letters to his son, 1749-第17章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


y　will　soon　degenerate　into　a　coarse　familiarity；　infallibly　productive　of　contempt　or　disgust。　　The　best　of　us　have　our　bad　sides；　and　it　is　as　imprudent；　as　it　is　ill…bred；　to　exhibit　them。　　I　shall　certainly　not　use　ceremony　with　you；　it　would　be　misplaced　between　us：　but　I　shall　certainly　observe　that　degree　of　good…breeding　with　you；　which　is；　in　the　first　place；　decent；　and　which　I　am　sure　is　absolutely　necessary　to　make　us　like　one　another's　company　long。

I　will　say　no　more；　now；　upon　this　important　subject　of　good…breeding；　upon　which　I　have　already　dwelt　too　long；　it　may　be；　for　one　letter；　and　upon　which　I　shall　frequently　refresh　your　memory　hereafter；　but　I　will　conclude　with　these　axioms：

That　the　deepest　learning；　without　good…breeding；　is　unwelcome　and　tiresome　pedantry；　and　of　use　nowhere　but　in　a　man's　own　closet；　and　consequently　of　little　or　no　use　at　all。

That　a　man；　Who　is　not　perfectly　well…bred；　is　unfit　for　good　company　and　unwelcome　in　it；　will　consequently　dislike　it　soon；　afterward　renounce　it；　and　be　reduced　to　solitude；　or；　what　is　worse；　low　and　bad　company。

That　a　man　who　is　not　well…bred；　is　full　as　unfit　for　business　as　for　company。

Make　then；　my　dear　child；　I　conjure　you；　good…breeding　the　great　object　of　your　thoughts　and　actions；　at　least　half　the　day。　　Observe　carefully　the　behavior　and　manners　of　those　who　are　distinguished　by　their　good…　breeding；　imitate；　nay；　endeavor　to　excel；　that　you　may　at　least　reach　them；　and　be　convinced　that　good…breeding　is；　to　all　worldly　qualifications；　what　charity　is　to　all　Christian　virtues。　　Observe　how　it　adorns　merit；　and　how　often　it　covers　the　want　of　it。　　May　you　wear　it　to　adorn；　and　not　to　cover　you！　　Adieu。




LETTER　LXXXIX

LONDON；　November　14；　O。　S。　　1749。

DEAR　BOY：　There　is　a　natural　good…breeding　which　occurs　to　every　man　of　common　sense；　and　is　practiced　by　every　man；　of　common　good…nature。　　This　good…breeding　is　general；　independent　of　modes；　and　consists　in　endeavors　to　please　and　oblige　our　fellow…creatures　by　all　good　offices；　short　of　moral　duties。　　This　will　be　practiced　by　a　good…natured　American　savage；　as　essentially　as　by　the　best…bred　European。　　But　then；　I　do　not　take　it　to　extend　to　the　sacrifice　of　our　own　conveniences；　for　the　sake　of　other　people's。　　Utility　introduced　this　sort　of　good…breeding　as　it　introduced　commerce；　and　established　a　truck　of　the　little　'agremens'　and　pleasures　of　life。　　I　sacrifice　such　a　conveniency　to　you；　you　sacrifice　another　to　me；　this　commerce　circulates；　and　every　individual　finds　his　account　in　it　upon　the　whole。　　The　third　sort　of　good…breeding　is　local；　and　is　variously　modified；　in　not　only　different　countries；　but　in　different　towns　of　the　same　country。　　But　it　must　be　founded　upon　the　two　former　sorts；　they　are　the　matter　to　which；　in　this　case；　fashion　and　custom　only　give　the　different　shapes　and　impressions。　　Whoever　has　the　two　first　sorts　will　easily　acquire　this　third　sort　of　good…breeding；　which　depends　singly　upon　attention　and　observation。　　It　is；　properly；　the　polish；　the　lustre；　the　last　finishing　stroke　of　good…breeding。　　It　is　to　be　found　only　in　capitals；　and　even　there　it　varies；　the　good…breeding　of　Rome　differing；　in　some　things；　from　that　of　Paris；　that　of　Paris；　in　others；　from　that　of　Madrid；　and　that　of　Madrid；　in　many　things；　from　that　of　London。　　A　man　of　sense；　therefore；　carefully　attends　to　the　local　manners　of　the　respective　places　where　he　is；　and　takes　for　his　models　those　persons　whom　he　observes　to　be　at　the　head　of　fashion　and　good…breeding。　　He　watches　how　they　address　themselves　to　their　superiors；　how　they　accost　their　equals；　and　how　they　treat　their　inferiors；　and　lets　none　of　those　little　niceties　escape　him　which　are　to　good…breeding　what　the　last　delicate　and　masterly　touches　are　to　a　good　picture；　and　of　which　the　vulgar　have　no　notion；　but　by　which　good　judges　distinguish　the　master。　　He　attends　even　to　their　air；　dress；　and　motions；　and　imitates　them；　liberally；　and　not　servilely；　he　copies；　but　does　not　mimic。　　These　personal　graces　are　of　very　great　consequence。　They　anticipate　the　sentiments；　before　merit　can　engage　the　understanding；　they　captivate　the　heart；　and　give　rise；　I　believe；　to　the　extravagant　notions　of　charms　and　philters。　　Their　effects　were　so　surprising；　that　they　were　reckoned　supernatural。　　The　most　graceful　and　best…bred　men；　and　the　handsomest　and　genteelest　women；　give　the　most　philters；　and；　as　I　verily　believe；　without　the　least　assistance　of　the　devil。　　Pray　be　not　only　well　dressed；　but　shining　in　your　dress；　let　it　have　'du　brillant'。　　I　do　not　mean　by　a　clumsy　load　of　gold　and　silver；　but　by　the　taste　and　fashion　of　it。　　The　women　like　and　require　it；　they　think　it　an　attention　due　to　them；　but；　on　the　other　hand；　if　your　motions　and　carriage　are　not　graceful；　genteel；　and　natural；　your　fine　clothes　will　only　display　your　awkwardness　the　more。　　But　I　am　unwilling　to　suppose　you　still　awkward；　for　surely；　by　this　time；　you　must　have　catched　a　good　air　in　good　company。　　When　you　went　from　hence　you　were　naturally　awkward；　but　your　awkwardness　was　adventitious　and　Westmonasterial。　　Leipsig；　I　apprehend；　is　not　the　seat　of　the　Graces；　and　I　presume　you　acquired　none　there。　　But　now；　if　you　will　be　pleased　to　observe　what　people　of　the　first　fashion　do　with　their　legs　and　arms；　heads　and　bodies；　you　will　reduce　yours　to　certain　decent　laws　of　motion。　You　danced　pretty　well　here；　and　ought　to　dance　very　well　before　you　come　home；　for　what　one　is　obliged　to　do　sometimes；　one　ought　to　be　able　to　do　well。　　Besides；　'la　belle　danse　donne　du　brillant　a　un　jeune　homme'。　And　you　should　endeavor　to　shine。　　A　calm　serenity；　negative　merit　and　graces；　do　not　become　your　age。　　You　should　be　'alerte；　adroit；　vif'；　be　wanted；　talked　of；　impatiently　expected；　and　unwillingly　parted　with　in　company。　　I　should　be　glad　to　hear　half　a　dozen　women　of　fashion　say；　'Ou　est　donc　le　petit　Stanhope？　due　ne　vient…il？　　Il　faut　avouer　qu'il　est　aimable'。　　All　this　I　do　not　mean　singly　with　regard　to　women　as　the　principal　object；　but；　with　regard　to　men；　and　with　a　view　of　your　making　yourself　considerable。　　For　with　very　small　variations；　the　same　things　that　please　women　please　men；　and　a　man　whose　manners　are　softened　and　polished　by　women　of　fashion；　and　who　is　formed　by　them　to　an　habitual　attention　and　complaisance；　will　please；　engage；　and　connect　men；　much　easier　and　more　than　he　would　otherwise。　　You　must　be　sensible　that　you　cannot　rise　in　the　world；　without　forming　connections；　and　engaging　different　characters　to　conspire　in　your　point。　　You　must　make　them　your　dependents　without　their　knowing　it；　and　dictate　to　them　while　you　seem　to　be　directed　by　them。　　Those　necessary　connections　can　never　be　formed；　or　preserved；　but　by　an　uninterrupted　series　of　complaisance；　attentions；　politeness；　and　some　constraint。　　You　must　engage　their　hearts；　if　you　would　have　their　support；　you　must　watch　the　'mollia　tempora'；　and　captivate　them　by　the　'agremens'　and　charms　of　conversation。　　People　will　not　be　called　out　to　your　service；　only　when　you　want　them；　and；　if　you　expect　to　receive　strength　from　them；　they　must　receive　either　pleasure　or　advantage　from　you。

I　received　in　this　instant　a　letter　from　Mr。　Harte；　of　the　2d　N。　S。；　which　I　will　answer　soon；　in　the　meantime；　I　return　him　my　thanks　for　it；　through　you。　　The　constant　good　accounts　which　he　gives　me　of　you；　will　make　me　suspect　him　of　partiality；　and　think　him　'le　medecin　tant　mieux'。　Consider；　therefore；　what　weight　any　future　deposition　of　his　against　you　must　necessarily　have　with　me。　　As；　in　that　case；　he　will　be　a　very　unwilling；　he　must　consequently　be　a　very　important　witness。　　Adieu！




LETTER　XC

DEAR　Boy：　　My　last　was　upon　the　subject　of　good…breeding；　but　I　think　it　rather　set　before　you　the　unfitness　and　disadvantages　of　ill…breeding；　than　the　utility　and　necessity　of　good；　it　was　rather　negative　than　positive。　　This；　therefore；　should　go　further；　and　explain　to　you　the　necessity；　which　you；　of　all　people　living；　lie　under；　not　only　of　being　positively　and　actively　well…bred；　but　of　shining　and　distinguishing　yourself　by　your　good…breeding。　　Consider　your　own　situation　in　every　particular；　and　judge　whether　it　is　not　essentially　your　interest；　by　your　own　good…breeding　to　others；　to　secure　theirs　to　you　and　that；　let　me　assure　you；　is　the　only　way　of　doing　it；　for　people　will　repay；　and　with　interest　too；　inattention　with　inattention；　neglect　with　neglect；　and　ill　manners　with　worse：　which　may　engage　you　in　very　disagreeable　affairs。　　In　the　next　place；　your　profession　requires；　more　than　any　other；　the　nicest　and　most　distinguished　good…breeding。　　You　will　negotiate　with　very　little　success；　if　you　do　not　previously；　by　your　manners；　conciliate　and　engage　the　affections　of　those　with　whom　you　are　to　negotiate。　　Can　you　ever　get　into　the　confidence　and　the　secrets　of　the　courts　where　you　may　happen　to　reside；　if　you　have　not　those　pleasing；　insinuating　manners；　which　alone　can　procure　them？　　Upon　my　word；　I　do　not　say　too　much；　when　I　say　that　superior　good…breeding；　insinuating　manners；　and　genteel　address；　are　half　your　business。　　Your　knowledge　will　have　but　very　little　influence　upon　the　mind；　if　your　manners　prejudice　the　heart　against　you；　but；　on　the　other　hand；　how　easily　will　you　DUPE　the　understanding；　where　you　have　first　engaged　the　heart？　　and　hearts　are　by　no　means　to　be　gained　by　that　mere　common　civility　which　everybody　practices。　　Bowing　again　to　those　who　bow　to　you；　answering　dryly　those　who　speak　to　you；　and　saying　nothing　offensive　to　anybody；　is　such　negative　good…breeding　that　it　is　only　not　being　a　brute；　as　it　would　be　but　a　very　poor　commendation　of　any　man's　cleanliness　to　say　that　he　did　not　stink。　　It　is　an　active；　cheerful；　officious；　seducing；　good…breeding　that　must　gain　you　the　good…will　and　first　sentiments　of　men；　and　the　affections　of　the　women。　　You　must　carefully　watch　and　attend　to　their　passions；　their　tastes；　their　little　humors　and　weaknesses；　and　'aller　au　devant'。　　You　must　do　it　at　the　same　time　with　alacrity　and　'empressement'；　and　not　as　if　you　graciously　condescended　to　humor　their　weaknesses。

For　instance；　suppose　you　invited　anybody　to　dine　or　sup　with　you；　you　ought　to　recollect　if　you　had　observed　that　they　had　any　favorite　dish；　and　take　care　to　provide　it　for　them；　and　when　it　came　you　should　say；　You　SEEMED　TO　ME；　AT　SUCH　AND　SUCH　A　PLACE；　TO　GIVE　THIS　DISH　A　PREFERENCE；　AND　THEREFORE　I　ORDERED　IT；　THIS　IS　THE　WINE　THAT　I　OBSERVED　YOU　LIKED；　AND　THEREFORE　I　PROCURED　SOME。　　The　more　trifling　these　things　are；　the　more　they　prove　your　attention　for　the　person；　and　are　consequently　the　more　engaging。　　Consult　your　own　breast；　and　recollect　how　these　little　attentions；　when　shown　you　by　others；　flatter　that　degree　of　self…love　and　vanity　from　which　no　man　living　is　free。　　Reflect　how　they　incline　and　attract　you　to　that　person；　and　how　you　are　propitiated　afterward　to　all　which　that　person　says　or　does。　　The　same　causes　will　have　the　same　effects　in　your　favor。　　Women；　in　a　great　degree；　establish　or　destroy　every　man's　reputation　of　good…breeding；　you　must；　therefore；　in　a　manner；　overwhelm　them　with　these　at