crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第8章
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〃Don't be in such a hurry； you quite frighten me！ Shall I get you
the loaf or not？〃
〃As you please。〃
〃Ah； I forgot！ A letter came for you yesterday when you were out。〃
〃A letter？ for me！ from whom？〃
〃I can't say。 I gave three copecks of my own to the postman for
it。 Will you pay me back？〃
〃Then bring it to me； for God's sake； bring it；〃 cried Raskolnikov
greatly excited… 〃good God！〃
A minute later the letter was brought him。 That was it： from his
mother； from the province of R___。 He turned pale when he took it。
It was a long while since he had received a letter； but another
feeling also suddenly stabbed his heart。
〃Nastasya； leave me alone； for goodness' sake； here are your three
copecks； but for goodness' sake； make haste and go！〃
The letter was quivering in his hand； he did not want to open it
in her presence； he wanted to be left alone with this letter。 When
Nastasya had gone out； he lifted it quickly to his lips and kissed it；
then he gazed intently at the address； the small； sloping handwriting；
so dear and familiar； of the mother who had once taught him to read
and write。 He delayed； he seemed almost afraid of something。 At last
he opened it； it was a thick heavy letter； weighing over two ounces；
two large sheets of note paper were covered with very small
handwriting。
〃My dear Rodya；〃 wrote his mother… 〃it's two months since I last had
a talk with you by letter which has distressed me and even kept me
awake at night； thinking。 But I am sure you will not blame me for my
inevitable silence。 You know how I love you； you are all we have to
look to； Dounia and I； you are our all； our one hope； our one stay。
What a grief it was to me when I heard that you had given up the
university some months ago； for want of means to keep yourself and
that you had lost your lessons and your other work！ How could I help
you out of my hundred and twenty roubles a year pension？ The fifteen
roubles I sent you four months ago I borrowed； as you know； on
security of my pension； from Vassily Ivanovitch Vahrushin a merchant
of this town。 He is a kind…hearted man and was a friend of your
father's too。 But having given him the right to receive the pension； I
had to wait till the debt was paid off and that is only just done；
so that I've been unable to send you anything all this time。 But
now； thank God； I believe I shall be able to send you something more
and in fact we may congratulate ourselves on our good fortune now；
of which I hasten to inform you。 In the first place； would you have
guessed； dear Rodya； that your sister has been living with me for
the last six weeks and we shall not be separated in the future。
Thank God； her sufferings are over； but I will tell you everything
in order； so that you may know just how everything has happened and
all that we have hitherto concealed from you。 When you wrote to me two
months ago that you had heard that Dounia had a great deal to put up
with in the Svidrigrailovs' house； when you wrote that and asked me to
tell you all about it… what could I write in answer to you？ If I had
written the whole truth to you； I dare say you would have thrown up
everything and have come to us； even if you had to walk all the way；
for I know your character and your feelings； and you would not let
your sister be insulted。 I was in despair myself； but what could I do？
And； besides； I did not know the whole truth myself then。 What made it
all so difficult was that Dounia received a hundred roubles in advance
when she took the place as governess in their family； on condition
of part of her salary being deducted every month； and so it was
impossible to throw up the situation without repaying the debt。 This
sum （now I can explain it all to you； my precious Rodya） she took
chiefly in order to send you sixty roubles； which you needed so
terribly then and which you received from us last year。 We deceived
you then； writing that this money came from Dounia's savings； but that
was not so； and now I tell you all about it； because； thank God；
things have suddenly changed for the better； and that you may know how
Dounia loves you and what a heart she has。 At first indeed Mr。
Svidrigailov treated her very rudely and used to make disrespectful
and jeering remarks at table。。。。 But I don't want to go into all those
painful details； so as not to worry you for nothing when it is now all
over。 In short； in spite of the kind and generous behaviour of Marfa
Petrovna； Mr。 Svidrigailov's wife； and all the rest of the
household； Dounia had a very hard time； especially when Mr。
Svidrigailov； relapsing into his old regimental habits； was under
the influence of Bacchus。 And how do you think it was all explained
later on？ Would you believe that the crazy fellow had conceived a
passion for Dounia from the beginning； but had concealed it under a
show of rudeness and contempt。 Possibly he was ashamed and horrified
himself at his own flighty hopes； considering his years and his
being the father of a family； and that made him angry with Dounia。 And
possibly； too； he hoped by his rude and sneering behaviour to hide the
truth from others。 But at last he lost all control and had the face to
make Dounia an open and shameful proposal； promising her all sorts
of inducements and offering； besides； to throw up everything and
take her to another estate of his； or even abroad。 You can imagine all
she went through！ To leave her situation at once was impossible not
only on account of the money debt； but also to spare the feelings of
Marfa Petrovna； whose suspicions would have been aroused； and then
Dounia would have been the cause of a rupture in the family。 And it
would have meant a terrible scandal for Dounia too； that would have
been inevitable。 There were various other reasons owing to which
Dounia could not hope to escape from that awful house for another
six weeks。 You know Dounia； of course； you know how clever she is
and what a strong will she has。 Dounia can endure a great deal and
even in the most difficult cases she has the fortitude to maintain her
firmness。 She did not even write to me about everything for fear of
upsetting me； although we were constantly in communication。 It all
ended very unexpectedly。 Marfa Petrovna accidentally overheard her
husband imploring Dounia in the garden； and； putting quite a wrong
interpretation on the position； threw the blame upon her； believing
her to be the cause of it all。 An awful scene took place between
them on the spot in the garden； Marfa Petrovna went so far as to
strike Dounia； refused to hear anything and was shouting at her for
a whole hour and then gave orders that Dounia should be packed off
at once to me in a plain peasant's cart； into which they flung all her
things； her linen and her clothes； all pell…mell； without folding it
up and packing it。 And a heavy shower of rain came on； too； and
Dounia； insulted and put to shame； had to drive with a peasant in an
open cart all the seventeen versts into town。 Only think now what
answer could I have sent to the letter I received from you two
months ago and what could I have written？ I was in despair； I dared
not write to you the truth because you would have been very unhappy；
mortified and indignant； and yet what could you do？ You could only
perhaps ruin yourself； and； besides； Dounia would not allow it； and
fill up my letter with trifles when my heart was so full of sorrow；
I could not。 For a whole month the town was full of gossip about
this scandal； and it came to such a pass that Dounia and I dared not
even go to church on account of the contemptuous looks； whispers；
and even remarks made aloud about us。 All our acquaintances avoided
us； nobody even bowed to us in the street； and I learnt that some
shopmen and clerks were intending to insult us in a shameful way；
smearing the gates of our house with pitch； so that the landlord began
to tell us we must leave。 All this was set going by Marfa Petrovna who
managed to slander Dounia and throw dirt at her in every family。 She
knows every one in the neighbourhood； and that month she was
continually coming into the town； and as she is rather talkative and
fond of gossiping about her family affairs and particularly of
complaining to all and each of her husband… which is not at all right…
so in a short time she had spread her story not only in the town；
but over the whole surrounding district。 It made me ill； but Dounia
bore it better than I did； and if only you could have seen how she
endured it all and tried to comfort me and cheer me up！ She is an
angel！ But by God's mercy； our sufferings were cut short： Mr。
Svidrigailov returned to his senses and repented and； probably feeling
sorry for Dounia； he laid before Marfa Petrovna a complete and
unmistakable proof of Dounia's innocence； in the form of a letter
Dounia had been forced to write and give to him； before Marfa Petrovna
came upon them in the garden。 This letter； which remained in Mr。
Svidrigailov's hands after her departure； she had written to refuse
personal explanations and secret interviews； for which he was
entreating her。 In that letter she reproached him with great heat
and indignation for the baseness of his behaviour in regard to Marfa
Petrovna； reminding him that he was the father and head of a family
and telling him how infamous it was of him to torment and make unhappy
a defenceless girl； unhappy enough already。 Indeed； dear Rodya； the
letter was so nobly and touchingly written that I sobbed when I read
it and to this day I cannot read it without tears。 Mor
