phyllis of philistia-第2章

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　openly　insulting　him。　Six　years　afterward；　when　he　had　become　Earl　of　Earlscourt；　and　had　espoused　the　daughter　of　a　duke；a　lady　who　was　greatly　interested　in　the　advance　of　temperance；　he　had　presented　George　Holland　with　the　living　at　St。　Chad's。

People　then　said　that　Lord　Earlscourt　was　a　lesser　fool　than　some　of　his　acts　suggested。　Others　said　that　the　Rev。　George　Holland　had　never　been　a　fool；　though　he　had　been　a　Fellow　of　his　college。

They　were　right。　George　Holland　knew　that　it　was　a　troublesome　process　becoming　a　good　clergyman；　so　he　determined　to　become　a　good　preacher　instead。　In　the　course　of　a　year　he　had　become　probably　the　best…known　preacher　（legitimate；　not　Dissenting）　in　London；　and　that；　too；　without　annoying　the　church…wardens　of　St。　Chad's　by　drawing　crowds　of　undesirable　listeners　to　crush　their　way　into　the　proprietary　sittings；　and　to　join　in　the　singing　and　responses；　and　to　do　other　undesirable　acts。　No；　he　only　drew　to　the　church　the　friends　of　the　said　holders；　whose　contributions　to　the　offertory　were　exemplary。

His　popularity　within　a　certain　circle　was　great；　but；　as　Lord　Earlscourt　was　heard　to　say；　〃He　never　played　to　the　pit。〃

He　was　invited　to　speak　to　a　resolution　at　a　Mansion　House　meeting　to　express　indignation　at　the　maintenance　of　the　opium　traffic　in　China。

He　was　also　invited　by　the　Countess　of　Earlscourt　to　appear　on　the　platform　to　meet　the　deputation　of　Chinese　who　represented　the　city　meeting　held　at　Pekin　in　favor　of　local　option　in　England；　for　the　great　national　voice　of　China　had　pronounced　in　favor　of　local　option　in　England。

Shortly　afterward　he　met　Phyllis　Ayrton；　and　had　asked　her　to　marry　him；　and　she　had　consented。

And　now　Phyllis　was　awaiting　his　coming　to　her；　in　order　that　he　might　learn　from　her　own　lips　what　he　had　already　learned　from　the　letter　which　he　had　received　from　her　the　day　before；　namely；　that　she　found　it　necessary　for　her　own　peace　of　mind　to　break　off　her　engagement　with　him。

Phyllis　Ayrton　had　felt　for　some　months　that　it　would　be　a　great　privilege　for　any　woman　to　become　the　wife　of　a　clergyman。　Like　many　other　girls　who　have　a　good　deal　of　time　for　thought；thought　about　themselves；　their　surroundings；　and　the　world　in　general；she　had　certain　yearnings　after　a　career。　But　she　had　lived　all　her　life　in　Philistia；　and　considered　it　to　be　very　well　adapted　as　a　place　of　abode　for　a　proper…minded　young　woman；　in　fact；　she　could　not　imagine　any　proper…minded　young　woman　living　under　any　other　form　of　government　than　that　which　found　acceptance　in　Philistia。　She　had　no　yearning　to　startle　her　neighbors。　With　a　large　number　of　young　women；　the　idea　that　startling　one's　neighbors　is　a　career　by　itself　seems　to　prevail　just　at　present；　but　Phyllis　had　no　taste　in　this　direction。　Writing　a　book　and　riding　a　bicycle　were　alike　outside　her　calculations　of　a　scheme　of　life。　Hospital　nursing　was　nothing　that　she　would　shrink　from；　at　the　same　time；　it　did　not　attract　her；　she　felt　that　she　could　dress　quite　as　becomingly　as　a　hospital　nurse　in　another　way。

She　wondered；　if　it　should　come　to　the　knowledge　of　the　heads　of　the　government　of　Philistia　that　she　had　a　yearning　to　become　the　wife　of　a　clergyman；　would　they　regard　her　as　worthy　to　be　conducted　across　the　frontier；　and　doomed　to　perpetual　expatriation。　When　she　began　to　think　out　this　point；　she　could　not　but　feel　that　if　she　were　deserving　of　punishment；she　looked　on　expulsion　from　Philistia　as　the　severest　punishment　that　could　be　dealt　out　to　her；　for　she　was　extremely　patriotic；there　were　a　good　many　other　young　women；　and　women　who　were　no　longer　young；　who　were　equally　culpable。　She　had　watched　the　faces　of　quite　a　number　of　the　women　who　crowded　St。　Chad's　at　every　service；　and　she　had　long　ago　come　to　the　conclusion　that　the　desire　to　become　the　wife　of　a　clergyman　was　an　aspiration　which　was　universally　distributed　among　the　unmarried　women　of　the　congregation。

She　knew　so　much；　but　she　was　not　clever　enough　to　know　that　it　was　her　observance　of　this　fact　that　confirmed　her　in　her　belief　that　it　would　be　a　blessed　privilege　for　such　a　woman　as　she　to　become　the　wife　of　such　a　clergyman　as　George　Holland。　She　was　not　wise　enough　to　be　able　to　perceive　that　a　woman　marries　a　man　not　so　much　because　she　things　highly　of　marriagealthough　she　does　think　highly　of　it；　not　so　much　because　she　thinks　highly　of　the　manthough　she　may　think　highly　of　him；　but　simply　because　she　sees　that　other　women　want　to　marry　him。

In　three　months　she　considered　herself　blessed　among　women。　She　was　the　one　chosen　out　of　all　the　flock。　She　did　not　look　around　her　in　church　in　pride　of　conquest；　but　she　looked　demurely　down　to　her　sacred　books；　feeling　that　all　the　other　women　were　gazing　at　her　in　envy；　and　she　felt　that　there　was　no　pride　in　the　thought　that　the　humility　of　her　attitudedowncast　eyes；　with　long　lashes　shading　half　her　cheeks；　meekly　folded　handswas　the　right　one　to　adopt　under　the　circumstances。

And　then　she　saw　several　of　the　young　women　who　had　been　wearing　sober　shades　of　dresses　for　some　years；though　in　their　hearts　（and　she　knew　it）　they　were　passionately　attached　to　colors；appearing　like　poppies　once　more；　and　looking　very　much　the　better　for　the　change；　too；　and　she　felt　that　it　was　truly　sad　for　young　women　towell；　to　show　their　hands；　so　to　speak。　They　might　have　waited　for　some　weeks　before　returning　to　the　colors　of　the　secular。

She　did　not　know　that　they　felt　that　they　had　wasted　too　much　time　in　sober　shades　already。　The　days　are　precious　in　a　world　in　which　no　really　trustworthy　hair　dye　may　be　bought　for　money。

And　then　there　came　to　her　a　month　of　coldly　inquisitive　doubt。　（This　was　when　people　had　ceased　to　congratulate　her　and　to　talk；　the　nice　ones；　of　the　great　cleverness　of　George　Holland；　the　nasty　ones；　of　the　great　pity　that　so　delightful　a　man　did　not　come　of　a　better　family。）

Why　should　she　begin　to　ask　herself　if　she　really　loved　George　Holland；　if　the　feeling　she　had　for　him　should　be　called　by　the　name　of　love；　or　by　some　other　name　that　did　not　mean　just　the　same　thing？　Of　course　she　had　thought　a　good　dealthough　her　father　did　not　know　itof　love。　She　had　seen　upon　other　people　the　effect　of　the　possession　of　this　gift　of　love；　how　it　had　caused　them　to　forget　pain　and　poverty；　and　shame；　and　infamy；　and　God；　and　death；　and　hell。　Ah！　that　was　lovethat　was　love！　and　she　had　hoped　that　one　day　such　a　gift　of　love　would　be　given　to　her；　for　it　was　surely　the　thing　that　was　best　worth　having　in　the　world！　Once　or　twice　she　had　fancied　that　it　was　at　the　point　of　being　given　to　her。　There　had　been　certain　thrilling　passages　between　herself　and　two　men；an　interval　of　a　year　between　each；and　there　had　also　been　a　kiss　in　an　alcove　designed　by　her　dearest　friend；　Ella　Linton；　for　the　undoing　of　mankind；　a　place　of　softened　lights　and　shadowy　palms。　It　was　her　recollection　of　these　incidents　that　had　caused　her　to　fumble　with　the　blind　cord　when　her　father　had　been　suggesting　to　her　the　disadvantages　of　inexperience　in　matters　of　the　heart。　But　the　incidents　had　led　to　nothing；　except；　perhaps；　a　week　or　two　of　remorse。　But　she　could　not　help　feeling；　when　that　month　of　curious　doubt　was　upon　her；　that　the　little　thrill　which　she　had　felt　when　one　man　had　put　his　arm　around　her　for　an　instant；　when　another　manhe　was　very　younghad　put　his　lips　upon　her　mouthit　was　a　straightforward　kisssuggested　a　nearer　approach　to　love　than　she　had　yet　been　conscious　of　in　the　presence　of　George　Holland。　（He　had　never　done　more　than　kiss　her　hand。　Is　it　on　record　that　any　man　did　more　when　dressed　with　the　severity　of　the　cleric？）

This　was　a　terrible　impression　for　a　young　woman　to　retain　before　her　engagement　to　a　man　has　passed　into　its　third　month。　Then　she　began　to　wonder　if　all　her　previous　ideasall　her　previous　aspirationswere　mistaken。　She　began　to　wonder　if　this　was　the　reality　of　lovethis　conviction　that　there　was　nothing　in　the　whole　world　that　she　would　welcome　with　more　enthusiasm　than　an　announcement　on　the　part　of　her　father　that　he　was　going　on　a　voyage　to　Australia；　and　that　he　meant　to　take　her　with　him。

And　then

Well；　then　she　threw　herself　upon　her　bed　and　wept　for　an　hour　one　evening；　and　for　two　hours　（at　intervals）　another　evening；　and　then　looked　up　the　old　published　speeches　made　by　a　certain　cabinet　minister　in　his　irresponsible　days；　on　a　question　which　he　had　recently　introduced。　Her　father　was　bitterly　opposed　to　the　most　recent　views　of　the　minister；　and　was　particularly　anxious　to　confront　him　with　his　own　phrases　of　thirty　years　back。　She　spent　four　hours　copying　out　the　words　which　were　now　meant　by　Mr。　Ayrton　to　confound　the　utterer。



CHAPTER　III。

THE　BISHOP　KNEW　SOMETHING　OF　MAN；　AND　HE　KNEW　SOMETHING　OF　THE　CHURCH；　HE　EVEN　KNEW　SOMETHING　OF　THE　BIBLE。

Her　father　when　he　came　in　commended　her　diligence。　He　read　over　those　damning　extracts；　punctuating　them　with　chuckles；　he　would　make　an　example　of　that　minister　who　had　found　it　convenient　to　adopt　a　course　diametrically　opposed　to　the　principle　involved　in　his　early　speeches。　He　chuckled；　reading　the　extracts　while　he　paced　the　room；　drawing　upon　his　stock　of　telling　phrases；　which　were　calculated　to　turn　the　derision　of　the　whole　House　of　Commons　upon　his　opponent。

Thus；　being　very　well　satisfied　with　himself；　he　was　satisfied　with　her；　and　kissed　her；　with　a　sigh。

〃What　a　treasure　you　are　to　me；　dearest　one！〃　he　said。　There　was　a　pause　before　he　added；　in　a　contemplative　tone：

〃I　suppose　a　clergyman　has　no　need　ever　to　hunt　up　the　past　deliverances　of　another　clergyman　in　order　to　confound　him　out　of　his　own　mouth。　Ah；　no；　I　should　fancy　not。〃

Regret　was　in　his　voice。　He　seemed　to　suggest　to　her　that　he　believed　her　powers　would　be　wasted　as　the　wife　of　a　man　who；　of　course；　being　a　clergyman；　could　have　no　enemies。

〃Dearest　papa！〃　she　cried；　throwing　herself　into　his　arms；　and　sobbing　on　his　shirt　front；　〃dearest　papa；　I　will　not　leave　you。　I　don't　want　to　be　anyone's　wife。　I　want　to　be　your　daughteronly　to　be　your　daughter。〃

He　comforted　her　with　kisses　and　soothing　smoothings　of　the　hair。　No；　no；　he　said；　he　would　not　be　selfish。　He　would　remember　that　a　father　was　the　trustee　of　his　child's　happiness。

〃But　I　know　I　can　only　be　happy　with　you；　my　father！〃　she　cried；　but　it　was　of　no　avail。　He；　being　a　father　and　not　a　mother；　was　unable　to　perceive　what　was　in　the　girl's　heart。　He　considered　it　quite　natural　that　she　should　be　a　trifle　hysterical　in　anticipating　her　new　life　that　strange　untraveled　country！　Ah；　is　there　anything　more　pathetic；　he　thought；　than　a　girl's　anticipations　of　wifehood？　But　he　would　do　his　duty；　and　he　fancied　that　he　was　doing　his　duty　when　he　put　aside　her　earnest；　almost　passionate　protestations；　and　told　her　how　happy　she　would　be　with　the　man　who　was　lucky　enough　to　have　won　the　pure　treasure　of　her　love。

What　could　she　do？　The　terrible　doubts　of　that　month　of　doubting　broadened　into　certainties。　She　knew　that　she　did　not　love　George　Holland；　but　she　had　not　the　courage　to　face　Philistia　as　the　girl　who　did　not　know　her　own　mind。　Philistia　was　very　solid　on　such　points　as　the　sacredness　of　an　engagement　between