　the　Jester

who　was　Sir　Wilfrid's　chief　counsellor　and　attendant〃depend　on't

her　Highness　would　bear　the　news　like　a　Christian　woman。〃



〃Tush；　malapert！　I　will　give　thee　the　strap；〃　said　Sir　Wilfrid；　in

a　fine　tone　of　high…tragedy　indignation。　　〃Thou　knowest　not　the

delicacy　of　the　nerves　of　high…born　ladies。　　An　she　faint　not；

write　me　down　Hollander。〃



〃I　will　wager　my　bauble　against　an　Irish　billet　of　exchange　that

she　will　let　your　honor　go　off　readily：　that　is；　if　you　press　not

the　matter　too　strongly；〃　Wamba　answered；　knowingly。　　And　this

Ivanhoe　found　to　his　discomfiture：　for　one　morning　at　breakfast；

adopting　a　degage　air；　as　he　sipped　his　tea；　he　said；　〃My　love；　I

was　thinking　of　going　over　to　pay　his　Majesty　a　visit　in　Normandy。〃

Upon　which；　laying　down　her　muffin；　（which；　since　the　royal　Alfred

baked　those　cakes；　had　been　the　chosen　breakfast　cate　of　noble