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the master of mrs. chilvers-及5嫗

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GINGER  Was a time when I didn't。  I used to be all foryou know
larking about。  I never thought much about anything。

MRS。 CHINN  Ah� �it's a useful habit。

GINGER  What is��

MRS。 CHINN  Thinking。

GINGER  It's what we women 'aven't done enough ofin the past�察�I
mean。  All that's going to be altered。  In the future there's going
to be no difference between men and women。

MRS。 CHINN  ��Slowly�察�quietly she turns upon GINGER her
expressionless eyes。��

GINGER  Mentally�察�I mean�察�o' course。

MRS。 CHINN  ��Takes back her eyes。��

GINGER  Do you know�察�Mrs。 Chinn�察�that once upon a time there was
only one sex�拭 。�She spreads herself。�А �Hus��

MRS。 CHINN  You ain't thinking of going back to it�察�are you��

GINGER  Not if the men be'ave themselves。

MRS。 CHINN  Perhaps they're doing their best�察�poor things�  �It
don't do to be too impatient with them。

GINGER  Was talking to old Dot´and´carry´one the other d'y。  You
know who I meanchap with the wooden leg as 'as 'is pitch outside
the ;George。;  ;Wot do you wimmen want worrying yourselves about
things outside the 'ome�拭─�'e says to me。  ;You've got the
children�察─�'e says。  ;Oh�察─�I says�察 �and whose fault's that�察�I'd
like to know�拭 �You wait till we've got the vote�察─�I says�察 �we'll
soon show you;

��SIGSBY enters。  SIGSBY is a dapper little man�察�very brisk and
bustlinghirsutelooks as if he wanted dusting�察�cleaning up
generally。��

SIGSBY  That young blackguard come back yet��

GINGER  ��At sound of SIGSBY'S voice she springs up。  At first is
about to offer excuses for being found seated�察�but recollects
herself。��

MRS。 CHINN  Which one�察�sir��

SIGSBY  Young Jawboneswhat's he call himself��Gordon。

MRS。 CHINN  Not yet�察�sir。

SIGSBY  ��Grunts。�А �My chop ready��

MRS。 CHINN  I expect it's about done。  I'll see。

��She goes out。��

SIGSBY  ��He turns to GINGER。�А �What can _I_ do for you��

GINGER  ��She produces a letter。�А �I was to wait for an answer。

SIGSBY  ��He opens and reads it。�А �What do they expect me to do��

GINGER  'Er ladyship thought as perhaps you would consult Mr。
Chilvers 'imself on the subject。

SIGSBY  Look here。  What I want to know is this�此 �am I being asked
to regard Lady Mogton as my opponent's election agent�察�or as my
principal's mother´in´law�拭 �That point's got to be settled。  ��His
vehemence deepens。�А �Look at all these posters。  Not to be used��
for fear the other side mayn't like them。  Now Lady Mogton writes
me that my candidate's supporters are not to employ a certain
argument she disapproves of�此 �because�察�if they do�察�she'll tell his
wife。  Is this an election�察�or is it a family jar��

��JAWBONES enters。  JAWBONESotherwise WILLIAM GORDONis a clean´
shaven young hooligan。  He wears a bicycle cap on the back of his
head�察�allowing a picturesque tuft of hair to fall over his
forehead。  Evidently he is suffering from controlled indignation。��

SIGSBY  ��Seeing him。�А �Oh�察�so you've come back�察�have you��

JAWBONES  I 'ave�察�wot's left of me。

SIGSBY  What have you been doing��

JAWBONES  Clinging to a roof for the last three hours。

SIGSBY  Clinging to a roof�  �What for��

JAWBONES  ��He boils over。�А �Wot for�拭 �'Cos I didn't want to fall
off�  �Wot do you think�此 �'cos I was fond of it��

SIGSBY  I don't understand ´

JAWBONES  You find yourself 'alf way up a ladder�察�posting bills as
the other side 'as took objection towith a crowd of girls from
Pink's jam factory waiting for you at the bottom with a barrel of
treacle�察�and you WILL understand。  Nothing else for me to do�察�o'
course�察�but to go up。  Then they took the ladder away。

SIGSBY  Where are the bills��

JAWBONES  Last I see of them was their being put into a 'earse on
its way to Ilford Cemetery。

SIGSBY  This has got to be seen into。  This sort of thing can't be
allowed to go on。  ��He snatches up his hat。��

JAWBONES  There's another suggestion I'd like to make。

SIGSBY  ��Pauses。��

JAWBONES  That is�察�if this election is going to be fought fairly��
that our side should be provided with 'at´pins。

SIGSBY  ��Grunts。�А �Tell Mrs。 Chinn to keep that chop warm。  ��He
goes out。��

GINGER  ��She begins to giggle。  It grows into a shrill hee´haw。��

JAWBONES  ��He looks at her fixedly。��

GINGER  ��Her laugh�察�under the stern eye of JAWBONES�察�dies away。��

JAWBONES  Ain't no crowd of you 'ere�察�you know。  Nothing but my
inborn chivalry to prevent my pulling your nose。

GINGER  ��Cowed�察�but simmering。�А �Chivalry�  。�A shrill snort。��

JAWBONES  Yus。  And don't you put a strain upon it neither。
Because I tell you straight�察�it's weakening。

GINGER  ��His sudden fierceness has completely cowed her。��

JAWBONES  You wimmin ´

��There re´enters Mrs。 CHINN with a tray。  He is between them。��

That's old Sigsby's chop��

MRS。 CHINN  Yes。  He hasn't gone out again�察�has he��

JAWBONES  I'll 'ave it。  Get 'im another。  Guess 'e won't be back
for 'alf an hour。

MRS。 CHINN  He's nasty when his food ain't ready。

JAWBONES  ��He takes the tray from her。�А �Not your fault。  Tell 'im
I took it from you by brute force。

MRS。 CHINN  ��She acquiesces with her usual even absence of all
emotion。��

JAWBONES  You needn't stop。  Miss Rose Merton will do the waiting。

GINGER  ��Starts�察�then begins to collect her etceteras。��

MRS。 CHINN  Perhaps there'll be time to cook him another。

��She goes out。��

JAWBONES  Take off that cover。

GINGER  ��She starts on a bolt for the door。��

JAWBONES  ��He is quite prepared。  In an instant he is in front of
her。�А �No�察�yer don't。

��A pause。��

Take off that cover。

GINGER  ��She still hesitates。��

JAWBONES  If yer don't do what I tell yer�察�I'll 'ide yer。  I'm in
the mood。

GINGER  ��She takes off the cover。��

JAWBONES  ��He seats himself and falls to。�А �Now pour me out a cup
of tea。

GINGER  ��Is pouring it out。��

JAWBONES  Know why yer doing it��

GINGER  ��With shrill indignation。�А �Yus。  Becos yer got me 'ere
alone�察�yer beast�察�with only that cracked image of a Mrs。 Chinn ´

JAWBONES  That'll do。

GINGER  ��It is sufficient。  She stops。��

JAWBONES  None of your insults agen a lady as I 'olds in 'igh
respect。  The rest of it is all right。  Becos I've got yer 'ere
alone。  You wimmin�察�you think it's going to pay you to chuck law
and order。  You're out for a fight�察�are yer��

GINGER  Yus�察�and we're going to win。  Brute force 'as 'ad its d'y。
It's brains wot are going to rule the world。  And we've got 'em。

��She has become quite oratorical。��

JAWBONES  Glad to 'ear it。  Take my tip�此 �you'll use 'em。
Meanwhile I'll 'ave another cup o' tea。

GINGER  ��She takes the cupis making for the window。��

JAWBONES  ��Fierce again。�А �I said tea。

GINGER  All right�察�I was only going to throw the slops out of
window。  There ain't no basin。

JAWBONES  I'll tell yer when I want yer to open the window and call
for the p'lice。  You can throw them into the waste´paper basket。

GINGER  ��She obeys。��

JAWBONES  Thank you。  Very much obliged。  One of these d'ys�察�maybe��
you'll marry。

GINGER  When I do�察�it will be a man�察�not a monkey。

JAWBONES  I'm not proposing。  I'm talking to you for your good。

GINGER  ��Snorts。��

JAWBONES  You've been listening to a lot of toffs。  Easy enough for
them to talk about wimmen not being domestic drudges。  They keep a
cook to do it。  They don't pity 'e for being a down´trodden slive��
spending sixteen hours a d'y in THEIR kitchen with an evening out
once a week。  When you marry it will be to a bloke like me�察�a
working man 。 。 。

GINGER  Working�  。�She follows it with a shrill laugh。��

JAWBONES  Yus。  There's always a class as laughs when you mention
the word ;work。;  Them as knows wot it is�察�don't。  I've been at it
since six o'clock this morning�察�carrying a ladder�察�a can of paste
weighing twenty pounds�察�and two 'undred double royal posters。  You
try it�  �When 'e comes 'ome�察�'e'll want 'is victuals。  If you've
got 'em ready for 'im and are looking niceno reason why you
shouldn'tand feeling amiable�察�you'll get on very well together。
If you are going to argue with 'im about woman's sphere�察�you'll get
the worst of it。

GINGER  You always was a bully。

JAWBONES  Not always。  Remember last Bank 'oliday�拭 。�He winks。��

GINGER  ��She tries not to give in。��

JAWBONES  'Ave a cup of tea。  ��He pours it out for her。��

GINGER  ��The natural woman steals inshe sits。��

JAWBONES  'Ow are they doing you�察�fairly well��

GINGER  Oh�  �Well�察�nothing to grumble at。

JAWBONES  You can do a bit o' dressing on it。

GINGER  ��She meets his admiring eye。  The suffragette departs。��
Dressing don't cost muchwhen you've got tyste。

JAWBONES  Wot�  �Not that 'at��

GINGER  Made it myself。

JAWBONES  No��

GINGER  Honour bright�  �Tell yer ´

��GEOFFREY and ST。 HERBERT enter。  JAWBONES and GINGER make to rise。
GINGER succeeds。��

GEOFFREY  All right�察�all right。  Don't let me disturb the party。
Where's Mr。 Sigsby��

JAWBONES  Gone to look up the police�察�I think�察�sir。  ��Having
finished�察�he rises。�А �Some of those factory girls been up to their
larks again。

GEOFFREY  Umph�  �What's it about this time��

JAWBONES  They've took objection to one of our posters。

GEOFFREY  What�察�another�  。�To ST。 HERBERT。�А �Woman has disappointed
me as a fighter。  She's willing enough to strike。  If you hit back��
she's surprised and grieved。

ST。 HERBERT  She's come to the game rather late。

GEOFFREY  She might have learned the rules。  ��To JAWBONES。�А �Which
particular one is it that has failed to meet with their approval��

JAWBONES  It's rather a good one�察�sir�察�from our point of view��
;Why she left her 'appy 'ome。;

GEOFFREY  I don't seem to remember it。  Have I seen it��

JAWBONES  I don't think you 'ave�察�sir。  It was Mr。 Sigsby's idea。
On the left�察�the ruined 'ome�察�baby crying it's little 'eart out
eldest child lying on the floor�察�scaldedupset the tea´kettle over
itselfyoungest boy in flamesbeen playing with the matches��
nobody there to stop 'im。  At the open door the father�察�returning
from work。  Nothing ready for 'im。  On the other side'ER�察�on a
tub�察�spouting politics。

GEOFFREY  ��To ST。 HERBERT。�А �Sounds rather good。

JAWBONES  Wait a minute。  There was a copy somewhere abouta
proof。  ��He is searching for it on the deskfinds it。�А �Yus�察�'ere
'tis。  ��To GINGER。�А �Catch 'old。

��JAWBONES and GINGER hold it displayed。�А �That's the one�察�sir。

ST。 HERBERT  Why is the working man�察�for pictorial purposes�察�always
a carpenter��

GINGER  It's the skirt we object to。

GEOFFREY  The skirt�  �What's wrong with the skirt��

GINGER  Well�察�it's only been out of fashion for the last three
years�察�that's all。

GEOFFREY  Oh�  �I see。  ��To ST。 HERBERT。�А �We've been hitting them
below the belt。  What do you think I ought to do about it��

ST。 HERBERT  What would you have thought yourself�察�three weeks ago��

GEOFFREY  You and I have been friends ever since we were boys。  You
rather like me�察�don't you��

ST。 HERBERT  ��Puzzled。�А �Yes。

GEOFFREY  If I were to suddenly hit you on the nose�察�what would
happen��

ST。 HERBERT  I understand。  Woman has suddenly started hitting man
on the nose。  Her excuse being that she really couldn't keep her
hands off him any longer。

JAWBONES  ��He has pinned the poster to the wall。�А �They begun it。
To 'ear them talk�察�you'd think as man ha

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