camille (la dame aux camilias)(卡米勒)-第25章
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where she tried； as far as possible； to induce him to forget the incident； but
the old man； wounded in his dignity； bore her a grudge for it； and could
not forgive her。 He said to her； somewhat cruelly； that he was tired of
paying for the follies of a woman who could not even have him treated
with respect under his own roof； and he went away in great indignation。
Since that day he had never been heard of。
In vain Marguerite dismissed her guests； changed her way of life； the
duke was not to be heard of。 I was the gainer in so； far that my mistress
now belonged to me more completely； and my dream was at length
realized。 Marguerite could not be without me。 Not caring what the result
might be； she publicly proclaimed our liaison； and I had come to live
entirely at her house。 The servants addressed me officially as their master。
Prudence had strictly sermonized Marguerite in regard to her new
manner of life； but she had replied that she loved me； that she could not
live without me； and that； happen what might； she would not sacrifice the
pleasure of having me constantly with her； adding that those who were not
satisfied with this arrangement were free to stay away。 So much I had
heard one day when Prudence had said to Marguerite that she had
something very important to tell her； and I had listened at the door of the
room into which they had shut themselves。
Not long after； Prudence returned again。 I was at the other end of the
garden when she arrived； and she did not see me。 I had no doubt； from the
way in which Marguerite came to meet her； that another similar
conversation was going to take place； and I was anxious to hear what it
was about。 The two women shut themselves into a boudoir； and I put
myself within hearing。
〃Well？〃 said Marguerite。
〃Well； I have seen the duke。〃
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〃What did he say？〃
〃That he would gladly forgive you in regard to the scene which took
place； but that he has learned that you are publicly living with M。 Armand
Duval； and that he will never forgive that。 'Let Marguerite leave the young
man；' he said to me； 'and； as in the past； I will give her all that she requires；
if not； let her ask nothing more from me。'〃
〃And you replied？〃
〃That I would report his decision to you； and I promised him that I
would bring you into a more reasonable frame of mind。 Only think； my
dear child； of the position that you are losing； and that Armand can never
give you。 He loves you with all his soul； but he has no fortune capable of
supplying your needs； and he will be bound to leave you one day； when it
will be too late and when the duke will refuse to do any more for you。
Would you like me to speak to Armand？〃
Marguerite seemed to be thinking； for she answered nothing。 My heart
beat violently while I waited for her reply。
〃No；〃 she answered； 〃I will not leave Armand； and I will not conceal
the fact that I am living with him。 It is folly no doubt； but I love him。 What
would you have me do？ And then； now that he has got accustomed to be
always with me； he would suffer too cruelly if he had to leave me so much
as an hour a day。 Besides； I have not such a long time to live that I need
make myself miserable in order to please an old man whose very sight
makes me feel old。 Let him keep his money； I will do without it。〃
〃But what will you do？〃
〃I don't in the least know。〃
Prudence was no doubt going to make some reply； but I entered
suddenly and flung myself at Marguerite's feet； covering her hands with
tears in my joy at being thus loved。
〃My life is yours； Marguerite； you need this man no longer。 Am I not
here？ Shall I ever leave you； and can I ever repay you for the happiness
that you give me？ No more barriers； my Marguerite； we love； what matters
all the rest？〃
〃Oh yes； I love you； my Armand；〃 she murmured； putting her two arms
around my neck。 〃I love you as I never thought I should ever love。 We will
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be happy； we will live quietly； and I will say good…bye forever to the life
for which I now blush。 You won't ever reproach me for the past？ Tell me！〃
Tears choked my voice。 I could only reply by clasping Marguerite to
my heart。
〃Well；〃 said she； turning to Prudence； and speaking in a broken voice；
〃you can report this scene to the duke； and you can add that we have no
longer need of him。〃
From that day forth the duke was never referred to。 Marguerite was no
longer the same woman that I had known。 She avoided everything that
might recall to me the life which she had been leading when I first met her。
Never did wife or sister surround husband or brother with such loving care
as she had for me。 Her nature was morbidly open to all impressions and
accessible to all sentiments。 She had broken equally with her friends and
with her ways； with her words and with her extravagances。 Any one who
had seen us leaving the house to go on the river in the charming little boat
which I had bought would never have believed that the woman dressed in
white； wearing a straw hat； and carrying on her arm a little silk pelisse to
protect her against the damp of the river； was that Marguerite Gautier who；
only four months ago； had been the talk of the town for the luxury and
scandal of her existence。
Alas； we made haste to be happy； as if we knew that we were not to be
happy long。
For two months we had not even been to Paris。 No one came to see us；
except Prudence and Julie Duprat； of whom I have spoken to you； and to
whom Marguerite was afterward to give the touching narrative that I have
there。
I passed whole days at the feet of my mistress。 We opened the
windows upon the garden； and； as we watched the summer ripening in its
flowers and under the shadow of the trees； we breathed together that true
life which neither Marguerite nor I had ever known before。
Her delight in the smallest things was like that of a child。 There were
days when she ran in the garden； like a child of ten； after a butterfly or a
dragon…fly。 This courtesan who had cost more money in bouquets than
would have kept a whole family in comfort； would sometimes sit on the
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grass for an hour； examining the simple flower whose name she bore。
It was at this time that she read Manon Lescaut； over and over again。 I
found her several times making notes in the book； and she always declared
that when a woman loves； she can not do as Manon did。
The duke wrote to her two or three times。 She recognised the writing
and gave me the letters without reading them。 Sometimes the terms of
these letters brought tears to my eyes。 He had imagined that by closing his
purse to Marguerite； he would bring her back to him； but when he had
perceived the uselessness of these means； he could hold out no longer； he
wrote and asked that he might see her again； as before； no matter on what
conditions。
I read these urgent and repeated letters； and tore them in pieces；
without telling Marguerite what they contained and without advising her
to see the old man again； though I was half inclined to； so much did I pity
him； but I was afraid lest； if I so advised her she should think that I wished
the duke； not merely to come and see her again； but to take over the
expenses of the house； I feared； above all； that she might think me capable
of shirking the responsibilities of every consequence to which her love for
me might lead her。
It thus came about that the duke； receiving no reply； ceased to write；
and that Marguerite and I continued to live together without giving a
thought to the future。
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CHAPTER 18
It would be difficult to give you all the details of our new life。 It was
made up of a series of little childish events； charming for us but
insignificant to any one else。 You know what it is to be in love with a
woman； you know how it cuts short the days； and with what loving
listlessness one drifts into the morrow。 You know that forgetfulness of
everything which comes of a violent confident； reciprocated love。 Every
being who is not the beloved one seems a useless being in creation。 One
regrets having cast scraps of one's heart to other women； and one can not
believe in the possibility of ever pressing another hand than that which one
holds between one's hands。 The mind admits neither work nor
remembrance； nothing； in short； which can distract it from the one thought
in which it is ceaselessly absorbed。 Every day one discovers in one's
mistress a new charm and unknown delights。 Existence itself is but the
unceasing accomplishment of an unchanging desire； the soul is but the
vestal charged to feed the sacred fire of love。
We often went at night…time to sit in the little wood above the house；
there we listened to the cheerful harmonies of evening； both of us thinking
of the coming hours which should leave us to one another till the dawn of
day。 At other times we did not get up all day； we did not even let the
sunlight enter our room。
The curtains were hermetically closed； and for a moment the external
world did not exist for us。 Nanine alone had the right to open our door； but
only to bring in our meals and even these we took without getting up；
interrupting them with laughter and gaiety。 To that succeeded a brief sleep；
for； disappearing into the depths of our love； we were like two divers who
only come to the surface to take breath。
