stories by english authors in germany(旅德英国作家的故事)-第19章
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nothing in the cabinet； and time was on the wing。 But the closeness of the
occupation sobered him。 With the tail of his eye he saw the dooreven
glanced at it from time to time directly； like a besieged commander
pleased to verify the good estate of his defences。 But in truth he was at
peace。 The rain falling in the street sounded natural and pleasant。 Presently；
on the other side； the notes of a piano were wakened to the music of a
hymn； and the voices of many children took up the air and words。 How
stately； how comfortable was the melody！ How fresh the youthful voices！
Markheim gave ear to it smilingly； as he sorted out the keys； and his mind
was thronged with answerable ideas and images： church…going children；
and the pealing of the high organ； children afield； bathers by the brookside；
ramblers on the brambly common； kite…flyers in the windy and cloud…
navigated sky； and then； at another cadence of the hymn； back again to
church； and the somnolence of summer Sundays； and the high genteel
voice of the parson （which he smiled a little to recall） and the painted
Jacobean tombs； and the dim lettering of the Ten Commandments in the
chancel。
And as he sat thus； at once busy and absent； he was startled to his feet。
A flash of ice； a flash of fire； a bursting gush of blood； went over him； and
then he stood transfixed and thrilling。 A step mounted the stair slowly and
steadily； and presently a hand was laid upon the knob； and the lock clicked；
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and the door opened。
Fear held Markheim in a vice。 What to expect he knew notwhether
the dead man walking； or the official ministers of human justice； or some
chance witness blindly stumbling in to consign him to the gallows。 But
when a face was thrust into the aperture； glanced round the room； looked
at him； nodded and smiled as if in friendly recognition； and then withdrew
again； and the door closed behind it； his fear broke loose from his control
in a hoarse cry。 At the sound of this the visitant returned。
〃Did you call me？〃 he asked； pleasantly； and with that he entered the
room and closed the door behind him。
Markheim stood and gazed at him with all his eyes。 Perhaps there was
a film upon his sight； but the outlines of the new comer seemed to change
and waver like those of the idols in the wavering candle…light of the shop；
and at times he thought he knew him； and at times he thought he bore a
likeness to himself； and always； like a lump of living terror； there lay in
his bosom the conviction that this thing was not of the earth and not of
God。
And yet the creature had a strange air of the commonplace； as he stood
looking on Markheim with a smile； and when he added； 〃You are looking
for the money； I believe？〃 it was in the tones of everyday politeness。
Markheim made no answer。
〃I should warn you；〃 resumed the other； 〃that the maid has left her
sweetheart earlier than usual and will soon be here。 If Mr。 Markheim be
found in this house； I need not describe to him the consequences。〃
〃You know me？〃 cried the murderer。
The visitor smiled。 〃You have long been a favourite of mine；〃 he said；
〃and I have long observed and often sought to help you。〃
〃What are you？〃 cried Markheim； 〃the devil？〃
〃What I may be；〃 returned the other； 〃cannot affect the service I
propose to render you。〃
〃It can；〃 cried Markheim； 〃it does！ Be helped by you？ No； never； not
by you！ You do not know me yet； thank God； you do not know me！〃
〃I know you；〃 replied the visitant； with a sort of kind severity or rather
firmness。 〃I know you to the soul。〃
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〃Know me！〃 cried Markheim。 〃Who can do so？ My life is but a
travesty and slander on myself。 I have lived to belie my nature。 All men do；
all men are better than this disguise that grows about and stifles them。 You
see each dragged away by life； like one whom bravos have seized and
muffled in a cloak。 If they had their own controlif you could see their
faces； they would be altogether different； they would shine out for heroes
and saints！ I am worse than most； myself is more overlaid； my excuse is
known to me and God。 But； had I the time； I could disclose myself。〃
〃To me？〃 inquired the visitant。
〃To you before all；〃 returned the murderer。 〃I supposed you were
intelligent。 I thoughtsince you existyou would prove a reader of the
heart。 And yet you would propose to judge me by my acts！ Think of itmy
acts！ I was born and I have lived in a land of giants； giants have dragged
me by the wrists since I was born out of my motherthe giants of
circumstance。 And you would judge me by my acts！ But can you not look
within？ Can you not understand that evil is hateful to me？ Can you not see
within me the clear writing of conscience； never blurred by any wilful
sophistry； although too often disregarded？ Can you not read me for a thing
that surely must be common as humanity the unwilling sinner？〃
〃All this is very feelingly expressed；〃 was the reply； 〃but it regards me
not。 These points of consistency are beyond my province； and I care not in
the least by what compulsion you may have been dragged away； so as you
are but carried in the right direction。 But time flies； the servant delays；
looking in the faces of the crowd and at the pictures on the hoardings； but
still she keeps moving nearer； and remember； it is as if the gallows itself
was striding towards you through the Christmas streets！ Shall I help youI；
who know all？ Shall I tell you where to find the money？〃
〃For what price？〃 asked Markheim。
〃I offer you the service for a Christmas gift；〃 returned the other。
Markheim could not refrain from smiling with a kind of bitter triumph。
〃No；〃 said he； 〃I will take nothing at your hands； if I were dying of thirst；
and it was your hand that put the pitcher to my lips； I should find the
courage to refuse。 It may be credulous； but I will do nothing to commit
myself to evil。〃
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〃I have no objection to a death…bed repentance；〃 observed the visitant。
〃Because you disbelieve their efficacy！〃 Markheim cried。
〃I do not say so；〃 returned the other； 〃but I look on these things from a
different side； and when the life is done my interest falls。 The man has
lived to serve me； to spread black looks under colour of religion； or to sow
tares in the wheat…field； as you do； in a course of weak compliance with
desire。 Now that he draws so near to his deliverance； he can add but one
act of service： to repent； to die smiling； and thus to build up in confidence
and hope the more timorous of my surviving followers。 I am not so hard a
master。 Try me； accept my help。 Please yourself in life as you have done
hitherto； please yourself more amply； spread your elbows at the board； and
when the night begins to fall and the curtains to be drawn； I tell you； for
your greater comfort； that you will find it even easy to compound your
quarrel with your conscience； and to make a truckling peace with God。 I
came but now from such a death…bed； and the room was full of sincere
mourners； listening to the man's last words； and when I looked into that
face； which had been set as a flint against mercy； I found it smiling with
hope。〃
〃And do you； then； suppose me such a creature？〃 asked Markheim。
〃Do you think I have no more generous aspirations than to sin and sin and
sin and at last sneak into heaven？ My heart rises at the thought。 Is this；
then； your experience of mankind？ or is it because you find me with red
hands that you presume such baseness？ And is this crime of murder indeed
so impious as to dry up the very springs of good？〃
〃Murder is to me no special category；〃 replied the other。 〃All sins are
murder； even as all life is war。 I behold your race； like starving mariners
on a raft； plucking crusts out of the hands of famine and feeding on each
other's lives。 I follow sins beyond the moment of their acting； I find in all
that the last consequence is death； and to my eyes； the pretty maid who
thwarts her mother with such taking graces on a question of a ball； drips
no less visibly with human gore than such a murderer as yourself。 Do I say
that I follow sins？ I follow virtues also。 They differ not by the thickness of
a nail； they are both scythes for the reaping angel of Death。 Evil； for which
I live； consists not in action but in character。 The bad man is dear to me；
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not the bad act； whose fruits； if we could follow them far enough down the
hurtling cataract of the ages； might yet be found more blessed than those
of the rarest virtues。 And it is not because you have killed a dealer； but
because you are Markheim； that I offer to forward your escape。〃
〃I will lay my heart open to you；〃 answered Markheim。 〃This crime on
which you find me is my last。 On my way to it I have learned many
lessons； itself is a lessona momentous lesson。 Hitherto I have been
driven with revolt to what I would not； I was a bond…slave to poverty；
driven and scourged。 There are robust virtues that can stand in these
temptations； mine was not so； I had a thirst of pleasure。 But to…day； and
out of this deed； I pluck both warning and richesboth the power and a
fresh resolve to be myself。 I become in all things a free actor in the world；
I begin to see myself all changed； these hands the agents of good； this
heart at peace。 Something comes over me out of the pastsomething of
what I have dreamed on Sabbath evenings to the sound of the church
organ； of what I forecast when I shed tears over noble books； or
