those extraordinary twins-第6章

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her　most　confidential　and　mysterious　manner：

〃Don't　you　breathe　a　syllable　to　a　soulI'm　going　to　tell　you　something。
In　my　opinion　Tom　Driscoll's　chances　were　considerable　better　yesterday
than　they　are　to…day。〃

〃Patsy　Cooper；　what　do　you　mean？〃

〃It's　so；　as　sure　as　you're　born。　　I　wish　you　could　'a'　been　at　breakfast
and　seen　for　yourself。〃

〃You　don't　mean　it！〃

〃Well；　if　I'm　any　judge；　there's　a　leaningthere's　a　leaning；　sure。〃

〃My　land！　　Which　one　of　'em　is　it？〃

〃I　can't　say　for　certain；　but　I　think　it's　the　youngest　oneAnjy。〃

Then　there　were　hand…shakings；　and　congratulations；　and　hopes；　and　so　on；
and　the　old　ladies　parted；　perfectly　happythe　one　in　knowing　something
which　the　rest　of　the　town　didn't；　and　the　other　in　having　been　the　sole
person　able　to　furnish　that　knowledge。

The　visitor　who　had　called　to　see　the　twins　was　the　Rev。　Mr。　Hotchkiss；
pastor　of　the　Baptist　church。　　At　the　reception　Angelo　had　told　him　he
had　lately　experienced　a　change　in　his　religious　views；　and　was　now
desirous　of　becoming　a　Baptist；　and　would　immediately　join　Mr。
Hotchkiss's　church。　　There　was　no　time　to　say　more；　and　the　brief　talk
ended　at　that　point。　　The　minister　was　much　gratified；　and　had　dropped　in
for　a　moment　now；　to　invite　the　twins　to　attend　his　Bible　class　at　eight
that　evening。　　Angelo　accepted；　and　was　expecting　Luigi　to　decline；　but
he　did　not；　because　he　knew　that　the　Bible　class　and　the　Freethinkers　met
in　the　same　room；　and　he　wanted　to　treat　his　brother　to　the　embarrassment
of　being　caught　in　free…thinking　company。




CHAPTER　V

GUILT　AND　INNOCENCE　FINELY　BLENT

＇A　long　and　vigorous　quarrel　follows；　between　the　twins。　　And　there　is
plenty　to　quarrel　about；　for　Angelo　was　always　seeking　truth；　and　this
obliged　him　to　change　and　improve　his　religion　with　frequency；　which
wearied　Luigi；　and　annoyed　him　too；　for　he　had　to　be　present　at　each　new
enlistmentwhich　placed　him　in　the　false　position　of　seeming　to　indorse
and　approve　his　brother's　fickleness；　moreover；　he　had　to　go　to　Angelo's
prohibition　meetings；　and　he　hated　them。　　On　the　other　hand；　when　it　was
his　week　to　command　the　legs　he　gave　Angelo　just　cause　of　complaint；　for
he　took　him　to　circuses　and　horse…races　and　fandangoes；　exposing　him　to
all　sorts　of　censure　and　criticism；　and　he　drank；　too；　and　whatever　he
drank　went　to　Angelo's　head　instead　of　his　own　and　made　him　act
disgracefully。　　When　the　evening　was　come；　the　two　attended　the　Free…
thinkers'　meeting；　where　Angelo　was　sad　and　silent；　then　came　the　Bible
class　and　looked　upon　him　coldly；　finding　him　in　such　company。　　Then　they
went　to　Wilson's　house　and　Chapter　XI　of　Pudd'nhead　Wilson　follows；　which
tells　of　the　girl　seen　in　Tom　Driscoll's　room；　and　closes　with　the
kicking　of　Tom　by　Luigi　at　the　anti…temperance　mass…meeting　of　the　Sons
of　Liberty；　with　the　addition　of　some　account　of　Roxy's　adventures　as　a
chamber…maid　on　a　Mississippi　boat。　　Her　exchange　of　the　children　had
been　flippantly　and　farcically　described　in　an　earlier　chapter。

Next　morning　all　the　town　was　a…buzz　with　great　news；　Pudd'nhead　Wilson
had　a　law　case！　　The；　public　astonishment　was　so　great　and　the　public
curiosity　so　intense；　that　when　the　justice　of　the　peace　opened　his
court；　the　place　was　packed　with　people　and　even　the　windows　were　full。
Everybody　was；　flushed　and　perspiring；　the　summer　heat　was　almost
unendurable。

Tom　Driscoll　had　brought　a　charge　of　assault　and　battery　against　the
twins。　　Robert　Allen　was　retained　by　Driscoll；　David　Wilson　by　the
defense。　　Tom；　his　native　cheerfulness　unannihilated　by　his　back…breaking
and　bone…bruising　passage　across　the　massed　heads　of　the　Sons　of　Liberty
the　previous　night；　laughed　his　little　customary　laugh；　and　said　to
Wilson：

〃I've　kept　my　promise；　you　see；　I'm　throwing　my　business　your　way。
Sooner　than　I　was　expecting；　too。〃

〃It's　very　good　of　youparticularly　if　you　mean　to　keep　it　up。〃

〃Well；　I　can't　tell　about　that　yet。　　But　we'll　see。　　If　I　find　you
deserve　it　I'll　take　you　under　my　protection　and　make　your　fame　and
fortune　for　you。〃

〃I'll　try　to　deserve　it；　Tom。〃

A　jury　was　sworn　in；　then　Mr。　　Allen　said：

〃We　will　detain　your　honor　but　a　moment　with　this　case。　　It　is　not　one
where　any　doubt　of　the　fact　of　the　assault　can　enter　in。　　These
gentlementhe　accusedkicked　my　client　at　the　Market　Hall　last　night；
they　kicked　him　with　violence；　with　extraordinary　violence；　with　even
unprecedented　violence；　I　may　say；　insomuch　that　he　was　lifted　entirely
off　his　feet　and　discharged　into　the　midst　of　the　audience。　　We　can　prove
this　by　four　hundred　witnesseswe　shall　call　but　three。　　Mr。　Harkness
will　take　the　stand。〃

Mr。　Harkness；　being　sworn；　testified　that　he　was　chairman　upon　the
occasion　mentioned；　that　he　was　close　at　hand　and　saw　the　defendants　in
this　action　kick　the　plaintiff　into　the　air　and　saw　him　descend　among　the
audience。

〃Take　the　witness；〃　said　Allen。

〃Mr。　Harkness；〃　said　Wilson；　〃you　say　you　saw　these　gentlemen；　my
clients；　kick　the　plaintiff。　　Are　you　sureand　please　remember　that　you
are　on　oathare　you　perfectly　sure　that　you　saw　both　of　them　kick　him；
or　only　one？　　Now　be　careful。〃

A　bewildered　look　began　to　spread　itself　over　the　witness's　face。　　He
hesitated；　stammered；　but　got　out　nothing。　　His　eyes　wandered　to　the
twins　and　fixed　themselves　there　with　a　vacant　gaze。

〃Please　answer；　Mr。　　Harkness；　you　are　keeping　the　court　waiting。　　It　is
a　very　simple　question。〃

Counsel　for　the　prosecution　broke　in　with　impatience：

〃Your　honor；　the　question　is　an　irrelevant　triviality。　　Necessarily；　they
both　kicked　him；　for　they　have　but　the　one　pair　of　legs；　and　both　are
responsible　for　them。〃

Wilson　said；　sarcastically：

〃Will　your　honor　permit　this　new　witness　to　be　sworn？　　He　seems　to
possess　knowledge　which　can　be　of　the　utmost　value　just　at　this　moment
knowledge　which　would　at　once　dispose　of　what　every　one　must　see　is　a
very　difficult　question　in　this　case。　　Brother　Allen；　will　you　take　the
stand？〃

〃Go　on　with　your　case！〃　said　Allen；　petulantly。　　The　audience　laughed；
and　got　a　warning　from　the　court。

〃Now；　Mr。　Harkness；〃　said　Wilson；　insinuatingly；　〃we　shall　have　to　insist
upon　an　answer　to　that　question。〃

〃Ierwell；　of　course；　I　do　not　absolutely　know；　but　in　my　opinion〃

〃Never　mind　your　opinion；　siranswer　the　question。〃

〃Iwhy；　I　can't　answer　it。〃

〃That　will　do；　Mr。　　Harkness。　　Stand　down。〃

The　audience　tittered；　and　the　discomfited　witness　retired　in　a　state　of
great　embarrassment。

Mr。　Wakeman　took　the　stand　and　swore　that　he　saw　the　twins　kick　the
plaintiff　off　the　platform。

The　defense　took　the　witness。

〃Mr。　Wakeman；　you　have　sworn　that　you　saw　these　gentlemen　kick　the
plaintiff。　　Do　I　understand　you　to　swear　that　you　saw　them　both　do　it？〃

〃Yes；　sir；〃with　derision。

〃How　do　you　know　that　both　did　it？〃

〃Because　I　saw　them　do　it。〃

The　audience　laughed；　and　got　another　warning　from　the　court。

〃But　by　what　means　do　you　know　that　both；　and　not　one；　did　it？〃

〃Well；　in　the　first　place；　the　insult　was　given　to　both　of　them　equally；
for　they　were　called　a　pair　of　scissors。　　Of　course　they　would　both　want
to　resent　it；　and　so〃

〃Wait！　　You　are　theorizing　now。　　Stick　to　facts　counsel　will　attend　to
the　arguments。　　Go　on。〃

〃Well；　they　both　went　over　therethat　I　saw。〃

〃Very　good。　　Go　on。〃

〃And　they　both　kicked　himI　swear　to　it。〃

〃Mr。　Wakeman；　was　Count　Luigi；　here；　willing　to　join　the　Sons　of　Liberty
last　night？〃

〃Yes；　sir；　he　was。　　He　did　join；　too；　and　drank　a　glass　or　two　of　whisky；
like　a　man。〃

〃Was　his　brother　willing　to　join？〃

〃No；　sir；　he　wasn't。　　He　is　a　teetotaler；　and　was　elected　through　a
mistake。〃

〃Was　he　given　a　glass　of　whisky？〃

〃Yes；　sir；　but　of　course　that　was　another　mistake；　and　not　intentional。
He　wouldn't　drink　it。　　He　set　it　down。〃　　A　slight　pause；　then　he　added；
casually　and　quite　simply：　〃The　plaintiff　reached　for　it　and　hogged　it。〃

There　was　a　fine　outburst　of　laughter；　but　as　the　justice　was　caught　out
himself；　his　reprimand　was　not　very　vigorous。

Mr。　Allen　jumped　up　and　exclaimed：　〃I　protest　against　these　foolish
irrelevancies。　　What　have　they　to　do　with　the　case？〃

Wilson　said：　〃Calm　yourself；　brother；　it　was　only　an　experiment。　　Now；
Mr。　Wakeman；　if　one　of　these　gentlemen　chooses　to　join　an　association　and
the　other　doesn't；　and　if　one　of　them　enjoys　whisky　and　the　other
doesn't；　but　sets　it　aside　and　leaves　it　unprotected〃　（titter　from　the
audience）；　〃it　seems　to　show　that　they　have　independent　minds；　and
tastes；　and　preferences；　and　that　one　of　them　is　able　to　approve　of　a
thing　at　the　very　moment　that　the　other　is　heartily　disapproving　of　it。
Doesn't　it　seem　so　to　you？〃

〃Certainly　it　does。　　It's　perfectly　plain。〃

〃Now；　then；　it　might　beI　only　say　it　might　bethat　one　of　these
brothers　wanted　to　kick　the　plaintiff　last　night；　and　that　the　other
didn't　want　that　humiliating　punishment　inflicted　upon　him　in　that　public
way　and　before　all　those　people。　　Isn't　that　possible？〃

〃Of　course　it　is。　　It's　more　than　possible。　　I　don't　believe　the　blond
one　would　kick　anybody。　　It　was　the　other　one　that〃

〃Silence！〃　shouted　the　plaintiff's　counsel；　and　went　on　with　an　angry
sentence　which　was　lost　in　the　wave　of　laughter　that　swept　the　house。

〃That　will　do；　Mr。　　Wakeman；〃　said　Wilson；　〃you　may　stand　down。〃

The　third　witness　was　called。　　He　had　seen　the　twins　kick　the　plaintiff。
Mr。　Wilson　took　the　witness。

〃Mr。　Rogers；　you　say　you　saw　these　accused　gentlemen　kick　the　plaintiff？〃

〃Yes；　sir。〃

〃Both　of　them？〃

〃Yes；　sir。〃

〃Which　of　them　kicked　him　first？〃

〃Whytheythey　both　kicked　him　at　the　same　time。

〃Are　you　perfectly　sure　of　that？〃

〃Yes；　sir。〃

〃What　makes　you　sure　of　it？〃

〃Why；　I　stood　right　behind　them；　and　saw　them　do　it。〃

〃How　many　kicks　were　delivered？〃

〃Only　one。〃

〃If　two　men　kick；　the　result　should　be　two　kicks；　shouldn't　it？〃

〃Whywhy　yes；　as　a　rule。〃

〃Then　what　do　you　think　went　with　the　other　kick？〃

〃Iwellthe　fact　is；　I　wasn't　thinking　of　two　being　necessary；　this
time。〃

〃What　do　you　think　now？〃

〃Well；　II'm　sure　I　don't　quite　know　what　to　think；　but　I　reckon　that
one　of　them　did　half　of　the　kick　and　the　other　one　did　the　other　half。〃

Somebody　in　the　crowd　sung　out：　〃It's　the　first　sane　thing　that　any　of
them　has　said。〃

The　audience　applauded。　　The　judge　said：　〃Silence！　or　I　will　clear　the
court。〃

Mr。　Allen　looked　pleased；　but　Wilson　did　not　seem　disturbed。　　He　said：

〃Mr。　Rogers；　you　have　favored　us　with　what　you　think　and　what　you　reckon；
but　as　thinking　and　reckoning　are　not　evidence；　I　will　now　give　you　a
chance　to　come　out　with　something　positive；　one　way　or　the　other；　and
shall　require　you　to　produce　it。　　I　will　ask　the　accused　to　stand　up　and
repeat　the　phenomenal　kick　of　last　night。〃　　The　twins　stood　up。　　〃Now；
Mr。　Rogers；　please　stand　behind　them。〃

A　Voice：　〃No；　stand　in　front！〃　（Laughter。　　Silenced　by　the　court。）
Another　Voice：　　〃No；　give　Tommy　another　highst！〃　　（Laughter。　　Sharply
rebuked　by　the　court。）

〃Now；　then；　Mr。　Rogers；　two　kicks　shall　be　delivered；　one　after　the
other；　and　I　give　you　my　word　that　at　least　one