the gathering of brother hilarius(希拉里兄的收集)-第2章
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The dancer sat up and brushed away her tears； she looked fairer and
more flowerlike than before； sitting on the green sward； looking up at him
through shining lashes。
〃There； boy； 'tis naught。 How could'st thou know？ But what of
thine own mother？〃
〃I know not。〃
〃Nay； what is this？ And thy father？〃
〃He was a gentle knight who died in battle ere I knew him。 I came a
little child to the Monastery； and know no other place。〃
〃Ah；〃 … vindictively； … 〃then thy mother may have been a light o' love。〃
〃Light of love； it has a wondrous fair sound；〃 said Hilarius with a
smile。
The maid looked at him speechless。
〃Go home； Boy；〃 she said at last emphatically。
Just then a lad； a tumbler by his dress； pushed a way through the
undergrowth； and stood grinning at the pair。
〃So； Gia！〃 he said。 〃We must make haste； the others wait。〃
〃''Tis my brother；〃 said the dancer； 〃and〃 … pointing to the bag slung
across the youth's shoulder … 〃I trust he hath a fine fat hen from thy
Monastery for our meal。〃
Hilarius broke into a cold sweat。
The Convent's hens！ The Saints preserve us！ Was nothing sacred；
and were the Ten Commandments written solely for use in the
Monasteries？
〃'Tis stealing；〃 he said feebly。
〃'Tis stealing；〃 the dancer mocked。 〃Hast thou another sermon ready；
Sir Preacher？〃
〃Empty bellies make light fingers；〃 quoth the youth。 〃Did'st thou
ever hunger； master？〃
〃There is the fast of Lent which presses somewhat；〃 said Hilarius。
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THE GATHERING OF BROTHER HILARIUS
〃But ever a meal certain once in the day？〃 queried the girl。
〃Ay； surely； and collation also； and Sunday is no fast。〃
The mischievous apes laughed … how they laughed！
〃So； good Preacher；〃 said the dancer at last； rising to her feet； 〃thou
dost know it is wrong to steal； but hast never felt hunger。 Thou dost know
it is wrong to love any but God； the Saints； and thy mother； but thou hast
never known a mother； nor felt what it was to love。 Blind eyes！ Blind
eyes！ the very forest could teach thee these things an thou would'st learn。
Farewell； good novice； back to thy Saints and thy nursery； for me the wide
wide world； hunger and love … love … love！〃
She seized her brother's hand and together they danced away like two
bright butterflies among the trees。
Hilarius stared after them until they disappeared； and then with dazed
eyes and drooping head took his way back to the Monastery。 The train of
mules had just arrived； all was stir； bustle； and explanation； and in the
thick of it he slipped in unseen； unquestioned； but he was hardly conscious
of this mercy vouchsafed him； for in his heart reigned desolation and
doubt； and in his ears rang the dancer's parting cry； 〃Hunger and love …
love … love！〃
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THE GATHERING OF BROTHER HILARIUS
CHAPTER II … THE LOVE OF PRIOR STEPHEN
BROTHER BERNARD； the Precentor； dealt out gold； paint and
vellum with generous hand to his favourite pupil； and wondered at his
downcast look。
〃Methinks this gold is dull； Brother；〃 said Hilarius one day； fretfully； to
his old master。
And again …
〃'Tis very poor vermilion。〃
The Brother looked at him enquiry。
〃Nay； nay； boy； 'tis thine eyes at fault； naught ails the colours。〃
Later； the Precentor came to look at the delicate border Hilarius was
setting to the page of the Nativity of Our Lady。
〃Now may God be good to us！〃 he cried with uplifted hands。 〃Since
when did man paint the Blessed Mother with grey eyes and black hair …
curly too； i' faith？〃
Hilarius crimsoned； he was weary of limning ever with blue and gold；
he faltered。
It was the same in chapel。 The insistent question pursued him
through chant and psalm。 Did he really love the Saints … St Benedict； St
Scholastica； St Bernard； St Hilary？ The names left him untouched； but
his lips quivered as he thought of the great love between the holy brother
and sister of his Order。 If he had had a sister would they have loved like
that？
The Saints' Days came and went； and he scourged himself with the
repeated question； kneeling with burning cheeks； and eyes from which
tears were not absent； in the Chapel of the Great Mother。 〃Light of Love；〃
the girl had called his mother； what more beautiful name could he find for
the Queen of Saints herself？ So he prayed in his simplicity：… 〃Great
Light of Love； Mother of my mother； grant love； love； love； to thy poor
sinful son！〃
The question came in his daily life。
Did he love the Prior？ He feared him； and his voice was for Hilarius
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THE GATHERING OF BROTHER HILARIUS
as the voice of God Himself。 Brother John？ He feared him too； Brother
John's tongue was a thing to fear。 Brother Richard； old； half…blind？
Surely he loved Brother Richard？ … sad； helpless； and lonely； by reason of
his infirmities … or was it only pity he felt for him？
Nay； let be； he loved them all。 The Monastery was his home； the
Prior his father； the monks his brethren； why heed the wild words of the
witch in the forest？ And yet what was it she had said？ 〃For me the wide
world； hunger； and love … love … love！〃
He wandered in the Monastery garden and was troubled by its beauties。
Two sulphur butterflies sported around the tall white lilies at the farmery
door。 Did they love？
He watched the sparrows at their second nesting； full of business and
cheerful bickerings。 Did they love？
She had said the answer was writ large for him to see： he wandered
staring； wide…eyed but sightless。
At last in his sore distress he turned to the Prior； as the ship… wrecked
mariner turns to the sea…girt rock that towers serene and unhurt above the
devouring waves。
The Prior heard him patiently； with here and there a shrewd question。
When the halting tale was told he mused awhile； his stern blue eyes grew
tender； and a little smile troubled the firm line of his mouth。
〃My son；〃 he said at length； 〃thou art in the wrong school； nursery；
was it the maid said？ A shrewd lass and welcome to the hen。 Thou art a
limner at heart … Brother Bernard tells of thy wondrous skill with the brush
… and to be limner thou must learn to hunger and to love as the maid said。
Ay； boy； and to be monk too； though alack； men gainsay it。〃
〃Father；〃 said Hilarius； waxing bold from excessive need； 〃did'st thou
ever love as the maid meant？〃
〃Ay； boy … thy mother。〃
There was a long silence。 Then the boy said timidly：…
〃The maid said she might be light of love； 'tis a beautiful thought。〃
The Prior started； and looked at him curiously：…
〃What didst thou tell the maid？〃
〃That I never knew her； but that my father was a gentle knight who
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THE GATHERING OF BROTHER HILARIUS
died ere I saw him； and then the maid said perchance my mother was light
of love。〃
〃Boy；〃 said the Prior gravely； 〃'tis a weary tale； and sad of telling。
Thy mother was wondrous fair without； but she reckoned love lightly； nay；
knew it not for the holy thing it is； but thought only of bodily lusts。 Pray
for her soul〃 … his voice grew stern … 〃as for one of those upon whom God；
in His great pity； may have mercy。 Thus have I prayed these many
years。〃
Hilarius looked at him in wide…eyed horror：…
〃She was evil； wicked； my mother？〃
〃Ay … a light woman； that was what the maid meant。〃
Then great darkness fell upon the soul of Hilarius； and he clasped the
Prior's knees weeping and praying like a little child。
〃And so； my son；〃 said the Prior； 〃for a time thou shalt go out into the
world； to strive and fail； hunger and love； only have a care that thou art
chaste in heart and life； for it is the pure shall see God； and seeing love
Him。 Leave me now that。 I may set in order thy going； and send the
Chamberlain hither to me。〃
That night Hilarius knelt through the long hours at the great Rood； and
then at St Mary Maudlin's altar he did penance for his dead mother's sin。
A week later he left the Monastery as a bird leaves its nest； nay； is
pushed out by the far…seeing parent bird； full of vague terrors of the great
world without。 He had a purse for his immediate needs； a letter to a great
knight； Sir John Maltravers； who would be his patron； and another to the
Prior's good friend； the Abbat of St Alban's。 The Convent bade him a sad
farewell； for they loved this gentle lad who had been with them from a
little child； and Brother Richard strained his filmy eyes to look his last at
the young face he would never see again。
The Prior gave him the Communion； and later walked beside him to
the gates。 Then as Hilarius knelt he blessed him； and the boy；
overmastered by nameless fear； sprang up and prayed that he might stay
and learn some other way； however hard。 The Prior shook his head。
〃Nay； my son； so it must be； else how shall I answer to the Master for
this most precious lamb of my flock？ Come back to us … an thou can'st …
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THE GATHERING OF BROTHER HILARIUS
let no fear deter thee； only take heed； when thine eyes are opened and the
great gifts of hunger and love are vouchsafed thee； to keep still the faithful
heart of a little child。〃
Then he bade him go； and Hilarius； for the pull of his heart… strings；
must needs run hot…foot down the broad forest road and along the highway；
without daring to look back； and so out into the wide； wide world。
