little novels-第26章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


r　what　the　effort　cost　me；　I　must　separate　myself　at　once　and　forever　from　the　unhappy　woman　who　was　not；　who　never　could　be；　my　wife。

At　the　close　of　a　dull　foggy　day　I　set　forth　with　a　heavy　heart　to　say　the　words　which　were　to　part　us　forever。

Her　lodging　was　not　far　from　the　banks　of　the　Thames。　As　I　drew　near　the　place　the　darkness　was　gathering；　and　the　broad　surface　of　the　river　was　hidden　from　me　in　a　chill　white　mist。　I　stood　for　a　while；　with　my　eyes　fixed　on　the　vaporous　shroud　that　brooded　over　the　flowing　waterI　stood　and　asked　myself　in　despair　the　one　dreary　question：　〃What　am　I　to　say　to　her？〃

The　mist　chilled　me　to　the　bones。　I　turned　from　the　river…bank；　and　made　my　way　to　her　lodgings　hard　by。　〃It　must　be　done！〃　I　said　to　myself；　as　I　took　out　my　key　and　opened　the　house　door。

She　was　not　at　her　work；　as　usual；　when　I　entered　her　little　sitting…room。　She　was　standing　by　the　fire；　with　her　head　down　and　with　an　open　letter　in　her　hand。

The　instant　she　turned　to　meet　me；　I　saw　in　her　face　that　something　was　wrong。　Her　ordinary　manner　was　the　manner　of　an　unusually　placid　and　self…restrained　person。　Her　temperament　had　little　of　the　liveliness　which　we　associate　in　England　with　the　French　nature。　She　was　not　ready　with　her　laugh；　and　in　all　my　previous　experience；　I　had　never　yet　known　her　to　cry。　Now；　for　the　first　time；　I　saw　the　quiet　face　disturbed；　I　saw　tears　in　the　pretty　brown　eyes。　She　ran　to　meet　me；　and　laid　her　head　on　my　breast；　and　burst　into　a　passionate　fit　of　weeping　that　shook　her　from　head　to　foot。

Could　she　by　any　human　possibility　have　heard　of　the　coming　change　in　my　life？　Was　she　aware；　before　I　had　opened　my　lips；　of　the　hard　necessity　which　had　brought　me　to　the　house？

It　was　simply　impossible；　the　thing　could　not　be。

I　waited　until　her　first　burst　of　emotion　had　worn　itself　out。　Then　I　askedwith　an　uneasy　conscience；　with　a　sinking　heartwhat　had　happened　to　distress　her。

She　drew　herself　away　from　me；　sighing　heavily；　and　gave　me　the　open　letter　which　I　had　seen　in　her　hand。

〃Read　that；〃　she　said。　〃And　remember　I　told　you　what　might　happen　when　we　first　met。〃

I　read　the　letter。

It　was　signed　in　initials　only；　but　the　writer　plainly　revealed　himself　as　the　man　who　had　deserted　her。　He　had　repented；　he　had　returned　to　her。　In　proof　of　his　penitence　he　was　willing　to　do　her　the　justice　which　he　had　hitherto　refusedhe　was　willing　to　marry　her；　on　the　condition　that　she　would　engage　to　keep　the　marriage　a　secret；　so　long　as　his　parents　lived。　Submitting　this　proposal；　he　waited　to　know　whether　she　would　consent；　on　her　side；　to　forgive　and　forget。

I　gave　her　back　the　letter　in　silence。　This　unknown　rival　had　done　me　the　service　of　paving　the　way　for　our　separation。　In　offering　her　the　atonement　of　marriage；　he　had　made　it；　on　my　part；　a　matter　of　duty　to　_her_；　as　well　as　to　myself；　to　say　the　parting　words。　I　felt　this　instantly。　And　yet；　I　hated　him　for　helping　me。

She　took　my　hand；　and　led　me　to　the　sofa。　We　sat　down；　side　by　side。　Her　face　was　composed　to　a　sad　tranquillity。　She　was　quiet；　she　was　herself　again。

〃I　have　refused　to　see　him；　she　said；　〃until　I　had　first　spoken　to　you。　You　have　read　his　letter。　What　do　you　say？〃

I　could　make　but　one　answer。　It　was　my　duty　to　tell　her　what　my　own　position　was　in　the　plainest　terms。　I　did　my　dutyleaving　her　free　to　decide　on　the　future　for　herself。　Those　sad　words　said；　it　was　useless　to　prolong　the　wretchedness　of　our　separation。　I　rose；　and　took　her　hand　for　the　last　time。

I　see　her　again　now；　at　that　final　moment；　as　plainly　as　if　it　had　happened　yesterday。　She　had　been　suffering　from　an　affection　of　the　throat；　and　she　had　a　white　silk　handkerchief　tied　loosely　round　her　neck。　She　wore　a　simple　dress　of　purple　merino；　with　a　black…silk　apron　over　it。　Her　face　was　deadly　pale；　her　fingers　felt　icily　cold　as　they　closed　round　my　hand。

〃Promise　me　one　thing；〃　I　said；　〃before　I　go。　While　I　live；　I　am　your　friendif　I　am　nothing　more。　If　you　are　ever　in　trouble；　promise　that　you　will　let　me　know　it。〃

She　started；　and　drew　back　from　me　as　if　I　had　struck　her　with　a　sudden　terror。

〃Strange！'　she　said；　speaking　to　herself。　〃_He_　feels　as　I　feel。　He　is　afraid　of　what　may　happen　to　me；　in　my　life　to　come。〃

I　attempted　to　reassure　her。　I　tried　to　tell　her　what　was　indeed　the　truththat　I　had　only　been　thinking　of　the　ordinary　chances　and　changes　of　life；　when　I　spoke。

She　paid　no　heed　to　me；　she　came　back　and　put　her　hands　on　my　shoulders　and　thoughtfully　and　sadly　looked　up　in　my　face。

〃My　mind　is　not　your　mind　in　this　matter；〃　she　said。　〃I　once　owned　to　you　that　I　had　my　forebodings；　when　we　first　spoke　of　this　man's　return。　I　may　tell　you　now；　more　than　I　told　you　then。　I　believe　I　shall　die　young；　and　die　miserably。　If　I　am　right；　have　you　interest　enough　still　left　in　me　to　wish　to　hear　of　it？〃

She　paused；　shudderingand　added　these　startling　words：

〃You　_shall_　hear　of　it。〃

The　tone　of　steady　conviction　in　which　she　spoke　alarmed　and　distressed　me。　My　face　showed　her　how　deeply　and　how　painfully　I　was　affected。

〃There；　there！〃　she　said；　returning　to　her　natural　manner；　〃don't　take　what　I　say　too　seriously。　A　poor　girl　who　has　led　a　lonely　life　like　mine　thinks　strangely　and　talks　strangelysometimes。　Yes；　I　give　you　my　promise。　If　I　am　ever　in　trouble；　I　will　let　you　know　it。　God　bless　youyou　have　been　very　kind　to　megood…by！〃

A　tear　dropped　on　my　face　as　she　kissed　me。　The　door　closed　between　us。　The　dark　street　received　me。

It　was　raining　heavily。　I　looked　up　at　her　window；　through　the　drifting　shower。　The　curtains　were　parted：　she　was　standing　in　the　gap；　dimly　lit　by　the　lamp　on　the　table　behind　her；　waiting　for　our　last　look　at　each　other。　Slowly　lifting　her　hand；　she　waved　her　farewell　at　the　window；　with　the　unsought　native　grace　which　had　charmed　me　on　the　night　when　we　first　met。　The　curtain　fell　againshe　disappearednothing　was　before　me；　nothing　was　round　me；　but　the　darkness　and　the　night。

V。

IN　two　years　from　that　time；　I　had　redeemed　the　promise　given　to　my　mother　on　her　deathbed。　I　had　entered　the　Church。

My　father's　interest　made　my　first　step　in　my　new　profession　an　easy　one。　After　serving　my　preliminary　apprenticeship　as　a　curate；　I　was　appointed；　before　I　was　thirty　years　of　age；　to　a　living　in　the　West　of　England。

My　new　benefice　offered　me　every　advantage　that　I　could　possibly　desirewith　the　one　exception　of　a　sufficient　income。　Although　my　wants　were　few；　and　although　I　was　still　an　unmarried　man；　I　found　it　desirable；　on　many　accounts；　to　add　to　my　resources。　Following　the　example　of　other　young　clergymen　in　my　position；　I　det　ermined　to　receive　pupils　who　might　stand　in　need　of　preparation　for　a　career　at　the　Universities。　My　relatives　exerted　themselves；　and　my　good　fortune　still　befriended　me。　I　obtained　two　pupils　to　start　with。　A　third　would　complete　the　number　which　I　was　at　present　prepared　to　receive。　In　course　of　time；　this　third　pupil　made　his　appearance；　under　circumstances　sufficiently　remarkable　to　merit　being　mentioned　in　detail。

It　was　the　summer　vacation；　and　my　two　pupils　had　gone　home。　Thanks　to　a　neighboring　clergyman；　who　kindly　undertook　to　perform　my　duties　for　me；　I　too　obtained　a　fortnight's　holiday；　which　I　spent　at　my　father's　house　in　London。

During　my　sojourn　in　the　metropolis；　I　was　offered　an　opportunity　of　preaching　in　a　church；　made　famous　by　the　eloquence　of　one　of　the　popular　pulpit…orators　of　our　time。　In　accepting　the　proposal；　I　felt　naturally　anxious　to　do　my　best；　before　the　unusually　large　and　unusually　intelligent　congregation　which　would　be　assembled　to　hear　me。

At　the　period　of　which　I　am　now　speaking；　all　England　had　been　startled　by　the　discovery　of　a　terrible　crime；　perpetrated　under　circumstances　of　extreme　provocation。　I　chose　this　crime　as　the　main　subject　of　my　sermon。　Admitting　that　the　best　among　us　were　frail　mortal　creatures；　subject　to　evil　promptings　and　provocations　like　the　worst　among　us；　my　object　was　to　show　how　a　Christian　man　may　find　his　certain　refuge　from　temptation　in　the　safeguards　of　his　religion。　I　dwelt　minutely　on　the　hardship　of　the　Christian's　first　struggle　to　resist　the　evil　influenceon　the　help　which　his　Christianity　inexhaustibly　held　out　to　him　in　the　worst　relapses　of　the　weaker　and　viler　part　of　his　natureon　the　steady　and　certain　gain　which　was　the　ultimate　reward　of　his　faith　and　his　firmnessand　on　the　blessed　sense　of　peace　and　happiness　which　accompanied　the　final　triumph。　Preaching　to　this　effect；　with　the　fervent　conviction　which　I　really　felt；　I　may　say　for　myself；　at　least；　that　I　did　no　discredit　to　the　choice　which　had　placed　me　in　the　pulpit。　I　held　the　attention　of　my　congregation；　from　the　first　word　to　the　last。

While　I　was　resting　in　the　vestry　on　the　conclusion　of　the　service；　a　note　was　brought　to　me　written　in　pencil。　A　member　of　my　congregationa　gentlemanwished　to　see　me；　on　a　matter　of　considerable　importance　to　himself。　He　would　call　on　me　at　any　place；　and　at　any　hour；　which　I　might　choose　to　appoint。　If　I　wished　to　be　satisfied　of　his　respectability；　he　would　beg　leave　to　refer　me　to　his　father；　with　whose　name　I　might　possibly　be　acquainted。

The　name　given　in　the　reference　was　undoubtedly　familiar　to　me；　as　the　name　of　a　man　of　some　celebrity　and　influence　in　the　world　of　London。　I　sent　back　my　card；　appointing　an　hour　for　the　visit　of　my　correspondent　on　the　afternoon　of　the　next　day。

VI。

THE　stranger　made　his　appearance　punctually。　I　guessed　him　to　be　some　two　or　three　years　younger　than　myself。　He　was　undeniably　handsome；　his　manners　were　the　manners　of　a　gentlemanand　yet；　without　knowing　why；　I　felt　a　strong　dislike　to　him　the　moment　he　entered　the　room。

After　the　first　preliminary　words　of　politeness　had　been　exchanged　between　us；　my　visitor　informed　me　as　follows　of　the　object　which　he　had　in　view。

〃I　believe　you　live　in　the　country；　sir？〃　he　began。

〃I　live　in　the　West　of　England；〃　I　answered。

〃Do　you　make　a　long　stay　in　London？〃

〃No。　I　go　back　to　my　rectory　to…morrow。〃

〃May　I　ask　if　you　take　pupils？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Have　you　any　vacancy？〃

〃I　have　one　vacancy。〃

〃Would　you　object　to　let　me　go　back　with　you　to…morrow；　as　your　pupil？〃

The　abruptness　of　the　proposal　took　me　by　surprise。　I　hesitated。

In　the　first　place　（as　I　have　already　said）；　I　disliked　him。　In　the　second　place；　he　was　too　old　to　be　a　fit　companion　for　my　other　two　pupilsboth　lads　in　their　teens。　In　the　third　place；　he　had　asked　me　to　receive　him　at　least　three　weeks　before　the　vacation　came　to　an　end。　I　had　my　own　pursuits　and　amusements　in　prospect　during　that　interval；　and　saw　no　reason　why　I　should　inconvenience　myself　by　setting　them　aside。

He　noticed　my　hesitation；　and　did　not　conceal　from　me　that　I　had　disappointed　him。

〃I　have　it　very　much　at　heart；〃　he　said；　〃to　repair　without　delay　the　time　that　I　have　lost。　My　age　is　against　me；　I　know。　The　truth　isI　have　wasted　my　opportunities　since　I　left　school；　and　I　am　anxious；　honestly　anxious；　to　mend　my　ways；　before　it　is　too　late。　I　wish　to　prepare　myself　for　one　of　the　UniversitiesI　wish　to　show；　if　I　can；　that　I　am　not　quite　unworthy　to　inherit　my　father's　famous　n