50 bab ballads-第3章
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And so I simply said：
〃Oh； elderly man； it's little I know
Of the duties of men of the sea；
And I'll eat my hand if I understand
However you can be
〃At once a cook； and a captain bold；
And the mate of the NANCY brig；
And a bo'sun tight； and a midshipmite；
And the crew of the captain's gig。〃
Then he gave a hitch to his trousers； which
Is a trick all seamen larn；
And having got rid of a thumping quid；
He spun this painful yarn：
〃'Twas in the good ship NANCY BELL
That we sailed to the Indian Sea；
And there on a reef we come to grief；
Which has often occurred to me。
〃And pretty nigh all the crew was drowned
（There was seventy…seven o' soul）；
And only ten of the NANCY'S men
Said 'Here！' to the muster…roll。
〃There was me and the cook and the captain bold；
And the mate of the NANCY brig；
And the bo'sun tight； and a midshipmite；
And the crew of the captain's gig。
〃For a month we'd neither wittles nor drink；
Till a…hungry we did feel；
So we drawed a lot； and； accordin' shot
The captain for our meal。
〃The next lot fell to the NANCY'S mate；
And a delicate dish he made；
Then our appetite with the midshipmite
We seven survivors stayed。
〃And then we murdered the bo'sun tight；
And he much resembled pig；
Then we wittled free； did the cook and me；
On the crew of the captain's gig。
〃Then only the cook and me was left；
And the delicate question； 'Which
Of us two goes to the kettle？' arose；
And we argued it out as sich。
〃For I loved that cook as a brother； I did；
And the cook he worshipped me；
But we'd both be blowed if we'd either be stowed
In the other chap's hold； you see。
〃'I'll be eat if you dines off me；' says TOM；
'Yes； that；' says I； 'you'll be； …
'I'm boiled if I die； my friend；' quoth I；
And 'Exactly so；' quoth he。
〃Says he； 'Dear JAMES； to murder me
Were a foolish thing to do；
For don't you see that you can't cook ME；
While I can … and will … cook YOU！'
〃So he boils the water； and takes the salt
And the pepper in portions true
（Which he never forgot）； and some chopped shalot。
And some sage and parsley too。
〃'Come here；' says he； with a proper pride；
Which his smiling features tell；
''T will soothing be if I let you see
How extremely nice you'll smell。'
〃And he stirred it round and round and round；
And he sniffed at the foaming froth；
When I ups with his heels； and smothers his squeals
In the scum of the boiling broth。
〃And I eat that cook in a week or less；
And … as I eating be
The last of his chops； why； I almost drops；
For a wessel in sight I see！
* * * *
〃And I never larf； and I never smile；
And I never lark nor play；
But sit and croak； and a single joke
I have … which is to say：
〃Oh； I am a cook and a captain bold；
And the mate of the NANCY brig；
And a bo'sun tight； and a midshipmite；
And the crew of the captain's gig！'〃
Ballad： THE BISHOP OF RUM…TI…FOO。
FROM east and south the holy clan
Of Bishops gathered to a man；
To Synod； called Pan…Anglican；
In flocking crowds they came。
Among them was a Bishop； who
Had lately been appointed to
The balmy isle of Rum…ti…Foo；
And PETER was his name。
His people … twenty…three in sum …
They played the eloquent tum…tum；
And lived on scalps served up； in rum …
The only sauce they knew。
When first good BISHOP PETER came
（For PETER was that Bishop's name）；
To humour them； he did the same
As they of Rum…ti…Foo。
His flock； I've often heard him tell；
（His name was PETER） loved him well；
And； summoned by the sound of bell；
In crowds together came。
〃Oh； massa； why you go away？
Oh； MASSA PETER； please to stay。〃
（They called him PETER； people say；
Because it was his name。）
He told them all good boys to be；
And sailed away across the sea；
At London Bridge that Bishop he
Arrived one Tuesday night；
And as that night he homeward strode
To his Pan…Anglican abode；
He passed along the Borough Road；
And saw a gruesome sight。
He saw a crowd assembled round
A person dancing on the ground；
Who straight began to leap and bound
With all his might and main。
To see that dancing man he stopped；
Who twirled and wriggled； skipped and hopped；
Then down incontinently dropped；
And then sprang up again。
The Bishop chuckled at the sight。
〃This style of dancing would delight
A simple Rum…ti…Foozleite。
I'll learn it if I can；
To please the tribe when I get back。〃
He begged the man to teach his knack。
〃Right Reverend Sir； in half a crack！
Replied that dancing man。
The dancing man he worked away；
And taught the Bishop every day …
The dancer skipped like any fay …
Good PETER did the same。
The Bishop buckled to his task；
With BATTEMENTS； and PAS DE BASQUE。
（I'll tell you； if you care to ask；
That PETER was his name。）
〃Come； walk like this；〃 the dancer said；
〃Stick out your toes … stick in your head；
Stalk on with quick； galvanic tread …
Your fingers thus extend；
The attitude's considered quaint。〃
The weary Bishop； feeling faint；
Replied； 〃I do not say it ain't；
But 'Time！' my Christian friend！〃
〃We now proceed to something new …
Dance as the PAYNES and LAURIS do；
Like this … one； two … one； two … one； two。〃
The Bishop； never proud；
But in an overwhelming heat
（His name was PETER； I repeat）
Performed the PAYNE and LAURI feat；
And puffed his thanks aloud。
Another game the dancer planned …
〃Just take your ankle in your hand；
And try； my lord； if you can stand …
Your body stiff and stark。
If； when revisiting your see；
You learnt to hop on shore … like me …
The novelty would striking be；
And must attract remark。〃
〃No；〃 said the worthy Bishop； 〃no；
That is a length to which； I trow；
Colonial Bishops cannot go。
You may express surprise
At finding Bishops deal in pride …
But if that trick I ever tried；
I should appear undignified
In Rum…ti…Foozle's eyes。
〃The islanders of Rum…ti…Foo
Are well…conducted persons； who
Approve a joke as much as you；
And laugh at it as such；
But if they saw their Bishop land；
His leg supported in his hand；
The joke they wouldn't understand …
'T would pain them very much！〃
Ballad： THE PRECOCIOUS BABY。 A VERY TRUE TALE。
（TO BE SUNG TO THE AIR OF THE 〃WHISTLING OYSTER。〃）
AN elderly person … a prophet by trade …
With his quips and tips
On withered old lips；
He married a young and a beautiful maid；
The cunning old blade！
Though rather decayed；
He married a beautiful； beautiful maid。
She was only eighteen； and as fair as could be；
With her tempting smiles
And maidenly wiles；
And he was a trifle past seventy…three：
Now what she could see
Is a puzzle to me；
In a prophet of seventy … seventy…three！
Of all their acquaintances bidden （or bad）
With their loud high jinks
And underbred winks；
None thought they'd a family have … but they had；
A dear little lad
Who drove 'em half mad；
For he turned out a horribly fast little cad。
For when he was born he astonished all by；
With their 〃Law； dear me！〃
〃Did ever you see？〃
He'd a pipe in his mouth and a glass in his eye；
A hat all awry …
An octagon tie …
And a miniature … miniature glass in his eye。
He grumbled at wearing a frock and a cap；
With his 〃Oh； dear； oh！〃
And his 〃Hang it！ 'oo know！〃
And he turned up his nose at his excellent pap …
〃My friends； it's a tap
Dat is not worf a rap。〃
（Now this was remarkably excellent pap。）
He'd chuck his nurse under the chin； and he'd say；
With his 〃Fal； lal； lal〃 …
〃'Oo doosed fine gal！〃
This shocking precocity drove 'em away：
〃A month from to…day
Is as long as I'll stay …
Then I'd wish； if you please； for to toddle away。〃
His father； a simple old gentleman； he
With nursery rhyme
And 〃Once on a time；〃
Would tell him the story of 〃Little Bo…P；〃
〃So pretty was she；
So pretty and wee；
As pretty； as pretty； as pretty could be。〃
But the babe； with a dig that would startle an ox；
With his 〃C'ck！ Oh； my！ …
Go along wiz 'oo； fie！〃
Would exclaim； 〃I'm afraid 'oo a socking ole fox。〃
Now a father it shocks；
And it whitens his locks；
When his little babe calls him a shocking old fox。
The name of his father he'd couple and pair
（With his ill…bred laugh；
And insolent chaff）
With those of the nursery heroines rare …
Virginia the Fair；
Or Good Goldenhair；
Till the nuisance was more than a prophet could bear。
〃There's Jill and White Cat〃 （said the bold little brat；
With his loud； 〃Ha； ha！〃）
〃'Oo sly ickle Pa！
Wiz 'oo Beauty； Bo…Peep； and 'oo Mrs。 Jack Sprat！
I've noticed 'oo pat
MY pretty White Cat …
I sink dear mamma ought to know about dat！〃
He early determined to marry and wive；
For better or worse
With his elderly nurse …
Which the poor little boy didn't live to contrive：
His hearth didn't thrive …
No longer alive；
He died an enfeebled old dotard at five！
MORAL。
Now； elderly men of the bachelor crew；
With wrinkled hose
And spectacled nose；
Don't marry at all … you may take it as true
If ever you do
The step you will rue；
For your babes will be elderly … elderly too。
Ballad： TO PHOEBE。 （2）
〃GENTLE； modest little flower；
Sweet epitome of May；
Love me but for half an hour；
Love me； love me； little fay。〃
Sentences so fiercely flaming
In your tiny shell…like ear；
I should always be exclaiming
If I loved you； PHOEBE dear。
〃Smiles that thrill from any distance
Shed upon me while I sing！
Please ecstaticize existence；
Love me； oh； thou fairy thing！〃
Words like these； outpouring sadly
You'd perpetually hear；
If I loved you fondly； madly； …
But I do not； PHOEBE dear。
Ballad： BAINES CAREW； GENTLEMAN。
OF all the good attorneys who
Have placed their names upon the roll；
But few could equal BAINES CAREW
For tender…heartedness and soul。
Whene'er he heard a tale of woe
From client A or client B；
His grief would overcome him so
He'd scarce have strength to take his fee。
It laid him up for many days；
When duty led him to distrain；
And serving writs； although it pays；
Gave him excruciating pain。
He made out costs； distrained for rent；
Foreclosed and sued； with moistened eye …
No bill of costs could represent
The value of such sympathy。
No charges can approximate
The worth of sympathy with woe； …
Although I think I ought to state
He did his best to make them so。
Of all the many clients who
Had mustered round his legal flag；
No single client of the crew
Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGG。
Now； CAPTAIN BAGG had bowed him to
A heavy matrimonial yoke …
His wifey had of faults a few …
She never could resist a
