letters to his son, 1752-第8章
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This knowledge of the world teaches us more particularly two things； both which are of infinite consequence； and to neither of which nature inclines us； I mean； the command of our temper； and of our countenance。 A man who has no 'monde' is inflamed with anger； or annihilated with shame； at every disagreeable incident： the one makes him act and talk like a madman； the other makes him look like a fool。 But a man who has 'du monde'； seems not to understand what he cannot or ought not to resent。 If he makes a slip himself； he recovers it by his coolness； instead of plunging deeper by his confusion like a stumbling horse。 He is firm； but gentle； and practices that most excellent maxim； 'suaviter in modo； fortiter in re'。 The other is the 'volto sciolto a pensieri stretti'。 People unused to the world have babbling countenances； and are unskillful enough to show what they have sense enough not to tell。 In the course of the world； a man must very often put on an easy； frank countenance； upon very disagreeable occasions； he must seem pleased when he is very much otherwise； he must be able to accost and receive with smiles； those whom he would much rather meet with swords。 In courts he must not turn himself inside out。 All this may； nay must be done； without falsehood and treachery； for it must go no further than politeness and manners； and must stop short of assurances and professions of simulated friendship。 Good manners； to those one does not love； are no more a breach of truth； than 〃your humble servant〃 at the bottom of a challenge is； they are universally agreed upon and understood； to be things of course。 They are necessary guards of the decency and peace of society； they must only act defensively； and then not with arms poisoned by perfidy。 Truth； but not the whole truth； must be the invariable principle of every man； who hath either religion； honor； or prudence。 Those who violate it may be cunning； but they are not able。 Lies and perfidy are the refuge of fools and cowards。 Adieu！
P。 S。 I must recommend to you again； to take your leave of all your French acquaintance； in such a manner as may make them regret your departure； and wish to see and welcome you at Paris again； where you may possibly return before it is very long。 This must not be done in a cold； civil manner； but with at least seeming warmth； sentiment； and concern。 Acknowledge the obligations you have to them for the kindness they have shown you during your stay at Paris： assure them that wherever you are； you will remember them with gratitude； wish for opportunities of giving them proofs of your 'plus tendre et respectueux souvenir； beg of them in case your good fortune should carry them to any part of the world where you could be of any the least use to them； that they would employ you without reserve。 Say all this； and a great deal more； emphatically and pathetically； for you know 'si vis me flere'。 This can do you no harm； if you never return to Paris； but if you do； as probably you may； it will be of infinite use to you。 Remember too； not to omit going to every house where you have ever been once； to take leave and recommend yourself to their remembrance。 The reputation which you leave at one place； where you have been； will circulate； and you will meet with it at twenty places where you are to go。 That is a labor never quite lost。
This letter will show you； that the accident which happened to me yesterday； and of which Mr。 Grevenkop gives you account； hath had no bad consequences。 My escape was a great one。
LETTER CLXVI
LONDON； May 11； O。 S。 1752。
DEAR FRIEND： I break my word by writing this letter； but I break it on the allowable side； by doing more than I promised。 I have pleasure in writing to you； and you may possibly have some profit in reading what I write； either of the motives were sufficient for me； both for you I cannot withstand。 By your last I calculate that you will leave Paris upon this day se'nnight； upon that supposition； this letter may still find you there。
Colonel Perry arrived here two or three days ago； and sent me a book from you； Cassandra abridged。 I am sure it cannot be too much abridged。 The spirit of that most voluminous work； fairly extracted； may be contained in the smallest duodecimo； and it is most astonishing； that there ever could have been people idle enough to write or read such endless heaps of the same stuff。 It was； however； the occupation of thousands in the last century； and is still the private； though disavowed； amusement of young girls； and sentimental ladies。 A lovesick girl finds； in the captain with whom she is in love； all the courage and all the graces of the tender and accomplished Oroondates： and many a grown…up； sentimental lady； talks delicate Clelia to the hero； whom she would engage to eternal love； or laments with her that love is not eternal。
〃Ah！ qu'il est doux d'aimer； si Pon aimoit toujours！ Mais helas！ il'n'est point d'eternelles amours。〃
It is； however； very well to have read one of those extravagant works （of all which La Calprenede's are the best）； because it is well to be able to talk； with some degree of knowledge； upon all those subjects that other people talk sometimes upon： and I would by no means have anything； that is known to others； be totally unknown to you。 It is a great advantage for any man； to be able to talk or to hear； neither ignorantly nor absurdly； upon any subject； for I have known people； who have not said one word； hear ignorantly and absurdly； it has appeared in their inattentive and unmeaning faces。
This； I think； is as little likely to happen to you as to anybody of your age： and if you will but add a versatility and easy conformity of manners； I know no company in which you are likely to be de trop。
This versatility is more particularly necessary for you at this time； now that you are going to so many different places： for； though the manners and customs of the several courts of Germany are in general the same； yet everyone has its particular characteristic； some peculiarity or other； which distinguishes it from the next。 This you should carefully attend to； and immediately adopt。 Nothing flatters people more； nor makes strangers so welcome； as such an occasional conformity。 I do not mean by this； that you should mimic the air and stiffness of every awkward German court； no； by no means； but I mean that you should only cheerfully comply； and fall in with certain local habits； such as ceremonies； diet； turn of conversation； etc。 People who are lately come from Paris； and who have been a good while there； are generally suspected； and especially in Germany； of having a degree of contempt for every other place。 Take great care that nothing of this kind appear； at least outwardly； in your behavior； but commend whatever deserves any degree of commendation； without comparing it with what you may have left； much better of the same kind； at Paris。 As for instance； the German kitchen is； without doubt； execrable； and the French delicious； however； never commend the French kitchen at a German table； but eat of what you can find tolerable there； and commend it； without comparing it to anything better。 I have known many British Yahoos； who though while they were at Paris conformed to no one French custom； as soon as they got anywhere else； talked of nothing but what they did； saw； and eat at Paris。 The freedom of the French is not to be used indiscriminately at all the courts in Germany； though their easiness may； and ought； but that； too； at some places more than others。 The courts of Manheim and Bonn； I take to be a little more unbarbarized than some others； that of Mayence； an ecclesiastical one； as well as that of Treves （neither of which is much frequented by foreigners）； retains； I conceive； a great deal of the Goth and Vandal still。 There； more reserve and ceremony are necessary； and not a word of the French。 At Berlin； you cannot be too French。 Hanover； Brunswick； Cassel； etc。； are of the mixed kind； 'un peu decrottes； mais pas assez'。
Another thing； which I most earnestly recommend to you； not only in Germany； but in every part of the world where you may ever be； is not only real； but seeming attention； to whoever you speak to； or to whoever speaks to you。 There is nothing so brutally shocking； nor so little forgiven； as a seeming inattention to the person who is speaking to you： and I have known many a man knocked down； for （in my opinion） a much lighter provocation； than that shocking inattention which I mean。 I have seen many people； who； while you are speaking to them； instead of looking at； and attending to you； fix their eyes upon the ceiling or some other part of the room； look out of the window； play with a dog； twirl their snuff…box； or pick their nose。 Nothing discovers a little； futile； frivolous mind more than this； and nothing is so offensively ill…bred； it is an explicit declaration on your part； that every the most trifling object； deserves your attention more than all that can be said by the person who is speaking to you。 Judge of the sentiments of hatred and resentment； which such treatment must excite in every breast where any degree of self…love dwells； and I am sure I never yet met with that breast where there was not a great deal： I repeat it again and again （for it is highly necessary for you to remember it）； that sort of vanity and self…love is inseparable from human nature； whatever may be its rank or condition； even your footmen will sooner forget and forgive a beating； than any manifest mark of slight and contempt。 Be therefore； I beg of you； not only really； but seemingly and manifestly attentive to whoever speaks to you； nay； more； take their 'ton'； and tune yourself to their unison。 Be serious with the serious； gay with the gay； and trifle with the triflers。 In assuming these various shapes； endeavor to make each of them seem to sit easy upon you； and even to appear to be your own natural one。 This is the true and useful versatility； of which a thorough knowledge of the world at once teaches the utility and the means of acquiring。
I am very sure； at least I hope； that you will never make use of a silly expression； which is the favorite expression； and the absurd excuse of all fools and blockheads； I CANNOT DO SUCH A THING； a thing by no means either morally or physically impossible。 I CANNOT attend long together to the same thing； says one fool； that is； he is such a fool that he will not。 I remember a very awkward fellow； who did not know what to do with his sword； and who always took it off before dinner； saying that he could not possibly dine with his sword on； upon which I could not help telling him； that I really believed he could without any probable danger either to himself or others。 It is a shame and an absurdity； for any man to say that he cannot do all those things； which are commonly done by all the rest of mankind。
Another thing that I must earnestly warn you against is laziness； by which more people have lost the fruit of their travels than； perhaps； by any other thing。 Pray be always in motion。 Early in the morning go and see things； and the rest of the day go and see people。 If you stay but a week at a place； and that an insignifi
