the professor(教授)-第44章
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convince him that I neither was； nor ever had been； a rival of his；
for the fortnight of fury against me terminated in a fit of exceeding
graciousness and amenity； not unmixed with a dash of exulting
self…complacency； more ludicrous than irritating。 Pelet’s
bachelor’s life had been passed in proper French style with due
disregard to moral restraint； and I thought his married life
promised to be very French also。 He often boasted to me what a
terror he had been to certain husbands of his acquaintance； I
perceived it would not now be difficult to pay him back in his own
coin。
The crisis drew on。 No sooner had the holidays commenced
than note of preparation for some momentous event sounded all
through the premises of Pelet： painters； polishers； and
upholsterers were immediately set to work； and there was talk of
“la chambre de Madame；” “le salon de Madame。” Not deeming it
probable that the old duenna at present graced with that title in
our house； had inspired her son with such enthusiasm of filial
piety； as to induce him to fit up apartments expressly for her use； I
concluded； in common with the cook； the two housemaids； and the
kitchen…scullion； that a new and more juvenile Madame was
destined to be the tenant of these gay chambers。
Presently official announcement of the coming event was put
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forth。 In another week’s time M。 Francois Pelet； directeur； and
Mdlle Zoraide Reuter； directrice； were to be joined together in the
bands of matrimony。 Monsieur； in person； heralded the fact to me；
terminating his communication by an obliging expression of his
desire that I should continue； as heretofore； his ablest assistant
and most trusted friend； and a proposition to raise my salary by an
additional two hundred francs per annum。 I thanked him； gave no
conclusive answer at the time； and； when he had left me； threw off
my blouse； put on my coat； and set out on a long walk outside the
Porte de Flandre； in order； as I thought； to cool my blood； calm my
nerves； and shake my disarranged ideas into some order。 In fact； I
had just received what was virtually my dismissal。 I could not
conceal； I did not desire to conceal from myself the conviction
that； being now certain that Mdlle Reuter was destined to become
Madame Pelet it would not do for me to remain a dependent
dweller in the house which was soon to be hers。 Her present
demeanour towards me was deficient neither in dignity nor
propriety； but I knew her former feeling was unchanged。 Decorum
now repressed； and Policy masked it； but Opportunity would be
too strong for either of these—Temptation would shiver their
restraints。
I was no pope—I could not boast infallibility： in short； if I
stayed； the probability was that； in three months’ time； a practical
modern French novel would be in full process of concoction under
the roof of the unsuspecting Pelet。 Now； modern French novels
are not to my taste； either practically or theoretically。 Limited as
had yet been my experience of life； I had once had the opportunity
of contemplating； near at hand； an example of the results
produced by a course of interesting and romantic domestic
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treachery。 No golden halo of fiction was about this example； I saw
it bare and real； and it was very loathsome。 I saw a mind degraded
by the practice of mean subterfuge； by the habit of perfidious
deception； and a body depraved by the infectious influence of the
vice…polluted soul。 I had suffered much from the forced and
prolonged view of this spectacle； those sufferings I did not now
regret； for their simple recollection acted as a most wholesome
antidote to temptation。 They had inscribed on my reason the
conviction that unlawful pleasure； trenching on another’s rights； is
delusive and envenomed pleasure—its hollowness disappoints at
the time； its poison cruelly tortures afterwards； its effects deprave
for ever。
From all this resulted the conclusion that I must leave Pelet’s；
and that instantly； “but；” said Prudence； “you know not where to
go； nor how to live；” and then the dream of true love came over
me： Frances Henri seemed to stand at my side； her slender waist
to invite my arm； her hand to court my hand； I felt it was made to
nestle in mine； I could not relinquish my right to it； nor could I
withdraw my eyes for ever from hers； where I saw so much
happiness； such a correspondence of heart with heart； over whose
expression I had such influence； where I could kindle bliss； infuse
awe； stir deep delight； rouse sparkling spirit； and sometimes
waken pleasurable dread。 My hopes to will and possess； my
resolutions to merit and rise； rose in array against me； and here I
was about to plunge into the gulf of absolute destitution； “and all
this；” suggested an inward voice； “because you fear an evil which
may never happen！” “It will happen； you know it will；” answered
that stubborn monitor； Conscience。 “Do what you feel is right；
obey me； and even in the sloughs of want I will plant for you firm
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footing。” And then； as I walked fast along the road； there rose
upon me a strange； inly…felt idea of some Great Being； unseen； but
all present； who in His beneficence desired only my welfare； and
now watched the struggle of good sad evil in my heart； and waited
to see whether I should obey His voice； heard in the whispers of
my conscience； or lend an ear to the sophisms by which His enemy
and mine—the Spirit of Evil—sought to lead me astray。 Rough and
steep was the path indicated by divine suggestion； mossy and
declining the green way along which Temptation strewed flowers；
but whereas； methought； the Deity of Love； the Friend of all that
exists； would smile well…pleased were I to gird up my loins and
address myself to the rude ascent； so； on the other hand； each
inclination to the velvet declivity seemed to kindle a gleam of
triumph on the brow of the man…hating； God…defying demon。
Sharp and short I turned round； fast I retraced my steps； in half
an hour I was again at M。 Pelet’s： I sought him in his study； brief
parley； concise explanation sufficed； my manner proved that I was
resolved； he； perhaps； at heart approved my decision。 After twenty
minutes’ conversation； I re…entered my own room； self…deprived of
the means of living； self…sentenced to leave my present home； with
the short notice of a week in which to provide another。
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Chapter XXI
irectly as I closed the door； I saw laid on the table two
letters； my thought was； that they were notes of invitation
D
from the friends of some of my pupils； I had received
such marks of attention occasionally； and with me； who had no
friends； correspondence of more interest was out of the question；
the postman’s arrival had never yet been an event of interest to me
since I came to Brussels。 I laid my hand carelessly on the
documents； and coldly and slowly glancing at them； I prepared to
break the seals； my eye was arrested and my hand too； I saw what
excited me； as if I had found a vivid picture where I expected only
to discover a blank page： on one cover was an English postmark；
on the other； a lady’s clear； fine autograph； the last I opened
first：—
“MONSIEUR； “I found out what you had done the very morning
after your visit to me； you might be sure I should dust the china；
every day； and； as no one but you had been in my room for a week；
and as fairy…money is not current in Brussels； I could not doubt
who left the twenty francs on the chimney…piece。 I thought I heard
you stir the vase when I was stooping to look for your glove under
the table； and I wondered you should imagine it had got into such
a little cup。 Now； monsieur； the money is not mine； and I shall not
keep it； I will not send it in this note because it might be lost—
besides； it is heavy； but I will restore it to you the first time I see
you； and you must make no difficulties about taking it； because； in
the first place； I am sure； monsieur； you can understand that one
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likes to pay one’s debts； that it is satisfactory to owe no man
anything； and； in the second place； I can now very well afford to be
honest； as I am provided with a situation。 This last circumstance
is； indeed； the reason of my writing to you； for it is pleasant to
communicate good news； and； in these days； I have only my
master to whom I can tell anything。
“A week ago； monsieur； I was sent for by a Mrs。 Wharton； an
English lady； her eldest daughter was going to be marri
