a face illumined-第85章

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her　life　has　become　so　noble　and　beautiful；　I　am　greatly　mistaken

if　you　do　not　return　her　affection。　　If　this　be　true；　what　are　you

offering　me？〃



〃I　HAVE　given　you；　Miss　Burton；　my　truth　and　loyalty　for　all　coming

time。　　You　may　decline　them　nowyou　probably　willbut　you　cannot

change　my　attitude　towards　you　or　alter　my　course。　　I　shall　not

attempt　to　hide　anything　from　you。　　Indeed；　to　do　so　would　be　vain；

and　I　have　never　been　intentionally　insincere　with　you。〃　　Then　he

told　her　of　the　freak　of　fancy　that　had　led　him　to　follow　Ida　to

the　country　in　the　first　instance；　and　much　that　followed　since；

making　no　reference；　however；　to　her　dark　purpose　against　herself。

In　conclusion　he　said：　　〃Of　late；　for　reasons　obvious　to　you；　she

has　had　strong　fascinations　for　me；　but　above　and　beyond　these

has　been　her　influence　on　the　side　of　all　that's　right；　manly；　and

true。　　I　have　never　spoken　of　love　to　Miss　Mayhew。　　Honor；　loyalty；

unbounded　gratitude；　and　deep　affection　bind　me　to　you；　and　shall

through　life。　　Please　say　no　more；　Miss　Jennie；　for　if　any　question

was　ever　settled；　this　is。〃



〃Then　you　propose　to　sacrifice　yourself　and　Miss　Mayhew　for　the

shadowy　chance　of　making　me　a　little　happier？〃



〃I　shall　not　be　sacrificed；　and　Ida　Mayhew　would　justly　reject

me　with　scorn　were　I　disloyal　to　you。　　I　can　give　you　more　love；

Jennie　Burton；　than　I　fear　you　will　ever　give　me；　but　I　shall　wait

patiently。　　When　months　and　years　have　proved　to　you　the　truth　of

my　words；　you　may　feel　differently。　　Let　us　leave　the　subject　till

then。〃



〃Oh；　Mr。　Van　Berg；　I　shall　have　to　tell　you　after　all；〃　she　said

burying　her　face　in　her　hands。



〃You　need　not　now；〃　he　replied　gently。　　〃You　have　been　ill　and　are

not　strong　enough　for　this　agitation。　　You　never　need　to　tell　me

unless　it　will　make　your　burden　lighter。〃



〃It　will　make　my　burden　lighter　to…day；〃　she　said　hurriedly。　　〃Pardon

me　if　I　tell　my　story　in　the　briefest　and　most　prosaic　way。　　You

are　the　first　one　that　has　heard　it。　　It　may　not　seem　much　to　you

and　others；　but　to　me　it　is　an　awful　tragedy；　and　I　sometimes　fear

my　life　may　be　an　eternal　condition　of　suspense　and　waiting。　　You

have　been　very　generous　in　taking　me　so　fully　on　trust；　but　now

you　shall　know　all。　　I　am　the　only　daughter　of　a　poor；　unworldly

New　England　clergyman。　　My　mother　died　before　I　can　remember；　and

my　father　gave　to　me　all　the　time　he　could　spare　from　the　duties

of　a　small　village　parish。　　He　and　the　beautiful　region　in　which

we　lived　were　my　only　teachers。　　One　June　morning　Harrold　Fleetwood

came　to　the　parsonage　with　letters　of　introduction；　saying　that　his

physician　had　banished　him　from　books　and　city　life；　and　he　asked

if　he　could　be　taken　as　a　lodger　for　a　few　weeks。　　Poor　and　unworldly

as　father　was；　for　my　sake　he　made　careful　inquiries　and　learned

that　the　young　man　was　from　one　of　the　best　and　wealthiest　families

of　Boston；　and　bore　an　unblemished　reputation。　　Then；　since　we　were

so　very　poor；　he　yielded　to　Mr。　Fleetwood's　wishes；　hoping　thus　to

be　able　to　buy　some　books；　he　said；　on　which　our　minds　could　live

during　the　coming　winter。



〃To　me；　Harrold　Fleetwood　was　a　very　remarkable　character。　　While

he　always　treated　me　with　kindness　and　respect；　he　did　not　take

much　notice　of　me　at　first；　and　I　think　he　found　me　very　diffident；

to　say　the　least。　　But；　as　he　had　overtaxed　his　eyes；　I　began　to

read　to　him；　and　then；　as　we　became　better　acquainted；　he　resumed

a　habit　he　had；　as　I　soon　learned；　of　speaking　in　half…soliloquy

concerning　the　subjects　that　occupied　his　mind。　　He　said　that　an

invalid　sister　had　indulged　him　in　this　habit；　and　he　had　tried

to　think　aloud　partly　to　beguile　her　weariness。　　But　to　me　it　was

the　revelation　of　the　richest　and　most　versatile　mind　I　have　ever

known。　　At　last　I　ventured　to　show　my　interest　and　to　ask　some

questions；　and　then　he　gradually　became　interested　in　me　for　some

reason。〃



〃I　can　understand　his　reasons；〃　said　Van　Berg　emphatically。



〃He　did　not　know　at　first　how　much　time　father　had　given　me　and　to

what　good　uses　we　had　put　the　books　we　had。　　Well；　I　must　be　brief。

Every　day　brought　us　nearer　together；　until　it　seemed　that　we　shared

our　thoughts　in　common。　　I　ought　not　to　complain；　for　perhaps　in

few　long　lives　does　there　come　more　happiness　than　was　crowded　in

those　few　weeks。　　It　was　the　happiness　of　heavenit　was　the　happiness

of　two　souls　attuned　to　perfect　harmony　and　ranging　together　the

richest　fields　of　truth　and　fancy。　　Dear　old　father　was　blind　to

it　all；　and　I　had　scarcely　thought　whither　the　shining　tide　was

carrying　me　until　last　Tuesday　five　years　ago；　Mr。　Fleetwood　said

to　me；　'Jennie；　our　souls　were　mated　in　heaven；　if　any　ever　were；

and　I　claim　you　as　the　fulfillment　of　what　must　have　been　a　Divine

purpose。'　　I　found　that　my　heart　echoed　every　word　he　said。



〃Then　he　appeared　troubled　and　said　that　I　must　give　him　time　to

untangle　a　snarl　into　which　he　had　drifted　rather　than　involved

himself。　　His　family　were　wealthy　and　ambitious；　and　they　had

always　spoken　of　his　marriage　with　a　cousin　who　was　an　heiress；

as　a　settled　thing。　　He　had　never　bound　himself　by　word　or　act；

and　often　laughingly　told　his　parents　that　they　could　not　arrange

these　matters　on　strictly　business　principles；　as　did　aristocrats

abroadthat　the　young　lady　herself　might　have　something　to　say；　if

he　had　not。　　But　he　was　wrapt　up　in　his　studieshe　was　preparing

for　a　literary　lifeand　events　drifted　on　until　he　found　that　every

one　of　his　house　hold　had　set　their　hearts　on　this　alliance。　　All

that　he　could　say　against　it　was　that　he　was　indifferent。　　The

lady　was　pretty　and　tried　to　make　herself　agreeable　to　him；　while

he　felt　that　they　had　little　in　common；　and　was　also　led　to　believe

that　she　would　good…naturedly　leave　him　to　his　own　pursuits；　and

so　he　entered　no　protest　to　the　family　schemes；　but　drifted。　　That

was　the　one　defect　of　his　character。　　He　was　a　man　of　thought　and

fancy　rather　than　of　decision　and　action。



〃When　he　returned　home　and　told　his　parents　of　his　attachment　for

me；　they　were　furious；　and　wrote　very　bitter　letters　to　both　father

and　myself；　accusing　us　of　having　intrigued　to　obtain　a　wealthy

alliance。　　Thank　God！　father　never　saw　the　letter；　as　he　died

suddenly；　before　he　knew　how　sore　a　wound　I　had　received。　　Nor　did

I　ever　show　the　letter　to　Mr。　Fleetwood；　for　my　father　had　trained

me　too　well　to　sow　dissension　between　parents　and　son。



〃An　aunt　took　me　to　her　home。　　She　was　a　kindhearted　old　lady；　but

very　matter…of…fact　and　wholly　engrossed　in　her　housekeeping；　and

I　told　her　nothing。　　I　waited　till　Mr。　Fleetwood　sought　me　out；

which　he　soon　did。　　I　saw　that　his　family　were　moving　heaven　and

earth　to　break　off　his　engagement　with　me；　and　it　evidently　pained

him　deeply　that　he　must　so　greatly　disappoint　his　parents。　　But

the　consideration　that　weighed　most　with　him　was　this：　　they　urged

upon　him　in　every　possible　way　that　hopes　had　been　raised　in　the

heart　of　the　young　lady　herself；　and　although　he　was　always　very

reticent　in　regard　to　her。　　I　think　she　seconded　the　family　scheme；

for　the　marriage　would　have　joined　two　very　large　estates。　　Although

my　heart　often　stood　still　with　fear　while　he　apparently　wavered　a

little；　I　can　honestly　say　I　left　him　free　to　make　his　own　choice。

They　persecuted　and　urged　him　to　that　extent；　and　so　confused　his

sense　of　right　and　wrong；　that；　in　order　to　escape　from　his　dilemma；

he　managed　to　get　a　lieutenant's　commission　in　the　army　in　spite　of

his　physician's　protest；　and　before　his　family　realized　what　they

regarded　as　an　immeasurable　disaster　he　was　in　the　Union　ranks　at

the　front。　　It　HAS　proved　an　immeasurable　disaster　to　me。



〃He　came　to　see　me　before　he　went　south；　and　told　me　that　he　preferred

death　to　any　other　bride　than　myself。　　In　sad　foreboding　I　begged

him　to　give　me　up　rather　than　go　into　that　awful　war　with　his

imperfect　health。　　But　he　went。　　The　rest　of　my　story　is　soon　told。

Life　in　the　field　seemed　to　brace　him　up　every　way。　　He　wrote　me

that　he　had　lived　hitherto　in　books　and　dreams；　and　that　contact

with　strong；　forceful　men　was　just　what　he　needed。　　He　wrote　almost

daily；　and　I　lived　on　his　letters。　　He　grew　strong　and　heroic　in　his

exposure　to　danger　and　hardship；　and　won　promotion　on　the　simple

ground　of　merit。　　At　last；　after　an　arduous　campaign；　he　was　slightly

wounded　and　greatly　worn；　and　he　received　a　long　leave　of　absence

after　the　troops　went　into　winter　quarters。　　He　wrote　then　that　he

was　coming　home　to　marry　me；　and　no　power　on　earth　could　prevent　it

except　my　'own　little　self；'　as　he　expressed　itoh！　I　can　repeat

all　those　letters　word　for　word。　　He　wrote　me　the　very　day　and　hour

on　which　he　would　start；　and　I　have　waited　ever　since；　and　I　have

vowed　before　God　that　I　will　wait　till　he　comes。〃　　And　she　bowed　her

head；　her　eyes　were　tearless；　and　she　went　on　still　more　hurriedly。

〃I　afterwards　learned　from　a　brother　officer；　and　also　from　the

papers；　that　he　left　his　regimental　headquarters　at　the　time　he　said；

but　that　he　had　to　ride　through　a　region　infested　with　guerrillas；

and　that　is　absolutely　all　I　know。　　I　am　sure　he　wrote　to　his　family

of　his　intentions　in　regard　to　me；　but　they　have　never　recognized

me　in　the　slightest　way。　　The　young　lady　to　whom　they　would　have

married　him　wore　mourning　a　year；　and　then　was　led　to　the　alter　by

another　man。　　But；　as　my　Harrold　said；　God　mated　our　souls；　and　I

shall　wait　till　he　joins　our　lives。　　Your　name　startled　me　greatly

when　I　heard　it　last　June　for　the　first　time　since　I　had　spoken

it　myself　to　one　who　has　seemingly　vanished　but　is　ever　present　to

me；　and　while　you　do　not　resemble　him　in　appearance　to　any　close

extent；　there　is　at　times　something　in　your　expression　that　is

singularly　like　his；　and　this　fact　must　explain　and　excuse　all　the

weak　exhibitions　of　myself　this　summer。　　And　now；　my　friend；　permit

me　to　say　that　your　rather　ardent　words　on　one　or　two　occasions

never　deceived　me　for　a　moment。　　You　mistook　your　warm　sympathy

for　love。　　I；　who　had　seen　and　known　the　love　of　Harrold　Fleetwood；

could　not　make　such　a　mistake。　　You　do　love　Ida　Mayhew；　and　she　is

worthy；　and　in　no　possible　way　could　you　do　so　much　to　add　to　my

happiness；　now　and　always；　as　by　aiding　that　beautiful　girl　develop

her　new　and　beautiful　life。　　Harold　Van　Berg；　I　would　regard　it　as

an　insult　if　you　ever　spoke　to　me　of　love　and　marriage　after　what

I　have　told　you　to…day。　　I　shall　always　value　your　friendship　very；

very　much；　for　I　am　now　alone　in　the　world；　and　I　think　I　have

found　in　you　a　friend　in　whom　I　can　trust　absolutely；　and　to　whom

I　could　go　in　case　there　should　be　need。　　Probably　there　never　will

be；　for；　in　my　simple；　busy　life；　I　have　few　wants。　　You　may　tell

Mr。　Stanton　what　you　think　best　of　my　story　after　I　am　gone。　　I

regret　un