the fatal boots-第9章
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〃Come； come；〃 said Stiffelkind； 〃do not gry； Gaptain Stobbsit is
not goot for a Gaptain to gryha！ ha！ Derecome vid me； and you
shall have a dinner； and a bregfast too；vich shall gost you
nothing； until you can bay vid your earnings。〃
And so this curious old man； who had persecuted me all through my
prosperity； grew compassionate towards me in my ill…luck； and took
me home with him as he promised。 〃I saw your name among de
Insolvents； and I vowed； you know； to make you repent dem boots。
Dere； now； it is done and forgotten； look you。 Here； Betty；
Bettchen； make de spare bed； and put a clean knife and fork； Lort
Cornvallis is come to dine vid me。〃
I lived with this strange old man for six weeks。 I kept his books；
and did what little I could to make myself useful： carrying about
boots and shoes； as if I had never borne his Majesty's commission。
He gave me no money； but he fed and lodged me comfortably。 The men
and boys used to laugh； and call me General； and Lord Cornwallis；
and all sorts of nicknames； and old Stiffelkind made a thousand new
ones for me。
One day I can recollectone miserable day； as I was polishing on
the trees a pair of boots of Mr。 Stiffelkind's manufacturethe old
gentleman came into the shop； with a lady on his arm。
〃Vere is Gaptain Stobbs？〃 said he。 〃Vere is dat ornament to his
Majesty's service？〃
I came in from the back shop； where I was polishing the boots； with
one of them in my hand。
〃Look； my dear；〃 says he； 〃here is an old friend of yours； his
Excellency Lort Cornvallis！Who would have thought such a nobleman
vood turn shoeblack？ Captain Stobbs； here is your former flame； my
dear niece； Miss Grotty。 How could you； Magdalen； ever leaf such a
lof of a man？ Shake hands vid her； Gaptain；dere； never mind de
blacking！〃 But Miss drew back。
〃I never shake hands with a SHOEBLACK；〃 said she； mighty
contemptuous。
〃Bah！ my lof； his fingers von't soil you。 Don't you know he has
just been VITEVASHED？〃
〃I wish； uncle；〃 says she； 〃you would not leave me with such low
people。〃
〃Low； because he cleans boots？ De Gaptain prefers PUMPS to boots I
tinkha！ ha！〃
〃Captain indeed！ a nice Captain；〃 says Miss Crutty； snapping her
fingers in my face； and walking away： 〃a Captain who has had his
nose pulled！ ha！ ha！〃And how could I help it？ it wasn't by my own
CHOICE that that ruffian Waters took such liberties with me。
Didn't I show how averse I was to all quarrels by refusing
altogether his challenge？But such is the world。 And thus the
people at Stiffelkind's used to tease me； until they drove me
almost mad。
At last he came home one day more merry and abusive than ever。
〃Gaptain；〃 says he； 〃I have goot news for youa goot place。 Your
lordship vill not be able to geep your garridge； but you vill be
gomfortable； and serve his Majesty。〃
〃Serve his Majesty？〃 says I。 〃Dearest Mr。 Stiffelkind； have you
got me a place under Government？〃
〃Yes； and somting better stillnot only a place； but a uniform：
yes； Gaptain Stobbs； a RED GOAT。〃
〃A red coat！ I hope you don't think I would demean myself by
entering the ranks of the army？ I am a gentleman； Mr。 Stiffelkind
I can neverno； I never〃
〃No； I know you will neveryou are too great a gowardha！ ha！
though dis is a red goat； and a place where you must give some HARD
KNOCKS tooha！ ha！do you gomprehend？and you shall be a general
instead of a gaptainha！ ha！〃
〃A general in a red coat； Mr。 Stiffelkind？〃
〃Yes； a GENERAL BOSTMAN！ha！ ha！ I have been vid your old friend；
Bunting； and he has an uncle in the Post Office； and he has got you
de placeeighteen shillings a veek； you rogue； and your goat。 You
must not oben any of de letters you know。〃
And so it wasI； Robert Stubbs； Esquire； became the vile thing he
nameda general postman！
。 。 。 。 。 。
I was so disgusted with Stiffelkind's brutal jokes； which were now
more brutal than ever； that when I got my place in the Post Office；
I never went near the fellow again： for though he had done me a
favor in keeping me from starvation； he certainly had done it in a
very rude； disagreeable manner； and showed a low and mean spirit in
SHOVING me into such a degraded place as that of postman。 But what
had I to do？ I submitted to fate； and for three years or more；
Robert Stubbs； of the North Bungay Fencibles； was
I wonder nobody recognized me。 I lived in daily fear the first
year： but afterwards grew accustomed to my situation； as all great
men will do； and wore my red coat as naturally as if I had been
sent into the world only for the purpose of being a letter…carrier。
I was first in the Whitechapel district； where I stayed for nearly
three years； when I was transferred to Jermyn Street and Duke
Streetfamous places for lodgings。 I suppose I left a hundred
letters at a house in the latter street； where lived some people
who must have recognized me had they but once chanced to look at
me。
You see that when I left Sloffemsquiggle； and set out in the gay
world； my mamma had written to me a dozen times at least； but I
never answered her； for I knew she wanted money； and I detest
writing。 Well； she stopped her letters； finding she could get none
from me：but when I was in the Fleet； as I told you； I wrote
repeatedly to my dear mamma； and was not a little nettled at her
refusing to notice me in my distress； which is the very time one
most wants notice。
Stubbs is not an uncommon name； and though I saw MRS。 STUBBS on a
little bright brass plate； in Duke street； and delivered so many
letters to the lodgers in her house； I never thought of asking who
she was； or whether she was my relation； or not。
One day the young woman who took in the letters had not got change；
and she called her mistress。 An old lady in a poke…bonnet came out
of the parlor； and put on her spectacles； and looked at the letter；
and fumbled in her pocket for eightpence； and apologized to the
postman for keeping him waiting。 And when I said； 〃Never mind；
Ma'am； it's no trouble；〃 the old lady gave a start； and then she
pulled off her spectacles； and staggered back； and then she began
muttering； as if about to choke； and then she gave a great screech；
and flung herself into my arms； and roared out； 〃MY SON； MY SON！〃
〃Law； mamma；〃 said I； 〃is that you？〃 and I sat down on the hall
bench with her； and let her kiss me as much as ever she liked。
Hearing the whining and crying； down comes another lady from up
stairs；it was my sister Eliza； and down come the lodgers。 And
the maid gets water and what not； and I was the regular hero of the
group。 I could not stay long then； having my letters to deliver。
But； in the evening； after mail…time； I went back to my mamma and
sister； and； over a bottle of prime old port； and a precious good
leg of boiled mutton and turnips； made myself pretty comfortable； I
can tell you。
DECEMBER。〃THE WINTER OF OUR DISCONTENT。〃
Mamma had kept the house in Duke Street for more than two years。
I recollected some of the chairs and tables from dear old
Sloffemsquiggle； and the bowl in which I had made that famous rum…
punch； the evening she went away； which she and my sisters left
untouched； and I was obliged to drink after they were gone； but
that's not to the purpose。
Think of my sister Lucy's luck！ that chap； Waters； fell in love
with her； and married her； and she now keeps her carriage； and
lives in state near Sloffemsquiggle。 I offered to make it up with
Waters； but he bears malice； and never will see or speak to me。He
had the impudence； too； to say； that he took in all letters for
mamma at Sloffemsquiggle； and that as mine were all begging…
letters； he burned them； and never said a word to her concerning
them。 He allowed mamma fifty pounds a year； and； if she were not
such a fool； she might have had three times as much； but the old
lady was high and mighty forsooth； and would not be beholden； even
to her own daughter； for more than she actually wanted。 Even this
fifty pound she was going to refuse； but when I came to live with
her； of course I wanted pocket…money as well as board and lodging；
and so I had the fifty pounds for MY share； and eked out with it as
well as I could。
Old Bates and the Captain； between them； gave mamma a hundred
pounds when she left me （she had the deuce's own luck； to be sure
much more than ever fell to ME； I know） and as she said she WOULD
try and work for her living； it was thought best to take a house
and let lodgings； which she did。 Our first and second floor paid
us four guineas a week； on an average； and the front parlor and
attic made forty pounds more。 Mamma and Eliza used to have the
front attic： but I took that； and they slept in the servants'
bedroom。 Lizzy had a pretty genius for work； and earned a guinea a
week that way； so that we had got nearly two hundred a year over
the rent to keep house with；and we got on pretty well。 Besides；
women eat nothing： my women didn't care for meat for days together
sometimes；so that it was only necessary to dress a good steak or
so for me。
Mamma would not think of my continuing in the Post Office。 She
said her dear Robert； her husband's son； her gallant soldier； and
all that； should remain at home and be a gentlemanwhich I was；
certainly； though I didn't find fifty pounds a year very much to
buy clothes and be a gentleman upon。 To be sure； mother found me
shirts and linen； so that THAT wasn't in the fifty pounds。 She
kicked a little at paying the washing too； but she gave in at last；
for I was her dear Bob； you know； and I'm blest if I could not make
her give me the gown off her back。 Fancy！ once she cut up a very
nice rich black silk scarf； which my sister Waters sent her； and
made me a waistcoat and two stocks of it。 She was so VERY soft；
the old lady！
。 。 。 。 。 。
I'd lived in this way for five years or more； making myself content
with my fifty pounds a year （PERHAPS I had saved a little out of
it； but that's neither here nor there）。 From year's end to year's
end I remained faithful to my dear mamma； never leaving her except
for a month or so in the summerwhen a bachelor may take a trip to
Gravesend or Margate； which would be too expensive for a family。 I
say a bachelor； for the fact is； I don't know whether I am married
or notnever having heard a word since of the scoundrelly Mrs。
Stubbs。
I never went to the public…house before meals： for； with my
beggarly fifty pounds； I could not afford to dine away from home：
but there I had my regular seat； and used to come home PRETTY
GLORIOUS； I can tell you。 Then bed till eleven； then breakfast and
the newspaper； then a stroll in Hyde Park or St。 James's； then home
at half…past three to dinnerwhe
