the works of edgar allan poe-3-第51章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


him　high　into　the　air；　and　let　him　fall　without　ceremony　into　the
huge　open　puncheon　of　his　beloved　ale。　Bobbing　up　and　down；　for　a　few
seconds；　like　an　apple　in　a　bowl　of　toddy；　he；　at　length；　finally
disappeared　amid　the　whirlpool　of　foam　which；　in　the　already
effervescent　liquor；　his　struggles　easily　succeeded　in　creating。

Not　tamely；　however；　did　the　tall　seaman　behold　the　discomfiture　of
his　companion。　Jostling　King　Pest　through　the　open　trap；　the　valiant
Legs　slammed　the　door　down　upon　him　with　an　oath；　and　strode　towards
the　centre　of　the　room。　Here　tearing　down　the　skeleton　which　swung
over　the　table；　he　laid　it　about　him　with　so　much　energy　and　good
will；　that；　as　the　last　glimpses　of　light　died　away　within　the
apartment；　he　succeeded　in　knocking　out　the　brains　of　the　little
gentleman　with　the　gout。　Rushing　then　with　all　his　force　against　the
fatal　hogshead　full　of　October　ale　and　Hugh　Tarpaulin；　he　rolled　it
over　and　over　in　an　instant。　Out　burst　a　deluge　of　liquor　so　fierce
　so　impetuous　　so　overwhelming　　that　the　room　was　flooded　from
wall　to　wall　　the　loaded　table　was　overturned　　the　tressels　were
thrown　upon　their　backs　　the　tub　of　punch　into　the　fire…place　
and　the　ladies　into　hysterics。　Piles　of　death…furniture　floundered
about。　Jugs；　pitchers；　and　carboys　mingled　promiscuously　in　the
melee；　and　wicker　flagons　encountered　desperately　with　bottles　of
junk。　The　man　with　the　horrors　was　drowned　upon　the　spot…the　little
stiff　gentleman　floated　off　in　his　coffin　　and　the　victorious　Legs；
seizing　by　the　waist　the　fat　lady　in　the　shroud；　rushed　out　with　her
into　the　street；　and　made　a　bee…line　for　the　〃Free　and　Easy；〃
followed　under　easy　sail　by　the　redoubtable　Hugh　Tarpaulin；　who；
having　sneezed　three　or　four　times；　panted　and　puffed　after　him　with
the　Arch　Duchess　Ana…Pest。

~~~　End　of　Text　~~~



THREE　SUNDAYS　IN　A　WEEK

YOU　hard…headed；　dunder…headed；　obstinate；　rusty；　crusty；　musty；
fusty；　old　savage！〃　said　I；　in　fancy；　one　afternoon；　to　my　grand
uncle　Rumgudgeon　　shaking　my　fist　at　him　in　imagination。

Only　in　imagination。　The　fact　is；　some　trivial　discrepancy　did　exist；
just　then；　between　what　I　said　and　what　I　had　not　the　courage　to　say
　between　what　I　did　and　what　I　had　half　a　mind　to　do。

The　old　porpoise；　as　I　opened　the　drawing…room　door；　was　sitting　with
his　feet　upon　the　mantel…piece；　and　a　bumper　of　port　in　his　paw；
making　strenuous　efforts　to　accomplish　the　ditty。

Remplis　ton　verre　vide！

Vide　ton　verre　plein！

〃My　dear　uncle；〃　said　I；　closing　the　door　gently；　and　approaching　him
with　the　blandest　of　smiles；　〃you　are　always　so　very　kind　and
considerate；　and　have　evinced　your　benevolence　in　so　many　　so　very
many　ways　　that　　that　I　feel　I　have　only　to　suggest　this　little
point　to　you　once　more　to　make　sure　of　your　full　acquiescence。〃

〃Hem！〃　said　he；　〃good　boy！　go　on！〃

〃I　am　sure；　my　dearest　uncle　＇you　confounded　old　rascal！＇；　that　you
have　no　design　really；　seriously；　to　oppose　my　union　with　Kate。　This
is　merely　a　joke　of　yours；　I　know　　ha！　ha！　ha！　　how　very　pleasant
you　are　at　times。〃

〃Ha！　ha！　ha！〃　said　he；　〃curse　you！　yes！〃

〃To　be　sure　　of　course！　I　knew　you　were　jesting。　Now；　uncle；　all
that　Kate　and　myself　wish　at　present；　is　that　you　would　oblige　us
with　your　advice　as　　as　regards　the　time　　you　know；　uncle　　in
short；　when　will　it　be　most　convenient　for　yourself；　that　the　wedding
shall　　shall　come　off；　you　know？〃

〃Come　off；　you　scoundrel！　　what　do　you　mean　by　that？　　Better　wait
till　it　goes　on。〃

〃Ha！　ha！　ha！　　he！　he！　he！　　hi！　hi！　hi！　　ho！　ho！　ho！　　hu！　hu！
hu！…　that's　good！　　oh　that's　capital　　such　a　wit！　But　all　we　want
just　now；　you　know；　uncle；　is　that　you　would　indicate　the　time
precisely。〃

〃Ah！　　precisely？〃

〃Yes；　uncle　　that　is；　if　it　would　be　quite　agreeable　to　yourself。〃

〃Wouldn't　it　answer；　Bobby；　if　I　were　to　leave　it　at　random　　some
time　within　a　year　or　so；　for　example？　　must　I　say　precisely？〃

〃If　you　please；　uncle　　precisely。〃

〃Well；　then；　Bobby；　my　boy　　you're　a　fine　fellow；　aren't　you？　
since　you　will　have　the　exact　time　I'll　　why　I'll　oblige　you　for
once：〃

〃Dear　uncle！〃

〃Hush；　sir！〃　＇drowning　my　voice＇　　I'll　oblige　you　for　once。　You
shall　have　my　consent　　and　the　plum；　we　mus'n't　forget　the　plum　
let　me　see！　when　shall　it　be？　To…day's　Sunday　　isn't　it？　Well；
then；　you　shall　be　married　precisely　　precisely；　now　mind！　　when
three　Sundays　come　together　in　a　week！　Do　you　hear　me；　sir！　What　are
you　gaping　at？　I　say；　you　shall　have　Kate　and　her　plum　when　three
Sundays　come　together　in　a　week　　but　not　till　then　　you　young
scapegrace　　not　till　then；　if　I　die　for　it。　You　know　me　　I'm　a
man　of　my　word　　now　be　off！〃　Here　he　swallowed　his　bumper　of　port；
while　I　rushed　from　the　room　in　despair。

A　very　〃fine　old　English　gentleman；〃　was　my　grand…uncle　Rumgudgeon；
but　unlike　him　of　the　song；　he　had　his　weak　points。　He　was　a　little；
pursy；　pompous；　passionate　semicircular　somebody；　with　a　red　nose；　a
thick　scull；　＇sic＇　a　long　purse；　and　a　strong　sense　of　his　own
consequence。　With　the　best　heart　in　the　world；　he　contrived；　through
a　predominant　whim　of　contradiction；　to　earn　for　himself；　among　those
who　only　knew　him　superficially；　the　character　of　a　curmudgeon。　Like
many　excellent　people；　he　seemed　possessed　with　a　spirit　of
tantalization；　which　might　easily；　at　a　casual　glance；　have　been
mistaken　for　malevolence。　To　every　request；　a　positive　〃No！〃　was　his
immediate　answer；　but　in　the　end　　in　the　long；　long　end　　there
were　exceedingly　few　requests　which　he　refused。　Against　all　attacks
upon　his　purse　he　made　the　most　sturdy　defence；　but　the　amount
extorted　from　him；　at　last；　was　generally　in　direct　ratio　with　the
length　of　the　siege　and　the　stubbornness　of　the　resistance。　In
charity　no　one　gave　more　liberally　or　with　a　worse　grace。

For　the　fine　arts；　and　especially　for　the　belles…lettres；　he
entertained　a　profound　contempt。　With　this　he　had　been　inspired　by
Casimir　Perier；　whose　pert　little　query　〃A　quoi　un　poete　est　il　bon？〃
he　was　in　the　habit　of　quoting；　with　a　very　droll　pronunciation；　as
the　ne　plus　ultra　of　logical　wit。　Thus　my　own　inkling　for　the　Muses
had　excited　his　entire　displeasure。　He　assured　me　one　day；　when　I
asked　him　for　a　new　copy　of　Horace；　that　the　translation　of　〃Poeta
nascitur　non　fit〃　was　〃a　nasty　poet　for　nothing　fit〃　　a　remark
which　I　took　in　high　dudgeon。　His　repugnance　to　〃the　humanities〃　had；
also；　much　increased　of　late；　by　an　accidental　bias　in　favor　of　what
he　supposed　to　be　natural　science。　Somebody　had　accosted　him　in　the
street；　mistaking　him　for　no　less　a　personage　than　Doctor　Dubble　L。
Dee；　the　lecturer　upon　quack　physics。　This　set　him　off　at　a　tangent；
and　just　at　the　epoch　of　this　story　　for　story　it　is　getting　to　be
after　all　　my　grand…uncle　Rumgudgeon　was　accessible　and　pacific
only　upon　points　which　happened　to　chime　in　with　the　caprioles　of　the
hobby　he　was　riding。　For　the　rest；　he　laughed　with　his　arms　and　legs；
and　his　politics　were　stubborn　and　easily　understood。　He　thought；
with　Horsley；　that　〃the　people　have　nothing　to　do　with　the　laws　but
to　obey　them。〃

I　had　lived　with　the　old　gentleman　all　my　life。　My　parents；　in　dying；
had　bequeathed　me　to　him　as　a　rich　legacy。　I　believe　the　old　villain
loved　me　as　his　own　child　　nearly　if　not　quite　as　well　as　he　loved
Kate　　but　it　was　a　dog's　existence　that　he　led　me；　after　all。　From
my　first　year　until　my　fifth；　he　obliged　me　with　very　regular
floggings。　From　five　to　fifteen；　he　threatened　me；　hourly；　with　the
House　of　Correction。　From　fifteen　to　twenty；　not　a　day　passed　in
which　he　did　not　promise　to　cut　me　off　with　a　shilling。　I　was　a　sad
dog；　it　is　true　　but　then　it　was　a　part　of　my　nature　　a　point　of
my　faith。　In　Kate；　however；　I　had　a　firm　friend；　and　I　knew　it。　She
was　a　good　girl；　and　told　me　very　sweetly　that　I　might　have　her　（plum
and　all）　whenever　I　could　badger　my　grand…uncle　Rumgudgeon；　into　the
necessary　consent。　Poor　girl！　　she　was　barely　fifteen；　and　without
this　consent；　her　little　amount　in　the　funds　was　not　come…at…able
until　five　immeasurable　summers　had　〃dragged　their　slow　length
along。〃　What；　then；　to　do？　At　fifteen；　or　even　at　twenty…one　＇for　I
had　now　passed　my　fifth　olympiad＇　five　years　in　prospect　are　very
much　the　same　as　five　hundred。　In　vain　we　besieged　the　old　gentleman
with　importunities。　Here　was　a　piece　de　resistance　（as　Messieurs　Ude
and　Careme　would　say）　which　suited　his　perverse　fancy　to　a　T。　It
would　have　stiffed　the　indignation　of　Job　himself；　to　see　how　much
like　an　old　mouser　he　behaved　to　us　two　poor　wretched　little　mice。　In
his　heart　he　wished　for　nothing　more　ardently　than　our　union。　He　had
made　up　his　mind　to　this　all　along。　In　fact；　he　would　have　given　ten
thousand　pounds　from　his　own　pocket　（Kate's　plum　was　her　own）　if　he
could　have　invented　any　thing　like　an　excuse　for　complying　with　our
very　natural　wishes。　But　then　we　had　been　so　imprudent　as　to　broach
the　subject　ourselves。　Not　to　oppose　it　under　such　circumstances；　I
sincerely　believe；　was　not　in　his　power。

I　have　said　already　that　he　had　his　weak　points；　but　in　speaking　of
these；　I　must　not　be　understood　as　referring　to　his　obstinacy：　which
was　one　of　his　strong　points　　〃assurement　ce　n'　etait　pas　sa
foible。〃　When　I　mention　his　weakness　I　have　allusion　to　a　bizarre
old…womanish　superstition　which　beset　him。　He　was　great　in　dreams；
portents；　et　id　genus　omne　of　rigmarole。　He　was　excessively
punctilious；　too；　upon　small　points　of　honor；　and；　after　his　own
fashion；　was　a　man　of　his　word；　beyond　doubt。　This　was；　in　fact；　one
of　his　hobbies。　The　spirit　of　his　vows　he　made　no　scruple　of　setting
at　naught；　but　the　letter　was　a　bond　inviolable。　Now　it　was　this
latter　peculiarity　in　his　disposition；　of　which　Kates　ingenuity
enabled　us　one　fine　day；　not　long　after　our　interview　in　the
dining…room；　to　take　a　very　unexpected　advantage；　and；　having　thus；
in　the　fashion　of　all　modern　bards　and　orators；　exhausted　in
prolegomena；　all　the　time　at　my　command；　and　nearly　all　the　room　at
my　disposal；　I　will　sum　up　in　a　few　words　what　constitutes　the　whole
pith　of　the　story。

It　happened　then　　so　the　Fates　ordered　it　　that　among　the　naval
acquaintances　of　my　betrothed；　were　two　gentlemen　who　had　just　set
foot　upon　the　shores　of　England；　after　a　year's　absence；　each；　in
foreign　travel。　In　company　with　these　gentlemen；　my　cousin　and　I；
preconcertedly　paid　uncle　Rumgudgeon　a　visit　on　the　afternoon　of
Sunday；　October　the　tenth；　　just　three　weeks　after　the　memorable
decision　which　had　so　cruelly　defeated　our　hopes。　For　about　half　an
hour　the　conversation　ran　upon　ordinary　topics；　but　at　last；　we
contrived；　quite　naturally；　to　give　it　the　following　turn：

CAPT。　PRATT。　〃Well　I　have　been　absent　just　one　year。　　Just　one　year
to…day；　as　I　live　　let　me　see！　yes！　　this　is　October　the　tenth。
You　remember；　Mr。　Rumgudgeon；　I　called；　this　day　year　to　bid　you
good…bye。　And　by　the　way；　it　does　seem　something　like　a　coincidence；
does　it　not　　that　our　friend；　Captain　Smitherton；　here；　has　been
absent　exactly　a　year　also　　a　year　to…day！〃

SMITHERTON。　〃Yes！　just　one　year　to　a　fraction。　You　will　remember；　Mr。
Rumgudgeon；　that　I　called　with　Capt。　Pratol　on