charlotte temple(夏洛特·藤布尔)-第15章
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confidence？ will you entrust me with the cause of your sorrow； and rest on
my assurances to exert my utmost power to serve you。〃 Charlotte returned
a look of gratitude； but could not speak； and Mrs。 Beauchamp continued
〃My heart was interested in your behalf the first moment I saw you； and I
only lament I had not made earlier overtures towards an acquaintance； but
I flatter myself you will henceforth consider me as your friend。〃
〃Oh Madam！〃 cried Charlotte； 〃I have forfeited the good opinion of all
my friends； I have forsaken them； and undone myself。〃
〃Come； come； my dear；〃 said Mrs。 Beauchamp； 〃you must not indulge
these gloomy thoughts： you are not I hope so miserable as you imagine
yourself： endeavour to be composed； and let me be favoured with your
company at dinner； when； if you can bring yourself to think me your friend；
and repose a confidence in me； I am ready to convince you it shall not be
abused。〃 She then arose； and bade her good morning。
At the dining hour Charlotte repaired to Mrs。 Beauchamp's； and during
dinner assumed as composed an aspect as possible； but when the cloth was
removed； she summoned all her resolution and determined to make Mrs。
Beauchamp acquainted with every circumstance preceding her unfortunate
elopement； and the earnest desire she had to quit a way of life so
repugnant to her feelings。
With the benignant aspect of an angel of mercy did Mrs。 Beauchamp
listen to the artless tale： she was shocked to the soul to find how large a
share La Rue had in the seduction of this amiable girl； and a tear fell；
when she reflected so vile a woman was now the wife of her father。 When
Charlotte had finished； she gave her a little time to collect her scattered
spirits； and then asked her if she had never written to her friends。
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〃Oh yes； Madam；〃 said she； 〃frequently： but I have broke their hearts：
they are either dead or have cast me off for ever； for I have never received
a single line from them。 〃
〃I rather suspect；〃 said Mrs。 Beauchamp； 〃they have never had your
letters： but suppose you were to hear from them； and they were willing to
receive you； would you then leave this cruel Montraville； and return to
them？〃
〃Would I！〃 said Charlotte； clasping her hands； 〃would not the poor
sailor； tost on a tempestuous ocean； threatened every moment with death；
gladly return to the shore he had left to trust to its deceitful calmness？ Oh；
my dear Madam； I would return； though to do it I were obliged to walk
barefoot over a burning desart； and beg a scanty pittance of each traveller
to support my existence。 I would endure it all chearfully； could I but once
more see my dear； blessed mother； hear her pronounce my pardon； and
bless me before I died； but alas！ I shall never see her more； she has blotted
the ungrateful Charlotte from her remembrance； and I shall sink to the
grave loaded with her's and my father's curse。〃
Mrs。 Beauchamp endeavoured to sooth her。 〃You shall write to them
again；〃 said she； 〃and I will see that the letter is sent by the first packet
that sails for England； in the mean time keep up your spirits； and hope
every thing； by daring to deserve it。〃
She then turned the conversation； and Charlotte having taken a cup of
tea； wished her benevolent friend a good evening。
CHAPTER XXII。
SORROWS OF THE HEART。
WHEN Charlotte got home she endeavoured to collect her thoughts；
and took up a pen in order to address those dear parents； whom； spite of
her errors； she still loved with the utmost tenderness； but vain was every
effort to write with the least coherence； her tears fell so fast they almost
blinded her； and as she proceeded to describe her unhappy situation； she
became so agitated that she was obliged to give over the attempt and retire
to bed； where； overcome with the fatigue her mind had undergone； she fell
into a slumber which greatly refreshed her； and she arose in the morning
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with spirits more adequate to the painful task she had to perform； and；
after several attempts； at length concluded the following letter to her
mother
TO MRS。 TEMPLE。 NEW…YORK。
〃Will my once kind； my ever beloved mother； deign to receive a letter
from her guilty； but repentant child？ or has she； justly incensed at my
ingratitude； driven the unhappy Charlotte from her remembrance？ Alas！
thou much injured mother！ shouldst thou even disown me； I dare not
complain； because I know I have deserved it： but yet； believe me； guilty as
I am； and cruelly as I have disappointed the hopes of the fondest parents；
that ever girl had； even in the moment when； forgetful of my duty； I fled
from you and happiness； even then I loved you most； and my heart bled at
the thought of what you would suffer。 Oh！ never； never！ whilst I have
existence； will the agony of that moment be erased from my memory。 It
seemed like the separation of soul and body。 What can I plead in excuse
for my conduct？ alas！ nothing！ That I loved my seducer is but too true！ yet
powerful as that passion is when operating in a young heart glowing with
sensibility； it never would have conquered my affection to you； my
beloved parents； had I not been encouraged； nay； urged to take the fatally
imprudent step； by one of my own sex； who； under the mask of friendship；
drew me on to ruin。 Yet think not your Charlotte was so lost as to
voluntarily rush into a life of infamy； no； my dear mother； deceived by the
specious appearance of my betrayer； and every suspicion lulled asleep by
the most solemn promises of marriage； I thought not those promises would
so easily be forgotten。 I never once reflected that the man who could stoop
to seduction； would not hesitate to forsake the wretched object of his
passion； whenever his capricious heart grew weary of her tenderness。
When we arrived at this place； I vainly expected him to fulfil his
engagements； but was at last fatally convinced he had never intended to
make me his wife； or if he had once thought of it； his mind was now
altered。 I scorned to claim from his humanity what I could not obtain from
his love： I was conscious of having forfeited the only gem that could
render me respectable in the eye of the world。 I locked my sorrows in my
own bosom； and bore my injuries in silence。 But how shall I proceed？ This
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man； this cruel Montraville； for whom I sacrificed honour； happiness； and
the love of my friends； no longer looks on me with affection； but scorns
the credulous girl whom his art has made miserable。 Could you see me；
my dear parents； without society； without friends； stung with remorse； and
（I feel the burning blush of shame die my cheeks while I write it） tortured
with the pangs of disappointed love； cut to the soul by the indifference of
him； who； having deprived me of every other comfort； no longer thinks it
worth his while to sooth the heart where he has planted the thorn of never…
ceasing regret。 My daily employment is to think of you and weep； to pray
for your happiness and deplore my own folly： my nights are scarce more
happy； for if by chance I close my weary eyes； and hope some small
forgetfulness of sorrow； some little time to pass in sweet oblivion； fancy；
still waking； wafts me home to you： I see your beloved forms； I kneel and
hear the blessed words of peace and pardon。 Extatic joy pervades my soul；
I reach my arms to catch your dear embraces； the motion chases the
illusive dream； I wake to real misery。 At other times I see my father angry
and frowning； point to horrid caves； where； on the cold damp ground； in
the agonies of death； I see my dear mother and my revered grand…father。 I
strive to raise you； you push me from you； and shrieking cry〃Charlotte；
thou hast murdered me！〃 Horror and despair tear every tortured nerve； I
start； and leave my restless bed； weary and unrefreshed。
〃Shocking as these reflexions are； I have yet one more dreadful than
the rest。 Mother； my dear mother！ do not let me quite break your heart
when I tell you； in a few months I shall bring into the world an innocent
witness of my guilt。 Oh my bleeding heart； I shall bring a poor little
helpless creature； heir to infamy and shame。
〃This alone has urged me once more to address you； to interest you in
behalf of this poor unborn； and beg you to extend your protection to the
child of your lost Charlotte； for my own part I have wrote so often； so
frequently have pleaded for forgiveness； and entreated to be received once
more beneath the paternal roof； that having received no answer； not even
one line； I much fear you have cast me from you for ever。
〃But sure you cannot refuse to protect my innocent infant： it partakes
not of its mother's guilt。 Oh my father； oh beloved mother； now do I feel
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the anguish I inflicted on your hearts recoiling with double force upon my
own。
〃If my child should be a girl （which heaven forbid） tell her the
unhappy fate of her mother； and teach her to avoid my errors； if a boy；
teach him to lament my miseries； but tell him not who inflicted them； lest
in wishing to revenge his mother's injuries； he should wound the peace of
his father。
〃And now； dear friends of my soul； kind guardians of my infancy；
farewell。 I feel I never more must hope to see you； the anguish of my heart
strikes at the strings of life； and in a short time I shall be at rest。 Oh could I
but receive your blessing and forgiveness before I died； it would smooth
my passage to the peaceful grave； and be a blesse
