a woman of thirty-第17章

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〃She　will　be　very　beautiful　some　day；〃　said　the　priest。

〃She　is　her　father's　child；〃　said　the　Marquise；　kissing　the　little　one　with　eager　warmth；　as　if　she　meant　to　pay　a　debt　of　affection　or　to　extinguish　some　feeling　of　remorse。

〃How　hot　you　are；　mamma！〃

〃There；　go　away；　my　angel；〃　said　the　Marquise。

The　child　went。　She　did　not　seem　at　all　sorry　to　go；　she　did　not　look　back；　glad　perhaps　to　escape　from　a　sad　face；　and　instinctively　comprehending　already　an　antagonism　of　feeling　in　its　expression。　A　mother's　love　finds　language　in　smiles；　they　are　a　part　of　the　divine　right　of　motherhood。　The　Marquise　could　not　smile。　She　flushed　red　as　she　felt　the　cure's　eyes。　She　had　hoped　to　act　a　mother's　part　before　him；　but　neither　she　nor　her　child　could　deceive　him。　And；　indeed；　when　a　woman　loves　sincerely；　in　the　kiss　she　gives　there　is　a　divine　honey；　it　is　as　if　a　soul　were　breathed　forth　in　the　caress；　a　subtle　flame　of　fire　which　brings　warmth　to　the　heart；　the　kiss　that　lacks　this　delicious　unction　is　meagre　and　formal。　The　priest　had　felt　the　difference。　He　could　fathom　the　depths　that　lie　between　the　motherhood　of　the　flesh　and　the　motherhood　of　the　heart。　He　gave　the　Marquise　a　keen；　scrutinizing　glance；　then　he　said：

〃You　are　right；　madame；　it　would　be　better　for　you　if　you　were　dead〃

〃Ah！〃　she　cried；　〃then　you　know　all　my　misery；　I　see　you　do　if；　Christian　priest　as　you　are；　you　can　guess　my　determination　to　die　and　sanction　it。　Yes；　I　meant　to　die；　but　I　have　lacked　the　courage。　The　spirit　was　strong；　but　the　flesh　was　weak；　and　when　my　hand　did　not　tremble；　the　spirit　within　me　wavered。

〃I　do　not　know　the　reason　of　these　inner　struggles；　and　alternations。　I　am　very　pitiably　a　woman　no　doubt；　weak　in　my　will；　strong　only　to　love。　Oh；　I　despise　myself。　At　night；　when　all　my　household　was　asleep；　I　would　go　out　bravely　as　far　as　the　lake；　but　when　I　stood　on　the　brink；　my　cowardice　shrank　from　self…destruction。　To　you　I　will　confess　my　weakness。　When　I　lay　in　my　bed；　again；　shame　would　come　over　me；　and　courage　would　come　back。　Once　I　took　a　dose　of　laudanum；　I　was　ill；　but　I　did　not　die。　I　thought　I　had　emptied　the　phial；　but　I　had　only　taken　half　the　dose。〃

〃You　are　lost；　madame；〃　the　cure　said　gravely；　with　tears　in　his　voice。　〃You　will　go　back　into　the　world；　and　you　will　deceive　the　world。　You　will　seek　and　find　a　compensation　（as　you　imagine　it　to　be）　for　your　woes；　then　will　come　a　day　of　reckoning　for　your　pleasures〃

〃Do　you　think；〃　she　cried；　〃that　/I/　shall　bestow　the　last；　the　most　precious　treasures　of　my　heart　upon　the　first　base　impostor　who　can　play　the　comedy　of　passion？　That　I　would　pollute　my　life　for　a　moment　of　doubtful　pleasure？　No；　the　flame　which　shall　consume　my　soul　shall　be　love；　and　nothing　but　love。　All　men；　monsieur；　have　the　senses　of　their　sex；　but　not　all　have　the　man's　soul　which　satisfies　all　the　requirements　of　our　nature；　drawing　out　the　melodious　harmony　which　never　breaks　forth　save　in　response　to　the　pressure　of　feeling。　Such　a　soul　is　not　found　twice　in　our　lifetime。　The　future　that　lies　before　me　is　hideous；　I　know　it。　A　woman　is　nothing　without　love；　beauty　is　nothing　without　pleasure。　And　even　if　happiness　were　offered　to　me　a　second　time；　would　not　the　world　frown　upon　it？　I　owe　my　daughter　an　honored　mother。　Oh！　I　am　condemned　to　live　in　an　iron　circle；　from　which　there　is　but　one　shameful　way　of　escape。　The　round　of　family　duties；　a　thankless　and　irksome　task；　is　in　store　for　me。　I　shall　curse　life；　but　my　child　shall　have　at　least　a　fair　semblance　of　a　mother。　I　will　give　her　treasures　of　virtue　for　the　treasures　of　love　of　which　I　defraud　her。

〃I　have　not　even　the　mother's　desire　to　live　to　enjoy　her　child's　happiness。　I　have　no　belief　in　happiness。　What　will　Helene's　fate　be？　My　own；　beyond　doubt。　How　can　a　mother　ensure　that　the　man　to　whom　she　gives　her　daughter　will　be　the　husband　of　her　heart？　You　pour　scorn　on　the　miserable　creatures　who　sell　themselves　for　a　few　coins　to　any　passer…by；　though　want　and　hunger　absolve　the　brief　union；　while　another　union；　horrible　for　quite　other　reasons；　is　tolerated；　nay　encouraged；　by　society；　and　a　young　and　innocent　girl　is　married　to　a　man　whom　she　has　only　met　occasionally　during　the　previous　three　months。　She　is　sold　for　her　whole　lifetime。　It　is　true　that　the　price　is　high！　If　you　allow　her　no　compensation　for　her　sorrows；　you　might　at　least　respect　her；　but　no；　the　most　virtuous　of　women　cannot　escape　calumny。　This　is　our　fate　in　its　double　aspect。　Open　prostitution　and　shame；　secret　prostitution　and　unhappiness。　As　for　the　poor；　portionless　girls；　they　may　die　or　go　mad；　without　a　soul　to　pity　them。　Beauty　and　virtue　are　not　marketable　in　the　bazaar　where　souls　and　bodies　are　bought　and　soldin　the　den　of　selfishness　which　you　call　society。　Why　not　disinherit　daughters？　Then；　at　least；　you　might　fulfil　one　of　the　laws　of　nature；　and　guided　by　your　own　inclinations；　choose　your　companions。〃

〃Madame；　from　your　talk　it　is　clear　to　me　that　neither　the　spirit　of　family　nor　the　sense　of　religion　appeals　to　you。　Why　should　you　hesitate　between　the　claims　of　the　social　selfishness　which　irritates　you；　and　the　purely　personal　selfishness　which　craves　satisfactions〃

〃The　family；　monsieurdoes　such　a　thing　exist？　I　decline　to　recognize　as　a　family　a　knot　of　individuals　bidden　by　society　to　divide　the　property　after　the　death　of　father　and　mother；　and　to　go　their　separate　ways。　A　family　means　a　temporary　association　of　persons　brought　together　by　no　will　of　their　own；　dissolved　at　once　by　death。　Our　laws　have　broken　up　homes　and　estates；　and　the　old　family　tradition　handed　down　from　generation　to　generation。　I　see　nothing　but　wreck　and　ruin　about　me。〃

〃Madame；　you　will　only　return　to　God　when　His　hand　has　been　heavy　upon　you；　and　I　pray　that　you　have　time　enough　given　to　you　in　which　to　make　your　peace　with　Him。　Instead　of　looking　to　heaven　for　comfort；　you　are　fixing　your　eyes　on　earth。　Philosophism　and　personal　interest　have　invaded　your　heart；　like　the　children　of　the　sceptical　eighteenth　century；　you　are　deaf　to　the　voice　of　religion。　The　pleasures　of　this　life　bring　nothing　but　misery。　You　are　about　to　make　an　exchange　of　sorrows；　that　is　all。〃

She　smiled　bitterly。

〃I　will　falsify　your　predictions；〃　she　said。　〃I　shall　be　faithful　to　him　who　died　for　me。〃

〃Sorrow；〃　he　answered；　〃is　not　likely　to　live　long　save　in　souls　disciplined　by　religion；〃　and　he　lowered　his　eyes　respectfully　lest　the　Marquise　should　read　his　doubts　in　them。　The　energy　of　her　outburst　had　grieved　him。　He　had　seen　the　self　that　lurked　beneath　so　many　forms；　and　despaired　of　softening　a　heart　which　affliction　seemed　to　sear。　The　divine　Sower's　seed　could　not　take　root　in　such　a　soil；　and　His　gentle　voice　was　drowned　by　the　clamorous　outcry　of　self…pity。　Yet　the　good　man　returned　again　and　again　with　an　apostle's　earnest　persistence；　brought　back　by　a　hope　of　leading　so　noble　and　proud　a　soul　to　God；　until　the　day　when　he　made　the　discovery　that　the　Marquise　only　cared　to　talk　with　him　because　it　was　sweet　to　speak　of　him　who　was　no　more。　He　would　not　lower　his　ministry　by　condoning　her　passion；　and　confined　the　conversation　more　and　more　to　generalities　and　commonplaces。

Spring　came；　and　with　the　spring　the　Marquise　found　distraction　from　her　deep　melancholy。　She　busied　herself　for　lack　of　other　occupation　with　her　estate；　making　improvements　for　amusement。

In　October　she　left　the　old　chateau。　In　the　life　of　leisure　at　Saint…　Lange　she　had　recovered　from　her　grief　and　grown　fair　and　fresh。　Her　grief　had　been　violent　at　first　in　its　course；　as　the　quoit　hurled　forth　with　all　the　player's　strength；　and　like　the　quoit　after　many　oscillations；　each　feebler　than　the　last；　it　had　slackened　into　melancholy。　Melancholy　is　made　up　of　a　succession　of　such　oscillations；　the　first　touching　upon　despair；　the　last　on　the　border　between　pain　and　pleasure；　in　youth；　it　is　the　twilight　of　dawn；　in　age；　the　dusk　of　night。

As　the　Marquise　drove　through　the　village　in　her　traveling　carriage；　she　met　the　cure　on　his　way　back　from　the　church。　She　bowed　in　response　to　his　farewell　greeting；　but　it　was　with　lowered　eyes　and　averted　face。　She　did　not　wish　to　see　him　again。　The　village　cure　had　judged　this　poor　Diana　of　Ephesus　only　too　well。



III。

AT　THIRTY　YEARS

Madame　Firmiani　was　giving　a　ball。　M。　Charles　de　Vandenesse；　a　young　man　of　great　promise；　the　bearer　of　one　of　those　historic　names　which；　in　spite　of　the　efforts　of　legislation；　are　always　associated　with　the　glory　of　France；　had　received　letters　of　introduction　to　some　of　the　great　lady's　friends　in　Naples；　and　had　come　to　thank　the　hostess　and　to　take　his　leave。

Vandenesse　had　already　acquitted　himself　creditably　on　several　diplomatic　missions；　and　now　that　he　had　received　an　appointment　as　attache　to　a　plenipotentiary　at　the　Congress　of　Laybach；　he　wished　to　take　advantage　of　the　opportunity　to　make　some　study　of　Italy　on　the　way。　This　ball　was　a　sort　of　farewell　to　Paris　and　its　amusements　and　its　rapid　whirl　of　life；　to　the　great　eddying　intellectual　centre　and　maelstrom　of　pleasure；　and　a　pleasant　thing　it　is　to　be　borne　along　by　the　current　of　this　sufficiently　slandered　great　city　of　Paris。　Yet　Charles　de　Vandenesse　had　little　to　regret；　accustomed　as　he　had　been　for　the　past　three　years　to　salute　European　capitals　and　turn　his　back　upon　them　at　the　capricious　bidding　of　a　diplomatist's　destiny。　Women　no　longer　made　any　impression　upon　him；　perhaps　he　thought　that　a　real　passion　would　play　too　large　a　part　in　a　diplomatist's　life；　or　perhaps　that　the　paltry　amusements　of　frivolity　were　too　empty　for　a　man　of　strong　character。　We　all　of　us　have　huge　claims　to　strength　of　character。　There　is　no　man　in　France；　be　he　ever　so　ordinary　a　member　of　the　rank　and　file　of　humanity；　that　will　waive　pretensions　to　something　beyond　mere　cleverness。

Charles；　young　though　he　washe　was　scarcely　turned　thirtylooked　at　life　with　a　philosophic　mind；　concerning　himself　with　theories　and　means　and　ends；　while　other　men　of　his　age　were　thinking　of　pleasure；　sentiments；　and　the　like　illusions。　He　forced　back　into　some　inner　depth　the　generosity　and　enthusiasms　of　youth；　and　by　nature　he　was　generous。　He　tried　hard　to　be　cool　and　calculating；　to　coin　the　fund　of　wealth　which　chanced　to　be　in　his　nature　into　gracious　manners；　and　courtesy；　and　attractive　arts；　'tis　the　proper　task　of　an　ambitious　man；　to　play　a　sorry　part　to　gain　〃a　good　position；〃　as　we　call　it　in　modern　days。

He　had　been　dancing；　and　now　he　gave　a　farewell　glance　over　the　rooms；　to　carry　away　a　distinct　impression　of　the　ball；　moved；　doubtless；　to　some　extent　by　the　feeling　which　prompts　a　theatre…goer　to　stay　in　his　box　to　see　the　final　tableau　before　the　curtain　falls。　But　M。　de　Vandenesse　had　another　reason　for　his　survey。　He　gazed　curiously　at　the　scene　before　him；　so　French　in　character　and　in　movement；　seeking　to　carry　away　a　picture　of　the　light　and　laughter　and　the　faces　at　this　Parisian　fete；　to　compare　with　the　novel　faces　and　picturesque　surroundings　awaiting　him　at　Naples；　where　he　meant　to　spend　a　few　days　before　presenting　himself　at　his　post。　He　seemed　to　be　drawing　the　comparison　now　between　this　France