a death in the desert-第5章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！





torrents；　and　the　wind　moaned　for　the　pain　of　all　the　world　and



sobbed　in　the　branches　of　the　shivering　olives　and　about　the　walls



of　that　desolated　old　palace。　　How　that　night　comes　back　to　me！



There　were　no　lights　in　the　room；　only　the　wood　fire　which　glowed



upon　the　hard　features　of　the　bronze　Dante；　like　the　reflection　of



purgatorial　flames；　and　threw　long　black　shadows　about　us；　beyond



us　it　scarcely　penetrated　the　gloom　at　all；　Adriance　sat　staring　at



the　fire　with　the　weariness　of　all　his　life　in　his　eves；　and　of　all



the　other　lives　that　must　aspire　and　suffer　to　make　up　one　such



life　as　his。　　Somehow　the　wind　with　all　its　world…pain　had　got　into



the　room；　and　the　cold　rain　was　in　our　eyes；　and　the　wave　came　up



in　both　of　us　at　oncethat　awful；　vague；　universal　pain；　that



cold　fear　of　life　and　death　and　God　and　hopeand　we　were　like



two　clinging　together　on　a　spar　in　midocean　after　the　shipwreck



of　everything。　　Then　we　heard　the　front　door　open　with　a　great



gust　of　wind　that　shook　even　the　walls；　and　the　servants　came



running　with　lights；　announcing　that　Madam　had　returned；　'and　in



the　book　we　read　no　more　that　night。'〃







She　gave　the　old　line　with　a　certain　bitter　humor；　and　with



the　hard；　bright　smile　in　which　of　old　she　had　wrapped　her



weakness　as　in　a　glittering　garment。　　That　ironical　smile；　worn



like　a　mask　through　so　many　years；　had　gradually　changed　even　the



lines　of　her　face　completely；　and　when　she　looked　in　the　mirror



she　saw　not　herself；　but　the　scathing　critic；　the　amused　observer



and　satirist　of　herself。　　Everett　dropped　his　head　upon　his　hand



and　sat　looking　at　the　rug。　　〃How　much　you　have　cared！〃　he　said。







〃Ah；　yes；　I　cared；〃　she　replied；　closing　her　eyes　with　a



long…drawn　sigh　of　relief；　and　lying　perfectly　still；　she　went



on：　〃You　can't　imagine　what　a　comfort　it　is　to　have　you　know　how　I



cared；　what　a　relief　it　is　to　be　able　to　tell　it　to　someone。　　I



used　to　want　to　shriek　it　out　to　the　world　in　the　long　nights　when



I　could　not　sleep。　　It　seemed　to　me　that　I　could　not　die　with　it。　



It　demanded　some　sort　of　expression。　　And　now　that　you　know；　you



would　scarcely　believe　how　much　less　sharp　the　anguish　of　it　is。〃







Everett　continued　to　look　helplessly　at　the　floor。　　〃I　was



not　sure　how　much　you　wanted　me　to　know；〃　he　said。







〃Oh；　I　intended　you　should　know　from　the　first　time　I　looked



into　your　face；　when　you　came　that　day　with　Charley。　　I　flatter



myself　that　I　have　been　able　to　conceal　it　when　I　chose；　though　I



suppose　women　always　think　that。　　The　more　observing　ones　may



have　seen；　but　discerning　people　are　usually　discreet　and　often



kind；　for　we　usually　bleed　a　little　before　we　begin　to　discern。　



But　I　wanted　you　to　know；　you　are　so　like　him　that　it　is　almost



like　telling　him　himself。　　At　least；　I　feel　now　that　he　will　know



some　day；　and　then　I　will　be　quite　sacred　from　his　compassion；



for　we　none　of　us　dare　pity　the　dead。　　Since　it　was　what　my　life



has　chiefly　meant；　I　should　like　him　to　know。　　On　the　whole　I　am



not　ashamed　of　it。　　I　have　fought　a　good　fight。〃







〃And　has　he　never　known　at　all？〃　asked　Everett；　in　a　thick　voice。







〃Oh！　　Never　at　all　in　the　way　that　you　mean。　　Of　course；　he



is　accustomed　to　looking　into　the　eyes　of　women　and　finding　love



there；　when　he　doesn't　find　it　there　he　thinks　he　must　have　been



guilty　of　some　discourtesy　and　is　miserable　about　it。　　He　has　a



genuine　fondness　for　everyone　who　is　not　stupid　or　gloomy；　or　old



or　preternaturally　ugly。　　Granted　youth　and　cheerfulness；　and　a



moderate　amount　of　wit　and　some　tact；　and　Adriance　will　always　be



glad　to　see　you　coming　around　the　corner。　　I　shared　with　the



rest；　shared　the　smiles　and　the　gallantries　and　the　droll　little



sermons。　　It　was　quite　like　a　Sunday…school　picnic；　we　wore　our



best　clothes　and　a　smile　and　took　our　turns。　　It　was　his　kindness



that　was　hardest。　　I　have　pretty　well　used　my　life　up　at　standing



punishment。〃







〃Don't；　you'll　make　me　hate　him；〃　groaned　Everett。







Katharine　laughed　and　began　to　play　nervously　with　her　fan。　



〃It　wasn't　in　the　slightest　degree　his　fault；　that　is　the　most



grotesque　part　of　it。　　Why；　it　had　really　begun　before　I



ever　met　him。　　I　fought　my　way　to　him；　and　I　drank　my　doom



greedily　enough。〃







Everett　rose　and　stood　hesitating。　　〃I　think　I　must　go。　　You　ought



to　be　quiet；　and　I　don't　think　I　can　hear　any　more　just　now。〃







She　put　out　her　hand　and　took　his　playfully。　　〃You've　put　in



three　weeks　at　this　sort　of　thing；　haven't　you？　　Well；　it　may



never　be　to　your　glory　in　this　world；　perhaps；　but　it's　been　the



mercy　of　heaven　to　me；　and　it　ought　to　square　accounts　for　a　much



worse　life　than　yours　will　ever　be。〃







Everett　knelt　beside　her；　saying；　brokenly：　〃I　stayed　because　I



wanted　to　be　with　you；　that's　all。　　I　have　never　cared　about　other



women　since　I　met　you　in　New　York　when　I　was　a　lad。　　You　are　a　part



of　my　destiny；　and　I　could　not　leave　you　if　I　would。〃







She　put　her　hands　on　his　shoulders　and　shook　her　head。　　〃No；



no；　don't　tell　me　that。　　I　have　seen　enough　of　tragedy；　God



knows。　　Don't　show　me　any　more　just　as　the　curtain　is　going　down。　



No；　no；　it　was　only　a　boy's　fancy；　and　your　divine　pity　and　my



utter　pitiableness　have　recalled　it　for　a　moment。　　One　does　not



love　the　dying；　dear　friend。　　If　some　fancy　of　that　sort　had　been



left　over　from　boyhood；　this　would　rid　you　of　it；　and　that　were



well。　　Now　go；　and　you　will　come　again　tomorrow；　as　long　as　there



are　tomorrows；　will　you　not？〃　　She　took　his　hand　with　a　smile　that



lifted　the　mask　from　her　soul；　that　was　both　courage　and　despair；



and　full　of　infinite　loyalty　and　tenderness；　as　she　said　softly：







　　　　　For　ever　and　for　ever；　farewell；　Cassius；



　　　　　If　we　do　meet　again；　why；　we　shall　smile；



　　　　　If　not；　why　then；　this　parting　was　well　made。







The　courage　in　her　eyes　was　like　the　clear　light　of　a　star　to　him



as　he　went　out。







On　the　night　of　Adriance　Hilgarde's　opening　concert　in　Paris



Everett　sat　by　the　bed　in　the　ranch　house　in　Wyoming；　watching



over　the　last　battle　that　we　have　with　the　flesh　before　we　are



done　with　it　and　free　of　it　forever。　　At　times　it　seemed　that　the



serene　soul　of　her　must　have　left　already　and　found　some　refuge



from　the　storm；　and　only　the　tenacious　animal　life　were　left　to　do



battle　with　death。　　She　labored　under　a　delusion　at　once　pitiful



and　merciful；　thinking　that　she　was　in　the　Pullman　on　her　way　to



New　York；　going　back　to　her　life　and　her　work。　　When　she　aroused



from　her　stupor　it　was　only　to　ask　the　porter　to　waken　her　half　an



hour　out　of　Jersey　City；　or　to　remonstrate　with　him　about　the



delays　and　the　roughness　of　the　road。　　At　midnight　Everett　and　the



nurse　were　left　alone　with　her。　　Poor　Charley　Gaylord　had　lain　down



on　a　couch　outside　the　door。　　Everett　sat　looking　at　the　sputtering



night　lamp　until　it　made　his　eyes　ache。　　His　head　dropped　forward



on　the　foot　of　the　bed；　and　he　sank　into　a　heavy；　distressful



slumber。　　He　was　dreaming　of　Adriance's　concert　in　Paris；　and　of



Adriance；　the　troubadour；　smiling　and　debonair；　with　his　boyish



face　and　the　touch　of　silver　gray　in　his　hair。　　He　heard　the



applause　and　he　saw　the　roses　going　up　over　the　footlights　until



they　were　stacked　half　as　high　as　the　piano；　and　the　petals　fell



and　scattered；　making　crimson　splotches　on　the　floor。　　Down　this



crimson　pathway　came　Adriance　with　his　youthful　step；　leading　his



prima　donna　by　the　hand；　a　dark　woman　this　time；　with　Spanish　eyes。







The　nurse　touched　him　on　the　shoulder；　he　started　and　awoke。　



She　screened　the　lamp　with　her　hand。　　Everett　saw　that　Katharine



was　awake　and　conscious；　and　struggling　a　little。　　He　lifted　her



gently　on　his　arm　and　began　to　fan　her。　　She　laid　her　hands



lightly　on　his　hair　and　looked　into　his　face　with　eyes　that



seemed　never　to　have　wept　or　doubted。　　〃Ah；　dear　Adriance；　dear；



dear；〃　she　whispered。







Everett　went　to　call　her　brother；　but　when　they　came　back



the　madness　of　art　was　over　for　Katharine。







Two　days　later　Everett　was　pacing　the　station　siding；



waiting　for　the　westbound　train。　　Charley　Gaylord　walked　beside



him；　but　the　two　men　had　nothing　to　say　to　each　other。　　Everett's



bags　were　piled　on　the　truck；　and　his　step　was　hurried　and　his



eyes　were　full　of　impatience；　as　he　gazed　again　and　again　up　the



track；　watching　for　the　train。　　Gaylord's　impatience　was　not　less



than　his　own；　these　two；　who　had　grown　so　close；　had　now　become



painful　and　impossible　to　each　other；　and　longed　for　the



wrench　of　farewell。







As　the　train　pulled　in　Everett　wrung　Gaylord's　hand　among



the　crowd　of　alighting　passengers。　　The　people　of　a　German　opera



company；　en　route　to　the　coast；　rushed　by　them　in　frantic　haste



to　snatch　their　breakfast　during　the　stop。　　Everett　heard　an



exclamation　in　a　broad　German　dialect；　and　a　massive　woman　whose



figure　persistently　escaped　from　her　stays　in　the　most　improbable



places　rushed　up　to　him；　her　blond　hair　disordered　by　the　wind；



and　glowing　with　joyful　surprise　she　caught　his　coat　sleeve　with



her　tightly　gloved　hands。







〃Herr　Gott；　Adriance；　lieber　Freund；〃　she　cried；



emotionally。







Everett　quickly　withdrew　his　arm　and　lifted　　his　hat；



blushing。　　〃Pardon　me；　madam；　but　I　see　that　　you　have　mistaken



me　for　Adriance　Hilgarde。　　I　am　his　brother；〃　he　said　quietly；



and　turning　from　the　crestfallen　singer；　he　hurried　into　the　car。







End