crime and punishment(罪与罚)-第107章
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〃Quite so； yes； the place of a mother；〃 Sonia answered； timidly
and hurriedly。
〃Then will you make my apologies to her？ Through inevitable
circumstances I am forced to be absent and shall not be at the
dinner in spite of your mamma's kind invitation。〃
〃Yes。。。 I'll tell her。。。 at once。〃
And Sonia hastily jumped up from her seat。
〃Wait； that's not all；〃 Pyotr Petrovitch detained her； smiling at
her simplicity and ignorance of good manners； 〃and you know me little；
my dear Sofya Semyonovna； if you suppose I would have ventured to
trouble a person like you for a matter of so little consequence
affecting myself only。 I have another object。〃
Sonia sat down hurriedly。 Her eyes rested again for an instant on
the grey and rainbow…coloured notes that remained on the table； but
she quickly looked away and fixed her eyes on Pyotr Petrovitch。 She
felt it horribly indecorous； especially for her； to look at another
person's money。 She stared at the gold eyeglass which Pyotr Petrovitch
held in his left hand and at the massive and extremely handsome ring
with a yellow stone on his middle finger。 But suddenly she looked away
and； not knowing where to turn； ended by staring Pyotr Petrovitch
again straight in the face。 After a pause of still greater dignity
he continued。
〃I chanced yesterday in passing to exchange a couple of words with
Katerina Ivanovna； poor woman。 That was sufficient to enable me to
ascertain that she is in a position… preternatural； if one may so
express it。〃
〃Yes。。。 preternatural。。。〃 Sonia hurriedly assented。
〃Or it would be simpler and more comprehensible to say； ill。〃
〃Yes； simpler and more comprehen。。。 yes； ill。〃
〃Quite so。 So then from a feeling of humanity and so to speak
compassion； I should be glad to be of service to her in any way；
foreseeing her unfortunate position。 I believe the whole of this
poverty…stricken family depends now entirely on you？〃
〃Allow me to ask；〃 Sonia rose to her feet； 〃did you say something to
her yesterday of the possibility of a pension？ Because she told me you
had undertaken to get her one。 Was that true？〃
〃Not in the slightest； and indeed it's an absurdity！ I merely hinted
at her obtaining temporary assistance as the widow of an official
who had died in the service… if only she has patronage。。。 but
apparently your late parent had not served his full term and had not
indeed been in the service at all of late。 In fact； if there could
be any hope； it would be very ephemeral； because there would be no
claim for assistance in that case； far from it。。。。 And she is dreaming
of a pension already； he…he…he！。。。 A go…ahead lady！〃
〃Yes； she is。 For she is credulous and good…hearted； and she
believes everything from the goodness of her heart and。。。 and。。。 and
she is like that。。。 yes。。。 You must excuse her；〃 said Sonia； and again
she got up to go。
〃But you haven't heard what I have to say。〃
〃No； I haven't heard；〃 muttered Sonia。
〃Then sit down。〃 She was terribly confused； she sat down again a
third time。
〃Seeing her position with her unfortunate little ones； I should be
glad； as I have said before； so far as lies in my power； to be of
service； that is； so far as is in my power； not more。 One might for
instance get up a subscription for her； or a lottery； something of the
sort； such as is always arranged in such cases by friends or even
outsiders desirous of assisting people。 It was of that I intended to
speak to you； it might be done。〃
〃Yes； yes。。。 God will repay you for it；〃 faltered Sonia； gazing
intently at Pyotr Petrovitch。
〃It might be； but we will talk of it later。 We might begin it
to…day； we will talk it over this evening and lay the foundation so to
speak。 Come to me at seven o'clock。 Mr。 Lebeziatnikov； I hope； will
assist us。 But there is one circumstance of which I ought to warn
you beforehand and for which I venture to trouble you； Sofya
Semyonovna； to come here。 In my opinion money cannot be； indeed it's
unsafe to put it into Katerina Ivanovna's own hands。 The dinner to…day
is a proof of that。 Though she has not； so to speak； a crust of
bread for to…morrow and。。。 well； boots or shoes； or anything； she
has bought to…day Jamaica rum； and even； I believe； Madeira and。。。 and
coffee。 I saw it as I passed through。 To…morrow it will all fall
upon you again； they won't have a crust of bread。 It's absurd； really；
and so； to my thinking； a subscription ought to be raised so that
the unhappy widow should not know of the money； but only you； for
instance。 Am I right？〃
〃I don't know。。。 this is only to…day； once in her life。。。。 She was
so anxious to do honour； to celebrate the memory。。。。 And she is very
sensible。。。 but just as you think and I shall be very； very。。。 they
will all be。。。 and God will reward。。。 and the orphans。。。〃
Sonia burst into tears。
〃Very well； then； keep it in mind； and now will you accept for the
benefit of your relation the small sum that I am able to spare； from
me personally。 I am very anxious that my name should not be
mentioned in connection with it。 Here。。。 having so to speak
anxieties of my own； I cannot do more。。。〃
And Pyotr Petrovitch held out to Sonia a ten…rouble note carefully
unfolded。 Sonia took it； flushed crimson； jumped up； muttered
something and began taking leave。 Pyotr Petrovitch accompanied her
ceremoniously to the door。 She got out of the room at last； agitated
and distressed； and returned to Katerina Ivanovna； overwhelmed with
confusion。
All this time Lebeziatnikov had stood at the window or walked
about the room； anxious not to interrupt the conversation； when
Sonia had gone he walked up to Pyotr Petrovitch and solemnly held
out his hand。
〃I heard and saw everything；〃 he said； laying stress on the last
verb。 〃That is honourable； I mean to say； it's humane！ You wanted to
avoid gratitude； I saw！ And although I cannot； I confess； in principle
sympathise with private charity； for it not only fails to eradicate
the evil but even promotes it； yet I must admit that I saw your action
with pleasure… yes； yes； I like it。〃
〃That's all nonsense；〃 muttered Pyotr Petrovitch； somewhat
disconcerted； looking carefully at Lebeziatnikov。
〃No； it's not nonsense！ A man who has suffered distress and
annoyance as you did yesterday and who yet can sympathise with the
misery of others； such a man。。。 even though he is making a social
mistake… is still deserving of respect！ I did not expect it indeed
of you； Pyotr Petrovitch； especially as according to your ideas。。。 oh；
what a drawback your ideas are to you！ How distressed you are for
instance by your ill luck yesterday；〃 cried the simple…hearted
Lebeziatnikov； who felt a return of affection for Pyotr Petrovitch。
〃And； what do you want with marriage； with legal marriage； my dear；
noble Pyotr Petrovitch？ Why do you cling to this legality of marriage？
Well； you may beat me if you like； but I am glad； positively glad it
hasn't come off； that you are free； that you are not quite lost for
humanity。。。。 you see； I've spoken my mind！〃
〃Because I don't want in your free marriage to be made a fool of and
to bring up another man's children； that's why I want legal marriage；〃
Luzhin replied in order to make some answer。
He seemed preoccupied by something。
〃Children？ You referred to children；〃 Lebeziatnikov started off like
a warhorse at the trumpet call。 〃Children are a social question and
a question of first importance； I agree； but the question of
children has another solution。 Some refuse to have children
altogether； because they suggest the institution of the family。
We'll speak of children later； but now as to the question of honour； I
confess that's my weak point。 That horrid； military； Pushkin
expression is unthinkable in the dictionary of the future。 What does
it mean indeed？ It's nonsense； there will be no deception in a free
marriage！ That is only the natural consequence of a legal marriage； so
to say； its corrective； a protest。 So that indeed it's not
humiliating。。。 and if I ever； to suppose an absurdity； were to be
legally married； I should be positively glad of it。 I should say to my
wife： 'My dear； hitherto I have loved you； now I respect you； for
you've shown you can protest！' You laugh！ That's because you are of
incapable of getting away from prejudices。 Confound it all！ I
understand now where the unpleasantness is of being deceived in a
legal marriage； but it's simply a despicable consequence of a
despicable position in which both are humiliated。 When the deception
is open； as in a free marriage； then it does not exist； it's
unthinkable。 Your wife will only prove how she respects you by
considering you incapable of opposing her happiness and avenging
yourself on her for her new husband。 Damn it all！ I sometimes dream if
I were to be married； foo！ I mean if I were to marry； legally or
not； it's just the same； I should present my wife with
