the secret places of the heart-第26章

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a　world　like　some　great　playhouse　in　which　players　and　orchestra　and　audience　all　co…operate　in　a　noble　production　without　dissent　or　conflict。　He　thought　he　was　the　savage　of　thirty　thousand　years　ago　dreaming　of　the　great　world　that　is　still　perhaps　thirty　thousand　years　ahead。　His　effort　to　see　more　of　that　coming　world　than　indistinct　and　cloudy　pinnacles　and　to　hear　more　than　a　vague　music；　dissolved　his　dream　and　left　him　awake　again　and　wrestling　with　the　problem　of　Miss　Grammont。　Section　2　The　shadow　of　Martin　stood　over　him；　inexorable。　He　had　to　release　Miss　Grammont　from　the　adventure　into　which　he　had　drawn　her。　This　decision　stood　out　stern…and　inevitable　in　his　mind　with　no　conceivable　alternative。　As　he　looked　at　the　task　before　him　he　began　to　realize　its　difficulty。　He　was　profoundly　in　love　with　her；　he　was　still　only　learning　how　deeply；　and　she　was　not　going　to　play　a　merely　passive　part　in　this　affair。　She　was　perhaps　as　deeply　in　love　with　him。　。　。　。　He　could　not　bring　himself　to　the　idea　of　confessions　and　disavowals。　He　could　not　bear　to　think　of　her　disillusionment。　He　felt　that　he　owed　it　to　her　not　to　disillusion　her；　to　spoil　things　for　her　in　that　fashion。　〃To　turn　into　something　mean　and　ugly　after　she　has　believed　in　me。　。　。　。　It　would　be　like　playing　a　practical　joke　upon　her。　It　would　be　like　taking　her　into　my　arms　and　suddenly　making　a　grimace　at　her。　。　。　。　It　would　scar　her　with　a　second　humiliation。　。　。　。〃　Should　he　take　her　on　to　Bath　or　Exeter　to…morrow　and　contrive　by　some　sudden　arrival　of　telegrams　that　he　had　to　go　from　her　suddenly？　But　a　mere　sudden　parting　would　not　end　things　between　them　now　unless　he　went　off　abruptly　without　explanations　or　any　arrangements　for　further　communications。　At　the　outset　of　this　escapade　there　had　been　a　tacit　but　evident　assumption　that　it　was　to　end　when　she　joined　her　father　at　Falmouth。　It　was　with　an　effect　of　discovery　that　Sir　Richmond　realized　that　now　it　could　not　end　in　that　fashion；　that　with　the　whisper　of　love　and　the　touching　of　lips；　something　had　been　started　that　would　go　on；　that　would　develop。　To　break　off　now　and　go　away　without　a　word　would　leave　a　raw　and　torn　end；　would　leave　her　perplexed　and　perhaps　even　more　humiliated　with　an　aching　mystery　to　distress　her。　〃Why　did　he　go？　Was　it　something　I　said？　something　he　found　out　or　imagined？　〃　Parting　had　disappeared　as　a　possible　solution　of　this　problem。　She　and　he　had　got　into　each　other's　lives　to　stay：　the　real　problem　was　the　terms　upon　which　they　were　to　stay　in　each　other's　lives。　Close　association　had　brought　them　to　the　point　of　being；　in　the　completest　sense；　lovers；　that　could　not　be；　and　the　real　problem　was　the　transmutation　of　their　relationship　to　some　form　compatible　with　his　honour　and　her　happiness。　A　word；　an　idea；　from　some　recent　reading　floated　into　Sir　Richmond's　head。　〃Sublimate；〃　he　whispered。　〃We　have　to　sublimate　this　affair。　We　have　to　put　this　relationship　upon　a　Higher　Plane。　His　mind　stopped　short　at　that。　Presently　his　voice　sounded　out　of　the　depths　of　his　heart。　〃God！　How　I　loathe　the　Higher　Plane！　。　。　。　。　〃God　has　put　me　into　this　Higher　Plane　business　like　some　poor　little　kid　who　has　to　wear　irons　on　its　legs。　〃I　WANT　her。　。　。　。　Do　you　hear；　Martin？　I　want　her。　〃　As　if　by　a　lightning　flash　he　saw　his　car　with　himself　and　Miss　GrammontMiss　Seyffert　had　probably　fallen　out　traversing　Europe　and　Asia　in　headlong　flight。　To　a　sunlit　beach　in　the　South　Seas。　。　。　。　His　thoughts　presently　resumed　as　though　these　unmannerly　and　fantastic　interruptions　had　not　occurred。　〃We　have　to　carry　the　whole　affair　on　to　a　Higher　Planeand　keep　it　there。　We　two　love　one　anotherthat　has　to　be　admitted　now。　（I　ought　never　to　have　touched　her。　I　ought　never　to　have　thought　of　touching　her。）　But　we　two　are　too　high；　our　aims　and　work　and　obligations　are　too　high　for　any　ordinary　love　making。　That　sort　of　thing　would　embarrass　us；　would　spoil　everything。　〃Spoil　everything；〃　he　repeated；　rather　like　a　small　boy　who　learns　an　unpalatable　lesson。　For　a　time　Sir　Richmond；　exhausted　by　moral　effort；　lay　staring　at　the　darkness。　〃It　has　to　be　done。　I　believe　I　can　carry　her　through　with　it　if　I　can　carry　myself。　She's　a　finer　thing　than　I　am。　。　。　。　On　the　whole　I　am　glad　it's　only　one　more　day。　Belinda　will　be　about。　。　。　。　Afterwards　we　can　write　to　each　other。　。　。　。　If　we　can　get　over　the　next　day　it　will　be　all　right。　Then　we　can　write　about　fuel　and　politicsand　there　won't　be　her　voice　and　her　presence。　We　shall　really　SUBLIMATE。　。　。　。　First　class　idea　sublimate！　。　。　。　。　And　I　will　go　back　to　dear　old　Martin　who's　all　alone　there　and　miserable；　I'll　be　kind　to　her　and　play　my　part　and　tell　her　her　Carbuncle　scar　rather　becomes　her。　。　。　。　And　in　a　little　while　I　shall　be　altogether　in　love　with　her　again。　〃Queer　what　a　brute　I've　always　been　to　Martin。〃　〃Queer　that　Martin　can　come　in　a　dream　to　me　and　take　the　upper　hand　with　me。　〃Queer　that　NOWI　love　Martin。〃　He　thought　still　more　profoundly。　〃By　the　time　the　Committee　meets　again　I　shall　have　been　tremendously　refreshed。〃　He　repeated：〃Put　things　on　the　Higher　Plane　and　keep　them　there。　Then　go　back　to　Martin。　And　so　to　the　work。　That's　it。　。　。　。〃　Nothing　so　pacifies　the　mind　as　a　clear…cut　purpose。　Sir　Richmond　fell　asleep　during　the　fourth　recapitulation　of　this　programme。　Section　3　When　Miss　Grammont　appeared　at　breakfast　Sir　Richmond　saw　at　once　that　she　too　had　had　a　restless　night。　When　she　came　into　the　little　long　breakfast　room　of　the　inn　with　its　brown　screens　and　its　neat　white　tables　it　seemed　to　him　that　the　Miss　Grammont　of　his　nocturnal　speculations；　the　beautiful　young　lady　who　had　to　be　protected　and　managed　and　loved　unselfishly；　vanished　like　some　exorcised　intruder。　Instead　was　this　real　dear　young　woman；　who　had　been　completely　forgotten　during　the　reign　of　her　simulacrum　and　who　now　returned　completely　remembered；　familiar；　friendly；　intimate。　She　touched　his　hand　for　a　moment；　she　met　his　eyes　with　the　shadow　of　a　smile　in　her　own。　〃Oranges！〃　said　Belinda　from　the　table　by　the　window。　〃Beautiful　oranges。〃　She　had　been　preparing　them；　poor　Trans…atlantic　exile；　after　the　fashion　in　which　grape　fruits　are　prepared　upon　liners　and　in　the　civilized　world　of　the　west。　〃He's　getting　us　tea　spoons；〃　said　Belinda；　as　they　sat　down。　〃This　is　realler　England　than　ever；〃　she　said。　〃I've　been　up　an　hour。　I　found　a　little　path　down　to　the　river　bank。　It's　the　greenest　morning　world　and　full　of　wild　flowers。　Look　at　these。〃　〃That's　lady's　smock；〃　said　Sir　Richmond。　〃It's　not　really　a　flower；　it's　a　quotation　from　Shakespeare。〃　〃And　there　are　cowslips！〃　〃CUCKOO　BUDS　OF　YELLOW　HUE。　DO　PAINT　THE　MEADOWS　WITH　DELIGHT。　All　the　English　flowers　come　out　of　Shakespeare。　I　don't　know　what　we　did　before　his　time。〃　The　waiter　arrived　with　the　tea　spoons　for　the　oranges。　Belinda；　having　distributed　these；　resumed　her　discourse　of　enthusiasm　for　England。　She　asked　a　score　of　questions　about　Gloucester　and　Chepstow；　the　Severn　and　the　Romans　and　the　Welsh；　and　did　not　wait　for　the　answers。　She　did　not　want　answers；　she　talked　to　keep　things　going。　Her　talk　masked　a　certain　constraint　that　came　upon　her　companions　after　the　first　morning's　greetings　were　over。　Sir　Richmond　as　he　had　planned　upstairs　produced　two　Michelin　maps。　〃To…day；〃　he　said；〃　we　will　run　back　to　Bathfrom　which　it　will　be　easy　for　you　to　train　to　Falmouth。　We　will　go　by　Monmouth　and　then　turn　back　through　the　Forest　of　Dean；　where　you　will　get　glimpses　of　primitive　coal　mines　still　worked　by　two　men　and　a　boy　with　a　windlass　and　a　pail。　Perhaps　we　will　go　through　Cirencester。　I　don't　know。　Perhaps　it　is　better　to　go　straight　to　Bath。　In　the　very　heart　of　Bath　you　will　find　yourselves　in　just　the　same　world　you　visited　at　Pompeii。　Bath　is　Pompeii　overlaid　by　Jane　Austen's　England。〃　He　paused　for　a　moment。　〃We　can　wire　to　your　agents　from　here　before　we　start　and　we　can　pick　up　their　reply　at　Gloucester　or　Nailsworth　or　even　Bath　itself。　So　that　if　your　father　is　nearer　than　we　supposeBut　I　think　to…morrow　afternoon　will　be　soon　enough　for　Falmouth；　anyhow。〃　He　stopped　interrogatively。　Miss　Grammont's　face　was　white。　〃That　will　do　very　well；〃　she　said。　Section　4；　They　started；　but　presently　they　came　to　high　banks　that　showed　such　masses　of　bluebells；　ragged　Robin；　great　stitchwort　and　the　like　that　Belinda　was　not　to　be　restrained。　She　clamoured　to　stop　the　car　and　go　up　the　bank　and　pick　her　hands　full；　and　so　they　drew　up　by　the　roadside　and　Sir　Richmond　and　Miss　Grammont　sat　down　near　the　car　while　Belinda　carried　her　enthusiastic　onslaught　on　the　flowers　up　the　steep　bank　and　presently　out　of　earshot。　The　two　lovers　said　unheeded　things　about　the　flowers　to　each　other　and　then　fell　silent。　Then　Miss　Grammont　turned　her　head　and　seemed　deliberately　to　measure　her　companion's　distance。　Evidently　she　judged　her　out　of　earshot。　〃Well；　said　Miss　Grammont　in　her　soft　even　voice。　〃We　love　one　another。　Is　that　so　still？〃　〃I　could　not　love　you　more。〃　〃It　wasn't　a　dream？〃　〃No。〃　〃And　to…morrow　we　part？〃　He　looked　her　in　the　eyes。　〃I　have　been　thinking　of　that　all　night；〃　he　said　at　last。　〃I　too。〃　〃And　you　think？〃　〃That　we　must　part。　Just　as　we　arranged　it　when　was　it？　Three　days　or　three　ages　ago？　There　is　nothing　else　in　the　world　to　do　except　for　us　to　go　our　ways。　。　。　。　I　love　you。　That　means　for　a　womanIt　means　that　I　want　to　be　with　you。　But　that　is　impossible。　。　。　。　Don't　doubt　whether　I　love　you　because　I　sayimpossible。　。　。　。　〃　Sir　Richmond；　faced　with　his　own　nocturnal　decision；　was　now　moved　to　oppose　it　flatly。　〃Nothing　that　one　can　do　is　impossible。〃　She　glanced　again　at　Belinda　and　bent　down　towards　him。〃　Suppose；〃　she　said；　〃you　got　back　into　that　car　with　me；　suppose　that　instead　of　going　on　as　we　have　planned；　you　took　me　away。　How　much　of　us　would　go？〃　〃You　would　go；〃　said　Sir　Richmond；　〃and　my　heart。〃　〃And　this　work　of　yours？　And　your　honour？　For　the　honour　of　a　man　in　this　New　Age　of　yours　will　be　first　of　all　in　the　work　he　does　for　the　world。　And　you　will　leave　your　work　to　be　just　a　lover。　And　the　work　that　I　might　do　because　of　my　father's　wealth；　all　that　would　vanish　too。　We　should　leave　all　of　that；　all　of　our　usefulness；　all　that　much　of　ourselves。　But　what　has　made　me　love　you？　Just　your　breadth　of　vision；　just　the　sense　that　you　mattered。　What　has　made　you　love　me？　Just　that　I　have　understood　the　dream　of　your　work。　All　that　we　should　have　to　leave　behind。　We　should　specialize；　in　our　own　scandal。　We　should　run　away　just　for　one　thing。　To　think；　by　sharing　the　oldest；　simplest；　dearest　indulgences　in　the　world；　that　we　had　got　each　other。　When　really　we　had　lost　each　other；　lost　all　that　mattered。　。　。　。〃　Her　face　was　flushed　with　the　earnestness　of　her　conviction。　Her　eyes　were　bright　with　tears。　〃Don't　think　I　don't　love　you。　It's　so　hard　to　say　all　this。　Somehow　it　seems　like　going　back　on　somethingsomething　supreme。　Our　instincts　have　got　us。　。　。　。　Don't　think　I'd　hold　myself　from　you；　dear。　I'd　give　myself　to　you　with　both　hands。　I　love　you　When　a　woman　lovesI　at　any　rateshe　loves　altogether。　But　this　thingI　am　convincedcannot　be。　I　must　go　my　own　way；　the　way　I　have　to　go。　My　father　is　the　man；　obstinate；　more　than　half　a　savage。　For　meI　know　ithe　has　the