memories and portraits-第11章

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until　the　air　throbbed　with　them；　and　in　the　midst　of　this；　the　

manse。　　I　see　it；　by　the　standard　of　my　childish　stature；　as　a　

great　and　roomy　house。　　In　truth；　it　was　not　so　large　as　I　

supposed；　nor　yet　so　convenient；　and；　standing　where　it　did；　it　is　

difficult　to　suppose　that　it　was　healthful。　　Yet　a　large　family　of　

stalwart　sons　and　tall　daughters　were　housed　and　reared；　and　came　

to　man　and　womanhood　in　that　nest　of　little　chambers；　so　that　the　

face　of　the　earth　was　peppered　with　the　children　of　the　manse；　and　

letters　with　outlandish　stamps　became　familiar　to　the　local　

postman；　and　the　walls　of　the　little　chambers　brightened　with　the　

wonders　of　the　East。　　The　dullest　could　see　this　was　a　house　that　

had　a　pair　of　hands　in　divers　foreign　places：　a　well…beloved　house　

…　its　image　fondly　dwelt　on　by　many　travellers。



Here　lived　an　ancestor　of　mine；　who　was　a　herd　of　men。　　I　read　him；　

judging　with　older　criticism　the　report　of　childish　observation；　as　

a　man　of　singular　simplicity　of　nature；　unemotional；　and　hating　the　

display　of　what　he　felt；　standing　contented　on　the　old　ways；　a　

lover　of　his　life　and　innocent　habits　to　the　end。　　We　children　

admired　him：　partly　for　his　beautiful　face　and　silver　hair；　for　

none　more　than　children　are　concerned　for　beauty　and；　above　all；　

for　beauty　in　the　old；　partly　for　the　solemn　light　in　which　we　

beheld　him　once　a　week；　the　observed　of　all　observers；　in　the　

pulpit。　　But　his　strictness　and　distance；　the　effect；　I　now　fancy；　

of　old　age；　slow　blood；　and　settled　habit；　oppressed　us　with　a　kind　

of　terror。　　When　not　abroad；　he　sat　much　alone；　writing　sermons　or　

letters　to　his　scattered　family　in　a　dark　and　cold　room　with　a　

library　of　bloodless　books　…　or　so　they　seemed　in　those　days；　

although　I　have　some　of　them　now　on　my　own　shelves　and　like　well　

enough　to　read　them；　and　these　lonely　hours　wrapped　him　in　the　

greater　gloom　for　our　imaginations。　　But　the　study　had　a　redeeming　

grace　in　many　Indian　pictures；　gaudily　coloured　and　dear　to　young　

eyes。　　I　cannot　depict　（for　I　have　no　such　passions　now）　the　greed　

with　which　I　beheld　them；　and　when　I　was　once　sent　in　to　say　a　

psalm　to　my　grandfather；　I　went；　quaking　indeed　with　fear；　but　at　

the　same　time　glowing　with　hope　that；　if　I　said　it　well；　he　might　

reward　me　with　an　Indian　picture。



〃Thy　foot　He'll　not　let　slide；　nor　will

He　slumber　that　thee　keeps；〃



it　ran：　a　strange　conglomerate　of　the　unpronounceable；　a　sad　model　

to　set　in　childhood　before　one　who　was　himself　to　be　a　versifier；　

and　a　task　in　recitation　that　really　merited　reward。　　And　I　must　

suppose　the　old　man　thought　so　too；　and　was　either　touched　or　

amused　by　the　performance；　for　he　took　me　in　his　arms　with　most　

unwonted　tenderness；　and　kissed　me；　and　gave　me　a　little　kindly　

sermon　for　my　psalm；　so　that；　for　that　day；　we　were　clerk　and　

parson。　　I　was　struck　by　this　reception　into　so　tender　a　surprise　

that　I　forgot　my　disappointment。　　And　indeed　the　hope　was　one　of　

those　that　childhood　forges　for　a　pastime；　and　with　no　design　upon　

reality。　　Nothing　was　more　unlikely　than　that　my　grandfather　should　

strip　himself　of　one　of　those　pictures；　love…gifts　and　reminders　of　

his　absent　sons；　nothing　more　unlikely　than　that　he　should　bestow　

it　upon　me。　　He　had　no　idea　of　spoiling　children；　leaving　all　that　

to　my　aunt；　he　had　fared　hard　himself；　and　blubbered　under　the　rod　

in　the　last　century；　and　his　ways　were　still　Spartan　for　the　young。　　

The　last　word　I　heard　upon　his　lips　was　in　this　Spartan　key。　　He　

had　over…walked　in　the　teeth　of　an　east　wind；　and　was　now　near　the　

end　of　his　many　days。　　He　sat　by　the　dining…room　fire；　with　his　

white　hair；　pale　face　and　bloodshot　eyes；　a　somewhat　awful　figure；　

and　my　aunt　had　given　him　a　dose　of　our　good　old　Scotch　medicine；　

Dr。　Gregory's　powder。　　Now　that　remedy；　as　the　work　of　a　near　

kinsman　of　Rob　Roy　himself；　may　have　a　savour　of　romance　for　the　

imagination；　but　it　comes　uncouthly　to　the　palate。　　The　old　

gentleman　had　taken　it　with　a　wry　face；　and　that　being　

accomplished；　sat　with　perfect　simplicity；　like　a　child's；　munching　

a　〃barley…sugar　kiss。〃　　But　when　my　aunt；　having　the　canister　open　

in　her　hands；　proposed　to　let　me　share　in　the　sweets；　he　interfered　

at　once。　　I　had　had　no　Gregory；　then　I　should　have　no　barley…sugar　

kiss：　so　he　decided　with　a　touch　of　irritation。　　And　just　then　the　

phaeton　coming　opportunely　to　the　kitchen　door　…　for　such　was　our　

unlordly　fashion　…　I　was　taken　for　the　last　time　from　the　presence　

of　my　grandfather。



Now　I　often　wonder　what　I　have　inherited　from　this　old　minister。　　I　

must　suppose；　indeed；　that　he　was　fond　of　preaching　sermons；　and　so　

am　I；　though　I　never　heard　it　maintained　that　either　of　us　loved　to　

hear　them。　　He　sought　health　in　his　youth　in　the　Isle　of　Wight；　and　

I　have　sought　it　in　both　hemispheres；　but　whereas　he　found　and　kept　

it；　I　am　still　on　the　quest。　　He　was　a　great　lover　of　Shakespeare；　

whom　he　read　aloud；　I　have　been　told；　with　taste；　well；　I　love　my　

Shakespeare　also；　and　am　persuaded　I　can　read　him　well；　though　I　

own　I　never　have　been　told　so。　　He　made　embroidery；　designing　his　

own　patterns；　and　in　that　kind　of　work　I　never　made　anything　but　a　

kettle…holder　in　Berlin　wool；　and　an　odd　garter　of　knitting；　which　

was　as　black　as　the　chimney　before　I　had　done　with　it。　　He　loved　

port；　and　nuts；　and　porter；　and　so　do　I；　but　they　agreed　better　

with　my　grandfather；　which　seems　to　me　a　breach　of　contract。　　He　

had　chalk…stones　in　his　fingers；　and　these；　in　good　time；　I　may　

possibly　inherit；　but　I　would　much　rather　have　inherited　his　noble　

presence。　　Try　as　I　please；　I　cannot　join　myself　on　with　the　

reverend　doctor；　and　all　the　while；　no　doubt；　and　even　as　I　write　

the　phrase；　he　moves　in　my　blood；　and　whispers　words　to　me；　and　

sits　efficient　in　the　very　knot　and　centre　of　my　being。　　In　his　

garden；　as　I　played　there；　I　learned　the　love　of　mills　…　or　had　I　

an　ancestor　a　miller？　…　and　a　kindness　for　the　neighbourhood　of　

graves；　as　homely　things　not　without　their　poetry　…　or　had　I　an　

ancestor　a　sexton？　　But　what　of　the　garden　where　he　played　himself？　

…　for　that；　too；　was　a　scene　of　my　education。　　Some　part　of　me　

played　there　in　the　eighteenth　century；　and　ran　races　under　the　

green　avenue　at　Pilrig；　some　part　of　me　trudged　up　Leith　Walk；　

which　was　still　a　country　place；　and　sat　on　the　High　School　

benches；　and　was　thrashed；　perhaps；　by　Dr。　Adam。　　The　house　where　I　

spent　my　youth　was　not　yet　thought　upon；　but　we　made　holiday　

parties　among　the　cornfields　on　its　site；　and　ate　strawberries　and　

cream　near　by　at　a　gardener's。　　All　this　I　had　forgotten；　only　my　

grandfather　remembered　and　once　reminded　me。　　I　have　forgotten；　

too；　how　we　grew　up；　and　took　orders；　and　went　to　our　first　

Ayrshire　parish；　and　fell　in　love　with　and　married　a　daughter　of　

Burns's　Dr。　Smith　…　〃Smith　opens　out　his　cauld　harangues。〃　　I　have　

forgotten；　but　I　was　there　all　the　same；　and　heard　stories　of　Burns　

at　first　hand。



And　there　is　a　thing　stranger　than　all　that；　for　this　HOMUNCULUS　or　

part…man　of　mine　that　walked　about　the　eighteenth　century　with　Dr。　

Balfour　in　his　youth；　was　in　the　way　of　meeting　other　HOMUNCULOS　or　

part…men；　in　the　persons　of　my　other　ancestors。　　These　were　of　a　

lower　order；　and　doubtless　we　looked　down　upon　them　duly。　　But　as　I　

went　to　college　with　Dr。　Balfour；　I　may　have　seen　the　lamp　and　oil　

man　taking　down　the　shutters　from　his　shop　beside　the　Tron；　…　we　

may　have　had　a　rabbit…hutch　or　a　bookshelf　made　for　us　by　a　certain　

carpenter　in　I　know　not　what　wynd　of　the　old；　smoky　city；　or；　upon　

some　holiday　excursion；　we　may　have　looked　into　the　windows　of　a　

cottage　in　a　flower…garden　and　seen　a　certain　weaver　plying　his　

shuttle。　　And　these　were　all　kinsmen　of　mine　upon　the　other　side；　

and　from　the　eyes　of　the　lamp　and　oil　man　one…half　of　my　unborn　

father；　and　one…quarter　of　myself；　looked　out　upon　us　as　we　went　by　

to　college。　　Nothing　of　all　this　would　cross　the　mind　of　the　young　

student；　as　he　posted　up　the　Bridges　with　trim；　stockinged　legs；　in　

that　city　of　cocked　hats　and　good　Scotch　still　unadulterated。　　It　

would　not　cross　his　mind　that　he　should　have　a　daughter；　and　the　

lamp　and　oil　man；　just　then　beginning；　by　a　not　unnatural　

metastasis；　to　bloom　into　a　lighthouse…engineer；　should　have　a　

grandson；　and　that　these　two；　in　the　fulness　of　time；　should　wed；　

and　some　portion　of　that　student　himself　should　survive　yet　a　year　

or　two　longer　in　the　person　of　their　child。



But　our　ancestral　adventures　are　beyond　even　the　arithmetic　of　

fancy；　and　it　is　the　chief　recommendation　of　long　pedigrees；　that　

we　can　follow　backward　the　careers　of　our　HOMUNCULOS　and　be　

reminded　of　our　antenatal　lives。　　Our　conscious　years　are　but　a　

moment　in　the　history　of　the　elements　that　build　us。　　Are　you　a　

bank…clerk；　and　do　you　live　at　Peckham？　　It　was　not　always　so。　　And　

though　to…day　I　am　only　a　man　of　letters；　either　tradition　errs　or　

I　was　present　when　there　landed　at　St。　Andrews　a　French　barber…

surgeon；　to　tend　the　health　and　the　beard　of　the　great　Cardinal　

Beaton；　I　have　shaken　a　spear　in　the　Debateable　Land　and　shouted　

the　slogan　of　the　Elliots；　I　was　present　when　a　skipper；　plying　

from　Dundee；　smuggled　Jacobites　to　France　after　the　'15；　I　was　in　a　

West　India　merchant's　office；　perhaps　next　door　to　Bailie　Nicol　

Jarvie's；　and　managed　the　business　of　a　plantation　in　St。　Kitt's；　I　

was　with　my　engineer…grandfather　（the　son…in…law　of　the　lamp　and　

oil　man）　when　he　sailed　north　about　Scotland　on　the　famous　cruise　

that　gave　us　the　PIRATE　and　the　LORD　OF　THE　ISLES；　I　was　with　him；　

too；　on　the　Bell　Rock；　in　the　fog；　when　the　SMEATON　had　drifted　

from　her　moorings；　and　the　Aberdeen　men；　pick　in　hand；　had　seized　

upon　the　only　boats；　and　he　must　stoop　and　lap　sea…water　before　his　

tongue　could　utter　audible　words；　and　once　more　with　him　when　the　

Bell　Rock　beacon　took　a　〃thrawe；〃　and　his　workmen　fled　into　the　

tower；　then　nearly　finished；　and　he　sat　unmoved　reading　in　his　

Bible　…　or　affecting　to　read　…　till　one　after　another　slunk　back　

with　confusion　of　countenance　to　their　engineer。　　Yes；　parts　of　me　

have　seen　life；　and　met　adventures；　and　sometimes　met　them　well。　　

And　away　in　the　still　cloudier　past；　the　threads　that　make　me　up　

can　be　traced　by　fancy　into　the　bosoms　of　thousands　and　millions　of　

ascendants：　Picts　who　rallied　round　Macbeth　and　the　old　（and　highly　

preferable）　system　of　descent　by　females；　fleers　from　before　the　

legions　of　Agricola；　marchers　in　Pannonian　morasses；　star…gazers　on　

Chaldaean　plateaus；　and；　furthest　of　all；　what　face　is　this　that　

fancy　can　see　peering　through　the　disparted　branches？　　What　sleeper　

in　green　tree…tops；　what　muncher　of　nuts；　concludes　my　pedigree？　　

Probably　arboreal　in　his　habits。　。　。　。



And　I