the diary of an old soul(一颗衰老灵魂的日记)-第4章
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The Diary of an Old Soul
patienceneither to start nor cower。 Christ； if thou be not with usnot by
sign； But presence； actual as the wounds that bleed We shall not bear it；
but shall die indeed。
24。
O Christ； have pity on all men when they come Unto the border
haunted of dismay； When that they know not draweth very near The
other thing； the opposite of day； Formless and ghastly； sick； and gaping…
dumb； Before which even love doth lose his cheer： O radiant Christ；
remember then thy fear。
25。
Be by me； Lord； this day。 Thou know'st I mean Lord； make me mind
thee。 I herewith forestall My own forgetfulness； when I stoop to glean The
corn of earthwhich yet thy hand lets fall。 Be for me then against myself。
Oh lean Over me then when I invert my cup； Take me； if by the hair； and
lift me up。
26。
Lord of essential life； help me to die。 To will to die is one with highest
life； The mightiest act that to Will's hand doth lie Born of God's essence；
and of man's hard strife： God； give me strength my evil self to kill； And
die into the heaven of thy pure will。 Then shall this body's death be very
tolerable。
27。
As to our mothers came help in our birth Not lost in lifing us； but
saved and blest Self bearing self； although right sorely prest； Shall
nothing lose； but die and be at rest In life eternal； beyond all care and
dearth。 God…born then truly； a man does no more ill； Perfectly loves； and
has whate'er he will。
28。
As our dear animals do suffer less Because their pain spreads neither
right nor left； Lost in oblivion and foresightlessness Our suffering sore
by faith shall be bereft Of all dismay； and every weak excess。 His presence
shall be better in our pain； Than even self…absence to the weaker brain。
29。
〃Father； let this cup pass。〃 He prayedwas heard。 What cup was it that
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passed away from him？ Sure not the death…cup； now filled to the brim！
There was no quailing in the awful word； He still was king of kings； of
lords the lord： He feared lest； in the suffering waste and grim； His faith
might grow too faint and sickly dim。
30。
Thy mind； my master； I will dare explore； What we are told； that we
are meant to know。 Into thy soul I search yet more and more； Led by the
lamp of my desire and woe。 If thee； my Lord； I may not understand； I am a
wanderer in a houseless land； A weeping thirst by hot winds ever fanned。
31。
Therefore I look againand think I see That； when at last he did cry
out； 〃My God； Why hast thou me forsaken？〃 straight man's rod Was turned
aside； for； that same moment； he Cried 〃Father！〃 and gave up will and
breath and spirit Into his hands whose all he did inherit Delivered；
glorified eternally。
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APRIL。
1。
LORD； I do choose the higher than my will。 I would be handled by thy
nursing arms After thy will； not my infant alarms。 Hurt me thou wiltbut
then more loving still； If more can be and less； in love's perfect zone！ My
fancy shrinks from least of all thy harms； But do thy will with meI am
thine own。
2。
Some things wilt thou not one day turn to dreams？ Some dreams wilt
thou not one day turn to fact？ The thing that painful； more than should be；
seems； Shall not thy sliding years with them retract Shall fair realities
not counteract？ The thing that was well dreamed of bliss and joy Wilt
thou not breathe thy life into the toy？
3。
I have had dreams of absolute delight； Beyond all waking blissonly
of grass； Flowers； wind； a peak； a limb of marble white； They dwell with
me like things half come to pass； True prophecies：when I with thee am
right； If I pray； waking； for such a joy of sight； Thou with the gold； wilt not
refuse the brass。
4。
I think I shall not ever pray for such； Thy bliss will overflood my heart
and brain； And I want no unripe things back again。 Love ever fresher；
lovelier than of old How should it want its more exchanged for much？
Love will not backward sigh； but forward strain； On in the tale still telling；
never told。
5。
What has been； shall not only be； but is。 The hues of dreamland；
strange and sweet and tender Are but hint…shadows of full many a
splendour Which the high Parent…love will yet unroll Before his child's
obedient； humble soul。 Ah； me； my God！ in thee lies every bliss Whose
shadow men go hunting wearily amiss。
6。
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Now； ere I sleep； I wonder what I shall dream。 Some sense of being；
utter new； may come Into my soul while I am blind and dumb With
shapes and airs and scents which dark hours teem； Of other sort than those
that haunt the day； Hinting at precious things； ages away In the long tale of
us God to himself doth say。
7。
Late； in a dream； an unknown lady I saw Stand on a tomb； down she to
me stepped thence。 〃They tell me；〃 quoth I； 〃thou art one of the dead！〃
And scarce believed for gladness the yea she said； A strange auroral bliss；
an arctic awe； A new； outworldish joy awoke intense； To think I talked
with one that verily was dead。
8。
Thou dost demand our love； holy Lord Christ； And batest nothing of
thy modesty； Thou know'st no other way to bliss the highest Than loving
thee； the loving； perfectly。 Thou lovest perfectlythat is thy bliss： We must
love like thee； or our being miss So； to love perfectly； love perfect Love；
love thee。
9。
Here is my heart； O Christ； thou know'st I love thee。 But wretched is
the thing I call my love。 O Love divine； rise up in me and move me I
follow surely when thou first dost move。 To love the perfect love； is primal；
mere Necessity； and he who holds life dear； Must love thee every hope
and heart above。
10。
Might I but scatter interfering things Questions and doubts； distrusts
and anxious pride； And in thy garment； as under gathering wings； Nestle
obedient to thy loving side； Easy it were to love thee。 But when thou
Send'st me to think and labour from thee wide； Love falls to asking many
a why and how。
11。
Easier it were； but poorer were the love。 Lord； I would have me love
thee from the deeps Of troubled thought； of pain； of weariness。 Through
seething wastes below； billows above； My soul should rise in eager；
hungering leaps； Through thorny thicks； through sands unstable press
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Out of my dream to him who slumbers not nor sleeps。
12。
I do not fear the greatness of thy command To keep heart…open…house
to brother men； But till in thy God's love perfect I stand； My door not wide
enough will open。 Then Each man will be love…awful in my sight； And；
open to the eternal morning's might； Each human face will shine my
window for thy light。
13。
Make me all patience and all diligence； Patience； that thou mayst have
thy time with me； Diligence； that I waste not thy expense In sending out to
bring me home to thee。 What though thy work in me transcends my sense…
… Too fine； too high； for me to understand I hope entirely。 On； Lord； with
thy labour grand。
14。
Lest I be humbled at the last； and told That my great labour was but for
my peace That not for love or truth had I been bold； But merely for a
prisoned heart's release； Careful； I humble me now before thy feet：
Whate'er I be； I cry； and will not cease Let me not perish； though favour
be not meet。
15。
For； what I seek thou knowest I must find； Or miserably die for lack of
love。 I justify thee： what is in thy mind； If it be shame to me； all shame
above。 Thou know'st I choose itknow'st I would not shove The hand
away that stripped me for the rod If so it pleased my Life； my love…
made…angry God。
16。
I see a door； a multitude near by； In creed and quarrel； sure disciples all！
Gladly they would； they say； enter the hall； But cannot； the stone threshold
is so high。 》From unseen hand； full many a feeding crumb； Slow dropping
o'er the threshold high doth come： They gather and eat； with much
disputing hum。
17。
Still and anon； a loud clear voice doth call 〃Make your feet clean；
and enter so the hall。〃 They hear； they stoop； they gather each a crumb。 Oh
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the deaf people！ would they were also dumb！ Hear how they talk； and lack
of Christ deplore； Stamping with muddy feet about the door； And will not
wipe them clean to walk upon his floor！
18。
But see； one comes； he listens to the voice； Careful he wipes his weary
dusty feet！ The voice hath spokento him is left no choice； He hurries to
obeythat only is meet。 Low sinks the threshold； levelled with the ground；
The man leaps into liberty he's bound。 The rest go talking； walking；
picking round。
19。
If I； thus writing； rebuke my neighbour dull； And talk； and write； and
enter not the door； Than all the rest I wrong Christ tenfold more； Making
his gift of vision void and null。 Help me this day to be thy humble sheep；
Eating thy grass； and following； thou before； 》From wolfish lies my life；
O Shepherd； keep。
20。
God； help me； dull of heart； to trust in thee。 Thou art the father of me
not any mood Can part me from the One； the verily Good。 When fog and
failure o'er my being brood。 When life looks but a glimmering marshy
clod；
