the legacy of cain-第29章

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that　I　had　not　been　composed　enough　to　feel　sure　of　what　he
really　meant；　until　he　described　himself　as　〃shrinking　from　a
necessary　explanation。〃　Hearing　those　words；　my　knowledge　of　the
circumstances　helped　me；　I　realized　what　his　situation　really
was。

〃Compose　yourself；〃　I　said；　〃I　understand　you　at　last。〃

He　had　suddenly　become　distrustful。

〃Prove　it；〃　he　muttered；　with　a　furtive　look　at　me。　〃I　want　to　be
satisfied　that　you　understand　my　position。〃

〃This　is　your　position；〃　I　told　him。　〃You　are　placed　between　two
deplorable　alternatives。　If　you　tell　this　young　gentleman　that
Miss　Eunice's　mother　was　a　criminal　hanged　for　murder；　his
familyeven　if　he　himself　doesn't　recoil　from　itwill
unquestionably　forbid　the　marriage；　and　your　adopted　daughter's
happiness　will　be　the　sacrifice。〃

〃True！〃　he　said。　〃Frightfully　true！　Go　on。〃

〃If；　on　the　other　hand；　you　sanction　the　marriage；　and　conceal
the　truth；　you　commit　a　deliberate　act　of　deceit；　and　you　leave
the　lives　of　the　young　couple　at　the　mercy　of　a　possible
discovery；　which　might　part　husband　and　wifecast　a　slur　on
their　childrenand　break　up　the　household。〃

He　shuddered　while　he　listened　to　me。　〃Come　to　the　end　of　it；〃　he
cried。

I　had　no　more　to　say；　and　I　was　obliged　to　answer　him　to　that
effect。

〃No　more　to　say？〃　he　replied。　〃You　have　not　told　me　yet　what　I
most　want　to　know。〃

I　did　a　rash　thing；　I　asked　what　it　was　that　he　most　wanted　to
know。

〃Can't　you　see　it　for　yourself？〃　he　demanded　indignantly。
〃Suppose　you　were　put　between　those　two　alternatives　which　you
mentioned　just　now。〃

〃Well？〃

〃What　would　you　do；　sir；　in　my　place？　Would　you　own　the
disgraceful　truthbefore　the　marriageor　run　the　risk；　and　keep
the　horrid　story　to　yourself？〃

Either　way；　my　reply　might　lead　to　serious　consequences。　I
hesitated。

He　threatened　me　with　his　poor　feeble　hand。　It　was　only　the　anger
of　a　moment；　　his　humor　changed　to　supplication。　He　reminded　me
piteously　of　bygone　days：　〃You　used　to　be　a　kind…hearted　man。　Has
age　hardened　you？　Have　you　no　pity　left　for　your　old　friend？　My
poor　heart　is　sadly　in　want　of　a　word　of　wisdom；　spoken　kindly。〃

Who　could　have　resisted　this？　I　took　his　hand：　〃Be　at　ease；　dear
Minister。　In　your　place　I　should　run　the　risk；　and　keep　that
horrid　story　to　myself。〃

He　sank　back　gently　in　his　chair。　〃Oh；　the　relief　of　it！〃　he
said。　〃How　can　I　thank　you　as　I　ought　for　quieting　my　mind？〃

I　seized　the　opportunity　of　quieting　his　mind　to　good　purpose　by
suggesting　a　change　of　subject。　〃Let　us　have　done　with　serious
talk　for　the　present；〃　I　proposed。　〃I　have　been　an　idle　man　for
the　last　five　years；　and　I　want　to　tell　you　about　my　travels。〃

His　attention　began　to　wander；　he　evidently　felt　no　interest　in
my　travels。　〃Are　you　sure；〃　he　asked　anxiously；　〃that　we　have
said　all　we　ought　to　say？　No！〃　he　cried；　answering　his　own
question。　〃I　believe　I　have　forgotten　somethingI　am　certain　I
have　forgotten　something。　Perhaps　I　mentioned　it　in　the　letter　I
wrote　to　you。　Have　you　got　my　letter？〃

I　showed　it　to　him。　He　read　the　letter；　and　gave　it　back　to　me
with　a　heavy　sigh。　〃Not　there！〃　he　said　despairingly。　〃Not
there！〃

〃Is　the　lost　remembrance　connected　with　anybody　in　the　house？〃　I
asked；　trying　to　help　him。　〃Does　it　relate；　by　any　chance；　to　one
of　the　young　ladies？〃

〃You　wonderful　man！　Nothing　escapes　you。　Yes；　the　thing　I　have
forgotten　concerns　one　of　the　girls。　Stop！　Let　me　get　at　it　by
myself。　Surely　it　relates　to　Helena？〃　He　hesitated；　his　face
clouded　over　with　an　expression　of　anxious　thought。　〃Yes；　it
relates　to　Helena；〃　he　repeated　〃but　how？〃　His　eyes　filled　with
tears。　〃I　am　ashamed　of　my　weakness；〃　he　said　faintly。　〃You　don't
know　how　dreadful　it　is　to　forget　things　in　this　way。〃

The　injury　that　his　mind　had　sustained　now　assumed　an　aspect　that
was　serious　indeed。　The　subtle　machinery；　which　stimulates　the
memory；　by　means　of　the　association　of　ideas；　appeared　to　have
lost　its　working　power　in　the　intellect　of　this　unhappy　man。　I
made　the　first　suggestion　that　occurred　to　me；　rather　than　add　to
his　distress　by　remaining　silent。

〃If　we　talk　of　your　daughter；〃　I　said；　〃the　merest　accidenta
word　spoken　at　random　by。　you　or　memay　be　all　your　memory　wants
to　rouse　it。〃

He　agreed　eagerly　to　this：　〃Yes！　Yes！　Let　me　begin。　Helena　met
you；　I　think；　at　the　station。　Of　course；　I　remember　that；　it　only
happened　a　few　hours　since。　Well？〃　he　went　on；　with　a　change　in
his　manner　to　parental　pride；　which　it　was　pleasant　to　see；　〃did
you　think　my　daughter　a　fine　girl？　I　hope　Helena　didn't
disappoint　you？〃

〃Quite　the　contrary。〃　Having　made　that　necessary　reply；　I　saw　my
way　to　keeping　his　mind　occupied　by　a　harmless　subject。　〃It　must；
however；　be　owned；〃　I　went　on；　〃that　your　daughter　surprised　me。〃

〃In　what　way？〃

〃When　she　mentioned　her　name。　Who　could　have　supposed　that
youan　inveterate　enemy　to　the　Roman　Catholic　Churchwould　have
christened　your　daughter　by　the　name　of　a　Roman　Catholic　Saint？〃

He　listened　to　this　with　a　smile。　Had　I　happily　blundered　on　some
association　which　his　mind　was　still　able　to　pursue？

〃You　happen　to　be　wrong　this　time；〃　he　said　pleasantly。　〃I　never
gave　my　girl　the　name　of　Helena；　and；　what　is　more；　I　never
baptized　her。　You　ought　to　know　that。　Years　and　years　ago；　I
wrote　to　tell　you　that　my　poor　wife　had　made　me　a　proud　and　happy
father。　And　surely　I　said　that　the　child　was　born　while　she　was
on　a　visit　to　her　brother's　rectory。　Do　you　remember　the　name　of
the　place？　I　told　you　it　was　a　remote　little　village；　called
Suppose　we　put　_your_　memory　to　a　test？　Can　you　remember　the
name？〃　he　asked；　with　a　momentary　appearance　of　triumph　showing
itself；　poor　fellow；　in　his　face。

After　the　time　that　had　elapsed；　the　name　had　slipped　my　memory。
When　I　confessed　this；　he　exulted　over　me；　with　an　unalloyed
pleasure　which　it　was　cheering　to　see。

〃_Your_　memory　is　failing　you　now；〃　he　said。　〃The　name　is　Long
Lanes。　And　what　do　you　think　my　wife　didthis　is　so
characteristic　of　her！when　I　presented　myself　at　her　bedside。
Instead　of　speaking　of　our　own　baby；　she　reminded　me　of　the　name
that　I　had　given　to　our　adopted　daughter　when　I　baptized　the
child。　'You　chose　the　ugliest　name　that　a　girl　can　have；'　she
said。　I　begged　her　to　remember　that　'Eunice'　was　a　name　in
Scripture。　She　persisted　in　spite　of　me。　（What　firmness　of
character！）　'I　detest　the　name　of　Eunice！'　she　said；　'and　now
that　I　have　a　girl　of　my　own；　it's　my　turn　to　choose　the　name；　I
claim　it　as　my　right。'　She　was　beginning　to　get　excited；　I
allowed　her　to　have　her　own　way；　of　course。　'Only　let　me　know；'　I
said；　'what　the　name　is　to　be　when　you　have　thought　of　it。'　My
dear　sir；　she　had　the　name　ready；　without　thinking　about　it：　'My
baby　shall　be　called　by　the　name　that　is　sweetest　in　my　ears；　the
name　of　my　dear　lost　mother。'　We　hadwhat　shall　I　call　it？a
slight　difference　of　opinion　when　I　heard　that　the　name　was　to　be
Helena。　I　really　could　_not_　reconcile　it　to　my　conscience　to
baptize　a　child　of　mine　by　the　name　of　a　Popish　saint。　My　wife's
brother　set　things　right　between　us。　A　worthy　good　man；　he　died
not　very　long　agoI　forget　the　date。　Not　to　detain　you　any
longer；　the　rector　of　Long　Lanes　baptized　our　daughter。　That　is
how　she　comes　by　her　un…English　name；　and　so　it　happens　that　her
birth　is　registered　in　a　village　which　her　father　has　never
inhabited。　I　hope；　sir；　you　think　a　little　better　of　my　memory
now？〃

I　was　afraid　to　tell　him　what　I　really　did　think。

He　was　not　fifty　years　old　yet；　and　he　had　just　exhibited　one　of
the　sad　symptoms　which　mark　the　broken　memory　of　old　age。　Lead
him　back　to　the　events　of　many　years　ago；　and　（as　he　had　just
proved　to　me）　he　could　remember　well　and　relate　coherently。　But
let　him　attempt　to　recall　circumstances　which　had　only　taken
place　a　short　time　since；　and　forgetfulness　and　confusion
presented　the　lamentable　result；　just　as　I　have　related　it。

The　effort　that　he　had　made；　the　agitation　that　he　had　undergone
in　talking　to　me；　had　confirmed　my　fears　that　he　would　overtask
his　wasted　strength。　He　lay　back　in　his　chair。　〃Let　us　go　on　with
our　conversation；〃　he　murmured。　〃We　haven't　recovered　what　I　had
forgotten；　yet。〃　His　eyes　closed；　and　opened　again　languidly。
〃There　was　something　I　wanted　to　recall〃　he　resumed；　〃and　you
were　helping　me。〃　His　weak　voice　died　away；　his　weary　eyes　closed
again。　After　waiting　until　there　could　be　no　doubt　that　he　was
resting　peacefully　in　sleep；　I　left　the　room。


CHAPTER　XXXIV。

THE　LIVELY　OLD　MAID。

A　PERFECT　stranger　to　the　interior　of　the　house　（seeing　that　my
experience　began　and　ended　with　the　Minister's　bedchamber）；　I
descended　the　stairs；　in　the　character　of　a　guest　in　search　of
domestic　information。

On　my　way　down；　I　heard　the　door　of　a　room　on　the　ground　floor
opened；　and　a　woman'　s　voice　below；　speaking　in　a　hurry：　〃My
dear；　I　have　not　a　moment　to　spare；　my　patients　are　waiting　for
me。〃　This　was　followed　by　a　confidential　communication；　judging
by　the　tone。　〃Mind！　not　a　word　about　me　to　that　old　gentleman！〃
Her　patients　were　waiting　for　herhad　I　discovered　a　female
doctor？　And　there　was　some　old　gentleman　whom　she　was　not　willing
to　trustsurely　I　was　not　that　much…injured　man？

Reaching　the　hall　just　as　the　lady　said　her　last　words；　I　caught
a　glimpse　of　her　face；　and　discovered　the　middle…aged　stranger
who　had　called　on　〃Miss　Jillgall；〃　and　had　promised　to　repeat　her
visit。　A　second　lady　was　at　the　door；　with　her　back　to　me；　taking
leave　of　her　friend。　Having　said　good…by；　she　turned　roundand
we　confronted　each　other。

I　found　her　to　be　a　little　person；　wiry　and　active；　past　the
prime　of　life；　and　ugly　enough　to　encourage　prejudice；　in　persons
who　take　a　superficial　view　of　their　fellow…creatures。　Looking
impartially　at　the　little　sunken　eyes　which　rested　on　me　with　a
comical　expression　of　embarrassment；　I　saw　signs　that　said：　There
is　some　good　here；　under　a　disagreeable　surface；　if　you　can　only
find　it。

She　saluted　me　with　a　carefully…performed　curtsey；　and　threw　open
the　door　of　a　room　on　the　ground　floor。

〃Pray　walk　in；　sir；　and　permit　me　to　introduce　myself。　I　am　Mr。
Gracedieu's　cousinMiss　Jillgall。　Proud　indeed　to　make　the
acquaintance　of　a　gentleman　distinguished　in　the　service　of　his
countryor　perhaps　I　ought　to　say；　in　the　service　of　the　Law。
The　Governor　offers　hospitality　to　prisoners。　And　who　introduces
prisoners　to　board　and　lodging　with　the　Governor？the　Law。
Beautiful　weather　for　the　time　of　year；　is　it　not？　May　I
askhave　you　seen　your　room？〃

The　embarrassment　which　I　had　already　noticed　had　extended　by
this　time　to　her　voice　and　her　manner。　She　was　evidently　trying
to　talk　herself　into　a　state　of　confidence。　It　seemed　but　too
probable　that　I　was　indeed　the　person　mentioned　by　her　prudent
friend　at　the　door。

Having　acknowledged　that　I　had　not　seen　my　room　yet；　my
politeness　attempted　to　add　that　there　was　no　hurry。　The　wiry
little　lady　was　of　the　contrary　opinion；　she　jumped　out　of　her
chair　as　if　she　had　been　shot　out　of　it。　〃Pray　let　me　make　myself
useful。　The　dream　of　my　life　is　to　make　myself　useful　to　others；
and　to　such　a　man　as　youI　consider