confessions of an english opium-eater-第15章

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y　a　mechanical　affection　of　the　eye；　others　have　a　voluntary　or　semi…voluntary　power　to　dismiss　or　to　summon　them；　or；　as　a　child　once　said　to　me　when　I　questioned　him　on　this　matter；　〃I　can　tell　them　to　go；　and　they　go　…；　but　sometimes　they　come　when　I　don't　tell　them　to　come。〃　Whereupon　I　told　him　that　he　had　almost　as　unlimited　a　command　over　apparitions　as　a　Roman　centurion　over　his　soldiers。In　the　middle　of　1817；　I　think　it　was；　that　this　faculty　became　positively　distressing　to　me：　　at　night；　when　I　lay　awake　in　bed；　vast　processions　passed　along　in　mournful　pomp；　friezes　of　never…ending　stories；　that　to　my　feelings　were　as　sad　and　solemn　as　if　they　were　stories　drawn　from　times　before　OEdipus　or　Priam；　before　Tyre；　before　Memphis。　　And　at　the　same　time　a　corresponding　change　took　place　in　my　dreams；　a　theatre　seemed　suddenly　opened　and　lighted　up　within　my　brain；　which　presented　nightly　spectacles　of　more　than　earthly　splendour。　　And　the　four　following　facts　may　be　mentioned　as　noticeable　at　this　time：

1。　　That　as　the　creative　state　of　the　eye　increased；　a　sympathy　seemed　to　arise　between　the　waking　and　the　dreaming　states　of　the　brain　in　one　pointthat　whatsoever　I　happened　to　call　up　and　to　trace　by　a　voluntary　act　upon　the　darkness　was　very　apt　to　transfer　itself　to　my　dreams；　so　that　I　feared　to　exercise　this　faculty；　for；　as　Midas　turned　all　things　to　gold　that　yet　baffled　his　hopes　and　defrauded　his　human　desires；　so　whatsoever　things　capable　of　being　visually　represented　I　did　but　think　of　in　the　darkness；　immediately　shaped　themselves　into　phantoms　of　the　eye；　and　by　a　process　apparently　no　less　inevitable；　when　thus　once　traced　in　faint　and　visionary　colours；　like　writings　in　sympathetic　ink；　they　were　drawn　out　by　the　fierce　chemistry　of　my　dreams　into　insufferable　splendour　that　fretted　my　heart。

2。　　For　this　and　all　other　changes　in　my　dreams　were　accompanied　by　deep…seated　anxiety　and　gloomy　melancholy；　such　as　are　wholly　incommunicable　by　words。　　I　seemed　every　night　to　descend；　not　metaphorically；　but　literally　to　descend；　into　chasms　and　sunless　abysses；　depths　below　depths；　from　which　it　seemed　hopeless　that　I　could　ever　reascend。　　Nor　did　I；　by　waking；　feel　that　I　HAD　reascended。　　This　I　do　not　dwell　upon；　because　the　state　of　gloom　which　attended　these　gorgeous　spectacles；　amounting　at　last　to　utter　darkness；　as　of　some　suicidal　despondency；　cannot　be　approached　by　words。

3。　　The　sense　of　space；　and　in　the　end　the　sense　of　time；　were　both　powerfully　affected。　　Buildings；　landscapes；　&c。；　were　exhibited　in　proportions　so　vast　as　the　bodily　eye　is　not　fitted　to　receive。　Space　swelled；　and　was　amplified　to　an　extent　of　unutterable　infinity。　　This；　however；　did　not　disturb　me　so　much　as　the　vast　expansion　of　time；　I　sometimes　seemed　to　have　lived　for　70　or　100　years　in　one　nightnay；　sometimes　had　feelings　representative　of　a　millennium　passed　in　that　time；　or；　however；　of　a　duration　far　beyond　the　limits　of　any　human　experience。

4。　　The　minutest　incidents　of　childhood；　or　forgotten　scenes　of　later　years；　were　often　revived：　　I　could　not　be　said　to　recollect　them；　for　if　I　had　been　told　of　them　when　waking；　I　should　not　have　been　able　to　acknowledge　them　as　parts　of　my　past　experience。　　But　placed　as　they　were　before　me；　in　dreams　like　intuitions；　and　clothed　in　all　their　evanescent　circumstances　and　accompanying　feelings；　I　RECOGNISED　them　instantaneously。　　I　was　once　told　by　a　near　relative　of　mine；　that　having　in　her　childhood　fallen　into　a　river；　and　being　on　the　very　verge　of　death　but　for　the　critical　assistance　which　reached　her；　she　saw　in　a　moment　her　whole　life；　in　its　minutest　incidents；　arrayed　before　her　simultaneously　as　in　a　mirror；　and　she　had　a　faculty　developed　as　suddenly　for　comprehending　the　whole　and　every　part。　　This；　from　some　opium　experiences　of　mine；　I　can　believe；　I　have　indeed　seen　the　same　thing　asserted　twice　in　modern　books；　and　accompanied　by　a　remark　which　I　am　convinced　is　true；　viz。；　that　the　dread　book　of　account　which　the　Scriptures　speak　of　is　in　fact　the　mind　itself　of　each　individual。　　Of　this　at　least　I　feel　assured；　that　there　is　no　such　thing　as　FORGETTING　possible　to　the　mind；　a　thousand　accidents　may　and　will　interpose　a　veil　between　our　present　consciousness　and　the　secret　inscriptions　on　the　mind；　accidents　of　the　same　sort　will　also　rend　away　this　veil；　but　alike；　whether　veiled　or　unveiled；　the　inscription　remains　for　ever；　just　as　the　stars　seem　to　withdraw　before　the　common　light　of　day；　whereas　in　fact　we　all　know　that　it　is　the　light　which　is　drawn　over　them　as　a　veil；　and　that　they　are　waiting　to　be　revealed　when　the　obscuring　daylight　shall　have　withdrawn。

Having　noticed　these　four　facts　as　memorably　distinguishing　my　dreams　from　those　of　health；　I　shall　now　cite　a　case　illustrative　of　the　first　fact；　and　shall　then　cite　any　others　that　I　remember；　either　in　their　chronological　order；　or　any　other　that　may　give　them　more　effect　as　pictures　to　the　reader。

I　had　been　in　youth；　and　even　since；　for　occasional　amusement；　a　great　reader　of　Livy；　whom　I　confess　that　I　prefer；　both　for　style　and　matter；　to　any　other　of　the　Roman　historians；　and　I　had　often　felt　as　most　solemn　and　appalling　sounds；　and　most　emphatically　representative　of　the　majesty　of　the　Roman　people；　the　two　words　so　often　occurring　in　LivyConsul　Romanus；　especially　when　the　consul　is　introduced　in　his　military　character。　　I　mean　to　say　that　the　words　king；　sultan；　regent；　&c。；　or　any　other　titles　of　those　who　embody　in　their　own　persons　the　collective　majesty　of　a　great　people；　had　less　power　over　my　reverential　feelings。　　I　had　also；　though　no　great　reader　of　history；　made　myself　minutely　and　critically　familiar　with　one　period　of　English　history；　viz。；　the　period　of　the　Parliamentary　War；　having　been　attracted　by　the　moral　grandeur　of　some　who　figured　in　that　day；　and　by　the　many　interesting　memoirs　which　survive　those　unquiet　times。　　Both　these　parts　of　my　lighter　reading；　having　furnished　me　often　with　matter　of　reflection；　now　furnished　me　with　matter　for　my　dreams。　　Often　I　used　to　see；　after　painting　upon　the　blank　darkness　a　sort　of　rehearsal　whilst　waking；　a　crowd　of　ladies；　and　perhaps　a　festival　and　dances。　　And　I　heard　it　said；　or　I　said　to　myself；　〃These　are　English　ladies　from　the　unhappy　times　of　Charles　I。　　These　are　the　wives　and　the　daughters　of　those　who　met　in　peace；　and　sate　at　the　same　table；　and　were　allied　by　marriage　or　by　blood；　and　yet；　after　a　certain　day　in　August　1642；　never　smiled　upon　each　other　again；　nor　met　but　in　the　field　of　battle；　and　at　Marston　Moor；　at　Newbury；　or　at　Naseby；　cut　asunder　all　ties　of　love　by　the　cruel　sabre；　and　washed　away　in　blood　the　memory　of　ancient　friendship。〃　　The　ladies　danced；　and　looked　as　lovely　as　the　court　of　George　IV。　　Yet　I　knew；　even　in　my　dream；　that　they　had　been　in　the　grave　for　nearly　two　centuries。　　This　pageant　would　suddenly　dissolve；　and　at　a　clapping　of　hands　would　be　heard　the　heart…quaking　sound　OF　CONSUL　ROMANUS；　and　immediately　came　〃sweeping　by；〃　in　gorgeous　paludaments；　Paulus　or　Marius；　girt　round　by　a　company　of　centurions；　with　the　crimson　tunic　hoisted　on　a　spear；　and　followed　by　the　alalagmos　of　the　Roman　legions。

Many　years　ago；　when　I　was　looking　over　Piranesi's；　Antiquities　of　Rome；　Mr。　Coleridge；　who　was　standing　by；　described　to　me　a　set　of　plates　by　that　artist；　called　his　DREAMS；　and　which　record　the　scenery　of　his　own　visions　during　the　delirium　of　a　fever。　　Some　of　them　（I　describe　only　from　memory　of　Mr。　Coleridge's　account）　represented　vast　Gothic　halls；　on　the　floor　of　which　stood　all　sorts　of　engines　and　machinery；　wheels；　cables；　pulleys；　levers；　catapults；　&c。　&c。；　expressive　of　enormous　power　put　forth　and　resistance　overcome。　　Creeping　along　the　sides　of　the　walls　you　perceived　a　staircase；　and　upon　it；　groping　his　way　upwards；　was　Piranesi　himself：　　follow　the　stairs　a　little　further　and　you　perceive　it　come　to　a　sudden　and　abrupt　termination　without　any　balustrade；　and　allowing　no　step　onwards　to　him　who　had　reached　the　extremity　except　into　the　depths　below。　　Whatever　is　to　become　of　poor　Piranesi；　you　suppose　at　least　that　his　labours　must　in　some　way　terminate　here。　　But　raise　your　eyes；　and　behold　a　second　flight　of　stairs　still　higher；　on　which　again　Piranesi　is　perceived；　but　this　time　standing　on　the　very　brink　of　the　abyss。　　Again　elevate　your　eye；　and　a　still　more　aerial　flight　of　stairs　is　beheld；　and　again　is　poor　Piranesi　busy　on　his　aspiring　labours；　and　so　on；　until　the　unfinished　stairs　and　Piranesi　both　are　lost　in　the　upper　gloom　of　the　hall。　　With　the　same　power　of　endless　growth　and　self…　reproduction　did　my　architecture　proceed　in　dreams。　　In　the　early　stage　of　my　malady　the　splendours　of　my　dreams　were　indeed　chiefly　architectural；　and　I　beheld　such　pomp　of　cities　and　palaces　as　was　never　yet　beheld　by　the　waking　eye　unless　in　the　clouds。　　From　a　great　modern　poet　I　cite　part　of　a　passage　which　describes；　as　an　appearance　actually　beheld　in　the　clouds；　what　in　many　of　its　circumstances　I　saw　frequently　in　sleep：


The　appearance；　instantaneously　disclosed；　Was　of　a　mighty　cityboldly　say　A　wilderness　of　building；　sinking　far　And　self…withdrawn　into　a　wondrous　depth；　Far　sinking　into　splendourwithout　end！　Fabric　it　seem'd　of　diamond；　and　of　gold；　With　alabaster　domes；　and　silver　spires；　And　blazing　terrace　upon　terrace；　high　Uplifted；　here；　serene　pavilions　bright　In　avenues　disposed；　there　towers　begirt　With　battlements　that　on　their　restless　fronts　Bore　starsillumination　of　all　gems！　By　earthly　nature　had　the　effect　been　wrought　Upon　the　dark　materials　of　the　storm　Now　pacified；　on　them；　and　on　the　coves；　And　mountain…steeps　and　summits；　whereunto　The　vapours　had　receded；taking　there　Their　station　under　a　cerulean　sky。　　&c。　&c。


The　sublime　circumstance；　〃battlements　that　on　their　RESTLESS　fronts　bore　stars；〃　might　have　been　copied　from　my　architectural　dreams；　for　it　often　occurred。　　We　hear　it　reported　of　Dryden　and　of　Fuseli；　in　modern　times；　that　they　thought　proper　to　eat　raw　meat　for　the　sake　of　obtaining　splendid　dreams：　　how　much　better　for　such　a　purpose　to　have　eaten　opium；　which　yet　I　do　not　remember　that　any　poet　is　recorded　to　have　done；　except　the　dramatist　Shadwell；　and　in　ancient　days　Homer　is　I　think　rightly　reputed　to　have　known　the　virtues　of　opium。

To　my　architecture　succeeded　dreams　of　lakes　and　silvery　expanses　of　water：　　these　haunted　me　so　much　that　I　feared　（though　possibly　it　will　appear　ludicrous　to　a　medical　man）　that　some　dropsical　state　or　tendency　of　the　brain　might　thus　be　making　itself　（to　use　a　metaphysical　word）　OBJECTIVE；　and　the　sentient　organ　PROJECT　itself　as　its　own　object。　　For　two　months　I　suffered　greatly　in　my　head；　a　part　of　my　bodily　structure　which　had　hitherto　been　so　clear　from　all　touch　or　taint　of　weakness　（physically　I　mean）　that　I　used　to　say　of　it；　as　the　last　Lord　Orford　said　of　his　stomach；　that　it　seemed　likely　to　survive　the　rest　of　my　person。　　Till　now　I　had　never　felt　a　headache　even；　or　any　the　slightest　pain；　except　rheumatic　pains　caused　by　my　own　folly。　　However；　I　got　over　this　attack；　though　it　must　have　been　verging　on　something　very　dangerous。

The　waters　now　changed　their　charac