the nature faker-第1章

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The　Nature　Faker

by　Richard　Harding　Davis





Richard　Herrick　was　a　young　man　with　a　gentle　disposition；　much
money；　and　no　sense　of　humor。　His　object　in　life　was　to　marry　Miss
Catherweight。　For　three　years　she　had　tried　to　persuade　him　this
could　not　be；　and　finally；　in　order　to　convince　him；　married　some
one　else。　When　the　woman　he　loves　marries　another　man；　the　rejected
one　is　popularly　supposed　to　take　to　drink　or　to　foreign　travel。
Statistics　show　that；　instead；　he　instantly　falls　in　love　with　the
best　friend　of　the　girl　who　refused　him。　But；　as　Herrick　truly
loved　Miss　Catherweight；　he　could　not　worship　any　other　woman；　and
so　he　became　a　lover　of　nature。　Nature；　he　assured　his　men　friends；
does　not　disappoint　you。　The　more　thought；　care；　affection　you　give
to　nature；　the　more　she　gives　you　in　return；　and　while；　so　he
admitted；　in　wooing　nature　there　are　no　great　moments；　there　are　no
heart…aches。　Jackson；　one　of　the　men　friends；　and　of　a　frivolous
disposition；　said　that　he　also　could　admire　a　landscape；　but　he
would　rather　look　at　the　beautiful　eyes　of　a　girl　he　knew　than　at
the　Lakes　of　Killarney；　with　a　full　moon；　a　setting　sun；　and　the
aurora　borealis　for　a　background。　Herrick　suggested　that；　while　the
beautiful　eyes　might　seek　those　of　another　man；　the　Lakes　of
Killarney　would　always　remain　where　you　could　find　them。　Herrick
pursued　his　new　love　in　Connecticut　on　an　abandoned　farm　which　he
converted　into　a　〃model〃　one。　On　it　he　established　model　dairies
and　model　incubators。　He　laid　out　old…fashioned　gardens；　sunken
gardens；　Italian　gardens；　landscape　gardens；　and　a　game　preserve。

The　game　preserve　was　his　own　especial　care　and　pleasure。　It
consisted　of　two　hundred　acres　of　dense　forest　and　hills　and
ridges
of　rock。　It　was　filled　with　mysterious　caves；　deep　chasms；　tiny
gurgling　streams；　nestling　springs；　and　wild　laurel。　It　was
barricaded　with　fallen　tree…trunks　and　moss…　covered　rocks　that
had
never　felt　the　foot　of　man　since　that　foot　had　worn　a　moccasin。
Around　the　preserve　was　a　high　fence　stout　enough　to　keep
poachers
on　the　outside　and　to　persuade　the　wild　animals　that　inhabited　it
to　linger　on　the　inside。　These　wild　animals　were　squirrels；
rabbits；　and　raccoons。　Every　day；　in　sunshine　or　in　rain；
entering
through　a　private　gate；　Herrick　would　explore　this　holy　of
holies。
For　such　vermin　as　would　destroy　the　gentler　animals　he　carried　a
gun。　But　it　was　turned　only　on　those　that　preyed　upon　his
favorites。　For　hours　he　would　climb　through　this　wilderness；　or；
seated　on　a　rock；　watch　a　bluebird　building　her　nest　or　a
squirrel
laying　in　rations　against　the　coming　of　the　snow。　In　time　he　grew
to　think　he　knew　and　understood　the　inhabitants　of　this　wild
place
of　which　he　was　the　overlord。　He　looked　upon　them　not　as　his
tenants　but　as　his　guests。　And　when　they　fled　from　him　in　terror
to
caves　and　hollow　tree…trunks；　he　wished　he　might　call　them　back
and
explain　he　was　their　friend；　that　it　was　due　to　him　they　lived　in
peace。　He　was　glad　they　were　happy。　He　was　glad　it　was　through
him
that；　undisturbed；　they　could　live　the　simple　life。

His　fall　came　through　ambition。　Herrick　himself　attributed　it　to
his　too　great　devotion　to　nature　and　nature's　children。　Jackson；
he
of　the　frivolous　mind；　attributed　it　to　the　fact　that　any　man　is
sure　to　come　to　grief　who　turns　from　the　worship　of　God's　noblest
handiwork；　by　which　Jackson　meant　woman；　to　worship　chipmunks　and
Plymouth　Rock　hens。　One　night　Jackson　lured　Herrick　into　New　York
to　a　dinner　and　a　music　hall。　He　invited　also　one　Kelly；　a　mutual
friend　of　a　cynical　and　combative　disposition。　Jackson　liked　to
hear　him　and　Herrick　abuse　each　other；　and　always　introduced
subjects　he　knew　would　cause　each　to　lose　his　temper。

But；　on　this　night；　Herrick　needed　no　goading。　He　was　in　an
ungrateful　mood。　Accustomed　to　food　fresh　from　the　soil　and　the
farmyard；　he　sneered　at　hothouse　asparagus；　hothouse　grapes；　and
cold…storage　quail。　At　the　music　hall　he　was　even　more　difficult。
In　front　of　him　sat　a　stout　lady　who　when　she　shook　with　laughter
shed　patchouli　and　a　man　who　smoked　American　cigarettes。　At　these
and　the　steam　heat；　the　nostrils　of　Herrick；　trained　to　the　odor
of
balsam　and　the　smoke　of　open　wood　fires；　took　offense。　He　refused
to　be　amused。　The　monologue　artist；　in　whom　Jackson　found
delight；
caused　Herrick　only　to　groan；　the　knockabout　comedians　he　hoped
would　break　their　collar…bones；　the　lady　who　danced　Salome；　and
who
fascinated　Kelly；　Herrick　prayed　would　catch　pneumonia　and　die　of
it。　And　when　the　drop　rose　upon　the　Countess　Zichy's　bears；　his
dissatisfaction　reached　a　climax。

There　were　three　bearsa　large　papa　bear；　a　mamma　bear；　and　the
baby　bear。　On　the　programme　they　were　described　as　Bruno；　Clara；
and　Ikey。　They　were　of　a　dusty　brown；　with　long；　curling　noses
tipped　with　white；　and　fat；　tan…colored　bellies。　When　father
Bruno；
on　his　hind　legs　and　bare　feet；　waddled　down　the　stage；　he
resembled　a　Hebrew　gentleman　in　a　brown　bathing　suit　who　had　lost
his　waist…line。　As　he　tripped　doubtfully　forward；　with　mincing
steps；　he　continually　and　mournfully　wagged　his　head。　He　seemed
to
be　saying：　〃This　water　is　much　too　cold　for　me。〃　The　mamma　bear
was
dressed　in　a　poke　bonnet　and　white　apron；　and　resembled　the　wolf
who　frightened　Little　Red　Riding…Hood；　and　Ikey；　the　baby　bear；
wore　rakishly　over　one　eye　the　pointed　cap　of　a　clown。　To　those
who
knew　their　vaudeville；　this　was　indisputable　evidence　that　Ikey
would　furnish　the　comic　relief。　Nor　did　Ikey　disappoint　them。　He
was　a　wayward　son。　When　his　parents　were　laboriously　engaged　in　a
boxing…match；　or　dancing　to　the　〃Merry　Widow　Waltz；〃　or　balancing
on　step…ladders；　Ikey；　on　all　fours；　would　scamper　to　the
foot…lights　and；　leaning　over；　make　a　swift　grab　at　the　head　of
the
first　trombone。　And　when　the　Countess　Zichy；　apprised　by　the
shouts
of　the　audience　of　Ikey's　misconduct；　waved　a　toy　whip；　Ikey
would
gallop　back　to　his　pedestal　and　howl　at　her。　To　every　one；　except
Herrick　and　the　first　trombone；　this　playfulness　on　the　part　of
Ikey　furnished　great　delight。

The　performances　of　the　bears　ended　with　Bruno　and　Clara　dancing
heavily　to　the　refrain　of　the　〃Merry　Widow　Waltz；〃　while　Ikey
pretended　to　conduct　the　music　of　the　orchestra。　On　the　final
call；
Madame　Zichy　threw　to　each　of　the　animals　a　beer　bottle　filled
with
milk；　and　the　gusto　with　which　the　savage…looking　beasts　uncorked
the　bottles　and　drank　from　them　greatly　amused　the　audience。
Ikey；
standing　on　his　hind　legs；　his　head　thrown　back；　with　both　paws
clasping　the　base　of　the　bottle；　shoved　the　neck　far　down　his
throat；　and　then；　hurling　it　from　him；　and　cocking　his　clown's
hat
over　his　eyes；　gave　a　masterful　imitation　of　a　very　intoxicated
bear。

〃That；〃　exclaimed　Herrick　hotly；　〃is　a　degrading　spectacle。　It
degrades　the　bear　and　degrades　me　and　you。〃

〃No；　it　bores　me；〃　said　Kelly。

〃If　you　understood　nature；〃　retorted　Herrick；　〃and　nature's
children；　it　would　infuriate　you。〃

〃I　don't　go　to　a　music　hall　to　get　infuriated；〃　said　Kelly。

〃Trained　dogs　I　don't　mind；〃　exclaimed　Herrick。　〃Dogs　are　not
wild
animals。　The　things　they're　trained　to　do　are　of　USE。　They　can
guard　the　house；　or　herd　sheep。　But　a　bear　is　a　wild　beast。
Always
will　be　a　wild　beast。　You　can't　train　him　to　be　of　use。　It's
degrading　to　make　him　ride　a　bicycle。　I　hate　it！　If　I'd　known
there
were　to　be　performing　bears　to…night；　I　wouldn't　have　come！〃

〃And　if　I'd　known　you　were　to　be　here　to…night；　I　wouldn't　have
come！〃　said　Kelly。　〃Where　do　we　go　to　next？〃

They　went　next　to　a　restaurant　in　a　gayly　decorated　cellar。　Into
this　young　men　like　themselves　and　beautiful　ladies　were　so
anxious
to　hurl　themselves　that　to　restrain　them　a　rope　was　swung　across
the　entrance　and　page　boys　stood　on　guard。　When　a　young　man
became
too　anxious　to　spend　his　money；　the　page　boys　pushed　in　his　shirt
front。　After　they　had　fought　their　way　to　a　table；　Herrick
ungraciously　remarked　he　would　prefer　to　sup　in　a　subway　station。
The　people；　he　pointed　out；　would　be　more　human；　the　decorations
were　much　of　the　same　Turkish…bath　school　of　art；　and　the　air　was
no　worse。

〃Cheer　up；　Clarence！〃　begged　Jackson；　〃you'll　soon　be　dead。
To…morrow　you'll　be　back　among　your　tree…toads　and　sunsets。　And；
let　us　hope；〃　he　sighed；　〃no　one　will　try　to　stop　you！〃

〃What　worries　me　is　this；〃　explained　Herrick。　〃I　can't　help
thinking　that；　if　one　night　of　this　artificial　life　is　so　hard
upon
me；　what　must　it　be　to　those　bears！〃

Kelly　exclaimed；　with　exasperation：　〃Confound　the　bears！〃　he
cried。
〃If　you　must　spoil　my　supper　weeping　over　animals；　weep　over
cart…horses。　They　work。　Those　bears　are　loafers。　They're　as　well
fed　as　pet　canaries。　They're　aristocrats。〃

〃But　it's　not　a　free　life！〃　protested　Herrick。　〃It's　not　the　life
they　love。〃

〃It's　a　darned　sight　better；〃　declared　Kelly；　than　sleeping　in　a
damp　wood；　eating　raw　blackberries〃

〃The　more　you　say；〃　retorted　Herrick；　〃the　more　you　show　you　know
nothing　whatsoever　of　nature's　children　and　their　habits。〃

〃And　all　you　know　of　them；〃　returned　Kelly；　is　that　a　cat　has
nine
lives；　and　a　barking　dog　won't　bite。　You're　a　nature　faker。〃
Herrick　refused　to　be　diverted。

〃It　hurt　me；〃　he　said。　〃They　were　so　big；　and　good…natured；　and
helpless。　I'll　bet　that　woman　beats　them！　I　kept　thinking　of　them
as　they　were　in　the　woods；　tramping　over　the　clean　pine　needles；
eating　nuts；　andand　honey；　and〃

〃Buns！〃　suggested　Jackson。

〃I　can't　forget　them；〃　said　Herrick。　〃It's　going　to　haunt　me；
to…morrow；　when　I'm　back　in　the　woods；　I'll　think　of　those　poor
beasts　capering　in　a　hot　theatre；　when　they　ought　to　be　out　in
the
open　as　God　meant　they〃

〃Well；　then；〃　protested　Kelly；　〃take　'em　to　the　open。　And　turn
'em
loose！　And　I　hope　they　bite　YOU！〃

At　this　Herrick　frowned　so　deeply　that　Kelly　feared　he　had　gone
too
far。　Inwardly；　he　reproved　himself　for　not　remembering　that　his
friend　lacked　a　sense　of　humor。　But　Herrick　undeceived　him。

〃You　are　right！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃To…morrow　I　will　buy　those　bears；
take　them　to　the　farm；　and　turn　them　loose！〃

No　objections　his　friend　could　offer　could　divert　him　from　his
purpose。　When　they　urged　that　to　spend　so　much　money　in　such　a
manner　was　criminally　wasteful；　he　pointed　out　that　he　was
sufficiently　rich　to　indulge　any　extravagant　fancy；　whether　in
polo
ponies　or　bears；　when　they　warned　him　that　if　he　did　not　look　out
the　bears　would　catch　him　alone　in　the　woods；　and　eat　him；　he
retorted　that　the　bears　were　now　educated　to　a　different　diet；
when
they　said　he　should　consider　the　peace　of　mind　of　his　neighbors；
he
assured　them　the　fence　around　his　game　preserve　would　restrain　an
elephant。

〃Besides；〃　protested　Kelly；　〃what　you　propose　to　do　is　not　only
impracticable；　but　it's　cruelty　to　animals。　A　domesticated　animal
can't　return　to　a　state　of　nature；　and　live。〃

〃Can't　it？〃　jeered　Herrick。　〃Did　you　ever　read　'The　Call　of　the
Wild'？〃

〃Did　you　ever　read；〃　retorted　Kelly；　〃what　happened　at　the　siege
of
Ladysmith　when　the　oats　ran　low　and　they　drove　the　artillery
horses
out　to　grass？　They　starved；　that's　a