the queen of hearts-第7章

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that　one　darling　treasure　which　you　are　guarding　perhaps；　at　this
moment；　under　your　own　roofall　my　happiness　depends　on　making
Jessie　Yelverton　my　wife。

〃If　I　did　not　sincerely　believe　that　you　will　heartily　approve　of
my　choice；　I　should　hardly　have　ventured　on　this　abrupt
confession。　Now　that　I　have　made　it；　let　me　go　on　and　tell　you
why　I　have　kept　my　attachment　up　to　this　time　a　secret　from　every
oneeven　from　Jessie　herself。　（You　see　I　call　her　by　her
Christian　name　already！）

〃I　should　have　risked　everything；　father；　and　have　laid　my　whole
heart　open　before　her　more　than　a　year　ago；　but　for　the　order
which　sent　our　regiment　out　to　take　its　share　in　this　great
struggle　of　the　Russian　war。　No　ordinary　change　in　my　life　would
have　silenced　me　on　the　subject　of　all　others　of　which　I　was　most
anxious　to　speak；　but　this　change　made　me　think　seriously　of　the
future；　and　out　of　those　thoughts　came　the　resolution　which　I
have　kept　until　this　time。　For　her　sake；　and　for　her　sake　only；　I
constrained　myself　to　leave　the　words　unspoken　which　might　have
made　her　my　promised　wife。　I　resolved　to　spare　her　the　dreadful
suspense　of　waiting　for　her　betrothed　husband　till　the　perils　of
war　might；　or　might　not；　give　him　back　to　her。　I　resolved　to　save
her　from　the　bitter　grief　of　my　death　if　a　bullet　laid　me　low。　I
resolved　to　preserve　her　from　the　wretched　sacrifice　of　herself
if　I　came　back；　as　many　a　brave　man　will　come　back　from　this　war；
invalided　for　life。　Leaving　her　untrammeled　by　any　engagement；
unsuspicious　perhaps　of　my　real　feelings　toward　her；　I　might　die；
and　know　that；　by　keeping　silence；　I　had　spared　a　pang　to　the
heart　that　was　dearest　to　me。　This　was　the　thought　that　stayed
the　words　on　my　lips　when　I　left　England；　uncertain　whether　I
should　ever　come　back。　If　I　had　loved　her　less　dearly；　if　her
happiness　had　been　less　precious　to　me；　I　might　have　given　way
under　the　hard　restraint　I　imposed　on　myself；　and　might　have
spoken　selfishly　at　the　last　moment。

〃And　now　the　time　of　trial　is　past；　the　war　is　over；　and；
although　I　still　walk　a　little　lame；　I　am；　thank　God；　in　as　good
health　and　in　much　better　spirits　than　when　I　left　home。　Oh；
father；　if　I　should　lose　her　nowif　I　should　get　no　reward　for
sparing　her　but　the　bitterest　of　all　disappointments！　Sometimes　I
am　vain　enough　to　think　that　I　made　some　little　impression　on
her；　sometimes　I　doubt　if　she　has　a　suspicion　of　my　love。　She
lives　in　a　gay　worldshe　is　the　center　of　perpetual
admirationmen　with　all　the　qualities　to　win　a　woman's　heart　are
perpetually　about　hercan　I；　dare　I　hope？　Yes；　I　must！　Only　keep
her；　I　entreat　you；　at　The　Glen　Tower。　In　that　quiet　world；　in
that　freedom　from　frivolities　and　temptations；　she　will　listen　to
me　as　she　might　listen　nowhere　else。　Keep　her；　my　dearest；
kindest　fatherand；　above　all　things；　breathe　not　a　word　to　her
of　this　letter。　I　have　surely　earned　the　privilege　of　being　the
first　to　open　her　eyes　to　the　truth。　She　must　know　nothing；　now
that　I　am　coming　home；　till　she　knows　all　from　my　own　lips。〃


Here　the　writing　hurriedly　broke　off。　I　am　only　giving　myself
credit　for　common　feeling；　I　trust；　when　I　confess　that　what　I
read　deeply　affected　me。　I　think　I　never　felt　so　fond　of　my　boy；
and　so　proud　of　him；　as　at　the　moment　when　I　laid　down　his
letter。

As　soon　as　I　could　control　my　spirits；　I　began　to　calculate　the
question　of　time　with　a　trembling　eagerness；　which　brought　back
to　my　mind　my　own　young　days　of　love　and　hope。　My　son　was　to　come
back；　at　the　latest；　on　the　first　of　November；　and　Jessie's
allotted　six　weeks　would　expire　on　the　twenty…second　of　October。
Ten　days　too　soon！　But　for　the　caprice　which　had　brought　her　to
us　exactly　that　number　of　days　before　her　time　she　would　have
been　in　the　house；　as　a　matter　of　necessity；　on　George's　return。

I　searched　back　in　my　memory　for　a　conversation　that　I　had　held
with　her　a　week　since　on　her　future　plans。　Toward　the　middle　of
November；　her　aunt；　Lady　Westwick；　had　arranged　to　go　to　her
house　in　Paris；　and　Jessie　was；　of　course；　to　accompany　herto
accompany　her　into　that　very　circle　of　the　best　English　and　the
best　French　society　which　contained　in　it　the　elements　most
adverse　to　George's　hopes。　Between　this　time　and　that　she　had　no
special　engagement；　and　she　had　only　settled　to　write　and　warn
her　aunt　of　her　return　to　London　a　day　or　two　before　she　left　The
Glen　Tower。

Under　these　circumstances；　the　first；　the　all…important　necessity
was　to　prevail　on　her　to　prolong　her　stay　beyond　the　allotted　six
weeks　by　ten　days。　After　the　caution　to　be　silent　impressed　on　me
（and　most　naturally；　poor　boy）　in　George's　letter；　I　felt　that　I
could　only　appeal　to　her　on　the　ordinary　ground　of　hospitality。
Would　this　be　sufficient　to　effect　the　object？

I　was　sure　that　the　hours　of　the　morning　and　the　afternoon　had；
thus　far；　been　fully　and　happily　occupied　by　her　various
amusements　indoors　and　out。　She　was　no　more　weary　of　her　days　now
than　she　had　been　when　she　first　came　among　us。　But　I　was　by　no
means　so　certain　that　she　was　not　tired　of　her　evenings。　I　had
latterly　noticed　symptoms　of　weariness　after　the　lamps　were　lit；
and　a　suspicious　regularity　in　retiring　to　bed　the　moment　the
clock　struck　ten。　If　I　could　provide　her　with　a　new　amusement　for
the　long　evenings；　I　might　leave　the　days　to　take　care　of
themselves；　and　might　then　make　sure　（seeing　that　she　had　no
special　engagement　in　London　until　the　middle　of　November）　of　her
being　sincerely　thankful　and　ready　to　prolong　her　stay。

How　was　this　to　be　done？　The　piano　and　the　novels　had　both　failed
to　attract　her。　What　other　amusement　was　there　to　offer？

It　was　useless；　at　present；　to　ask　myself　such　questions　as
these。　I　was　too　much　agitated　to　think　collectedly　on　the　most
trifling　subjects。　I　was　even　too　restless　to　stay　in　my　own
room。　My　son's　letter　had　given　me　so　fresh　an　interest　in　Jessie
that　I　was　now　as　impatient　to　see　her　as　if　we　were　about　to
meet　for　the　first　time。　I　wanted　to　look　at　her　with　my　new
eyes；　to　listen　to　her　with　my　new　ears；　to　study　her　secretly
with　my　new　purposes；　and　my　new　hopes　and　fears。　To　my　dismay
（for　I　wanted　the　very　weather　itself　to　favor　George's
interests）；　it　was　raining　heavily　that　morning。　I　knew；
therefore；　that　I　should　probably　find　her　in　her　own
sitting…room。　When　I　knocked　at　her　door；　with　George's　letter
crumpled　up　in　my　hand；　with　George's　hopes　in　full　possession　of
my　heart；　it　is　no　exaggeration　to　say　that　my　nerves　were　almost
as　much　fluttered；　and　my　ideas　almost　as　much　confused；　as　they
were　on　a　certain　memorable　day　in　the　far　past；　when　I　rose；　in
brand…new　wig　and　gown；　to　set　my　future　prospects　at　the　bar　on
the　hazard　of　my　first　speech。

When　I　entered　the　room　I　found　Jessie　leaning　back　languidly　in
her　largest　arm…chair；　watching　the　raindrops　dripping　down　the
window…pane。　The　unfortunate　box　of　novels　was　open　by　her　side；
and　the　books　were　lying；　for　the　most　part；　strewed　about　on　the
ground　at　her　feet。　One　volume　lay　open；　back　upward；　on　her　lap；
and　her　hands　were　crossed　over　it　listlessly。　To　my　great
dismay；　she　was　yawningpalpably　and　widely　yawningwhen　I　came
in。

No　sooner　did　I　find　myself　in　her　presence　than　an　irresistible
anxiety　to　make　some　secret　discovery　of　the　real　state　of　her
feelings　toward　George　took　possession　of　me。　After　the　customary
condolences　on　the　imprisonment　to　which　she　was　subjected　by　the
weather；　I　said；　in　as　careless　a　manner　as　it　was　possible　to
assume：

〃I　have　heard　from　my　son　this　morning。　He　talks　of　being　ordered
home；　and　tells　me　I　may　expect　to　see　him　before　the　end　of　the
year。〃

I　was　too　cautious　to　mention　the　exact　date　of　his　return；　for
in　that　case　she　might　have　detected　my　motive　for　asking　her　to
prolong　her　visit。

〃Oh；　indeed？〃　she　said。　〃How　very　nice。　How　glad　you　must　be。〃

I　watched　her　narrowly。　The　clear；　dark　blue　eyes　met　mine　as
openly　as　ever。　The　smooth；　round　cheeks　kept　their　fresh　color
quite　unchanged。　The　full；　good…humored；　smiling　lips　never
trembled　or　altered　their　expression　in　the　slightest　degree。　Her
light　checked　silk　dress；　with　its　pretty　trimming　of
cherry…colored　ribbon；　lay　quite　still　over　the　bosom　beneath　it。
For　all　the　information　I　could　get　from　her　look　and　manner；　we
might　as　well　have　been　a　hundred　miles　apart　from　each　other。　Is
the　best　woman　in　the　world　little　better　than　a　fathomless　abyss
of　duplicity　on　certain　occasions；　and　where　certain　feelings　of
her　own　are　concerned？　I　would　rather　not　think　that；　and　yet　I
don't　know　how　to　account　otherwise　for　the　masterly　manner　in
which　Miss　Jessie　contrived　to　baffle　me。

I　was　afraidliterally　afraidto　broach　the　subject　of
prolonging　her　sojourn　with　us　on　a　rainy　day；　so　I　changed　the
topic；　in　despair；　to　the　novels　that　were　scattered　about　her。

〃Can　you　find　nothing　there；〃　I　asked；　〃to　amuse　you　this　wet
morning？〃

〃There　are　two　or　three　good　novels；〃　she　said；　carelessly；　〃but
I　read　them　before　I　left　London。〃

〃And　the　others　won't　even　do　for　a　dull　day　in　the　country？〃　I
went　on。

〃They　might　do　for　some　people；〃　she　answered；　〃but　not　for　me。
I'm　rather　peculiar；　perhaps；　in　my　tastes。　I'm　sick　to　death　of
novels　with　an　earnest　purpose。　I'm　sick　to　death　of　outbursts　of
eloquence；　and　large…minded　philanthropy；　and　graphic
descriptions；　and　unsparing　anatomy　of　the　human　heart；　and　all
that　sort　of　thing。　Good　gracious　me！　isn't　it　the　original
intention　or　purpose；　or　whatever　you　call　it；　of　a　work　of
fiction；　to　set　out　distinctly　by　telling　a　story？　And　how　many
of　these　books；　I　should　like　to　know；　do　that？　Why；　so　far　as
telling　a　story　is　concerned；　the　greater　part　of　them　might　as
well　be　sermons　as　novels。　Oh；　dear　me！　what　I　want　is　something
that　seizes　hold　of　my　interest；　and　makes　me　forget　when　it　is
time　to　dress　for　dinnersomething　that　keeps　me　reading；
reading；　reading；　in　a　breathless　state　to　find　out　the　end。　You
know　what　I　meanat　least　you　ought。　Why；　there　was　that　little
chance　story　you　told　me　yesterday　in　the　gardendon't　you
remember？about　your　strange　client；　whom　you　never　saw　again：　I
declare　it　was　much　more　interesting　than　half　these　novels；
_because_　it　was　a　story。　Tell　me　another　about　your　young　days；
when　you　were　seeing　the　world；　and　meeting　with　all　sorts　of
remarkable　people。　Or；　nodon't　tell　it　nowkeep　it　till　the
evening；　when　we　all　want　something　to　stir　us　up。　You　old　people
might　amuse　us　young　ones　out　of　your　own　resources　oftener　than
you　do。　It　was　very　kind　of　you　to　get　me　these　books；　but；　with
all　respect　to　them；　I　would　rather　have　the　rummaging　of　your
memory　than　the　rummaging　of　this　box。　What's　the　matter？　Are　you
afraid　I　have　found　out　the　window　in　your　bosom　already？〃

I　had　half　risen　from　my　chair　at　her　last　words；　and　I　felt　that
my　face　must　have　flushed　at　the　same　moment。　She　had　started　an
idea　in　my　mindthe　very　idea　of　which　I　had　been　in　search　when
I　was　pondering　over　the　best　means　of　amusing　her　in　the　long
autumn　evenings。

I　parried　her　questions　by　the　best　excuses　I　could　offer；
changed　the　conver