beasts and super-beasts(野兽与超级野兽)-第6章
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that he's living in the country； and he's going to start riding tomorrow。
He's ridden a few times in the Row； on an animal that was accustomed to
carry octogenarians and people undergoing rest cures； and that's about
all his experience in the saddle … oh； and he rode a pony once in Norfolk；
when he was fifteen and the pony twenty…four； and tomorrow he's going
to ride the Brogue！ I shall be a widow before I'm married； and I do
so want to see what Corsica's like； it looks so silly on the map。〃
Clovis was sent for in haste； and the developments of the situation
put before him。
〃Nobody can ride that animal with any safety；〃 said Mrs。 Mullet；
〃except Toby； and he knows by long experience what it is going to shy at；
and manages to swerve at the same time。〃
〃I did hint to Mr。 Penricarde … to Vincent； I should say … that the
Brogue didn't like white gates；〃 said Jessie。
〃White gates！〃 exclaimed Mrs。 Mullet； 〃did you mention what effect
a pig has on him？ He'll have to go past Lockyer's farm to get to the
high road； and there's sure to be a pig or two grunting about in the lane。〃
〃He's taken rather a dislike to turkeys lately；〃 said Toby。
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〃It's obvious that Penricarde mustn't be allowed to go out on that
animal；〃 said Clovis； 〃at least not till Jessie has married him； and tired of
him。 I tell you what： ask him to a picnic to…morrow； starting at an early
hour； he's not the sort to go out for a ride before breakfast。 The day
after I'll get the rector to drive him over to Crowleigh before lunch； to
see the new cottage hospital they're building there。 The Brogue will
be standing idle in the stable and Toby can offer to exercise it； then it can
pick up a stone or something of the sort and go conveniently lame。 If
you hurry on the wedding a bit the lameness fiction can be kept up till
the ceremony is safely over。〃
Mrs。 Mullet belonged to an emotional race； and she kissed Clovis。
It was nobody's fault that the rain came down in torrents the next
morning； making a picnic a fantastic impossibility。 It was also
nobody's fault； but sheer ill…luck； that the weather cleared up sufficiently
in the afternoon to tempt Mr。 Penricarde to make his first essay with
the Brogue。 They did not get as far as the pigs at Lockyer's farm； the
rectory gate was painted a dull unobtrusive green； but it had been white
a year or two ago； and the Brogue never forgot that he had been in the
habit of making a violent curtsey； a back…pedal and a swerve at this
particular point of the road。 Subsequently； there being apparently no
further call on his services； he broke his way into the rectory orchard；
where he found a hen turkey in a coop； later visitors to the orchard found
the coop almost intact； but very little left of the turkey。
Mr。 Penricarde； a little stunned and shaken； and suffering from a
bruised knee and some minor damages； good…naturedly ascribed the
accident to his own inexperience with horses and country roads； and
allowed Jessie to nurse him back into complete recovery and golf…
fitness within something less than a week。
In the list of wedding presents which the local newspaper published
a fortnight or so later appeared the following item：
〃Brown saddle…horse； 'The Brogue；' bridegroom's gift to bride。〃
〃Which shows；〃 said Toby Mullet； 〃that he knew nothing。〃
〃Or else；〃 said Clovis； 〃that he has a very pleasing wit。〃
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THE HEN
〃DORA BITTHOLZ is coming on Thursday；〃 said Mrs。 Sangrail。
〃This next Thursday？ 〃 asked Clovis
His mother nodded。
〃You've rather done it； haven't you？〃 he chuckled； 〃Jane Martlet has
only been here five days； and she never stays less than a fortnight； even
when she's asked definitely for a week。 You'll never get her out of the
house by Thursday。〃
〃Why should I？〃 asked Mrs。 Sangrail； 〃she and Dora are good
friends； aren't they？ They used to be； as far as I remember。〃
〃They used to be； that's what makes them all the more bitter now。
Each feels that she has nursed a viper in her bosom。 Nothing fans the
flame of human resentment so much as the discovery that one's bosom
has been utilised as a snake sanatorium。〃
〃But what has happened？ Has some one been making mischief？〃
〃Not exactly；〃 said Clovis； 〃a hen came between them。〃
〃A hen？ What hen？〃
〃It was a bronze Leghorn or some such exotic breed； and Dora sold
it to Jane at a rather exotic price。 They both go in for prize poultry； you
know； and Jane thought she was going to get her money back in a large
family of pedigree chickens。 The bird turned out to be an abstainer
from the egg habit； and I'm told that the letters which passed between the
two women were a revelation as to how much invective could be got on
to a sheet of notepaper。〃
〃How ridiculous！〃 said Mrs。 Sangrail。 〃Couldn't some of their
friends compose the quarrel？〃
〃People tried；〃 said Clovis； 〃but it must have been rather like
composing the storm music of the ‘Fliegende Hollander。' Jane was
willing to take back some of her most libellous remarks if Dora would
take back the hen； but Dora said that would be owning herself in the
wrong； and you know she'd as soon think of owning slum property in
Whitechapel as do that。〃
〃It's a most awkward situation；〃 said Mrs。 Sangrail。 〃Do you
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suppose they won't speak to one another？〃
〃On the contrary； the difficulty will be to get them to leave off。
Their remarks on each other's conduct and character have hitherto been
governed by the fact that only four ounces of plain speaking can be sent
through the post for a penny。〃
〃I can't put Dora off；〃 said Mrs。 Sangrail。 〃I've already postponed
her visit once； and nothing short of a miracle would make Jane leave
before her self…allotted fortnight is over。〃
〃Miracles are rather in my line；〃 said Clovis。 〃I don't pretend to be
very hopeful in this case but I'll do my best。〃
〃As long as you don't drag me into it … 〃 stipulated his mother。
* * * *
〃Servants are a bit of a nuisance；〃 muttered Clovis； as he sat in the
smoking…room after lunch； talking fitfully to Jane Martlet in the intervals
of putting together the materials of a cocktail； which he had
irreverently patented under the name of an Ella Wheeler Wilcox。 It
was partly compounded of old brandy and partly of curacoa； there were
other ingredients； but they were never indiscriminately revealed。
〃Servants a nuisance！〃 exclaimed Jane； bounding into the topic with
the exuberant plunge of a hunter when it leaves the high road and feels
turf under its hoofs； 〃I should think they were！ The trouble I've had in
getting suited this year you would hardly believe。 But I don't see
what you have to complain of … your mother is so wonderfully lucky in
her servants。 Sturridge； for instance … he's been with you for years； and
I'm sure he's a paragon as butlers go。〃
〃That's just the trouble；〃 said Clovis。 〃It's when servants have been
with you for years that they become a really serious nuisance。 The
'here to…day and gone to… morrow' sort don't matter … you've simply got to
replace them； it's the stayers and the paragons that are the real worry。〃
〃But if they give satisfaction … 〃
〃That doesn't prevent them from giving trouble。 Now； you've
mentioned Sturridge … it was Sturridge I was particularly thinking of
when I made the observation about servants being a nuisance。〃
〃The excellent Sturridge a nuisance！ I can't believe it。〃
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〃I know he's excellent； and we just couldn't get along without him；
he's the one reliable element in this rather haphazard household。 But
his very orderliness has had an effect on him。 Have you ever
considered what it must be like to go on unceasingly doing the correct
thing in the correct manner in the same surroundings for the greater
part of a lifetime？ To know and ordain and superintend exactly what
silver and glass and table linen shall be used and set out on what
occasions； to have cellar and pantry and plate…cupboard under a minutely
devised and undeviating administration； to be noiseless； impalpable；
omnipresent； and； as far as your own department is concerned；
omniscient？〃
〃I should go mad；〃 said Jane with conviction。
〃Exactly；〃 said Clovis thoughtfully； swallowing his completed Ella
Wheeler Wilcox。
〃But Sturridge hasn't gone mad；〃 said Jane with a flutter of inquiry in
her voice。
〃On most points he's thoroughly sane and reliable；〃
