burlesques-第26章

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the　hordayshis　villing　lim　from　lim　in　the　terrible　strenth　of　my

despare！　。　。　。　　Let　me　drop　a　cutting　over　the　memries　of　that

night。　　When　my　boddy…suvnt　came　with　my　ot　water　in　the　mawning；

the　livid　copse　in　the　charnill　was　not　payler　than　the　gashly　De

la　Pluche！



〃'Give　me　the　Share…list；　Mandeville；'　I　micanickly　igsclaimed。　　I

had　not　perused　it　for　the　past　3　days；　my　etention　being　engayged

elseware。　　Hevns　&　huth！what　was　it　I　red　there？　　What　was　it

that　made　me　spring　outabed　as　if　sumbady　had　given　me　cold　pig？I

red　Rewin　in　that　Share…listthe　Pannick　was　in　full　hoparation！



　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。　　　　　　　　。



Shall　I　describe　that　kitastrafy　with　which　hall　Hengland　is

familliar？　　My　&　rifewses　to　cronnicle　the　misfortns　which

lassarated　my　bleeding　art　in　Hoctober　last。　　On　the　fust　of

Hawgust　where　was　I？　　Director　of　twenty…three　Companies；　older　of

scrip　hall　at　a　primmium；　and　worth　at　least　a　quarter　of　a

millium。　　On　Lord　Mare's　day　my　Saint　Helenas　quotid　at　14　pm；　were

down　at　1/2　discount；　my　Central　Ichaboes　at　3/8　discount；　my　Table

Mounting　&　Hottentot　Grand　Trunk；　no　where；　my　Bathershins　and

Derrynane　Beg；　of　which　I'd　bought　2000　for　the　account　at　17

primmium；　down　to　nix；　my　Juan　Fernandez；　my　Great　Central　Oregons；

prostrit。　　There　was　a　momint　when　I　thought　I　shouldn't　be　alive

to　write　my　own　tail！〃



（Here　follow　in　Mr。　Plush's　MS。　about　twenty…four　pages　of　railroad

calculations；　which　we　pretermit。）



〃Those　beests；　Pump　&　Aldgate；　once　so　cringing　and　umble；　wrote　me

a　threatnen　letter　because　I　overdrew　my　account　three…and…

sixpence：　woodn't　advance　me　five　thousand　on　25；000　worth　of

scrip；　kep　me　waiting　2　hours　when　I　asked　to　see　the　house；　and

then　sent　out　Spout；　the　jewnior　partner；　saying　they　wouldn't

discount　my　paper；　and　implawed　me　to　clothes　my　account。　　I　did：　I

paid　the　three…and…six　balliance；　and　never　sor　'em　mor。



〃The　market　fell　daily。　　The　Rewin　grew　wusser　and　wusser。

Hagnies；　Hagnies！　it　wasn't　in　the　city　aloan　my　misfortns　came

upon　me。　　They　beerded　me　in　my　own　ome。　　The　biddle　who　kips　watch

at　the　Halbany　wodn　keep　misfortn　out　of　my　chambers；　and　Mrs。

Twiddler；　of　Pall　Mall；　and　Mr。　Hunx；　of　Long　Acre；　put　egsicution

into　my　apartmince；　and　swep　off　every　stick　of　my　furniture。

'Wardrobe　&　furniture　of　a　man　of　fashion。'　　What　an　adwertisement

George　Robins　DID　make　of　it；　and　what　a　crowd　was　collected　to

laff　at　the　prospick　of　my　ruing！　　My　chice　plait；　my　seller　of

wine；　my　pictursthat　of　myself　included　（it　was　Maryhann；　bless

her！　that　bought　it；　unbeknown　to　me）；　allall　went　to　the　ammer。

That　brootle　Fitzwarren；　my　ex…vally；　womb　I　met；　fimilliarly　slapt

me　on　the　sholder；　and　said；　'Jeames；　my　boy；　you'd　best　go　into

suvvis　aginn。'



〃I　DID　go　into　suvvisthe　wust　of　all　suvvicesI　went　into　the

Queen's　Bench　Prison；　and　lay　there　a　misrabble　captif　for　6

mortial　weeks。　　Misrabble　shall　I　say？　no；　not　misrabble

altogether；　there　was　sunlike　in　the　dunjing　of　the　pore　prisner。

I　had　visitors。　　A　cart　used　to　drive　hup　to　the　prizn　gates　of

Saturdays；　a　washywoman's　cart；　with　a　fat　old　lady　in　it；　and　a

young　one。　　Who　was　that　young　one？　　Every　one　who　has　an　art　can

gess；　it　was　my　blue…eyed　blushing　hangel　of　a　Mary　Hann！　　'Shall

we　take　him　out　in　the　linnen…basket；　grandmamma？'　Mary　Hann　said。

Bless　her；　she'd　already　learned　to　say　grandmamma　quite　natral：

but　I　didn't　go　out　that　way；　I　went　out　by　the　door　a　whitewashed

man。　　Ho；　what　a　feast　there　was　at　Healing　the　day　I　came　out！

I'd　thirteen　shillings　left　when　I'd　bought　the　gold　ring。　　I

wasn't　prowd。　　I　turned　the　mangle　for　three　weeks；　and　then　Uncle

Bill　said；　'Well；　there　IS　some　good　in　the　feller；'　and　it　was

agreed　that　we　should　marry。〃



The　Plush　manuscript　finishes　here：　it　is　many　weeks　since　we　saw

the　accomplished　writer；　and　we　have　only　just　learned　his　fate。

We　are　happy　to　state　that　it　is　a　comfortable　and　almost　a

prosperous　one。



The　Honorable　and　Right　Reverend　Lionel　Thistlewood；　Lord　Bishop　of

Bullocksmithy；　was　mentioned　as　the　uncle　of　Lady　Angelina

Silvertop。　　Her　elopement　with　her　cousin　caused　deep　emotion　to

the　venerable　prelate：　he　returned　to　the　palace　at　Bullocksmithy；

of　which　he　had　been　for　thirty　years　the　episcopal　ornament；　and

where　he　married　three　wives；　who　lie　buried　in　his　Cathedral

Church　of　St。　Boniface；　Bullocksmithy。



The　admirable　man　has　rejoined　those　whom　he　loved。　　As　he　was

preparing　a　charge　to　his　clergy　in　his　study　after　dinner；　the

Lord　Bishop　fell　suddenly　down　in　a　fit　of　apoplexy；　his　butler；

bringing　in　his　accustomed　dish　of　devilled　kidneys　for　supper；

discovered　the　venerable　form　extended　on　the　Turkey　carpet　with　a

glass　of　Madeira　in　his　hand；　but　life　was　extinct：　and　surgical

aid　was　therefore　not　particularly　useful。



All　the　late　prelate's　wives　had　fortunes；　which　the　admirable　man

increased　by　thrift；　the　judicious　sale　of　leases　which　fell　in

during　his　episcopacy；　&c。　　He　left　three　hundred　thousand　pounds

divided　between　his　nephew　and　niecenot　a　greater　sum　than　has

been　left　by　several　deceased　Irish　prelates。



What　Lord　Southdown　has　done　with　his　share　we　are　not　called　upon

to　state。　　He　has　composed　an　epitaph　to　the　Martyr　of　Bullocksmithy；

which　does　him　infinite　credit。　　But　we　are　happy　to　state　that　Lady

Angelina　Silvertop　presented　five　hundred　pounds　to　her　faithful　and

affectionate　servant；　Mary　Ann　Hoggins；　on　her　marriage　with　Mr。

James　Plush；　to　whom　her　Ladyship　also　made　a　handsome　present

namely；　the　lease；　good…will；　and　fixtures　of　the　〃Wheel　of　Fortune〃

public…house；　near　Shepherd's　Market；　May　Fair：　a　house　greatly

frequented　by　all　the　nobility's　footmen；　doing　a　genteel　stroke　of

business　in　the　neighborhood；　and　where；　as　we　have　heard；　the

〃Butlers'　Club〃　is　held。



Here　Mr。　Plush　lives　happy　in　a　blooming　and　interesting　wife：

reconciled　to　a　middle　sphere　of　life；　as　he　was　to　a　humbler

and　a　higher　one　before。　　He　has　shaved　off　his　whiskers；　and

accommodates　himself　to　an　apron　with　perfect　good　humor。　　A

gentleman　connected　with　this　establishment　dined　at　the　〃Wheel　of

Fortune〃　the　other　day；　and　collected　the　above　particulars。　　Mr。

Plush　blushed　rather；　as　he　brought　in　the　first　dish；　and　told　his

story　very　modestly　over　a　pint　of　excellent　port。　　He　had　only　one

thing　in　life　to　complain　of；　he　saidthat　a　witless　version　of

his　adventures　had　been　produced　at　the　Princess's　theatre；

〃without　with　your　leaf　or　by　your　leaf；〃　as　he　expressed　it。　　〃Has

for　the　rest；〃　the　worthy　fellow　said；　〃I'm　appypraps　betwixt　you

and　me　I'm　in　my　proper　spear。　　I　enjy　my　glass　of　beer　or　port

（with　your　elth　&　my　suvvice　to　you；　sir；）　quite　as　much　as　my

clarrit　in　my　prawsprus　days。　　I've　a　good　busniss；　which　is　likely

to　be　better。　　If　a　man　can't　be　appy　with　such　a　wife　as　my　Mary

Hann；　he's　a　beest：　and　when　a　christening　takes　place　in　our

famly；　will　you　give　my　complments　to　MR。　PUNCH；　and　ask　him　to　be

godfather。〃







LETTERS　OF　JEAMES。





JEAMES　ON　TIME　BARGINGS。





〃Peraps　at　this　present　momink　of　Railway　Hagetation　and　unsafety

the　follying　little　istory　of　a　young　friend　of　mine　may　hact　as　an

olesome　warning　to　hother　week　and　hirresolute　young　gents。



〃Young　Frederick　Timmins　was　the　horphan　son　of　a　respectable

cludgyman　in　the　West　of　Hengland。　　Hadopted　by　his　uncle；　Colonel

T；　of　the　Hoss…Mareens；　and　regardless　of　expence；　this　young

man　was　sent　to　Heaton　Collidge；　and　subsiquintly　to　Hoxford；　where

he　was　very　nearly　being　Senior　Rangler。　　He　came　to　London　to

study　for　the　lor。　　His　prospix　was　bright　indead；　and　he　lived　in

a　secknd　flore　in　Jerming　Street；　having　a　ginteal　inkum　of　two

hundred　lbs。　per　hannum。



〃With　this　andsum　enuity　it　may　be　supposed　that　Frederick　wanted

for　nothink。　　Nor　did　he。　　He　was　a　moral　and　well…educated　young

man；　who　took　care　of　his　close；　pollisht　his　hone　tea…party　boots；

cleaned　his　kidd…gloves　with　injer　rubber；　and；　when　not　invited　to

dine　out；　took　his　meals　reglar　at　the　Hoxford　and　Cambridge　Club

where　（unless　somebody　treated　him）　he　was　never　known　to　igseed

his　alf…pint　of　Marsally　Wine。



〃Merrits　and　vuttues　such　as　his　coodnt　long　pass　unperseavd　in　the

world。　　Admitted　to　the　most　fashnabble　parties；　it　wasn't　long

befor　sevral　of　the　young　ladies　viewed　him　with　a　favorable　i；

one；　ixpecially；　the　lovely　Miss　Hemily　Mulligatawney；　daughter　of

the　Heast…Injar　Derector　of　that　name。　　As　she　was　the　richest　gal

of　all　the　season；　of　corse　Frederick　fell　in　love　with　her。　　His

haspirations　were　on　the　pint　of　being　crowndid　with　success；　and

it　was　agreed　that　as　soon　as　he　was　called　to　the　bar；　when　he

would　sutnly　be　apinted　a　Judge；　or　a　revising　barrister；　or　Lord

Chanslor；　he　should　lead　her　to　the　halter。



〃What　life　could　be　more　desirable　than　Frederick's？　　He　gave　up

his　mornings　to　perfeshnl　studdy；　under　Mr。　Bluebag；　the　heminent

pleader；　he　devoted　his　hevenings　to　helegant　sosiaty　at　his　Clubb；

or　with　his　hadord　Hemily。　　He　had　no　cares；　no　detts；　no

egstravigancies；　he　never　was　known　to　ride　in　a　cabb；　unless　one

of　his　tip…top　friends　lent　it　him；　to　go　to　a　theayter　unless　he

got　a　horder；　or　to　henter　a　tavern　or　smoke　a　cigar。　　If

prosperraty　was　hever　chocked　out；　it　was　for　that　young　man。



〃But　SUCKMSTANCES　arose。　　Fatle　suckmstances　for　pore　Frederick

Timmins。　　The　Railway　Hoperations　began。



〃For　some　time；　immerst　in　lor　and　love；　in　the　hardent　hoccupations

of　his　cheembers；　or　the　sweet　sosiaty　of　his　Hemily；　Frederick　took

no　note　of　railroads。　　He　did　not　reckonize　the　jigantic　revalution

which　with　hiron　strides　was　a　walkin　over　the　country。　　But　they

began　to　be　talked　of　even　in　HIS　quiat　haunts。　Heven　in　the　Hoxford

and　Cambridge　Clubb；　fellers　were　a　speculatin。　　Tom　Thumper　（of

Brasen　Nose）　cleared　four　thousand　lb。；　Bob　Bullock　（of　Hexeter）；

who　had　lost　all　his　proppaty　gambling；　had　set　himself　up　again；

and　Jack　Deuceace；　who　had　won　it；　had　won　a　small　istate　besides

by　lucky　specklations　in　the　Share　Markit。



〃HEVERY　BODY　WON。　　'Why　shouldn't　I？'　thought　pore　Fred；　and　having

saved　100　lb。；　he　began　a　writin　for　sharesusing；　like　an

ickonominicle　feller　as　he　was；　the　Clubb　paper　to　a　prodigious

igstent。　　All　the　Railroad　directors；　his　friends；　helped　him　to

sharesthe　allottments　came　tumbling　inhe　took　the　primmiums　by

fifties　and　hundreds　a　day。　　His　desk　was　cramd　full　of　bank　notes：

his　brane　world　with　igsitement。



〃He　gave　up　going　to　the　Temple；　and　might　now　be　seen　hall　day

about　Capel　Court。　　He　took　no　more　hinterest　in　lor；　but　his　whole

talk　was　of　railroad　lines。　　His　desk　at　Mr。　Bluebag's　was　filled

full　of　prospectisises；　and　that　legal　gent　wrote　to　Fr