50 bab ballads-第14章
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Fall down in terror on the peats！
Old PETER walks through wind and rain；
Resolved to train； and train； and train；
Until he weighs twelve stone' or so …
And when he does； I'll let you know。
Ballad： THE MYSTIC SELVAGEE。
PERHAPS already you may know
SIR BLENNERHASSET PORTICO？
A Captain in the Navy； he …
A Baronet and K。C。B。
You do？ I thought so！
It was that Captain's favourite whim
（A notion not confined to him）
That RODNEY was the greatest tar
Who ever wielded capstan…bar。
He had been taught so。
〃BENBOW！ CORNWALLIS！ HOOD！ … Belay！
Compared with RODNEY〃 … he would say …
〃No other tar is worth a rap！
The great LORD RODNEY was the chap
The French to polish！
〃Though； mind you； I respect LORD HOOD；
CORNWALLIS； too； was rather good；
BENBOW could enemies repel；
LORD NELSON； too； was pretty well …
That is； tol…lol…ish！〃
SIR BLENNERHASSET spent his days
In learning RODNEY'S little ways；
And closely imitated； too；
His mode of talking to his crew …
His port and paces。
An ancient tar he tried to catch
Who'd served in RODNEY'S famous batch；
But since his time long years have fled；
And RODNEY'S tars are mostly dead：
EHEU FUGACES！
But after searching near and far；
At last he found an ancient tar
Who served with RODNEY and his crew
Against the French in 'Eighty…two；
（That gained the peerage）。
He gave him fifty pounds a year；
His rum； his baccy； and his beer；
And had a comfortable den
Rigged up in what； by merchantmen；
Is called the steerage。
〃Now； JASPER〃 … 't was that sailor's name …
〃Don't fear that you'll incur my blame
By saying； when it seems to you；
That there is anything I do
That RODNEY wouldn't。〃
The ancient sailor turned his quid；
Prepared to do as he was bid：
〃Ay； ay； yer honour； to begin；
You've done away with 'swifting in' …
Well； sir； you shouldn't！
〃Upon your spars I see you've clapped
Peak halliard blocks； all iron…capped。
I would not christen that a crime；
But 'twas not done in RODNEY'S time。
It looks half…witted！
Upon your maintop…stay； I see；
You always clap a selvagee！
Your stays； I see； are equalized …
No vessel； such as RODNEY prized；
Would thus be fitted！
〃And RODNEY； honoured sir； would grin
To see you turning deadeyes in；
Not UP； as in the ancient way；
But downwards； like a cutter's stay …
You didn't oughter；
Besides； in seizing shrouds on board；
Breast backstays you have quite ignored；
Great RODNEY kept unto the last
Breast backstays on topgallant mast …
They make it tauter。〃
SIR BLENNERHASSET 〃swifted in；〃
Turned deadeyes up； and lent a fin
To strip （as told by JASPER KNOX）
The iron capping from his blocks；
Where there was any。
SIR BLENNERHASSET does away；
With selvagees from maintop…stay；
And though it makes his sailors stare；
He rigs breast backstays everywhere …
In fact； too many。
One morning； when the saucy craft
Lay calmed； old JASPER toddled aft。
〃My mind misgives me； sir； that we
Were wrong about that selvagee …
I should restore it。〃
〃Good；〃 said the Captain； and that day
Restored it to the maintop…stay。
Well…practised sailors often make
A much more serious mistake；
And then ignore it。
Next day old JASPER came once more：
〃I think； sir； I was right before。〃
Well； up the mast the sailors skipped；
The selvagee was soon unshipped；
And all were merry。
Again a day； and JASPER came：
〃I p'r'aps deserve your honour's blame；
I can't make up my mind；〃 said he；
〃About that cursed selvagee …
It's foolish … very。
〃On Monday night I could have sworn
That maintop…stay it should adorn；
On Tuesday morning I could swear
That selvagee should not be there。
The knot's a rasper！〃
〃Oh； you be hanged；〃 said CAPTAIN P。；
〃Here； go ashore at Caribbee。
Get out … good bye … shove off … all right！〃
Old JASPER soon was out of sight …
Farewell； old JASPER！
Ballad： PHRENOLOGY。
〃COME； collar this bad man …
Around the throat he knotted me
Till I to choke began …
In point of fact； garotted me！〃
So spake SIR HERBERT WRITE
To JAMES； Policeman Thirty…two …
All ruffled with his fight
SIR HERBERT was； and dirty too。
Policeman nothing said
（Though he had much to say on it）；
But from the bad man's head
He took the cap that lay on it。
〃No； great SIR HERBERT WHITE …
Impossible to take him up。
This man is honest quite …
Wherever did you rake him up？
〃For Burglars； Thieves； and Co。；
Indeed； I'm no apologist；
But I； some years ago；
Assisted a Phrenologist。
〃Observe his various bumps；
His head as I uncover it：
His morals lie in lumps
All round about and over it。〃
〃Now take him；〃 said SIR WHITE；
〃Or you will soon be rueing it；
Bless me！ I must be right； …
I caught the fellow doing it！〃
Policeman calmly smiled；
〃Indeed you are mistaken； sir；
You're agitated … riled …
And very badly shaken； sir。
〃Sit down； and I'll explain
My system of Phrenology；
A second； please； remain〃 …
（A second is horology）。
Policeman left his beat …
（The Bart。； no longer furious；
Sat down upon a seat；
Observing； 〃This is curious！〃）
〃Oh； surely； here are signs
Should soften your rigidity：
This gentleman combines
Politeness with timidity。
〃Of Shyness here's a lump …
A hole for Animosity …
And like my fist his bump
Of Impecuniosity。
〃Just here the bump appears
Of Innocent Hilarity；
And just behind his ears
Are Faith； and Hope； and Charity。
He of true Christian ways
As bright example sent us is …
This maxim he obeys；
'SORTE TUA CONTENTUS SIS。'
〃There； let him go his ways；
He needs no stern admonishing。〃
The Bart。； in blank amaze；
Exclaimed； 〃This is astonishing！
〃I MUST have made a mull；
This matter I've been blind in it：
Examine； please； MY skull；
And tell me what you find in it。〃
That Crusher looked； and said；
With unimpaired urbanity；
〃SIR HERBERT； you've a head
That teems with inhumanity。
〃Here's Murder； Envy； Strife
（Propensity to kill any）；
And Lies as large as life；
And heaps of Social Villany。
〃Here's Love of Bran…New Clothes；
Embezzling … Arson … Deism …
A taste for Slang and Oaths；
And Fraudulent Trusteeism。
〃Here's Love of Groundless Charge …
Here's Malice； too； and Trickery；
Unusually large
Your bump of Pocket…Pickery … 〃
〃Stop！〃 said the Bart。； 〃my cup
Is full … I'm worse than him in all；
Policeman； take me up …
No doubt I am some criminal！〃
That Pleeceman's scorn grew large
（Phrenology had nettled it）；
He took that Bart。 in charge …
I don't know how they settled it。
Ballad： THE FAIRY CURATE。
ONCE a fairy
Light and airy
Married with a mortal；
Men； however；
Never； never
Pass the fairy portal。
Slyly stealing；
She to Ealing
Made a daily journey；
There she found him；
Clients round him
（He was an attorney）。
Long they tarried；
Then they married。
When the ceremony
Once was ended；
Off they wended
On their moon of honey。
Twelvemonth； maybe；
Saw a baby
（Friends performed an orgie）。
Much they prized him；
And baptized him
By the name of GEORGIE；
GEORGIE grew up；
Then he flew up
To his fairy mother。
Happy meeting …
Pleasant greeting …
Kissing one another。
〃Choose a calling
Most enthralling；
I sincerely urge ye。〃
〃Mother；〃 said he
（Rev'rence made he）；
〃I would join the clergy。
〃Give permission
In addition …
Pa will let me do it：
There's a living
In his giving …
He'll appoint me to it。
Dreams of coff'ring；
Easter off'ring；
Tithe and rent and pew…rate；
So inflame me
（Do not blame me）；
That I'll be a curate。〃
She； with pleasure；
Said； 〃My treasure；
'T is my wish precisely。
Do your duty；
There's a beauty；
You have chosen wisely。
Tell your father
I would rather
As a churchman rank you。
You； in clover；
I'll watch over。〃
GEORGIE said； 〃Oh； thank you！〃
GEORGIE scudded；
Went and studied；
Made all preparations；
And with credit
（Though he said it）
Passed examinations。
（Do not quarrel
With him； moral；
Scrupulous digestions …
'Twas his mother；
And no other；
Answered all the questions。）
Time proceeded；
Little needed
GEORGIE admonition：
He； elated；
Vindicated
Clergyman's position。
People round him
Always found him
Plain and unpretending；
Kindly teaching；
Plainly preaching；
All his money lending。
So the fairy；
Wise and wary；
Felt no sorrow rising …
No occasion
For persuasion；
Warning； or advising。
He； resuming
Fairy pluming
（That's not English； is it？）
Oft would fly up；
To the sky up；
Pay mamma a visit。
* * * * * * * *
Time progressing；
GEORGIE'S blessing
Grew more Ritualistic …
Popish scandals；
Tonsures … sandals …
Genuflections mystic；
Gushing meetings …
Bosom…beatings …
Heavenly ecstatics …
Broidered spencers …
Copes and censers …
Rochets and dalmatics。
This quandary
Vexed the fairy …
Flew she down to Ealing。
〃GEORGIE； stop it！
Pray you； drop it；
Hark to my appealing：
To this foolish
Papal rule…ish
Twaddle put an ending；
This a swerve is
From our Service
Plain and unpretending。〃
He； replying；
Answered； sighing；
Hawing； hemming； humming；
〃It's a pity …
They're so pritty；
Yet in mode becoming；
Mother tender；
I'll surrender …
I'll be unaffected … 〃
But his Bishop
Into HIS shop
Entered unexpected！
〃Who is this； sir； …
Ballet miss； sir？〃
Said the Bishop coldly。
〃'T is my mother；
And no other；〃
GEORGIE answered boldly。
〃Go along； sir！
You are wrong； sir；
You have years in plenty；
While this hussy
（Gracious mussy！）
Isn't two and twenty！〃
（Fairies clever
Never； never
Grow in visage older；
And the fairy；
All unwary；
Leant upon his shoulder！）
Bishop grieved him；
Disbelieved him；
GEORGE the point grew warm on；
Changed religion；
Like a pigeon； （14）
And became a Mormon！
Ballad： THE WAY OF WOOING。
A MAIDEN sat at her window wide；
Pretty enough for a Prince's bride；
Yet nobody came to claim her。
She sat like a beautiful picture there；
With pretty bluebells and roses fair；
And jasmine…leaves to frame her。
And why she sat there nobody knows；
But this she sang as she plucked a rose；
The leaves around her strewing：
〃I've time to lose and power to choose；
'T is not so much the gallant who woos；
But the gallant's WAY of wooing！〃
A lover came riding by awhile；
A wealthy lover was he； whose smile
Some maids would value greatly …
A formal lover； who bowed and bent；
With many a high…flown compliment；
And cold demeanour stately；
〃You've still；〃 s
