david copperfield(大卫.科波维尔)-第26章
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friend； I know； if I have any in the world。 When I call you a
ridiculous creature； or a vexatious thing； or anything of that sort；
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David Copperfield
Peggotty； I only mean that you are my true friend； and always
have been； ever since the night when Mr。 Copperfield first brought
me home here； and you came out to the gate to meet me。’
Peggotty was not slow to respond； and ratify the treaty of
friendship by giving me one of her best hugs。 I think I had some
glimpses of the real character of this conversation at the time； but
I am sure； now； that the good creature originated it； and took her
part in it； merely that my mother might comfort herself with the
little contradictory summary in which she had indulged。 The
design was efficacious； for I remember that my mother seemed
more at ease during the rest of the evening； and that Peggotty
observed her less。
When we had had our tea； and the ashes were thrown up； and
the candles snuffed； I read Peggotty a chapter out of the Crocodile
Book； in remembrance of old times—she took it out of her pocket：
I don’t know whether she had kept it there ever since—and then
we talked about Salem House； which brought me round again to
Steerforth； who was my great subject。 We were very happy； and
that evening； as the last of its race； and destined evermore to close
that volume of my life； will never pass out of my memory。
It was almost ten o’clock before we heard the sound of wheels。
We all got up then； and my mother said hurriedly that； as it was so
late； and Mr。 and Miss Murdstone approved of early hours for
young people； perhaps I had better go to bed。 I kissed her； and
went upstairs with my candle directly； before they came in。 It
appeared to my childish fancy； as I ascended to the bedroom
where I had been imprisoned； that they brought a cold blast of air
into the house which blew away the old familiar feeling like a
feather。
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David Copperfield
I felt uncomfortable about going down to breakfast in the
morning； as I had never set eyes on Mr。 Murdstone since the day
when I committed my memorable offence。 However； as it must be
done； I went down； after two or three false starts half…way； and as
many runs back on tiptoe to my own room； and presented myself
in the parlour。
He was standing before the fire with his back to it； while Miss
Murdstone made the tea。 He looked at me steadily as I entered；
but made no sign of recognition whatever。 I went up to him； after a
moment of confusion； and said： ‘I beg your pardon； sir。 I am very
sorry for what I did； and I hope you will forgive me。’
‘I am glad to hear you are sorry； David；’ he replied。
The hand he gave me was the hand I had bitten。 I could not
restrain my eye from resting for an instant on a red spot upon it；
but it was not so red as I turned； when I met that sinister
expression in his face。
‘How do you do； ma’am？’ I said to Miss Murdstone。
‘Ah； dear me！’ sighed Miss Murdstone； giving me the tea…caddy
scoop instead of her fingers。 ‘How long are the holidays？’
‘A month； ma’am。’
‘Counting from when？’
‘From today； ma’am。’
‘Oh！’ said Miss Murdstone。 ‘Then here’s one day off。’
She kept a calendar of the holidays in this way； and every
morning checked a day off in exactly the same manner。 She did it
gloomily until she came to ten； but when she got into two figures
she became more hopeful； and； as the time advanced； even jocular。
It was on this very first day that I had the misfortune to throw
her； though she was not subject to such weakness in general； into
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David Copperfield
a state of violent consternation。 I came into the room where she
and my mother were sitting； and the baby （who was only a few
weeks old） being on my mother’s lap； I took it very carefully in my
arms。 Suddenly Miss Murdstone gave such a scream that I all but
dropped it。
‘My dear Jane！’ cried my mother。
‘Good heavens； Clara； do you see？’ exclaimed Miss Murdstone。
‘See what； my dear Jane？’ said my mother； ‘where？’
‘He’s got it！’ cried Miss Murdstone。 ‘The boy has got the baby！’
She was limp with horror； but stiffened herself to make a dart
at me； and take it out of my arms。 Then； she turned faint； and was
so very ill that they were obliged to give her cherry brandy。 I was
solemnly interdicted by her； on her recovery； from touching my
brother any more on any pretence whatever； and my poor mother；
who； I could see； wished otherwise； meekly confirmed the
interdict； by saying： ‘No doubt you are right； my dear Jane。’
On another occasion； when we three were together； this same
dear baby—it was truly dear to me； for our mother’s sake—was the
innocent occasion of Miss Murdstone’s going into a passion。 My
mother； who had been looking at its eyes as it lay upon her lap；
said：
‘Davy！ come here！’ and looked at mine。
I saw Miss Murdstone lay her beads down。
‘I declare；’ said my mother； gently； ‘they are exactly alike。 I
suppose they are mine。 I think they are the colour of mine。 But
they are wonderfully alike。’
‘What are you talking about； Clara？’ said Miss Murdstone。
‘My dear Jane；’ faltered my mother； a little abashed by the
harsh tone of this inquiry； ‘I find that the baby’s eyes and Davy’s
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
are exactly alike。’
‘Clara！’ said Miss Murdstone； rising angrily； ‘you are a positive
fool sometimes。’
‘My dear Jane；’ remonstrated my mother。
‘A positive fool；’ said Miss Murdstone。 ‘Who else could compare
my brother’s baby with your boy？ They are not at all alike。 They
are exactly unlike。 They are utterly dissimilar in all respects。 I
hope they will ever remain so。 I will not sit here； and hear such
comparisons made。’ With that she stalked out； and made the door
bang after her。
In short； I was not a favourite with Miss Murdstone。 In short； I
was not a favourite there with anybody； not even with myself； for
those who did like me could not show it； and those who did not；
showed it so plainly that I had a sensitive consciousness of always
appearing constrained； boorish； and dull。
I felt that I made them as uncomfortable as they made me。 If I
came into the room where they were； and they were talking
together and my mother seemed cheerful； an anxious cloud would
steal over her face from the moment of my entrance。 If Mr。
Murdstone were in his best humour； I checked him。 If Miss
Murdstone were in her worst； I intensified it。 I had perception
enough to know that my mother was the victim always； that she
was afraid to speak to me or to be kind to me； lest she should give
them some offence by her manner of doing so； and receive a
lecture afterwards； that she was not only ceaselessly afraid of her
own offending； but of my offending； and uneasily watched their
looks if I only moved。 Therefore I resolved to keep myself as much
out of their way as I could； and many a wintry hour did I hear the
church clock strike； when I was sitting in my cheerless bedroom；
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
wrapped in my little great…coat； poring over a book。
In the evening； sometimes； I went and sat with Peggotty in the
kitchen。 There I was comfortable； and not afraid of being myself。
But neither of these resources was approved of in the parlour。 The
tormenting humour which was dominant there stopped them
both。 I was still held to be necessary to my poor mother’s training；
and； as one of her trials； could not be suffered to absent myself。
‘David；’ said Mr。 Murdstone； one day after dinner when I was
going to leave the room as usual； ‘I am sorry to observe that you
are of a sullen disposition。’
‘As sulky as a bear！’ said Miss Murdstone。
I stood still； and hung my head。
‘Now； David；’ said Mr。 Murdstone； ‘a sullen obdurate
disposition is； of all tempers； the worst。’
‘And the boy’s is； of all such dispositions that ever I have seen；’
remarked his sister； ‘the most confirmed and stubborn。 I think； my
dear Clara； even you must observe it？’
‘I beg your pardon； my dear Jane；’ said my mother； ‘but are you
quite sure—I am certain you’ll excuse me； my dear Jane—that you
understand Davy？’
‘I should be somewhat ashamed of myself； Clara；’ returned Miss
Murdstone； ‘if I could not understand the boy； or any boy。 I don’t
profess to be profound； but I do lay claim to common sense。’
‘No doubt； my dear Jane；’ returned my mother； ‘your
understanding is very vigorous—’
‘Oh dear； no！ Pray don’t say that； Clara；’ interposed Miss
Murdstone； angrily。
‘But I am sure it is；’ resumed my mother； ‘and everybody knows
it is。 I profit so much by it myself； in many ways—at least I ought
Charles Dickens ElecBook Classics
David Copperfield
to—that no one can be more convinced of it than myself； and
therefore I speak with great diffidence； my dear Jane； I assure
you。’
‘We’ll say I don’t understand the boy； Clara；’ returned Miss
Murdstone； arranging the little fetters on her wrists。 ‘We’ll agree；
if you please； that I don’t understand him at all。 He is much too
deep for me。 But perhaps my brother’s penetration may enable
him to have some insight into his character。 And I believe my
brother was speaking on the subject when we—not very
decently—interrupted him。’
‘I think； Clara；’ said Mr。 Murdstone； in a low grave voice； ‘that
there may be better and more dispassionate judges of such a
question than you。’
‘Edward；’ replied my mother； timidly； ‘you are a far better judge
of all questions than I pretend to be。 Both you and Jane are。 I only
said—’
‘You only said something weak and inconsiderate；’ he replied。
‘Try not to do it again； my dear Clara； and keep a watch upon
yourself。’
My mother’s lips moved； as if she answered ‘Yes； my dear
Edward；’ but she said nothing aloud。
‘I was sorry； David； I remarked；’ said Mr。 Murdstone； turning
his head and his eyes stiffly towards me； ‘to observe that you are of
a sullen disposition。 This is not a character that I can suffer to
develop itself beneath my eyes without an effort at improvement。
You must endeavour； sir； to change it。 We must endeavour to
change it for you。’
‘I beg your pardon； sir；’ I faltered。 ‘I have never meant to be
sullen since I came back。’
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David Copperfield
‘Don’t take refuge in a lie； sir！’ he returned so fiercely； that I
saw my mother involuntarily put out her trembling hand as if to
interpose between us。 ‘You have withdrawn yourself in your
sullenness to your own room。 You have kept your own room when
you ought to have been here。 You know now； once for all； that I
require you to be here； and not there。 Further； that I require you
to bring obedience here。 You know me； David。 I will have it done。’
Miss Murdstone gave a hoarse chuckle。
‘I will
