david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第29章

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I　said：　‘Yes。’　

‘And　your　shirts；’　said　Miss　Murdstone；　‘have　you　brought　’em　
home？’　

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David　Copperfield　

‘Yes；　ma’am。　I　have　brought　home　all　my　clothes。’　

This　was　all　the　consolation　that　her　firmness　administered　to　
me。　I　do　not　doubt　that　she　had　a　choice　pleasure　in　exhibiting　
what　she　called　her　self…command；　and　her　firmness；　and　her　
strength　of　mind；　and　her　common　sense；　and　the　whole　diabolical　
catalogue　of　her　unamiable　qualities；　on　such　an　occasion。　She　was　
particularly　proud　of　her　turn　for　business；　and　she　showed　it　now　
in　reducing　everything　to　pen　and　ink；　and　being　moved　by　
nothing。　All　the　rest　of　that　day；　and　from　morning　to　night　
afterwards；　she　sat　at　that　desk；　scratching　composedly　with　a　
hard　pen；　speaking　in　the　same　imperturbable　whisper　to　
everybody；　never　relaxing　a　muscle　of　her　face；　or　softening　a　tone　
of　her　voice；　or　appearing　with　an　atom　of　her　dress　astray。　

Her　brother　took　a　book　sometimes；　but　never　read　it　that　I　
saw。　He　would　open　it　and　look　at　it　as　if　he　were　reading；　but　
would　remain　for　a　whole　hour　without　turning　the　leaf；　and　then　
put　it　down　and　walk　to　and　fro　in　the　room。　I　used　to　sit　with　
folded　hands　watching　him；　and　counting　his　footsteps；　hour　after　
hour。　He　very　seldom　spoke　to　her；　and　never　to　me。　He　seemed　to　
be　the　only　restless　thing；　except　the　clocks；　in　the　whole　
motionless　house。　

In　these　days　before　the　funeral；　I　saw　but　little　of　Peggotty；　
except　that；　in　passing　up　or　down　stairs；　I　always　found　her　close　
to　the　room　where　my　mother　and　her　baby　lay；　and　except　that　
she　came　to　me　every　night；　and　sat　by　my　bed’s　head　while　I　went　
to　sleep。　A　day　or　two　before　the　burial—I　think　it　was　a　day　or　two　
before；　but　I　am　conscious　of　confusion　in　my　mind　about　that　
heavy　time；　with　nothing　to　mark　its　progress—she　took　me　into　
the　room。　I　only　recollect　that　underneath　some　white　covering　on　

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the　bed；　with　a　beautiful　cleanliness　and　freshness　all　around　it；　
there　seemed　to　me　to　lie　embodied　the　solemn　stillness　that　was　
in　the　house；　and　that　when　she　would　have　turned　the　cover　
gently　back；　I　cried：　‘Oh　no！　oh　no！’　and　held　her　hand。　

If　the　funeral　had　been　yesterday；　I　could　not　recollect　it　better。　
The　very　air　of　the　best　parlour；　when　I　went　in　at　the　door；　the　
bright　condition　of　the　fire；　the　shining　of　the　wine　in　the　
decanters；　the　patterns　of　the　glasses　and　plates；　the　faint　sweet　
smell　of　cake；　the　odour　of　Miss　Murdstone’s　dress；　and　our　black　
clothes。　Mr。　Chillip　is　in　the　room；　and　comes　to　speak　to　me。　

‘And　how　is　Master　David？’　he　says；　kindly。　

I　cannot　tell　him　very　well。　I　give　him　my　hand；　which　he　holds　
in　his。　

‘Dear　me！’　says　Mr。　Chillip；　meekly　smiling；　with　something　
shining　in　his　eye。　‘Our　little　friends　grow　up　around　us。　They　
grow　out　of　our　knowledge；　ma’am？’　This　is　to　Miss　Murdstone；　
who　makes　no　reply。　

‘There　is　a　great　improvement　here；　ma’am？’　says　Mr。　Chillip。　

Miss　Murdstone　merely　answers　with　a　frown　and　a　formal　
bend：　Mr。　Chillip；　discomfited；　goes　into　a　corner；　keeping　me　with　
him；　and　opens　his　mouth　no　more。　

I　remark　this；　because　I　remark　everything　that　happens；　not　
because　I　care　about　myself；　or　have　done　since　I　came　home。　And　
now　the　bell　begins　to　sound；　and　Mr。　Omer　and　another　come　to　
make　us　ready。　As　Peggotty　was　wont　to　tell　me；　long　ago；　the　
followers　of　my　father　to　the　same　grave　were　made　ready　in　the　
same　room。　

There　are　Mr。　Murdstone；　our　neighbour　Mr。　Grayper；　Mr。　
Chillip；　and　I。　When　we　go　out　to　the　door；　the　Bearers　and　their　

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load　are　in　the　garden；　and　they　move　before　us　down　the　path；　
and　past　the　elms；　and　through　the　gate；　and　into　the　churchyard；　
where　I　have　so　often　heard　the　birds　sing　on　a　summer　morning。　

We　stand　around　the　grave。　The　day　seems　different　to　me　from　
every　other　day；　and　the　light　not　of　the　same　colour—of　a　sadder　
colour。　Now　there　is　a　solemn　hush；　which　we　have　brought　from　
home　with　what　is　resting　in　the　mould；　and　while　we　stand　
bareheaded；　I　hear　the　voice　of　the　clergyman；　sounding　remote　in　
the　open　air；　and　yet　distinct　and　plain；　saying：　‘I　am　the　
Resurrection　and　the　Life；　saith　the　Lord！’　Then　I　hear　sobs；　and；　
standing　apart　among　the　lookers…on；　I　see　that　good　and　faithful　
servant；　whom　of　all　the　people　upon　earth　I　love　the　best；　and　
unto　whom　my　childish　heart　is　certain　that　the　Lord　will　one　day　
say：　‘Well　done。’　

There　are　many　faces　that　I　know；　among　the　little　crowd；　faces　
that　I　knew　in　church；　when　mine　was　always　wondering　there；　
faces　that　first　saw　my　mother；　when　she　came　to　the　village　in　her　
youthful　bloom。　I　do　not　mind　them—I　mind　nothing　but　my　
grief—and　yet　I　see　and　know　them　all；　and　even　in　the　
background；　far　away；　see　Minnie　looking　on；　and　her　eye　glancing　
on　her　sweetheart；　who　is　near　me。　

It　is　over；　and　the　earth　is　filled　in；　and　we　turn　to　come　away。　
Before　us　stands　our　house；　so　pretty　and　unchanged；　so　linked　in　
my　mind　with　the　young　idea　of　what　is　gone；　that　all　my　sorrow　
has　been　nothing　to　the　sorrow　it　calls　forth。　But　they　take　me　on；　
and　Mr。　Chillip　talks　to　me；　and　when　we　get　home；　puts　some　
water　to　my　lips；　and　when　I　ask　his　leave　to　go　up　to　my　room；　
dismisses　me　with　the　gentleness　of　a　woman。　

All　this；　I　say；　is　yesterday’s　event。　Events　of　later　date　have　

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floated　from　me　to　the　shore　where　all　forgotten　things　will　
reappear；　but　this　stands　like　a　high　rock　in　the　ocean。　

I　knew　that　Peggotty　would　come　to　me　in　my　room。　The　
Sabbath　stillness　of　the　time　（the　day　was　so　like　Sunday！　I　have　
forgotten　that）　was　suited　to　us　both。　She　sat　down　by　my　side　
upon　my　little　bed；　and　holding　my　hand；　and　sometimes　putting　it　
to　her　lips；　and　sometimes　smoothing　it　with　hers；　as　she　might　
have　comforted　my　little　brother；　told　me；　in　her　way；　all　that　she　
had　to　tell　concerning　what　had　happened。　

‘She　was　never　well；’　said　Peggotty；　‘for　a　long　time。　She　was　
uncertain　in　her　mind；　and　not　happy。　When　her　baby　was　born；　I　
thought　at　first　she　would　get　better；　but　she　was　more　delicate；　
and　sunk　a　little　every　day。　She　used　to　like　to　sit　alone　before　her　
baby　came；　and　then　she　cried；　but　afterwards　she　used　to　sing　to　
it—so　soft；　that　I　once　thought；　when　I　heard　her；　it　was　like　a　
voice　up　in　the　air；　that　was　rising　away。　

‘I　think　she　got　to　be　more　timid；　and　more　frightened…like；　of　
late；　and　that　a　hard　word　was　like　a　blow　to　her。　But　she　was　
always　the　same　to　me。　She　never　changed　to　her　foolish　Peggotty；　
didn’t　my　sweet　girl。’　

Here　Peggotty　stopped；　and　softly　beat　upon　my　hand　a　little　
while。　

‘The　last　time　that　I　saw　her　like　her　own　old　self；　was　the　night　
when　you　came　home；　my　dear。　The　day　you　went　away；　she　said　
to　me；　“I　never　shall　see　my　pretty　darling　again。　Something　tells　
me　so；　that　tells　the　truth；　I　know。”　

‘She　tried　to　hold　up　after　that；　and　many　a　time；　when　they　
told　her　she　was　thoughtless　and　light…hearted；　made　believe　to　be　

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so；　but　it　was　all　a　bygone　then。　She　never　told　her　husband　what　
she　had　told　me—she　was　afraid　of　saying　it　to　anybody　else—till　
one　night；　a　little　more　than　a　week　before　it　happened；　when　she　
said　to　him：　“My　dear；　I　think　I　am　dying。”　

‘“It’s　off　my　mind　now；　Peggotty；”　she　told　me；　when　I　laid　her　
in　her　bed　that　night。　“He　will　believe　it　more　and　more；　poor　
fellow；　every　day　for　a　few　days　to　come；　and　then　it　will　be　past。　I　
am　very　tired。　If　this　is　sleep；　sit　by　me　while　I　sleep：　don’t　leave　
me。　God　bless　both　my　children！　God　protect　and　keep　my　
fatherless　boy！”　

‘I　never　left　her　afterwards；’　said　Peggotty。　‘She　often　talked　to　
them　two　downstairs—for　she　loved　them；　she　couldn’t　bear　not　to　
love　anyone　who　was　about　her—but　when　they　went　away　from　
her　bed…side；　she　always　turned　to　me；　as　if　there　was　rest　where　
Peggotty　was；　and　never　fell　asleep　in　any　other　way。　

‘On　the　last　night；　in　the　evening；　she　kissed　me；　and　said：　“If　
my　baby　should　die　too；　Peggotty；　please　let　them　lay　him　in　my　
arms；　and　bury　us　together。”　（It　was　done；　for　the　poor　lamb　lived　
but　a　day　beyond　her。）　“Let　my　dearest　boy　go　with　us　to　our　
resting…place；”　she　said；　“and　tell　him　that　his　mother；　when　she　
lay　here；　blessed　him　not　once；　but　a　thousand　times。”’　

Another　silence　followed　this；　and　another　gentle　beating　on　my　
hand。　

‘It　was　pretty　far　in　the　night；’　said　Peggotty；　‘when　she　asked　
me　for　some　drink；　and　when　she　had　taken　it；　gave　me　such　a　
patient　smile；　the　dear！—so　beautiful！　

‘Daybreak　had　come；　and　the　sun　was　rising；　when　she　said　to　
me；　how　kind　and　considerate　Mr。　Copperfield　had　always　been　to　
her；　and　how　he　had　borne　with　her；　and　told　her；　when　she　

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doubted　herself；　that　a　loving　heart　was　better　and　stronger　than　
wisdom；　and　that　he　was　a　happy　man　in　hers。　“Peggotty；　my　
dear；”　she　said　then；　“put　me　nearer　to　you；”　for　she　was　very　
weak。　“Lay　your　good　arm　underneath　my　neck；”　she　said；　“and　
turn　me　to　you；　for　your　face　is　going　far　off；　and　I　want　it　to　be　
near。”　I　put　it　as　she　asked；　and　oh　Davy！　the　time　had　come　when　
my　first　parting　words　to　you　were　true—when　she　was　glad　to　lay　
her　poor　head　on　her　stupid　cross　old　Peggotty’s　arm—and　she　
died　like　a　child　that　had　gone　to　sleep！’　

Thus　ended　Peggotty’s　narration。　From　the　moment　of　my　
knowing　of　the　death　of　my　mother；　the　idea　of　her　as　she　had　
been　of　late　had　vanished　from　me。　I　remembered　her；　from　that　
instant；　only　as　the　young　mother　of　my　earliest　impressions；　who　
had　been　used　to　wind　her　bright　curls　round　and　round　her　
finger；　and　to　dance　with　me　at　twilight　in　the　parlour。　What　
Peggotty　had　told　me　now；　was　so　far　from　bringing　me　back　to　
the　later　period；　that　it　rooted　the　earlier　image　in　my　mind。　It　may　
be　curious；　but　it　is　true。　In　her　death　she　winged　her　way　back　to　
her　calm　untroubled　youth；　and　cancelled　all　the　rest。　

The　mother　who　lay　in　the　grave；　was　the　mother　of　my　infancy；　
the　little　creature　in　her　arms；　was　myself；　as　I　had　once　been；　
hushed　for　ever　on　her　bosom。　

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Chapter　10　

I　BECOME　NEGLECTED；　AND　AM　PROVIDED
FOR


The　first　act　of　business　Miss　Murdstone　performed　when　
the　day　of　the　solemnity　was　over；　and　light　was　freely　
admitted　into　the　house；　was　to　give　Peggotty　a　month’s　
warning。　Much　as　Peggotty　would　have　disliked　such　a　service；　I　
believe　she　would　have　retained　it；　for　my　sake；　in　preference　to　
the　best　upon　earth。　She　told　me　we　must　part；　and　told　me　why；　
and　we　condoled　with　one　another；　in　all　sincerity。　

As　to　me　or　my　future；　not　a　w