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waiting。; 

     The    dining    room    into   which    the  guest   was    conducted     betrayed     a 

feminine   touch   not   visible   in   the   smoke´dimmed   quarters   of   shop   and 

cabinet。 At the windows were curtains of laughing chintz and pots of pink 

geranium。 The   table�察  �under   a   drop´light   in   a   flame´coloured   silk   screen�察�

was    brightly    set  with   silver   and   blue   china。   In    a  cut´glass   decanter 

sparkled   a   ruddy   brown   wine。       The   edged   tool   of   Advertising   felt   his 

spirits undergo an unmistakable upward pressure。 

     ;Sit   down�察  �sir�察─  �said   Mifflin�察  �lifting   the   roof   of   a   platter。   ;These   are 

eggs Samuel Butler�察�an invention of my own�察�the apotheosis of hen fruit。; 

     Gilbert greeted the invention with applause。              An Egg Samuel Butler�察�

for the notebook of housewives�察�may be summarized as a pyramid�察�based 

upon   toast�察  �whereof   the   chief   masonries   are   a   flake   of   bacon�察  �an   egg 

poached to firmness�察�a wreath of mushrooms�察�a cap´sheaf of red peppers�察�

the whole dribbled with a warm pink sauce of which the inventor retains 

the secret。     To this the bookseller chef added fried potatoes from another 



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dish�察�and poured for his guest a glass of wine。 

     ;This is California catawba�察─�said Mifflin�察 �in which the grape and the 

sunshine very pleasantly ��and cheaply�� fulfil their allotted destiny。 I pledge 

you prosperity to the black art of Advertising� ─�

     The psychology of the art and mystery of Advertising rests upon tact�察�

an instinctive perception of the tone and accent which will be en rapport 

with the mood of the hearer。           Mr。 Gilbert was aware of this�察�and felt that 

quite possibly his host was prouder of his whimsical avocation as gourmet 

than of his sacred profession as a bookman。 

     ;Is   it  possible�察  �sir�察─ �he  began�察   �in  lucid   Johnsonian�察     �that  you    can 

concoct so delicious an entree in so few minutes�拭�You are not hoaxing me�拭�

There is no secret passage between Gissing Street and the laboratories of 

the Ritz�拭─�

     ;Ah�察�you should taste Mrs。 Mifflin's cooking� ─�said the bookseller。 ;I 

am only an amateur�察�who dabble in the craft during her absence。 She is on 

a visit to her cousin in Boston。          She becomes�察�quite justifiably�察�weary of 

the   tobacco   of   this   establishment�察  �and   once   or   twice   a   year   it   does   her 

good to breathe the pure serene of Beacon Hill。                During her absence it is 

my   privilege   to   inquire   into   the   ritual   of   housekeeping。   I   find   it   very 

sedative after the incessant excitement and speculation of the shop。; 

     ;I should have thought�察─�said Gilbert�察 �that life in a bookshop would 

be delightfully tranquil。; 

     ;Far from it。      Living in a bookshop is like living in a warehouse of 

explosives。      Those shelves are ranked with the most furious combustibles 

in the worldthe brains of men。            I can spend a rainy afternoon reading�察�

and   my   mind   works   itself up   to   such   a   passion   and   anxiety  over   mortal 

problems   as   almost   unmans   me。   It   is   terribly   nerve´racking。   Surround   a 

man   with   Carlyle�察  �Emerson�察  �Thoreau�察  �Chesterton�察  �Shaw�察  �Nietzsche�察  �and 

George   Ade   would   you   wonder   at   his   getting   excited�拭       �What   would 

happen to   a   cat   if she   had to live   in   a   room  tapestried   with   catnip�拭  �She 

would go crazy� ─�

     ;Truly�察  �I   had   never   thought   of   that   phase   of   bookselling�察─  �said   the 

young man。        ;How is it�察�though�察�that libraries are shrines of such austere 



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                                  THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP 



calm�拭     �If   books   are   as   provocative   as   you   suggest�察  �one   would   expect 

every librarian to utter the shrill screams of a hierophant�察�to clash ecstatic 

castanets in his silent alcoves� ─�

     ;Ah�察  �my   boy�察  �you   forget   the   card   index�    �Librarians   invented   that 

soothing device for the febrifuge of their souls�察�just as I fall back upon the 

rites   of  the   kitchen。    Librarians     would     all  go  mad�察   �those   capable     of 

concentrated thought�察�if they did not have the cool and healing card index 

as medicament�         �Some more of the eggs�拭─�

     ;Thank   you�察─  �said   Gilbert。      ;Who   was   the   butler   whose   name   was 

associated with the dish�拭─�

     ;What�拭─  �cried   Mifflin�察  �in   agitation�察   �you   have   not   heard   of   Samuel 

Butler�察   �the   author   of   The   Way    of   All  Flesh�拭    �My     dear   young    man�察�

whoever   permits   himself   to   die   before   he   has   read   that   book�察  �and   also 

Erewhon�察�has deliberately forfeited his chances of paradise。                  For paradise 

in the world to come is uncertain�察�but there is indeed a heaven on this earth�察�

a   heaven   which   we   inhabit   when   we   read   a   good   book。   Pour   yourself 

another glass of wine�察�and permit me; 

     ��Here      followed      an   enthusiastic      development        of   the    perverse 

philosophy of Samuel Butler�察�which�察�in deference to my readers�察�I omit。 

Mr。   Gilbert   took   notes   of   the   conversation   in   his   pocketbook�察  �and   I   am 

pleased to say that his heart was moved to a realization of his iniquity�察�for 

he was observed at the Public Library a few days later asking for a copy of 

The   Way   of   All   Flesh。   After   inquiring   at   four   libraries�察  �and   finding   all 

copies of the book in circulation�察�he was compelled to buy one。                   He never 

regretted doing so。�� 

     ;But   I   am   forgetting   my   duties   as   host�察─  �said   Mifflin。   ;Our   dessert 

consists of apple sauce�察�gingerbread�察�and coffee。; He rapidly cleared the 

empty dishes from the table and brought on the second course。 

     ;I have been noticing the warning over the sideboard�察─�said Gilbert。 ;I 

hope   you   will   let   me   help   you   this   evening�拭─    �He   pointed   to   a   card 

hanging near the kitchen door。           It read�此�

       ALWAYS        WASH       DISHES      IMMEDIATELY            AFTER       MEALS       IT 

SAVES TROUBLE 



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                                  THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP 



       ;I'm afraid I don't always obey that precept�察─�said the bookseller as he 

poured the coffee。       ;Mrs。 Mifflin hangs it there whenever she goes away�察�

to remind me。       But�察�as our friend Samuel Butler says�察�he that is stupid in 

little   will   also   be   stupid   in   much。   I   have   a   different   theory   about   dish´ 

washing�察�and I please myself by indulging it。 

     ;I used to regard dish´washing merely as an ignoble chore�察�a kind of 

hateful discipline which had to be undergone with knitted brow and brazen 

fortitude。     When   my  wife   went   away  the   first   time�察  �I   erected   a   reading 

stand and an electric light over the sink�察�and used to read while my hands 

went   automatically   through   base   gestures   of   purification。        I   made   the 

great   spirits   of   literature   partners   of   my   sorrow�察  �and   learned   by   heart   a 

good     deal   of  Paradise    Lost   and   of  Walt    Mason�察   �while    I  soused   and 

wallowed among pots and pans。 I used to comfort myself with two lines of 

Keats�此�

       `The   moving   waters at   their  priest´like task  Of pure  ablution   round 

earth's human shores' 

       Then a new conception of the matter struck me。                It is intolerable for 

a   human   being   to go   on   doing   any  task   as   a   penance�察  �under   duress。   No 

matter what the work is�察�one must spiritualize it in some way�察�shatter the 

old idea of it into bits and rebuild it nearer to the heart's desire。           How was 

I to do this with dish´washing�拭�

     ;I   broke   a   good   many  plates   while   I   was pondering over   the   matter。 

Then it occurred to   me that here   was just   the relaxation   I needed。  I   had 

been worrying over the mental strain of being surrounded all day long by 

vociferous books�察�crying out at me their conflicting views as to the glories 

and agonies of life。       Why not make dish´washing my balm and poultice�拭�

     ;When one views a stubborn fact from a new angle�察�it is amazing how 

all its contours and edges change shape�             �Immediately my dishpan began 

to glow with a kind of philosophic halo�             �The warm�察�soapy water became 

a sovereign medicine to retract hot blood from the head�察�the homely act of 

washing and drying cups and saucers became a symbol of the order and 

cleanliness that man imposes on the unruly world about him。                   I tore down 

my book rack and reading lamp from over the sink。 



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                                  THE HAUNTED BOOKSHOP 



     ;Mr。 Gilbert�察─�he went on�察 �do not laugh at me when I tell you that I 

have evolved a whole kitchen philosophy of my own。                     I find the kitchen 

the shrine of our civilization�察�the focus of all that is comely in life。 The 

ruddy shine of the stove is as beautiful as any sunset。 A well´polished jug 

or spoon is as fair�察�as complete   and beautiful�察�as any sonnet。                  The   dish 

mop�察�properly rinsed and wrung and hung outside the back door to dry�察�is 

a whole sermon in itself。 The stars never look so bright as they do from the 

kitchen door after the ice´box pan is emptied and the whole place is `redd 

up��' as the Scotch say。; 

     ;A very delightful philosophy indeed�察─�said Gilbert。                 ;And now that 

we have finished our meal�察�I insist upon your letting me give you a hand 

with the washing up。         I am eager to test this dish´pantheism of yours� ─�

     ;My     dear   fellow�察─   �said   Mifflin�察  �laying   a   restraining    hand   on   his 

impetuous guest�察 �it is a poor philosophy that will not abide denial now 

and   then。    No�察  �noI   did   not   ask   you   to   spend   the   evening   with   me   to 

wash dishes。;       And he led the way back to his sitting room。 

     ;When I saw you come in�察─�said Mifflin�察 �I was afraid you might be a 

newspaper man�察�looking for an interview。              A young journalist came to see 

us   once�察   �with   very   unhappy   results。     He    wheedled      himself    into  Mrs。 

Mifflin's   good   graces�察  �and   ended   by   putting   us   both   into   a   book�察  �called 

Parnassus on Wheels�察�which has been rather a trial to me。 In that book he 

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