a new england girlhood-第30章

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there。　The　〃Offering〃　editor；　Miss　Harriet　Farley；　had　lived　in　the　same　town　with　him；　and　they　were　old　acquaintances。　It　was　a　warm；　summer　evening。　I　recall　the　circumstance　that　a　number　of　us　wore　white　dresses；　also　that　I　shrank　back　into　myself；　and　felt　much　abashed　when　some　verses　of　mine　were　read　by　the　editor；with　others　so　much　better；　however；　that　mine　received　little　attention。　　I　felt　relieved；　for　I　was　not　fond　of　having　my　productions　spoken　of；　for　good　or　ill。　He　commended　quite　highly　a　poem　by　another　member　of　the　Circle；　on　〃Pentucket；〃　the　Indian　name　of　his　native　place；　Haverhill。　　My　subject　was　〃Sabbath　Bells。〃　As　the　Friends　do　not　believe　in　〃steeple…houses；〃　I　was　at　liberty　to　imagine　that　it　was　my　theme；　and　not　my　verses；　that　failed　to　interest　him。

Various　other　papers　were　read；stories；　sketches；　etc。；　and　after　the　reading　there　was　a　little　conversation；　when　he　came　and　spoke　to　me。　I　let　the　friend　who　had　accompanied　me　do　my　part　of　the　talking　for　I　was　too　much　overawed　by　the　presence　of　one　whose　poetry　I　had　so　long　admired；　to　say　a　great　deal。　But　from　that　evening　we　knew　each　other　as　friends；　and；　of　course；　the　day　has　a　white　mark　among　memories　of　my　Lowell　life。

Mr。　Whittier's　visit　to　Lowell　had　some　political　bearing　upon　the　antislavery　cause。　It　is　strange　now　to　think　that　a　cause　like　that　should　not　always　have　been　our　country's　cause；our　country；our　own　free　nation！　But　antislavery　sentiments　were　then　regarded　by　many　as　traitorous　heresies；　and　those　who　held　them　did　not　expect　to　win　popularity。　If　the　vote　of　the　mill…　girls　had　been　taken；　it　would　doubtless　have　been　unanimous　on　the　antislavery　side。　But　those　were　also　the　days　when　a　woman　was　not　expected　to　give；　or　even　to　have；　an　opinion　on　subjects　of　public　interest。

Occasionally　a　young　girl　was　attracted　to　the　Lowell　mills　through　her　own　idealization　of　the　life　there；　as　it　had　been　reported　to　her。　Margaret　Foley；　who　afterwards　became　distinguished　as　a　sculptor；　was　one　of　these。　She　did　not　remain　many　months　at　her　occupation；which　I　think　was　weaving；soon　changing　it　for　that　of　teaching　and　studying　art。　Those　who　came　as　she　did　were　usually　disappointed。　Instead　of　an　Arcadia；　they　found　a　place　of　matter…of…fact　toil；　filled　with　a　company　of　industrious；　wide…awake　girls；　who　were　faithfully　improving　their　opportunities；　while　looking　through　them　into　avenues　Toward　profit　and　usefulness；　more　desirable　yet。　It　has　always　been　the　way　of　the　steady…minded　New　Englander　to　accept　the　present　situationbut　to　accept　it　without　boundaries；　taking　in　also　the　larger　prospectsall　the　heavens　above　and　the　earth　beneathtowards　which　it　opens。

The　movement　of　New　England　girls　toward　Lowell　was　only　an　impulse　of　a　larger　movement　which　about　that　time　sent　so　many　people　from　the　Eastern　States　into　the　West。　The　needs　of　the　West　were　constantly　kept　before　us　in　the　churches。　We　were　asked　for　contributions　for　Home　Missions；　which　were　willingly　given；　and　some　of　us　were　appointed　collectors　of　funds　for　the　education　of　indigent　young　men　to　become　Western　Home　Missionary　preachers。　There　was　something　almost　pathetic　in　the　readiness　with　which　this　was　done　by　young　girls　who　were　longing　to　fit　themselves　for　teachers；　but　had　not　the　means。　Many　a　girl　at　Lowell　was　working　to　send　her　brother　to　college；　who　had　far　more　talent　and　character　than　he；　but　a　man　could　preach；　and　it　was　not　〃orthodox〃　to　think　that　a　woman　could。　And　in　her　devotion　to　him；　and　her　zeal　for　the　spread　of　Christian　truth；　she　was　hardly　conscious　of　her　own　sacrifice。　Yet　our　ministers　appreciated　the　intelligence　and　piety　of　their　feminine　parishioners。　An　agent　who　came　from　the　West　for　school…teachers　was　told　by　our　own　pastor　that　five　hundred　could　easily　be　furnished　from　among　Lowell　mill…girls。　Many　did　go；　and　they　made　another　New　England　in　some　of　our　Western　States。

The　missionary　spirit　was　strong　among　my　companions。　I　never　thought　that　I　had　the　right　qualifications　for　that　work；　but　I　had　a　desire　to　see　the　prairies　and　the　great　rivers　of　the　West；　and　to　get　a　taste　of　free；　primitive　life　among　pioneers。

Before　the　year　1845；　several　of　my　friends　had　emigrated　as　teachers　or　missionaries。　One　of　the　editors　of　the　〃Operatives'　Magazine〃　had　gone　to　Arkansas　with　a　mill…girl　who　had　worked　beside　her　among　the　looms。　They　were　at　an　Indian　missionto　the　Cherokees　and　Choctaws。　I　seemed　to　breathe　the　air　of　that　far　Southwest；　in　a　spray　of　yellow　jessamine　which　one　of　those　friends　sent　me；　pressed　in　a　letter。　People　wrote　very　long　letters　then；　in　those　days　of　twenty…five　cent　postage。

Rachel；　at　whose　house　our　German　class　had　been　accustomed　to　meet；　had　also　left　her　work；　and　had　gone　to　western　Virginia　to　take　charge　of　a　school。　She　wrote　alluring　letters　to　us　about　the　scenery　there；　it　was　in　the　neighborhood　of　the　Natural　Bridge。

My　friend　Angeline；　with　whom　I　used　to　read　〃Paradise　Lost；〃　went　to　Ohio　as　a　teacher；　and　returned　the　following　year；　for　a　very　brief　visit；　however；and　with　a　husband。　Another　acquaintance　was　in　Wisconsin；　teaching　a　pioneer　school。　Eliza；　my　intimate　companion；　was　about　to　be　married　to　a　clergyman。　She；　too；　eventually　settled　at　the　West。

The　event　which　brought　most　change　into　my　own　life　was　the　marriage　of　my　sister　Emilie。　It　involved　the　breaking　up　of　our　own　little　family；　of　which　she　had　really　been　the　〃houseband；〃　the　return　of　my　mother　to　my　sisters　at　Beverly；　and　my　going　to　board　among　strangers；　as　other　girls　did。　I　found　excellent　quarters　and　kind　friends；　but　the　home…life　was　ended。

My　sister's　husband　was　a　grammar　school　master　in　the　city；　and　their　cottage；　a　mile　or　more　out；　among　the　open　fields；　was　my　frequent　refuge　from　homesickness　and　the　general　clatter。　Our　partial　separation　showed　me　how　much　I　had　depended　upon　my　sister。　I　had　really　let　her　do　most　of　my　thinking　for　me。　Henceforth　I　was　to　trust　to　my　own　resources。　I　was　no　longer　the　〃little　sister〃　who　could　ask　what　to　do；　and　do　as　she　was　told。　It　often　brought　me　a　feeling　of　dismay　to　find　that　I　must　make　up　my　own　mind　about　things　small　and　great。　And　yet　I　was　naturally　self…reliant。　I　am　not　sure　but　self…reliance　and　dependence　really　belong　together。　They　do　seem　to　meet　in　the　same　character；　like　other　extremes。

The　health　of　Emilie's　husband　failing；　after　a　year　or　two；　it　was　evident　that　be　must　change　his　employment　and　his　residence。　He　decided　to　go　with　his　brother　to　Illinois　and　settle　upon　a　prairie　farm。　Of　course　his　wife　and　baby　boy　must　go　too；　and　with　the　announcement　of　this　decision　came　an　invitation　to　me　to　accompany　them。　I　had　no　difficulty　as　to　my　response。　It　was　just　what　I　wanted　to　do。　I　was　to　teach　a　district　school；　but　what　there　was　beyond　that；　I　could　not　guess。　I　liked　to　feel　that　it　was　all　as　vague　as　the　unexplored　regions　to　which　I　was　going。　My　friend　and　room…mate　Sarah；　who　was　preparing　herself　to　be　a　teacher；　was　invited　to　join　us；　and　she　was　glad　to　do　so。　It　was　all　quickly　settled；　and　early　in　the　spring　of　1846　we　left　New　England。

When　I　came　to　a　realization　of　what　I　was　leaving；　when　good…bys　had　to　be　said；　I　began　to　feel　very　sorrowful；　and　to　wish　it　was　not　to　be。　I　said　positively　that　I　should　soon　return；　but　underneath　my　protestations　I　was　afraid　that　I　might　not。　The　West　was　very　far　off　then；　a　full　week's　journey。　It　would　be　hard　getting　back。　Those　I　loved　might　die；　I　might　die　myself。　These　thoughts　passed　through　my　mind；　though　not　through　my　lips。　My　eyes　would　sometimes　tell　the　story；　however；　and　I　fancy　that　my　tearful　farewells　must　have　seemed　ridiculous　to　many　of　my　friends；　since　my　going　was　of　my　own　cheerful　choice。

The　last　meeting　of　the　Improvement　Circle　before　I　went　away　was　a　kind　of　surprise　party　to　me。　Several　original　poems　were　read；　addressed　to　me　personally。　I　am　afraid　that　I　received　it　all　in　a　dumb；　undemonstrative　way；　for　I　could　not　make　it　seem　real　that　I　was　the　person　meant；　or　that　I　was　going　away　at　all。　But　I　treasured　those　tributes　of　sympathy　afterwards；　under　the　strange；　spacious　skies　where　I　sometimes　felt　so　alone。

The　editors　of　the　〃Offering〃　left　with　me　a　testimonial　in　money；　accompanied　by　an　acknowledgment　of　my　contributions　during　several　years；　but　I　had　never　dreamed　of　pay；　and　did　not　know　how　to　look　upon　it　so。　I　took　it　gratefully；　however；　as　a　token　of　their　appreciation；　and　twenty　dollars　was　no　small　help　toward　my　outfit。　Friends　brought　me　books　and　other　keepsakes。　Our　minister；　gave　me　D'Aubigne's　〃History　of　the　Reformation〃　as　a　parting　gift。　It　was　quite　a　circumstance　to　be　〃going　out　West。〃

The　exhilaration　of　starting　off　on　one's　first　long　journey；　young；　ignorant；　buoyant；　expectant；　is　unlike　anything　else；　unless　it　be　youth　itself；　the　real　beginning　of　the　real　journey　life。　Annoyances　are　overlooked。　Everything　seems　romantic　and　dreamlike。

We　went　by　a　southerly　route；　on　account　of　starting　so　early　in　the　season　there　was　snow　on　the　ground　the　day　we　left。　On　the　second　day；　after　a　moonlight　night　on　Long　Island　Sound；　we　were　floating　down　the　Delaware；　between　shores　misty…green　with　buidding　willows；　then　（most　of　us　seasick；　though　I　was　not）　we　were　tossed　across　Chesapeake　Bay；　then　there　was　a　railway　ride　to　the　Alleghanies；　which　gave　us　glimpses　of　the　Potomac　and　the　Blue　Ridge；　and　of　the　lovely　scenery　around　Harper's　Ferry；　then　followed　a　stifling　night　on　the　mountains；　when　we　were　packed　like　sardines　into　a　stagecoach；　without　a　breath　of　air；　and　the　passengers　were　cross　because　the　baby　cried；　while　I　felt　inwardly　glad　that　one　voice　among　us　could　give　utterance　to　the　general　discomfort；　my　own　part　of　which　I　could　have　borne　if　I　could　only　have　had　an　occasional　peep　out　at　the　mountain…side。　After　that　it　was　all　river…voyaging；　down　the　Monongahela　into　the　Ohio；　and　up　the　Mississippi。

As　I　recall　this　part　of　it；　I　should　say　that　it　was　the　perfection　of　a　Western　journey　to　travel　in　early　spring　by　an　Ohio　River　steamboat；such　steamboats　as　they　had　forty　years　ago；　comfortable；　roomy；　and　well　ordered。　The　company　was　social；　as　Western　emigrants　were　wont　to　be　when　there　were　not　so　very　many　of　them；　and　the　shores　of　the　river；　then　only　thinly　populated；　were　a　constantly　shifting　panorama　of　wilderness　beauty。　I　have　never　since　seen　a　combination　of　spring　colors　so　delicate　as　those　shown　by　the　uplifted　forests　of　the　Ohio；　where　the　pure　white　of　the　dogwood　and　the　peach…　bloom　tint　of　the　red…bud　（Judas　tree）　were　contrasted　with　soft　shades　of　green；　almost　endlessly　various；　on　the　unfolding　leafage。

Contrasted　with　the　Ohio；　the　Mississippi　had　nothing　to　show　but　breadth　and　muddiness。　More　than　one　of　us　glanced　at　its　level　shores；　edged　with　a　monotonous　growth　of　cottonwood；　and　sent　back　a　sigh　towards　the　banks　of　the　Merrimack。　But　we　did　not　let　each　other　know　what　the　sigh　was　for；　until　long　after。　The　breaking…up　of　our　little　company　when　the　steamboat　landed　at　Saint　Louis　was　like　the　ending　of　a　pleasant　dream。　We　had　to　w