anecdotes of the late samuel johnson-第4章

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　to　call　a　favourite　workman　in　the　house；　to　whom　he　knew　he　would　communicate　the　conversation　while　it　was　yet　impressed　upon　his　mind。　　The　event　was　what　she　wished；　and　it　was　to　that　method　chiefly　that　he　owed　his　uncommon　felicity　of　remembering　distant　occurrences　and　long　past　conversations。〃

At　the　age　of　eighteen　Dr。　Johnson　quitted　school；　and　escaped　from　the　tuition　of　those　he　hated　or　those　he　despised。　　I　have　heard　him　relate　very　few　college　adventures。　　He　used　to　say　that　our　best　accounts　of　his　behaviour　there　would　be　gathered　from　Dr。　Adams　and　Dr。　Taylor；　and　that　he　was　sure　they　would　always　tell　the　truth。　　He　told　me；　however；　one　day　how；　when　he　was　first　entered　at　the　University；　he　passed　a　morning；　in　compliance　with　the　customs　of　the　place；　at　his　tutor's　chambers；　but；　finding　him　no　scholar；　went　no　more。　　In　about　ten　days　after；　meeting　the　same　gentleman；　Mr。　Jordan；　in　the　street；　he　offered　to　pass　by　without　saluting　him；　but　the　tutor　stopped；　and　inquired；　not　roughly　neither；　what　he　had　been　doing？　　〃Sliding　on　the　ice；〃　was　the　reply；　and　so　turned　away　with　disdain。　　He　laughed　very　heartily　at　the　recollection　of　his　own　insolence；　and　said　they　endured　it　from　him　with　wonderful　acquiescence；　and　a　gentleness　that；　whenever　he　thought　of　it；　astonished　himself。　　He　told　me；　too；　that　when　he　made　his　first　declamation；　he　wrote　over　but　one　copy；　and　that　coarsely；　and　having　given　it　into　the　hand　of　the　tutor；　who　stood　to　receive　it　as　he　passed；　was　obliged　to　begin　by　chance　and　continue　on　how　he　could；　for　he　had　got　but　little　of　it　by　heart；　so　fairly　trusting　to　his　present　powers　for　immediate　supply；　he　finished　by　adding　astonishment　to　the　applause　of　all　who　knew　how　little　was　owing　to　study。　　A　prodigious　risk；　however；　said　some　one。　　〃Not　at　all！〃　exclaims　Johnson。　　〃No　man；　I　suppose；　leaps　at　once　into　deep　water　who　does　not　know　how　to　swim。〃

I　doubt　not　but　this　story　will　be　told　by　many　of　his　biographers；　and　said　so　to　him　when　he　told　it　me　on　the　18th　of　July；　1773。　　〃And　who　will　be　my　biographer；〃　said　he；　〃do　you　think？〃　　〃Goldsmith；　no　doubt；〃　replied　I；　〃and　he　will　do　it　the　best　among　us。〃　　〃The　dog　would　write　it　best；　to　be　sure；〃　replied　he；　〃but　his　particular　malice　towards　me；　and　general　disregard　for　truth；　would　make　the　book　useless　to　all；　and　injurious　to　my　character。〃　　〃Oh！　as　to　that；〃　said　I；　〃we　should　all　fasten　upon　him；　and　force　him　to　do　you　justice；　but　the　worst　is；　the　Doctor　does　not　KNOW　your　life；　nor　can　I　tell　indeed　who　does；　except　Dr。　Taylor　of　Ashbourne。〃　〃Why；　Taylor；〃　said　he；　〃is　better　acquainted　with　my　HEART　than　any　man　or　woman　now　alive；　and　the　history　of　my　Oxford　exploits　lies　all　between　him　and　Adams；　but　Dr。　James　knows　my　very　early　days　better　than　he。　　After　my　coming　to　London　to　drive　the　world　about　a　little；　you　must　all　go　to　Jack　Hawkesworth　for　anecdotes。　　I　lived　in　great　familiarity　with　him　（though　I　think　there　was　not　much　affection）　from　the　year　1753　till　the　time　Mr。　Thrale　and　you　took　me　up。　　I　intend；　however；　to　disappoint　the　rogues；　and　either　make　you　write　the　life；　with　Taylor's　intelligence；　or；　which　is　better；　do　it　myself；　after　outliving　you　all。　　I　am　now；〃　added　he；　〃keeping　a　diary；　in　hopes　of　using　it　for　that　purpose　some　time。〃　　Here　the　conversation　stopped；　from　my　accidentally　looking　in　an　old　magazine　of　the　year　1768；　where　I　saw　the　following　lines　with　his　name　to　them；　and　asked　if　they　were　his：


Verses　said　to　be　written　by　Dr。　Samuel　Johnson；　at　the　request　of　a　gentleman　to　whom　a　lady　had　given　a　sprig　of　myrtle。　　　　　〃What　hopes；　what　terrors；　does　thy　gift　create；　　　　　　Ambiguous　emblem　of　uncertain　fate；　　　　　　The　myrtle；　ensign　of　supreme　command；　　　　　　Consigned　by　Venus　to　Melissa's　hand：　　　　　　Not　less　capricious　than　a　reigning　fair；　　　　　　Now　grants；　and　now　rejects　a　lover's　prayer。　　　　　　In　myrtle　shades　oft　sings　the　happy　swain；　　　　　　In　myrtle　shades　despairing　ghosts　complain：　　　　　　The　myrtle　crowns　the　happy　lovers'　heads；　　　　　　The　unhappy　lover's　grave　the　myrtle　spreads：　　　　　　Oh；　then；　the　meaning　of　thy　gift　impart；　　　　　　And　ease　the　throbbings　of　an　anxious　heart！　　　　　　Soon　must　this　bough；　as　you　shall　fix　his　doom；　　　　　　Adorn　Philander's　head；　or　grace　his　tomb。〃

〃Why；　now；　do　but　see　how　the　world　is　gaping　for　a　wonder！〃　cries　Mr。　Johnson。　　〃I　think　it　is　now　just　forty　years　ago　that　a　young　fellow　had　a　sprig　of　myrtle　given　him　by　a　girl　he　courted；　and　asked　me　to　write　him　some　verses　that　he　might　present　her　in　return。　　I　promised；　but　forgot；　and　when　he　called　for　his　lines　at　the　time　agreed　on'Sit　still　a　moment；'　says　I；　'dear　Mund；　and　I'll　fetch　them　thee；'　so　stepped　aside　for　five　minutes；　and　wrote　the　nonsense　you　now　keep　such　a　stir　about。〃


Upon　revising　these　anecdotes；　it　is　impossible　not　to　be　struck　with　shame　and　regret　that　one　treasured　no　more　of　them　up；　but　no　experience　is　sufficient　to　cure　the　vice　of　negligence。　　Whatever　one　sees　constantly；　or　might　see　constantly；　becomes　uninteresting；　and　we　suffer　every　trivial　occupation；　every　slight　amusement；　to　hinder　us　from　writing　down　what；　indeed；　we　cannot　choose　but　remember；　but　what　we　should　wish　to　recollect　with　pleasure；　unpoisoned　by　remorse　for　not　remembering　more。　　While　I　write　this；　I　neglect　impressing　my　mind　with　the　wonders　of　art　and　beauties　of　nature　that　now　surround　me；　and　shall　one　day；　perhaps；　think　on　the　hours　I　might　have　profitably　passed　in　the　Florentine　Gallery；　and　reflecting　on　Raphael's　St。　John　at　that　time；　as　upon　Johnson's　conversation　in　this　moment；　may　justly　exclaim　of　the　months　spent　by　me　most　delightfully　in　Italy

　　　　〃That　I　prized　every　hour　that　passed　by；　　　　　　　　　Beyond　all　that　had　pleased　me　before；　　　　　　But　now　they　are　past；　and　I　sigh　　　　　　　　　And　I　grieve　that　I　prized　them　no　more。〃　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　SHENSTONE。

Dr。　Johnson　delighted　in　his　own　partiality　for　Oxford；　and　one　day；　at　my　house；　entertained　five　members　of　the　other　University　with　various　instances　of　the　superiority　of　Oxford；　enumerating　the　gigantic　names　of　many　men　whom　it　had　produced；　with　apparent　triumph。　　At　last　I　said　to　him；　〃Why；　there　happens　to　be　no　less　than　five　Cambridge　men　in　the　room　now。〃　　〃I　did　not；〃　said　he；　〃think　of　that　till　you　told　me；　but　the　wolf　don't　count　the　sheep。〃　　When　the　company　were　retired；　we　happened　to　be　talking　of　Dr。　Barnard；　the　Provost　of　Eton；　who　died　about　that　time；　and　after　a　long　and　just　eulogium　on　his　wit；　his　learning；　and　his　goodness　of　heart；　〃He　was　the　only　man；　too；〃　says　Mr。　Johnson；　quite　seriously；　〃that　did　justice　to　my　good　breeding；　and　you　may　observe　that　I　am　well…bred　to　a　degree　of　needless　scrupulosity。　　No　man；〃　continued　he；　not　observing　the　amazement　of　his　hearers；　〃no　man　is　so　cautious　not　to　interrupt　another；　no　man　thinks　it　so　necessary　to　appear　attentive　when　others　are　speaking；　no　man　so　steadily　refuses　preference　to　himself；　or　so　willingly　bestows　it　on　another；　as　I　do；　nobody　holds　so　strongly　as　I　do　the　necessity　of　ceremony；　and　the　ill　effects　which　follow　the　breach　of　it；　yet　people　think　me　rude；　but　Barnard　did　me　justice。〃　　〃'Tis　pity；〃　said　I；　laughing；　〃that　he　had　not　heard　you　compliment　the　Cambridge　men　after　dinner　to…day。〃　　〃Why；〃　replied　he；　〃I　was　inclined　to　DOWN　them　sure　enough；　but　then　a　fellow　DESERVES　to　be　of　Oxford　that　talks　so。〃　　I　have　heard　him　at　other　times　relate　how　he　used　so　sit　in　some　coffee…house　there；　and　turn　M's　〃C…r…ct…c…s〃　into　ridicule　for　the　diversion　of　himself　and　of　chance　comers…in。　　〃The　'Elf…da；'〃　says　he；　〃was　too　exquisitely　pretty；　I　could　make　no　fun　out　of　that。〃　　When　upon　some　occasions　he　would　express　his　astonishment　that　he　should　have　an　enemy　in　the　world；　while　he　had　been　doing　nothing　but　good　to　his　neighbours；　I　used　to　make　him　recollect　these　circumstances。　　〃Why；　child；〃　said　he；　〃what　harm　could　that　do　the　fellow？　　I　always　thought　very　well　of　Mn　for　a　CAMBRIDGE　man；　he　is；　I　believe；　a　mighty　blameless　character。〃　　Such　tricks　were；　however；　the　more　unpardonable　in　Mr。　Johnson；　because　no　one　could　harangue　like　him　about　the　difficulty　always　found　in　forgiving　petty　injuries；　or　in　provoking　by　needless　offence。　　Mr。　Jordan；　his　tutor；　had　much　of　his　affection；　though　he　despised　his　want　of　scholastic　learning。　　〃That　creature　would；〃　said　he；　〃defend　his　pupils　to　the　last：　no　young　lad　under　his　care　should　suffer　for　committing　slight　improprieties；　while　he　had　breath　to　defend；　or　power　to　protect　them。　　If　I　had　had　sons　to　send　to　College；〃　added　he；　〃Jordan　should　have　been　their　tutor。〃

Sir　William　Browne；　the　physician；　who　lived　to　a　very　extraordinary　age；　and　was　in　other　respects　an　odd　mortal；　with　more　genius　than　understanding；　and　more　self　sufficiency　than　wit；　was　the　only　person　who　ventured　to　oppose　Mr。　Johnson　when　he　had　a　mind　to　shine　by　exalting　his　favourite　university；　and　to　express　his　contempt　of　the　Whiggish　notions　which　prevail　at　Cambridge。　　HE　did　it　once；　however；　with　surprising　felicity。　　His　antagonist　having　repeated　with　an　air　of　triumph　the　famous　epigram　written　by　Dr。　Trapp

　　　　　〃Our　royal　master　saw；　with　heedful　eyes；　　　　　　　The　wants　of　his　two　universities：　　　　　　　Troops　he　to　Oxford　sent；　as　knowing　why　　　　　　　That　learned　body　wanted　loyalty：　　　　　　　But　books　to　Cambridge　gave；　as　well　discerning　　　　　　　That　that　right　loyal　body　wanted　learning。〃

Which；　says　Sir　William；　might　well　be　answered　thus：

　　　　　〃The　King　to　Oxford　sent　his　troop　of　horse；　　　　　　　For　Tories　own　no　argument　but　force；　　　　　　　With　equal　care　to　Cambridge　books　he　sent；　　　　　　　For　Whigs　allow　no　force　but　argument。〃

Mr。　Johnson　did　him　the　justice　to　say　it　was　one　of　the　happiest　extemporaneous　productions　he　ever　met　with；　though　he　once　comically　confessed　that　he　hated　to　repeat　the　wit　of　a　Whig　urged　in　support　of　Whiggism。　　Says　Garrick　to　him　one　day；　〃Why　did　not　you　make　me　a　Tory；　when　we　lived　so　much　together？　　You　love　to　make　people　Tories。〃　　〃Why；〃　says　Johnson；　pulling　a　heap　of　halfpence　from　his　pocket；　〃did　not　the　king　make　these　guineas？〃

Of　Mr。　Johnson's　Toryism　the　world　has　long　been　witness；　and　the　political　pamphlets　written　by　him　in　defence　of　his　party　are　vigorous　and　elegant。　He　often　delighted　his　imagination　with　the　thoughts　of　having　destroyed　Junius；　an　anonymous　writer　who　flourished　in　the　years　1769　and　177O；　and　who　kept　himself　so　ingeniously　concealed　from　every　endeavour　to　detect　him　that　no　probable　guess　was；　I　believe；　ever　formed　concerning　the　author's　name；　though　at　that　time　the　subject　of　general　conversation。　Mr。　Johnson　made　us　all　laugh　one　day；　because　I　had　received　a　remarkably　fine　Stilton　cheese　as　a　present　from　some　person　who　had　packed　and　directed　it　carefully；　but　without　mentioning　whence　it　came。　　Mr。　Thrale；　desirous　to　know　who　we　were　obliged　to；　asked　every　friend　as　they　came　in；　but　nobody　owned　it。　　〃Depend　upon　it；　sir；〃　says　Johnson；　〃it　was　sent　by　JUNIUS。〃

The　〃False　Alarm；〃　his　first　and　favourite　pamphlet；　was　written　at　our　house　between　eight　o'clock　on　Wednesday　night　and　twelve　o'cl