the professor(教授)-第48章
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into an explanation of the real state of things； and as little to forge
a false account； but it was not easy to blind Hunsden； my very
silence； instead of convincing him that he had hit the truth；
seemed to render him doubtful about it； he went on：—
“I suppose the affair has been conducted as such affairs always
are amongst rational people： you offered her your youth and your
talents…such as they are—in exchange for her position and money：
I don’t suppose you took appearance； or what is called love； into
the account—for I understand she is older than you； and Brown
says； rather sensible…looking than beautiful。 She； having then no
chance of making a better bargain； was at first inclined to come to
terms with you； but Pelet—the head or a flourishing school—
stepped in with a higher bid； she accepted； and he has got her： a
correct transaction—perfectly so—business…like and legitimate。
And now we’ll talk of something else。”
“Do；” said I； very glad to dismiss the topic； and especially glad
to have baffled the sagacity of my cross…questioner—if； indeed； I
had baffled it； for though his words now led away from the
dangerous point； his eyes； keen and watchful； seemed still
preoccupied with the former idea。
“You want to hear news from X—？ And what interest can you
have in X—？ You left no friends there； for you made none。 Nobody
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ever asks after you—neither man nor woman； and if I mention
your name in company； the men look as if I had spoken of Prester
John； and the women sneer covertly。 Our X— belles must have
disliked you。 How did you excite their displeasure？”
“I don’t know。 I seldom spoke to them—they were nothing to
me。 I considered them only as something to be glanced at from a
distance； their dresses and faces were often pleasing enough to the
eye： but I could not understand their conversation； nor even read
their countenances。 When I caught snatches of what they said； I
could never make much of it； and the play of their lips and eyes
did not help me at all。”
“That was your fault； not theirs。 There are sensible； as well as
handsome women in X—； women it is worth any man’s while to
talk to； and with whom I can talk with pleasure： but you had and
have no pleasant address； there is nothing in you to induce a
woman to be affable。 I have remarked you sitting near the door in
a room full of company； bent on hearing； not on speaking； on
observing； not on entertaining； looking frigidly shy at the
commencement of a party； confusingly vigilant about the middle；
and insultingly weary towards the end。 Is that the way； do you
think； ever to communicate pleasure or excite interest？ No； and if
you are generally unpopular； it is because you deserve to be so。”
“Content！” I ejaculated。
“No； you are not content； you see beauty always turning its
back on you； you are mortified and then you sneer。 I verily believe
all that is desirable on earth—wealth； reputation； love—will for
ever to you be the ripe grapes on the high trellis： you’ll look up at
them； they will tantalize in you the lust of the eye； but they are out
of reach： you have not the address to fetch a ladder； and you’ll go
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away calling them sour。”
Cutting as these words might have been under some
circumstances； they drew no blood now。 My life was changed； my
experience had been varied since I left X—； but Hunsden could
not know this； he had seen me only in the character of Mr。
Crimsworth’s clerk—a dependant amongst wealthy strangers；
meeting disdain with a hard front； conscious of an unsocial and
unattractive exterior； refusing to sue for notice which I was sure
would be withheld； declining to evince an admiration which I
knew would be scorned as worthless。 He could not be aware that
since then youth and loveliness had been to me everyday objects；
that I had studied them at leisure and closely； and had seen the
plain texture of truth under the embroidery of appearance； nor
could he； keen…sighted as he was； penetrate into my heart； search
my brain； and read my peculiar sympathies and antipathies； he
had not known me long enough； or well enough； to perceive how
low my feelings would ebb under some influences； powerful over
most minds； how high； how fast they would flow under other
influences； that perhaps acted with the more intense force on me；
because they acted on me alone。 Neither could he suspect for an
instant the history of my communications with Mdlle Reuter；
secret to him and to all others was the tale of her strange
infatuation； her blandishments； her wiles had been seen but by
me； and to me only were they known； but they had changed me；
for they had proved that I could impress。 A sweeter secret nestled
deeper in my heart； one full of tenderness and as full of strength： it
took the sting out of Hunsden’s sarcasm； it kept me unbent by
shame； and unstirred by wrath。 But of all this I could say
nothing—nothing decisive at least； uncertainty sealed my lips； and
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during the interval of silence by which alone I replied to Mr。
Hunsden； I made up my mind to be for the present wholly
misjudged by him； and misjudged I was； he thought he had been
rather too hard upon me； and that I was crushed by the weight of
his upbraidings； so to reassure me he said； doubtless I should
mend some day； I was only at the beginning of life yet； and since
happily I was not quite without sense； every false step I made
would be a good lesson。
Just then I turned my face a little to the light； the approach of
twilight； and my position in the window…seat； had； for the last ten
minutes； prevented him from studying my countenance； as I
moved； however； he caught an expression which he thus
interpreted：—
“Confound it！ How doggedly self…approving the lad looks！ I
thought he was fit to die with shame； and there he sits grinning
smiles； as good as to say； ‘Let the world wag as it will； I’ve the
philosopher’s stone in my waist…coat pocket； and the elixir of life in
my cupboard； I’m independent of both Fate and Fortune。’”
“Hunsden—you spoke of grapes； I was thinking of a fruit I like
better than your X— hot…house grapes—an unique fruit； growing
wild； which I have marked as my own； and hope one day to gather
and taste。 It is of no use your offering me the draught of bitterness；
or threatening me with death by thirst： I have the anticipation of
sweetness on my palate； the hope of freshness on my lips； I can
reject the unsavoury； and endure the exhausting。”
“For how long？”
“Till the next opportunity for effort； and as the prize of success
will be a treasure after my own heart； I’ll bring a bull’s strength to
the struggle。”
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“Bad luck crushes bulls as easily as bullaces； and； I believe； the
fury dogs you： you were born with a wooden spoon in your mouth；
depend on it。”
“I believe you； sad I mean to make my wooden spoon do the
work of some people’s silver ladles： grasped firmly； and handled
nimbly； even a wooden spoon will shovel up broth。”
Hunsden rose： “I see；” said he； “I suppose you’re one of those
who develop best unwatched； and act best unaided…work your own
way。 Now； I’ll go。” And； without another word； he was going； at the
door he turned：—
“Crimsworth Hall is sold；” said he。
“Sold！” was my echo。
“Yes； you know； of course； that your brother failed three
months ago？”
“What！ Edward Crimsworth？”
“Precisely； and his wife went home to her fathers； when affairs
went awry； his temper sympathized with them； he used her ill； I
told you he would be a tyrant to her some day； as to him—”
“Ay； as to him—what is become of him？”
“Nothing extraordinary—don’t be alarmed； he put himself
under the protection of the court； compounded with his creditors
—tenpence in the pound； in six weeks set up again； coaxed back
his wife； and is flourishing like a green bay…tree。”
“And Crimsworth Hall—was the furniture sold too？”
“Everything—from the grand piano down to the rolling…pin。”
“And the contents of the oak dining…room—were they sold？”
“Of course； why should the sofas and chairs of that room be
held more sacred than those of any other？”
“And the pictures？”
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“What pictures？ Crimsworth had no special collection that I
know of—he did not profess to be an amateur。”
“There were two portraits； one on each side the mantelpiece；
you cannot have forgotten them； Mr。 Hunsden； you once noticed
that of the lady—”
“Oh； I know！ the thin…faced gentlewoman with a shawl
